Tag Archives: soul food

Observations About OKCupid’s Observations: VSB Style

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For those unfamiliar with OKCupid...google it.

Jokes. OKCupid is a free online dating service much like many of the others used by millions of people nationwide trying to find love over the Internets. The difference between OKCupid and the other sites however is that, the people who run the site often provide statistical analyses of the users based upon the profiles created by the individuals. Now the point isn’t to make some overarching statement about the community, but more or less to give some interesting pictures of the community at large. Thus finds this most recent article written by the staff entitled “The REAL Stuff White People Like”.

What follows are some really hilarious, but REALLY interesting tidbits about the various races, indicated by tag clouds to illustrate the tastes and preferences most commonly referenced for the different races. You should peep the article to read about white people, Asians, Latinos, etc but I’m going to focus on the Black men and women, since most of us here are Black men and women. I’m a rapper racist. Not sure what that means but Lil Wayne said it so it must be poignant.

Also, it will help if you are able to look at the tag clouds listed on OK Cupid in order to follow along with some of these observations. Further, every bullet point should be read as beginning with, “…according to OKCupid…”

Here’s the tag clouds for Black men:

and then the one for Black Women:

1. Black folks REALLY love them some soul food.

So much so that for whatever odd reason, men and women BOTH made mention of it on dating profiles. I’d like to say I understand that but unless its men saying they want a woman who cooks soul food and then women saying they can cook soul food, I’m at a loss. I mean, the tv show AND movie Soul Food both kind of blew a** so that can’t be the culprit. Then again, if all the men are talking about the Goodie Mob album it would make sense but not really. Basically, you ninjas eat too much. Stop being fat.

2. Women REALLY love The Color Purple and Alicia Keys…oh yeah, and God.

If you ask 10 women on the street to name their favorite movie, 9/10 will say TCP. This really isn’t a shocker and since we tie so much of our personality into our interests into our likes and dislikes it makes sense for that to be such a high trend. However, I am surprised by Alicia Keys. Then again I’m not at the same time. For some reason, women look to her as some sort of beacon of light in the R&B world despite her vapid ass music. Ironically however, Mary J doesn’t show up at all which I can only take to mean that everybody agrees that crackhead Mary was the best one, hands down. And wow do Black women love them some Jesus. In fact, if you’re a man looking for a woman, just run up on a chick and say that you love Jesus and based on these stats she should at least become interested. Throw in Alice Walker and Alicia Keys and you might get some chandelier sechs out of it. And a prayer.

3. Gucci Mane must be way more popular amongst the reading crowd than we ever imagined.

On this list of most popular terms for men, Gucci Mane is #12 right after Nas and right before The Roots and Kanye West. As Fantasia said while trying to read a book, WHAT THE F*CK? Given that its mostly reading in ninjas signing up for these services since you have to read to use the Internets, I’m amazed by this. What would compel somebody listing their interests to really mention Gucci Mane? Straight up? I feel sorry for their mothers.

4. Coming To America is more popular to women than it is to men.

This also amazes me as most men I know swear by this. But it didn’t make the men’s list of most frequent terms. Menace II Society did though. That’s not surprising. And here we are saying that women don’t have a good sense of humor (we didn’t say that but motherf*ckers who can’t read thought we did so what the h*ll) and more women know whats up. Who’d a thunk it.

5. India.Arie stays losing to Alicia Keys.

No surprise here. But does anybody else think India.Arie is getting some kind of sick joy out of Alicia’s “public disgrace” as tempered as it was/is?

6. Zane and Tyler Perry are popular amongst the boob set.

Fellas, never ever ask a woman to suggest a good book or movie.

7. Men love Trey Songz more than women.

This could also be written as “there are a lot of gay men out there.”

8. The men’s list reads like a Rock The Bells lineup.

This isn’t a bad thing. What it says is that while men might disagree on the order, we all generally agree on the best living rappers/groups.

9. ESPN reigns supreme.

Ladies, suck it up. We’re gonna watch the reruns of ESPN over and over because it matters to us more than you do.

10. The women’s list seems predictable but guys….we have issues.

Hitch? Trey Songz? Gucci Mane? Calling ourselves tall, dark, and handsome when most of us aren’t tall nor handsome? Men are liars with odd fetishes. Ladies? Watch it out there.

Those are some of my observations about this list. Are there any interesting observations you can make about these OKCupid stats? About any race?

Run tell that!

