Tag Archives: rape

Takeaways From Yesterday’s “Rape Responsibility” Discussion

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1. I made the decision to write full-time a little over a year ago. While the transition hasn’t always been smooth, I maintain that it’s the best choice I ever made. The successes we’ve had at VSB collectively and I’ve had personally have been documented, and 2012 is shaping up to be even better.

I’m bringing this up because all of this success has undoubtedly made my already large head even bigger. I’ve become more secure in my voice and my ability to articulate, amuse, and entertain, but with that came an arrogance that leads to days like yesterday.

I think I can (and should be able to) tackle any topic, so when I was browsing through different websites Monday afternoon, looking for something to write for Tuesday, I came across Zerlina’s article about rape, read the comments, and naturally thought “I think I’ll offer a (slightly) dissenting viewpoint. I might upset a couple people, but it’ll be no big deal. They (our readership) know and love me already, so the people who do happen to get upset will forget all about it by 3pm Tuesday afternoon.”

I was wrong.

While I think this conversation needs to be had, I’m not well-versed enough with this topic to even take the chance to articulate the types of thoughts I did yesterday. And, even if I was a rape issues maven, this isn’t the type of topic that someone like me — a snarky, sarcastic, (somewhat) insensitive, and (too) pragmatic asshole — should attempt to tackle by myself.

Perhaps I may get there eventually, but I’m not there yet, and it took a day like yesterday to drive that point home.

Also, it was a poorly crafted post. The title was unnecessarily incendiary and sensationalistic, the premise was drawn from a flawed inference (more on that later), the examples I used to make my point were lazy, insulting, and (very) hurtful, the conclusion was completely tone deaf, and the post-post 11 am edit was an abject fail.

Plus, as Panama stated in a conversation we had yesterday, because of the nature of VSB — we occasionally get “serious,” but most of our topics are meant to be light-hearted and entertaining. also, we usually touch on one topic one day and keep it moving. — this isn’t really the place for the type of discussion this conversation warranted. Honestly, if yesterday’s post didn’t blow up the way it did, today’s topic would have either been a (super-late) NBA preview or something about first date etiquette.

For instance, a glance at the screen while writing this tells me it’s 2:54 pm. In three hours, I’m meeting a couple people to create another “Sh*t___Says” YouTube video. And, lets just say that people who plan to spend entire evenings filming videos titled “Shit Diva Dudes Say To Bougie Black Girls” probably shouldn’t post potentially explosive pieces about rape two days before this silly-ass video debuts.

As much as I spoke about common sense Tuesday, the decision to post a controversial opinion about women and rape didn’t exhibit very much of it.

I do not apologize for possessing the feeling I was attempting to convey. But, I do apologize for being too arrogant to realize how wrong it was for me to attempt to convey it here yesterday. It’s an issue too touchy, too sensitive, too nuanced, and too volatile for a person without a master understanding of the topic to address on a platform as big as VSB’s.

2. Judging from what Google Analytics currently says (it’s 3:08 pm now, btw), yesterday’s post will probably generate 10 to 12,000 unique visitors. A year ago, this would have been one of our highest traffic days ever. Today, it’s maybe the 6th or 7th highest day in the last two weeks.

Both Panama and I (and Liz for that matter) have had some difficulties dealing with this increase in readership and reach; some relatively easy to handle (increased server costs, needing to hire interns, etc), and some that’ll take a bit more brainpower to solve.

One of these “difficult” problems is the fact that increased readership means that there’s a greater chance that someone not at all familiar with you will find your link on Facebook or Twitter, and it’s been a struggle trying to straddle the line between “opinionated and editor-less blogger who can say whatever the hell he wants with no repercussions” and “person who may need to be more cognizant of his words because he’s not just speaking around friends anymore”

With this growth comes an increase in responsibility, and I know I seriously let some people down yesterday. I can’t promise that it won’t happen again. You can’t be successful at this without taking some chances and (occasionally) upsetting people. But, going forward, I do promise to be more conscious of the effect my words can have on people.

With all that being said, although I was genuinely surprised with (and hurt by) the reaction in the comments (and on Twitter), I really don’t want anyone to think that today’s piece and yesterday’s mid-morning edit are me back-tracking or trying to elicit any sympathy. Yes, I feel bad that there are some people who’ve never heard of VSB before and are going to use yesterday as their first (and, likely, only) impression of us, but this is what I signed up for when we decided to build this blog, and if I accept the praise, I have to handle the criticism too. I said it, signed my (real) name to it, and whoever doesn’t like it has a right to call me on it.

