Why All Women Should Empathize With Ray J

Y'all forgot I smanged Whitney too, huh? I mean, I know, it's Whitney and that means I tagged a crackhead. It happens.

Let’s just get this out of the way from the beginning: Willie Ray Norwood, Jr aka Ray J is a clown. If f*cksh*t was an Olympic sport, I feel like Ray J would be a Kenyan running any long distance event. He’d be Michael Phelps at a backyard swim meet. He’d be a mortal lock as victor. And yet somehow, Ray-J has been relevant (yes, relevant) for over 10 years. Now that relevance could be that we’ve been clowning him for that long. But the truth is, it takes a special talent to be around in entertainment that long (without being a lawyer) when nobody can actually figure out any discernible talent that you have.

See Combs, Sean.

Speaking of Puffy, I mentioned this on Twitter, but isn’t it amazing that despite the fact that we clown the hell out of Ray J, nearly every person that we think is somebody loves dude? Think about the Floyd fight. Ray J was hanging with Puffy, Floyd, and 50. Snoop is his first cousin and loves him. Suge Knight used to co-sign him. He banged Kim K before it was popular. If you found out that he smanged Amber Rose before Kanye would you even be surprised at this point? I wouldn’t be surprised if Jay-Z and Beyonce named him as the Godfather of their golden goose (though I’m guessing Ty-Ty would be mad as hell). Aside from Fabolous…have we heard of anybody who subjectively mattered, so to speak, really clowning him or having anything ill to say towards him. Sure they probably think he’s a cornball, but he does happen to come off as the most genuine cornball on the planet. Like, if he asked you how your day was going, he’d really want to know the answer. And he likes to have fun. So he’s a nice guy who likes to have fun and take care of his friends. Or at least that’s the perception.

And yes, I’m a Ray J fan. Dude entertains me beyond belief. And he’s ignorant as all hell. That’s how I like my entertainment. I’ve downloaded all of his albums and have yet to delete most of them.

Anyway back to the lecture at hand. I find it interesting that women seem to be his biggest haters when in all truth, all women should completely understand his plight. Let’s break down the Ray J plight.

If Ray J could have one wish, it would be respect. That’s his biggest boon. Real or perceived. That was the crux of his ridiculous tirade. He wants respect. He’s got fly hoes in chains and swangin’ thangs. He’s just another young ninja havin’ thangs. The things he believes should garner him respect don’t. Nobody gives a sh*t. He’s tired of being humble all the time and taking the high road and pretending to be above listening to folks joke on him when he’s doing nothing more than being himself. He’s tired of being the butt of jokes. He just wants respect and to be able to do him without everybody treating him like he ain’t worth a damn.

Hmmm…

Isn’t that what most women seek out? Respect? Women work hard to get degrees and do what they thinks is right and all of us cromagnon men reduce you all to your “bare” essentials. We don’t care about your brain, we care how you look. Aren’t women getting tired of being told why they won’t get married and why they ain’t measuring up? And being ridiculed from everything from the roota to the toota? And being labeled as angry or difficult whenever a differing opinion is expressed and therefore having to suppress a lot of non-sense and go-along-to-get-along?

Like most women, Ray J wants to be loved or left alone.

Can he live?

Apparently not. At the end of the day, duke just wants to be a nice guy who has fun and gets into occasional-to-fairly-frequent shenanigans. And we stay clowning him…mostly because he exists. Does he try to hard? Sure. For all you bougie ninja capital residents, the majority of cats we know try to hard in some area. We’re all trying to play some part. The funny sh*t is, most dudes want to live the life that he leads (as was stated in the comments yesterday). Including many of the folks clowning him.

Most women I know just want to be respected enough to walk down the street without some dude yelling out some thing outwardly ridiculous and trivializing her existence. Hell, I think its part of, if not the whole, reason so many women don’t smile when they walk down the street. They are trying to avoid the disrespectful comments by showing a hardened visage that should be a deterrent from speaking. She’s just trying to get where she’s going with the least amount of f*ckery. In an odd way, that, again, is Ray J’s struggle. He’s famous. The women seem to love him. He’s rich. He’s young. He’s got a good life and folks stay treating him like an R. Kelly urinal.

Ladies, between Drake and Ray J, you’ve got two men who are standing for the very essences of your being. Plus, Ray J likes to trick…he believes that shawty got gifts. And at the end of the day, anytime you’re feeling down, he’ll be there. Just wait a minute. What does that have to do with the price of Magnums in Asia? Nothing. But it was a good question.

Does Ray J get a fair shake? No Floyd. And ladies, why do you all clown Ray J so much when he’s doing everything he can to push for women’s rights? That’s just not nice.

Talk to me. Petey.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka RAY J’S PUBLICIST aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

6 Reasons Why I Love Brandy & Ray-J’s Family Business Show

The blogs and Ninjanet have gone hogwild with disparaging remarks and comments about vh1′s latest foray into the world of those named Norwood. Can’t blame vh1 really. For the Love of Ray J 1 and 2 were such huge successes, they’d be stupid not to get back in bed with him. Hate him or love him, Ray J is a ratings bonanza. Add Brandy and her lacefront wig into the fold and you’ve got yourself a hit show. And I’m caught up like Usher in 2003. Usher in 2010, however, needs to just let it burn.

