Signs That Guys Look For To Know That A Woman Is Interested

start-dating-signs-compatible-ugly-flirting-ecards-someecardsWhen it comes to approaching women there are three types of guys.

1. The guy who will never approach a woman and will likely only ever meet a woman at an Everest College Alumni Mixer or Home Depot After Dark Game Night where the convos are controlled and he’s got a better than 75 percent chance of you at least saying something back to his, “hey…so what brings you here?” He is also most likely to marry the sh*t out of the woman that he eventually dates because he is NOT going through the agony of meeting anybody else. That sh*t is for the angry birds.

2. The guy who will approach your mother in front of you. He is likely the guy most women don’t want because well, he’s going to holler until he succeeds. Basically, its not you he’s after, well not “you”. He sees, he wants, he attempts. These guys are can eventually get hemmed up into a relationship, but its on his terms solely.

3. The guy who is waiting for as many signs as possible that he should ask for the number. Unless he sees a woman he just can’t NOT holler at because he is so taken aback. Think Jason from Jason’s Lyric. True story: I actually ran the lines from that movie about wanting to see a woman again (“If you go to church, I want to be in the back pew…”); that sh*t worked. It helped that I meant it. Anyway, I think most guys fall into this third camp.

Let’s talk about this last group. Why? I’ll tell you why. Recently I had a conversation with some friends of mine about why I never hollered at a woman I had an interest in. Me, Panama Jackson, was waiting to get my Ace of Base on. But I never saw the sign. Now, their argument to me was that, dude, she speaks to you, she’s not outwardly rebuffing your convo…go in for it.

Now, as stupid as this sounds, I will own the fact that this particular woman had me shook. I don’t know why or how it happened, but I was not about to stick a quarter in my a** in this situation. I feel like half of everybody will get that reference and the other half is SO confused right now.

But this got me to thinking of signs that most guys actually look for to know that women are interested. Not that batting eyes sh*t. But actual signs. Now before I list some, this does not absolve guys from not hollering at women. If you are interested, it is imperative that as a dude you leap out there on faith and take a chance. Women seem to know how hard it is to holler at women even though they feel like you should get over it. At the end of the day, it has to happen in order to preserve the species right? The Internet has become a great equalizer in all of this because you can reach out to damn near anybody via social networking and as long as she knows who you are and you have a few friends in common there’s a chance she won’t yell STALKER from jump. But that’s neither here nor there.

So here are what we’re looking for.

1. Smile

I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW. Women hate it when men tell you to smile. So I’m not telling you to smile. In fact, get your sourpuss on, sista. Look like you eat trees to your hearts content. I’m just telling you that from where I’m sitting, if I see you and you see me and you don’t smile in my general direction like EVER, there is no way in Hell I’m going to test those waters out. If you smile at me, you’ve upped the likelihood I’m coming your way by at least 63 percent. Granted, I get why women ain’t smiling all day. Hell I’m not. And you don’t want to invite in Jerome from Martin. It’s a tricky dance. Ladies, I get it. I’ve seen some TERRIBLE situations occur. Hey, we’re all just trying to make it.

2. Some type of…bait

Sometime ago, via IG, a young lady I was curious about laid out THE perfect bait for me. I flubbed it. Totally flubbed it. In fact, I fumbled so hard that when I told my homegirl about t she punched me in the arm. She was like, dude, how the hell did you mess THAT up?!? I don’t know, dog. I don’t know. Well I know why but still…point is, she put the ball in my court in such a way that all I needed was a layup to win the game. On a 6 foot hoop. And I wish I could tell you what it was…but I can’t. And I know that’s f*cked up.

Oh, I can tell you this one tho! This happened via Twitter: I was on there talking about as a Gemini how much I love Aquarians (we’re supposed to be a great match and what not…its proven true thus far) and a young lady hit me with the: “I’m an Aquarius…wanna test that theory?”

Bait.

Remember these are things we’re looking for…like our optimal situations.

3. Active responses

Have you ever had a conversation with somebody and it just stops. Like the other person doesn’t get the concept of a dialogue? Yeah, those let me know that its a no go (obviously this is when somehow, we’ve started speaking). But, every so often you get somebody who lets you know, that you may continue the convo by the social cues they give you. Here’s how I met a woman one time. I was at a bar eating some food and she saw it and wanted to know what it was. Simple friendly question swag gangsta clique. Well, I told her and made some joke about the food. Well, she immediately fired back with one of her own. We zinged. We then talked for an hour and a half after that.

