You ever come across a story or an article that throws you for such a loop that you don’t know which way is up? Or you can’t tell left from right? That was me this morning when my boy forwarded me an article entitled: Dallas teen missing since 2010 was mistakenly deported. <—please read that and watch the video
Now my first inclination was to be pissed at the government (damn you Obama!) for being so damn inept that they’d actually manage to pull this off. Not only that, they managed to send a 15-year-old teenager to Colombia because they effectively didn’t verify her fingerprints to find out who she really was.
But something just didn’t sit right with me on this one. Then I realized that NONE of it made any sense. It created so many questions in my mind I had to take a small chronic break because ninjas be brownnosing these h…well you get my point.
So let’s just start at the beginning of this f*cktasticness. Mmkay? Mmkay.
Fourteen year old Jakadrien Turner runs away from home in November 2010 after being distraught over her parents divorce and her grandfather’s passing. And ends up in Houston. Okay. Plausible. Runaways do runaway sh*t and end up in cities they aren’t from. Why Houston? I have no clue and apparently neither does her family. However that’s where she went, got popped by police gives a fake name that comes up on Immigration and Custom Enforcement’s radar (ICE) and ends up in motherf*cking Colombia because ICE are some inept f*cks. That’s the gist.
But wait…she either gets forced into a work camp or something (highly unlikely) or finds a job (still highly unlikely but more likely when considering that….). I’m guessing she found a job because if your ass is stuck in some kind of work camp…you ain’t updating Facebook. And if she’s updating Facebook, is she searching for help or just, ya know, updating Facebook. Changing her status and liking ninjas pages and whatnot (at press time she had not liked VSB’s fan page).
The thing that puzzles me about this news report and article is that it never states what ELSE these ninjas were doing to find her? Did her parents (divorced, not dead) and grandmother just figure she’d be back at some point and let that sh*t ride for a year and some change? Wasn’t nobody ridin’ ’round and gettin’ it anywhere? Am I to truly believe that this ninja didn’t update her FB page UNTIL she got to Colombia? That just doesn’t seem likely now does it?
I have a kid. You better believe that my arse is going to be ALL over the place on this one. I know Noriega. The real Noriega. He owes me a hundred favors and one of them would be to find my kid.
Let’s shift to the government for a moment, shall we? Lawd lawd lawd. Why for come you suck so much? So Jakadrien gets fingerprinted and then they never verify her identity? Of a teenager? Yeah she lied about her name. Speaking of that, how gotdamn unlucky do you have to be to hit the Colombia deportation lottery on picking a name? Sheesh. Here’s the bullsh*t. You do not get deported literally 10 minutes after you get busted. Nothing happens that quick. This was sheer ignorance and all around don’t-give-a-f*ck-ness at play. She says she’s such-n-such and we got a warrant. Put her on a plane, boss. Those prints came back and nobody looked at it. Fire everybody. Literally.
But then we get to Colombia. Somehow, she has the wherewithall to work and survive in Colombia and be in a good enough space to update her FB page? Her grandmother never said that her page was filled with pleas for help. I know kids say the darndest things these days but damn, there’s resourceful and then there’s the chick from Colombiana. Hmm…pun.
I’m still questioning the sheer validity of this article. Real spit. The missing report is real. I sawed that online. But if our government is actually deporting Americans…accidentally…why for come this isn’t national news. Thus far only this Dallas news station is reporting it and a slew of other folks on random ninja sites and some article on Clutch that did a slightly ratchet job of just recreating the Dallas story.
Apparently she’s in a detention center, pregnant, and the Colombian government won’t release her. Again…how come this ain’t on CNN. Or the Washington Post. Or the New York Times. Isn’t this kind of a big deal?
Like, in the pantheon of big damn deals, wouldn’t “U.S. Government deports one of its own to Colombia” kind of a game changer? It’s just me? No?
My people…what am I missing? Does this story strike you as odd as it strikes me?
Hell, do you even believe this?
Talk to me.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3
Peep Panama’s latest post over at Guyspeak: 50 Things I’d Rather Do Than Remove My Mother’s NuvaRing.