Anyway, folks are hating on this show, Brandy & Ray-J: A Family Business, thoroughly. Can’t say I blame them. Nobody can pinpoint why Ray-J is famous and he is corny as all hell. And Brandy hasn’t been relevant in AT LEAST five years, and I’m being generous. But I’m entertained. And you should be too. If you’re not, you’re watching it wrong.

So let me share my enthusiasm with you and let you know why I love this show…

1) First Black musical family we’ve seen on TV in a while

And no, Run’s House doesn’t count since Run is the only actual musician since Jojo’s rap career is about as potent as Eli Porters AND he got big leagued by his younger brother Diggy. With Brandy and Ray J, both of them actually have hits of sizable proportion. And I’m not talking the Kim Kardashian sex tape!

*rimshot*

No rimshots either. Add in big Willie Norwood and you’ve got the Jacksons minus all the talent, really high pitched voices, and albums people will still be listening to ten years from now.

2) Brandy rapping

You cannot make this sh*t up. She ACTUALLY bust out in freestyle or a REALLY badly written 8 bars to show her mother and other manager that she wanted to rap, which was of course shot down with the swiftness of a Bob Dole free arm slap. And if Timbaland is the reason she’s gained confidence in her rap abilities,  its no wonder Shock Value II sucked more balls than Pinky with a vacuum cleaner (no “Say Something”).

3) More of Ray’s ridiculous antics

This fool takes a 17-person van…to the club.  He had one of the highest rated shows on cable and doesn’t want to talk about it. He exists. For record, I like Ray J. He entertains me. I’d love to hang out with dude because you are guaranteed a good time. He’s like Puffy with 1/100th the money, so you’d probably have to pay your own way, but still. He seems fun as hell. If you need ignorant convo and stupider friends around, that dude delivers. All these other shows try, but they’re just DiGiornos.

4) Brandy’s hair and eyebrows

Eyebrows is an overstatement since I’m not sure she actually has them, but damn what an arch. I mean, I’ve seen arches before - McDonald’s comes to mind – but yeehaw. Her eyebrows reduce the size of her forehead by at least 45 percent. In fact, the only arch that compares is the big one in St. Louis. It’s impressive really. Plus, it takes you from eye to baby-hair lacefront weave territory. I had no idea what the hell a lacefront weave was until I started watching this show. I want one. I want to hold it. I want to carress it. I want to play catch with a lacefront weave.

5) They really do hang out and love eachother

So, Brandy and Ray actually have a real brother-sister relationship. How cute. The last one of those we saw where two “stars” were prominent was Michael and Janet and to this day we’re still not sure if they’re two different people. And yes I know Michael is dead. But are you sure? Are you? Did YOU see inside the casket? 

You think James Brown got clean when he went to heaven?

6) The opening segment where they sing

Mostly because neither of them has that great a voice but they think they do. Anybody else think its funny that Brandy’s singing voice (and speaking voice for that matter) is deeper than Ray J? However, as a Ray J fan, I did break out his 2005 album Raydiation, which I downloaded, and it’s pretty solid. “One Wish” was my sh*t. And it still is. I get more props and stunts than Bruce Willis.

Anyway, those are my reasons. What’s your call? Do you like it or hate it? Why?

How can you not like Ray after watching this show? Seriously?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

5 Good Songs From Artists You’d Least Expect

ATTN: TODAY WE ARE BRINGING YOU A DOUBLE HEADER (NO TYRA). AFTER YOU CHECK OUT THIS POST, PLEASE BE SURE TO CHECK OUT THE FIRST EPISODE OF OUR PODCAST!! CLICK HERE TO LISTEN (at least check out our theme music!).

Let’s have some fun today. This past week has been full of ups and downs and somebody even said that the week’s posts weren’t helping them thru their relationship troubles.

You can’t fight crime if you’re out murdering mofos, now can you?

So today, let’s go in a different direction and put a spotlight on people who aren’t used to the spotlight – at least not for good reasons. Since I’m the music guy over here at VSB, and despite some folks taking shots at the King’s musical selections, I figure that I should remind you that even the worst artists can make some good music from time to time. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, today is the day where I show you that hope really does float and that there are always gems in the ocean and diamonds in the rough. Continue reading

10 Reasons Why You Will Absolutely Not Get A Call Back

tryoneOne of the most important aspects of dating is that initial call back.  Not the first phone call, but the call after the first date that validates that the parties involved enjoyed themselves and just might consider another outing that might lead to another outing, henceforth and forever more, yaymen.

Chuuch.

Yes, the after first date call back is a vital part of the dating experience.  It’s almost as vital as the date itself.  And the date?

Totally vital.

Which is what makes the lack of a call such a downer, like Debbie. Not to be confused with Little Debbies which are always an upper. Mmm, good.  Frankly, the call back (much like after that first lovin’ experience with a new partner) is an esteem or morale booster and confirmation that, “hey, you did your job (unlike Suisham), and a good job at that.  Rah rah, sis boom bah.  Take my money, my house and my car, for one hit of you, you can have it all.”

And who doesn’t like to be confirmed?  They even do it for the Supreme Court so you know it’s a big deal.

Well, sad to say, everybody doesn’t get called back and for various reasons. Some obvious, some not. Usually the guy is expected to do the calling back (1950s, anyone? As if.), but sometimes women, given the circumstances of the date and their affinity for disregarding gender roles, will do the calling.  Or won’t.  Like I said, sometimes you don’t get all call back.  And here are 10 reasons why (basically don’t do these things, you scholarly scholar, you). Continue reading