Those are three things that I can tell you most guys look for when attempting to discern if they should try to exchange info and progress a situation. Granted, as a guy, you do have to take a chance most of the time. You will win some. You will lose some. But you live to try again. But hey, we all (men and women) want as much positive info as possible when determining if we’re going to deal with somebody right? Bong bong.

So fellas, what are other signs you look for? And ladies, what signs do you think you give off that should let a dude know that you’re interested?

-VSB P aka MR. HELLO IS IT ME YOU’RE LOOKING FOR  aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Relationship Things That Stop Being Cute Past A Certain Age

phone sleepI don’t know at what point it happens. I wish I did because then I could tell you at what point it happens…but I don’t know so I can’t. The point here is that, it happens.

We all get old. Now this isn’t a bad thing and old is more of a state of mind anyway. I was almost sure when I was 21 that being 34 would basically be the point where I’d be chillin’ in the hiznayee for good. It turns out that 21 and 34 really aren’t that different. I mean I make a lot more money and have seen a lot more things but the fun hasn’t stopped. However, there are things that I used to do when I was 21 that I thought were so great and stuff that in my older state I wonder why anybody would do such things. They’re not only inconvenient, but impractical.

Here are a few things that seem so cute and sh*t in your youth(ness) but at some point, seem to be not as…cute (though admittedly, I’d probably still do them all because love. because heart.)

Three hour phone + calls that last into the wee hours of the morning

I’ve been on more than my fair share of REALLY REALLY long phone calls that last way longer than they probably should. Namely because I’ve been in quite a few long distance relationships. Here’s the thing, it’s not that a long ass phone call isn’t cutesy. Having that much to talk about with somebody…now that’s a beautiful thang. Shucks, I love it when I can talk to somebody and the party don’t stop til I run through it. However, at some point, when that convo starts at 1130pm and doesn’t end til 3am you know you’re losing out on? Sleep. You’re draggin’ a$$ the next day at work because you couldn’t tear yourself from the phone. And I know, nobody wants to get off the phone. Love and other drugs and sh*t. But sleep deprivation is real. I really enjoy sleeping.

Really, really long walks anywhere

I love taking long walks around the park after dark like anybody. Seriously, I do. But that’s a park. Let me tell you all a story. A few years back I ended up on a maybe 4 hour walk around the District of Columbia. The circumstances could be a made-for-tv movie, but I won’t get into those. The point was, stuff like, during the Cherry Blossom Festival no less, could be deemed romantic. And that sh*t is cool…until 3 hours into it you realize that you have to walk BACK to your car. My hitta my hitta, that walk back was BRUTAL. And there was a time when that walk back was still just part of the romanticism. At some point, you realize that your feet hurt because you don’t have on walking shoes. Folks ask for piggy back rides because they don’t want to walk back either. So yeah, cute and sh*t? Yep. Taking a 10 mile walk just cuz you’re in love and all that jazz? Yeah…no.

Skinny dipping

Have you ever been skinny dipping and tried to smash in a pool? That sh*t seems so caayute but as I’ve gotten older it just doesn’t have the same appeal. I can’t quite explain this one. I need help.

Matching…anything

You know, I can’t lie. At one point, I looked like the very kind of picture that would spread like wildfire on Twitter with the hashtag #matchinalfets. I did that. Somehow, a woman can’t convince a dude to do nearly anything. True story. If you care, you won’t fight every battle. One of those battles is the battle over matching. there have been times in my younger days where my color choices were remarkably similar to those of my woman. It may seem cute at the time – we love each other – that sh*t is just tragic after a certain point. There is never a way for that to be cool.

Petty fights that lead to makeup sex

While makeup lovin’ may be great…at some point you realize that fighting to get to it is REAAAAAALLY not the business. While you may think this is an odd addition, I know people who absolutely need dysfunction in order to feel love. Word up.

You know what, I have a few others, but I want to see what folks come up with to see if I’m right as rain on that front.

And just because it needs to be said, F*ck winter. 70 degrees on Saturday and SNOW on Sunday?????????? Somebody told Mother Nature that she was the sidechick. She no likey. She rebel.