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka VITAMIN P aka GO KING BEEF aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Blackness 101: 10 Things All Black People Should (At Least) Be Aware Of…

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Barnes_Ernie_SUGAR_SHACKClearly grammar should be on this list since you’re not supposed to end a sentence (or a title?) with a preposition, but oh well.

Bumaye Panama.

I can’t believe we haven’t done this.  We’ve done movies that all Black people should know.  We’ve done songs that all Black people should know.  We’ve beat into the ground the Black in America series.  For goodness’ sake, we’ve mentioned Flavor Flav on this site at least 100 times.  It only seems natural that putting out the definitive list of all things that Black people should (at least) be aware of would be the order of the day.  But no.

I blame Jim Jones Lil Mama Kanye for this Shawne Merriman Chad Ochocinco Whitney Houston little orphan Annie Lil Wayne for this.

Anywho, I feel that the canon of Blackness needs some kind of direction.  And who better than yours truly, the expert on all things expertly to provide some guidance into things that pretty much should be par the course for all people of the diaspora regardless of class, religion, orientation, or grade of hair.

And so it begins…10 Things All Black People Should (At Least) Be Aware Of… Continue reading →

negro como yo

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like billions of others, in august of 1984, i spent a good portion of my time glued to the tv watching the olympics. i was too young (five years old) to really comprehend many of the sporting events taking place, but since they seemed to involve lots of running and jumping and swimming and throwing and sh*t, i was hooked.

to my dismay, though, i noticed a common theme amongst the majority of the participants, a theme that disturbed me the more and more i watched. after a couple days of this, i’d grown fed up and gathered all the gumption a five year old could possibly muster, approached my dad and asked,

“do i hafta be white to play in the olympics?“

now obviously, in hindsight, the 29 year old champ knows that the men and women taking place in the olympics that year spanned all countries, cultures, and races, and creeds, but my five year old eyes weren’t lying. i knew what i saw, and i saw (what seemed like) 10 white athletes to every “other”, and i needed to know why and how that was possible.

along with the fact that it showed my parents they were raising an extremely weird peculiar and neurotic child, this story also signifies the first time i can recall being racially aware. since then, from an eight year old champ feeling sad because he realized that each of his crushes at school were light-skinned and that he was possibly colorstruck (true story. like i said, i was an odd child and sh*t, lol), to a teenage champ reading “race” and the “autobio of malcolm x” during commercials while i was watching the lakers or the bulls, the concept of race in general (and my “blackness” in particular) has been an obsession.

as i’ve grown older, this obsession has morphed into the form of a columbo-esque racial irritator, poking my unusually large head and nose around to attempt to debunk as many myths and “truths” as possible. yet, despite the number of generally (and lazily) assumed “facts” i’ve discussed, debated, and eventually discounted, theres one answer that has continually eluded me, an answer to a question that will become more and more relevant the further we go into the 21st century…

…is there a shared “black american experience?”

on the surface, this question seems at best, shortsightedly naive, and at worst, f*cking ignorant. despite the myriad nuances we possess as a community, its thought to be common knowledge that theres a shared experience we all participate in, a general consensus of commonalities that transcend status, class, and location, and anybody suggesting otherwise is either an idiot, ignorant, or intentionally inciteful.

thing is, what exactly does the black experience mean? in today’s america, where class distinctions are beginning to take full precedence over racial ones, how is the “universal black experience” determined?

i know it can’t be defined by our struggle with racism, because in today’s america, for every black american who’s had to face racial adversity, there exists those (read: “me“) who honestly can’t name one instance in their personal lives where being black became an obstacle (yup. you read that correctly. i’m a 29 year old black man who can honestly say that he’s never had to face any typical of unambiguous racial discrimination. ***knocking on wood***)

you can say that we’re linked through our hypertension soul food and baptist/methodist churches, but many southern whites hold these institutions just as dear as we do and many bougie northern blacks wouldn’t know soul food from sole’ so we can’t claim sole ownership (although, in the case of soul food, we could have claimed “finders keepers“, but its a bit too late for that now).

i guess you can note the unique way we move and express ourselves through music as the one thing that links us all, but if this is it, if the only shared experience is thats completely unique to us is limited to our rhythm and swagger, then, ummm, our experience definitely needs more people

hmmm…with all this being said, my question to you is…

…is there an all-encompassing, all-unifying “black experience“…or has this term become obsolete?

***before we answer these questions, lets rewind back to 1984 to see how my dad answered the question from the five year old champ***

“no, you don’t hafta be white, champ.”

i remember my dad remarking, while we were watching what had to be a particularly unattractive russian gymnastic team

“but, to be on that team, it seems like you’d hafta be ugly”

—the champ