all falls down

kanyewest-allfallsdown

last week, it was reported that urban lifestyle jerk mag king would be going under after six years of providing prisoners the masses with monthly feature pictorials of scantily clad g-list black celebs, strippers urban models, and whores reality show contestants.

while news of a black-themed, print-based company folding isn’t necessarily a shock in the TET (hostess, 2009), the king’s demise reverberated throughout the web, as many see this as a small defeat for team misogyny.

While the women photographed in the pages of the tawdry rag were all full-grown adults who are to be held accountable for their own exploitation, there is still a debt of shame to be paid by the publishers, writers, advertisers and consumers of the stank rag. (sister t)

So perk up ladies, what activism, engagement, and a desire to confront foolishness couldn’t do, the economy handled for you. Exhibit number 567 that is you cut off the money, the foolishness goes away. (whataboutourdaughters)

i’m neither equipped nor motivated to attempt to fully discuss and dissect the ignominious relationship between american black women and sexual objectification.  i know that history hasn’t been too kind to our sistas in this regard, and i know that much of the blame can be pointed towards jim jones.

still, lost in the hyper-sensitive shuffle is the fact that, across all demographic lines, black women remain the single most fascinating object to view on the planet. admittedly, the basis of this fascination varies from homage to hottentot, but where’s the line? where does admiration end and objectification begin? am i helping or hurting the cause by using an pictorial of bria myles’s air-brushed booty as partial evidence of my assertion that black woman are the bangingest? if a black blogger bones a silcone angel in the woods, would a hoodrat hear the sound?

i dont know.

all i know is if appreciating the freeze-framed image of stacey dash and stacey dash’s n*pples running through the airport in kanye’s “all falls down” constitutes misogyny, well, if misogyny is wrong, i dont wanna be right.

—the champ

vsb crimestoppers: eight things women don’t know about men

“wait…men cant stop their pee???”

a female friend asked the college-aged champ this question, a response to a bewildered champ trying to confirm what he recently, ummm, found out: that all women can easily stop their flow midstream

to answer: no.

wait, that’s a lie. technically we can, but it’s very, very awkward for us to do, and should only be attempted in extreme “damn, here comes the mother-in-law. I sure picked a horrible time to “water” her flowers” types of situations.

as I remembered this, I thought of a few other tidbits about us that most women are probably completely unaware of, and i thought it would be rather altruistic of me to share eight more.

on the surface it may seem as if I’m doing a disservice to my brethren by revealing these, but knowing more about us means happier women. “happy woman” usually means “happy man”, and “happy men” means “less crime”. enjoy and sh*t.

1. if we’re serious about you, our anxiety about meeting your mom has nothing to do with “will i get along with her” and everything to do with “so that’s what she’s probably gonna look like in 25 years”.

2. we already know whether or not you came. we just ask because its makes us all warm and fuzzy inside when you say it.

3. we think its funny that its cool for you all to desire and date older and more established men despite the fact that you think its lame if men your age state a preference for dating much younger and less established women. btw, by “funny” we mean “more proof that you’re nucking futs”.

4. no, those weren’t tears in our eyes at the end of “the notebook”. we just have, ummm, allergies and sh*t sometimes. we also caught allergies at the end of “akeelah and the bee”, and while watching the roots “you got me” video, and this is all purely coincidental

5. us being “excited” when you’re wearing sexy lingere has less to do with how you look in it than the fact that we know we’re about to get some.  we appreciate the effort though.

6. your relationship history matters to us. to expound, if we find out that you have a tendency to be attracted to and date lame assh*les, then we’ll slowly start to consider you to be a lame assh*le as well. my advice? lie

7. we usually wont let you see us flaccid unless we’re convinced that you’re sprung. interpret this whichever way you see fit

8. lastly, if you swallow all we really want do to is make you happy…but we need your help to do so. i mean, think about it: with all the admittedly horomonally chaotic sh*t you all have going on in there, do you even really want us to be able to read your minds?

fellas, did i miss anything?

—the champ