So what say you? Are there things that stop being cute after a certain point? Hell, are there things that will NEVER not be part of the relationship equation? What you got?

Happy St. Patrick’s Day.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST

 

When Love Escapes Us.

jail-breakI met somebody.

Normally this would be a great thing, except I was right out of a failed relationship. Not failed because of infidelity or indecency, but failed because of humanity. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough. Maybe I didn’t try at all. But convincing myself that she wasn’t the one was easier than the self-reflection so I hit my nae nae as I walked out of the door. I didn’t even realize that I’d tripped over the door sweep until I opened my eyes and saw the one who would be next staring down at me as if Allah himself sent her.

Which again, would have been great except, I’d just hit my nae nae and most folks don’t even know what that is. Her included. But hey, woman’s job isn’t to know everything, it’s to show me that I could have been flying the entire time I was walking. And she did. There were no boxes to check off on my list. For a spell she had me buying into the Love Jones definition of romance and I didn’t even like Love Jones. In her I saw the possibilities.

Except I was just out the door.

Love Escapes Us Teaser from #LoveEscapesUs on Vimeo.

But with my confidence in tow and belief that God would neither give me something I couldn’t handle nor records that I couldn’t sample, I ventured into the journey of the unknown with this woman who for all intents and purposes made me smile again. One of those smiles you don’t even realize you’re doing. But once it’s pointed out you’re embarassed because who has a right to be so happy that they don’t even know it? So happy that you feel like you’re in a room without  a ceiling. So happy that basically it is just who you are. I wasn’t that before and yet here I was now.

Happy in a 24-hour video.

I’d found #her. #cool.

Or so I thought. #her quickly became #she and part of that was the walls I’d put up around my heart after my last breakup. To be fair, the devastation of that breakup was far greater than I’d given it credit for and I didn’t even know it until well after I needed to have figured that out. It’s hard to fall in love when you’re wearing a harness that keeps you standing up because falling can hurt like hell. She tried to trip me up though. She gave it her all. Threw her heart out at random intervals and dropped affection and support in my path. And I did the best that I could given my circumstances. Of course, not knowing I had circumstances severely limits how far we could make it.

Was she the one? Maybe. Even now I grapple with that question and enough time has gone by to call it official Black History. Because February. But the nagging is always there. What I do know (now) is that for me, it wasn’t the right time. I hadn’t taken the time to deal with what was and what could have been. I also never accepted the fact that my ability to move on came with strings. I wasn’t going to make the next woman pay for the infallibility of my previous relationship. But who knew that love also worked on credit? This woman, who by any measure adored me and I her stared me dead in my face with the most beautiful eyes I’d ever seen and offered her soul to mine and the best I could muster was maybe 60 percent of my humanity and 20 percent of my vulnerability. And even there is some overlap. My soul? I thought she could have it but over time the arguments spurred by both of our inability to recognize where we were in life spurred a certain lack of desire to share with her what made me tick.

Love Escapes Us Teaser #2 from #LoveEscapesUs on Vimeo.

If Sway doesn’t even have the answers then I didn’t even have the questions. The situation fell apart fairly quickly. What God has joined may no man put asunder. I think both of us thought the little twist tie we’d use to keep ourselves together was a bit more deified than perhaps it was.

Wrong time? Probably.

I stared down my angel and asked her why her wings weren’t as pretty as I thought they should be. But they worked. And she flew. And I stood there asking myself why I was still walking instead of flying. But I’d also bought some new shoes and everybody knows you need to break new shoes in. So I let her fly solo. And I kept on walking. Those memories resonate and I still maintain them. The dream of it all mixed with the reality that set in. But it all blends perfectly, let the liquor tell it.

It is often in a brown-induced daze that I ponder the age old question of what matters more: right person or right time? If you meet your soulmate do you focus on that or do you do the work so that soulmate isn’t just something you say because it sounds good? Do you hope to catch them next lifetime when you can make it work? I don’t know. Ignorance is bliss I suppose so even in that line of questioning I hope it kind of works itself out. I mean who wants to think they squandered heaven because their watch broke?

After some time I dedicated myself to moving past the blocks that held me hostage. Ropes and chains just aren’t my thing. I wasn’t a slave, but I heard about it, it didn’t sound cool. Word to D.C. Curry. Maybe had I met her later in my journey we’d be able to walk it out together into some blissful future both of us dreamed about in unison. But we didn’t so we can’t. So we won’t. And I’m not gon’ cry. Plus Argentina is, like, far.

