Why Won’t You Let Me Be Great?: How To Break Up With Somebody Who Won’t Let You Break Up With Them

handsHave you ever tried to break up with somebody and they just said, “no”, on some Hellen Keller I can’t feel my face or hear what you’re saying nonsense?

You don’t know what I’m talking about?  Of course you do.  You remember Costanza from Seinfeld trying to break up with Maura right?

You don’t??

Please, take a look at this:

That my friends is some bullsh*t but its an epidemic that is plaguing our society.  People keep talking about unemployment reaching double digits but nobody’s talking about the They-Won’t-Go Index reaching a critical level of 35.7%.  Some people either don’t get the message, refuse to accept the message, or just don’t care about what goes on in the hood.  Just ask Ricky.

Oh wait, he dead.  My bad.  Ask Doughboy.  Wait, he dead too.  Nevermind.

Moving right along.

The art of breaking up has long been a difficult endeavor.  It’s rarely easy and usually comes with way more conversation than you care to have but alas, unless you’re dating a mute, chances are the breakupee is going to say something.  So that makes it even more frustrating when the person on the receiving end of your ginsu refuses to let you chop the lettuce.  If you think about it, it’s rather retarded to actually deny somebody the opportunity to be without you, once they’ve said, “I’d rather be without you.”  They’ve made it clear they’d rather f*ck snow pumas than stay with you, but for whatever reason, you reject their deposit.

But save the swallow people.  Save the swallows.

Anyway, as a service today, I feel like I should help out you people in situations where you just can’t seem to get rid of an ex. Continue reading