[Admin Note: For inspiration, on occasion, I'll peruse the ghosts of writtens past. This post is a rehash and update of something I wrote nearly 5 years ago to the day. Amazing how timely it happens to be. No. Seriously. It's also amazing what was omitted 5 years ago because it just wasn't that big a damn deal at the time and yet the spirit is still as relevant as ever. Enjoy the trip down memory lane.]
I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again, technology has changed the landscape of interpersonal communication. Long gone are the days of walks in the park and looking somebody in the eye to end a relationship.
Hyperlinks to beaches and palm trees you’d sit under if you could afford to take your loved one there and text messages or emails saying that a relationship just isn’t working out. Which, for the latter, isn’t exactly a bad thing considering the increasing nutcasedness of both men and women lately. Shucks, you tell the wrong person on the wrong day that you don’t want to date them anymore and you might end up in the hospital with lead poisoning and an email box full of hate mail.
Remember, interpersonal communication has changed. The phone calls come, but the emails do too now. Which brings me to my point. Many of the things that we used to find ourselves doing are now being moved to the world wide web.
There are quite a few ways that communication has changed and since I’m in such a giving mood, I decided to share a few of the ways us human internet geeks (and if you are reading this right now, that means you) have begun to interact with other people.
1) Drunk IMing/Facebooking/DMing
Long gone are the days of strictly drunk dialing people. Now, we have the drunk IM convos where you divulge the same things, just with serious syntax and spelling issues. Par example…
luvmejubblies65: hey tashta…i mis u
mynameisnotsusan: You don’t miss me, you ruined this. I told you I never want to talk to you again. Leave me alone.
luvemejublies65: babie, i want us shuld haf sum kidz…i did wron but dat doesnt not change the fak we us can be gud twogether and itz not jus the lickher talking
luvmejublies65: lickher…LMAO…dats funy
mynameisnotsusan: Die, Dueteronimarcus! Die!
He’ll hate himself in the morning, but that’s what happens now. Folks trod in from a night of drinking and jump right on the computer and head straight for their buddy list.
Tragedy is just a font away.
Smartphoning sounds very dumb. But nowadays, with so much no-filter-ruin-your-life-in-5-seconds-or-less technology out there, folks don’t even have to wait to get home to get completely ratchet. Now, with your phone and your impulses at your fingertips, all of the ratchetness that your heart desires can be dispersed almost immediately. Sometimes I think God laughs and cries at the same time for creating Samsung, Steve Jobs, and the QWERTY-keyboard. Ugg and Uggeisha didn’t have this problem.
So you know how people send out those mass emails with everybody’s email on them? And as opposed to Blind Copies, they just either send it To everybody or CC folks. Now you’ve got nut cases out there who find your email and send you a little “Hi, I just wanted to say hello” email.
Because soon after, assuming you respond in the first place, the emails become more frequent and start requesting information or conversations or underwear. Then they start telling you they know where you live and why won’t you email them back or call them since they are being so nice to you and are really a great person they just need a chance but if you don’t they’ll be forced to do something drastic like play a game of Hangman Online just to show you what could happen if you don’t ever at least email them back…hang that is, not play word games.
And all of that from the comfort of their living room.
[Amazing that I wrote this five years ago considering circumstances that have happened since. I'm motherf*cking clairvoyant. I'm the ratchet whisperer.]
And speaking of strange emails…
3) Awkward-Situation Inducing Conversations
Have you ever been having a conversation with somebody and you think they are hinting that they are interested, but you just aren’t sure?? Well, it seems people have figured a way to make this happen online too.
How?? I’ll learn you.
Say you meet somebody and you are emailing back and forth. How you meet is of little consequence, let’s just say you all have exchanged email addresses since people do that nowadays. So you email back and forth. Every email is ended with your name or their name.
After a full day of email full of laughs and information, its time to go home and somebody does the one thing Amerie-style that gets you trippin.
What do they do??
You really have no idea??
Of course you do…
…they add their signature, complete with phone number. And of course, it clearly denotes their cell phone number.
Do I call?? Why did the signature show up now? Will Jay-Z release another album? Do brown shoes go with orange pants?? Did she put the number on there on purpose?? I mean if she wanted me to call she would have said to call…right??? Do I go? Do I stay? Which way is up????? SOMEBODY TELL ME!!!!
4) The Facebook/Twitter/IG Add
To this day, I still don’t understand the concept of poking. I’m not even sure if you can still do that or not. But you know how folks used to have speak in person or miss the opportunity (potentially) forever. Not anymore. As long as you have their name you can do the most passive aggressive game of “your move now” tag ever: add them as friends on Facebook. Or Twitter. Instagram is a little harder since so many folks have private pages. But if they add you on FB its pretty much the same thing since everybody filters their pics from IG to their FB page. Point is, its a way of saying, “I noticed you. And I wanted to put you on notice that I noticed you noticing me too.” Which then leads down the rabbit hole of interest-chicken and who makes the first move via FB messaging or DMing, etc. Oh romance, how ye have evolved.
5) Memes and .gifs
No lie, I probably speak more in memes and .gifs nowadays than I do with actual words. A picture is worth a thousand words and I’m lazy. If there’s a pic I can send that will convey the message I’m trying to convey, it’s.about.to.go.down.
These are just a few of the things that have resulted due to technology and the internet. What are some other behaviors that have been altered due to technology?
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3