I’m no soothsayer and I leave the wisdom to the sages. But the question will always persist, be it my story or others: what’s more important?

Some people say if its the right person, then its the right time. Some people also say the end is the beginning. Some people are made of plastic, and some people are made of wood.

Right person or right time?

The questions.

(All of this was true.)

-VSB P aka MR. SPLACKAVELLI ak GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

“Love Escapes Us” is the compelling tale of the cycle of love and heartbreak as told through the experiences of two people who fall in love during the wrong season. King (Anthony B. Phillips) and Queen (Iman N. Milner) journey through an emotional path of one another’s love through this poignant story. Can the experience of falling for someone and dealing with unhealed wounds from past relationships simultaneously ever end well. Written by Anthony and Iman and directed by Craig Tovey. Visit the Facebook Page for the Movie: https://www.facebook.com/LoveEscapesUsfilm

Things You Shouldn’t Divulge Until You’re In A Committed Relationship

Why? I don't know. They cute.

Why? I don’t know. They cute.

Honesty is the best policy. The truth shall set you free. Free your mind and your arse will follow. Punks jump up to get beat down. These are all important tenets to keep in mind when dealing with people you may get romantically involved with.

Okay, so only two of them are. But you, The Isley Brothers, and PM Dawn get my drift.

So let’s talk about the concept of chill for a second. One of THE most vital components of any new dating situation is having some chill about yourself. The person who over-reacts and/or puts all of their cards on the table too soon usually loses out. People like mystery even if they don’t like not knowing. Chew on that sh*t three times fast.

Now, this may seem a little bit counter intuitive seeing as we’re all about promoting full disclosure and all that jazz upfront, but there really are some things you just need to keep to yourself until you are in committed relationship…you know, chill on some of the extra stuff, b…so that hopefully they love you enough to be mildly annoyed but ultimately won’t bounce…like a basketball. You go telling people too many of your undesirables too quickly and then you end up more single than one eyed, one arm, one legged man playing Uno who just released his first song.

Hey, PJ, won’t you play that song keep me dancing (dancing) all night (all night)…what are you talking about? Glad you asked.

1. That you’ve got a slightly discriminatory opinion

You can’t come out the gate talking about all the different types of people you you don’t f*ck with. Like the gays, the Blacks, the whites, the shorts, the handicaps, etc. If you’re one of those folks who has one of those opinions about one of those issues, you might want to think about how it may come across to other people. Thing is you might not even feel that strongly about anything but even an inconsiderate opinion might derail that train.

2. That you’ve got an outlandish fetish

You like to f*ck horses in Mexico? You like to drink RC Cola while having your tushy tickled with tassles and Twinkies? No problem. But you should probably keep that sh*t to yourself for a gooooood long while. Everybody’s got a history. There’s nothing wrong with some of that history being part of The Lost Tapes and sealed away in a vault only to be discovered when our 2nd Black president gets inaugurated.

3. That you were on a reality show of ill repute

Hell, anything of ill repute is DEFINITELY not going to get you in the door. But reality show pseudo-success – if you went full success on ‘em you’d definitely be known right – is usually gonna get some judgement. Plus, if I find you pimped yourself out for a television show and looked a hot damn mess in the process then I can’t take you home to my momma. And if I can’t take you home to my momma then I might have to throw you from the train. Momma ain’t raise no fools. Do your dirt by your lonely. Of course this is all purely dependent on you having moved on from it.

4 That you did some time way back when

Of course this is assuming you don’t have any more issues with the federales or the localerales (?). I mean, there you go telling me no again and everything, but if it aint vital to who you are now as a person then it probably is okay to mention later on. Though, there’s a really good chance that if you ended up doing a year in a woman’s prison for stabbing a llama on a bet, your new dude is likely going to judge you and wonder what else you aint mention. Which is a fair point. So I guess there’s really no good time to ever drop the jail bomb.

What else you got, kiddies? What might be some things you might want to share to divulge into after you got that lock down love?

Talk to me, Petey.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka lower.case.p aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Let’s Talk About Serial Monogamy, Mmkay Pumpkin?

F*ck n*ggas. Get money. F*ck b*tches. Get money.

F*ck n*ggas. Get money. F*ck b*tches. Get money.

The Best Man is one of my favorite movies. Not because I relate in any particular way to any character, though I feel like most menfolks with groups of friends probably fit in one way or another to a central character in the movie. It’s actually a good movie. Which is why I’m saddened that the sequel looks worse than Kanye West manhandling a paparazzi while news outlets report that George Zimmerman is a humanitarian and all around hero.

Seriously, Kanye can’t fight. He wasn’t even trying to fight dude, but he totally looked like he can’t fight. Reminds me of Tupac in Poetic Justice fighting Chicago. We know Tupac could throw them hands because he whooped The Hughes Brothers asses, but he didn’t look like he could…at all.

Well, The Best Man was the first time I’d ever heard the term “serial monogamist”. Harper was the king of leaving women strung out. According to Quincy, he’d get into these jive-ass public relationships, then as soon as the woman stepped outside of his little box, he’d kick them to the curb…presumably to do the exact same thing a short time later to somebody else. Which to me means that the general premise is that a person, more than likely to be a man, who bounces from serious relationship to serious relationship, without fully taking the time to process the previous relationship OR fully vet the new one.

Basically, its like a lot of stories we heard about folks who got married frequently because they clearly didn’t know that you didn’t have to get married. *coughRichardPryorElizabethTaylorDonaldTrumpcough* Or in this case, that you can just date people without fully committing until the time is right, and you don’t HAVE to do that right out of a previous relationship.

Let me switch gears for a second here. While I think that most women take the time to properly process a significant breakup or at least don’t quickly rush into new relationships, I’m not sure most men do or care to. We tend to just keep it moving. It becomes about sex as opposed to connection. Women don’t usually go that road. At least not to my knowledge. But something I have noticed is how little women seem to care that man is freshly out of a relationship. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong – I’m not, I’ve got enough anecdotal evidence here to convict and get the chair – but a significant number of women don’t seem to truly care how long an available man is out of his last relationship, they just care that he’s not in one. It could be a few weeks or a month. If she wants him, and he’s “available” she seems to be willing to take a shot, clearly hoping that he’s moved on.

I’ve seen and witnessed it with my own two eyes. To be clear, I do think there is something to be said about taking some time to get your life together. I think most of us men, myself included, could probably stand to do a lot more self-reflection. Not all, but most of us. But…and Tamika got a big ole butt…if you are newly single, and this super bad chick comes into your galaxy and is trying to get with you, and you’re a relationship type of guy, its not hard to see who you might fall RIGHT back into the same pattern you just exhibited. You can tell her you just broke up with your girl and she’ll ask why. Then she’ll ask if you’re over the ex? Pretty much as long as you don’t longingly look towards the left, right, sky, or Hell, and take too long to answer, she’s going to accept what you say as law. Remember, she’s pretty much already invested.

The point…of it allllllllllllllll…is that clearly being a serial monogamist isn’t ideal, but if women are quick to try to make that thing work so quickly how can we blame a man for going that route. Assuming he’s a relationship guy. The other side of this is a dude who never commits and keeps these women strung out on hope. Like Obama. I’m not blaming women for this as a man, seemingly should just take some accountability, but if we are able to get over women quickly – which it seems like most men are, whether that makes us dbags or not is up for debate, I’m going to say it just makes us different than our women counterparts – then why does any man need to be NOT committing to somebody new who has made it clear that she doesn’t care that he just got out of a relationship in the first place, leading to hopefully something bigger in the second place, though it likely won’t make it t the third place because he aint properly see if he could make it in the fourth place which basically, my ninja, PLEASE STOP F*CKING WITH THE OCEAN, MY NWORD! (gives a new meaning to the word “selfie” doesn’t it, nature be on that bullsh*t.)

Assuming my definition holds water, serial monogamist are dangerous because they actively entertain and commit to women largely in name only, as they’ve usually got one foot outside of the door. Is my definition correct? If so, what’s a reasonable amount of time for anybody to wait to get into a new relationship? But does that even matter if you ain’t reflecting anyway? Can women be serial monogamists?

IS THERE A CURE FOR IT?!?! And most importantly, why would anybody f*ck with the ocean?

Talk to me. Petey.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. I’M JUST GON’ LOOK AT YOU IN THE OCEAN FROM HERE aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3