3. After re-reading Zerlina’s post for the umpteenth time yesterday, I realized that I definitely reached for the inferences I made. Because I followed the discussion about it on Twitter before actually reading it, I read it with an agenda, looking for a few things that weren’t actually there. I know how shitty it feels to have people make conclusions about something you’ve written before actually reading it, and I apologize to Zerlina for doing that to her.

4. You’ve probably noticed that I haven’t actually said anything about yesterday’s content yet, and I don’t plan to. That ship has sailed. I will say though, that as hard as this may be to believe, I actually did appreciate yesterday’s discussion. Perhaps the best part of VSB is the Very Smart readers, followers, and fans we tend to have, and yesterday was one of those days where I could sit back, read, and learn from them.

Among these things I learned was that there is a major disconnect among some very smart people about issues such as consent and rape/crime prevention and the definitions and proper applications of terms like accountability and responsibility. I don’t know if anything was “solved” yesterday (or if they ever will be), but I don’t think I was the only one surprised by how far apart many of us are when these topics are brought up.

I’m sure yesterday cost us some fans and dissuaded people who would have been fans in the future. That’s unfortunate. For those who did come back today, thank you, and lets continue to entertain (and educate) each other. My eyes and ears feel a little more open today, and I hope yours do too.

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) 

“Rape Responsibility,” And The Fine Line Between Victim-Blaming and Common Sense

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Zerlina Maxwell is a friend of mine, and I understand where “Stop Telling Women How to Not Get Raped” — her latest piece at Ebony.com — is coming from.

I definitely agree that “Telling women that they can behave in a certain way to avoid rape creates a false sense of security and it isn’t the most effective way to lower the horrible statistics which show that 1 in 5 women will become victims of a completed or attempted rape in their lifetime.”

I also agree that “We need anti-rape campaigns that target young men and boys.  Campaigns that teach them from a young age how to respect women, and ultimately themselves, and to never ever be rapists. In addition, we should implore our men and boys to call out their friends, relatives, and classmates for inappropriate behavior and create systems of accountability amongst them.”

I even agree that “Our community, much like society-at-large, needs a paradigm shift as it relates to our sexual assault prevention efforts.  For so long all of our energy has been directed at women, teaching them to be more “ladylike” and to not be “promiscuous” to not drink too much or to not wear a skirt. Newsflash: men don’t decide to become rapists because they spot a woman dressed like a video vixen or because a girl has been sexually assertive.”

But — and I’m trying to say this as delicately as possible — as the article continues, and lines such as “Consent can be withdrawn by the words “no “or “stop” and in many states, a woman doesn’t have to say no at all. Consumption of alcohol can prevent a woman from being able to legally offer consent” begin to seep in, the tone seems to shift from “men need to take full responsibility for their actions” to “men need to take full responsibility for their actions…and women have carte blance to act as recklessly and stupidly around men as possible without any trace of accountability.” and I just can’t agree anymore.

I know that rapists are going to rape regardless of how women decide to dress, what (and how much) women decide to drink, where women decide to frequent, and what women decide to do. For rapists, all a woman needs to do to “ask for it” is be born.

But, why can’t both genders be educated on how to act responsibility around each other? What’s stopping us from steadfastly instilling “No always means no!” in the minds of all men and boys and educating women how not to put themselves in certain situations? Of course men shouldn’t attempt to have sex with a woman who’s too drunk to say no, but what’s wrong with reminding women that if you’re 5’1 and 110 pounds, it’s probably not the best idea to take eight shots of Patron while on the first, second, or thirteenth date? Yes, sober women definitely get raped too, but being sober and aware does decrease the likelihood that harm may come your way, and that’s true for each gender.

It seems as if the considerable push back again victim-blaming has pushed all the way past prudence and levelheadedness, making anyone who suggests that “women can actually be taught how to behave too” insensitive or a “rape enabler.” And, while the sentiment in Maxwell’s article suggests that victim-blaming is dangerous, I think it’s even more dangerous to neglect to remind young women that, while it’s never their fault if they happen to get sexually assaulted, they shouldn’t thumb their noses to common sense either.

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

***11:07 edit***

(I left this as a comment below, but I wanted to attach it to the end of the entry as well.)

So, although I realized while writing this that it may be a touchy subject, I admittedly underestimated exactly how potentially explosive it was going to be. I read some of these responses late last night and early this morning, and I’m genuinely shocked at the level of anger and hurt this entry has caused. I really did not expect this to happen. And while I don’t apologize for expressing my viewpoint, but I do apologize about being so flippant and not being more careful to articulate exactly what I meant to convey. Considering the subject matter, leaving lighthearted footnotes and links to my appearance in Essence at the end of the entry was a very bad idea.

Anyway, as far as the actual article and responses, my intent wasn’t to imply that any victim of rape should be held “accountable” for what happened to them. I also realize that the majority of rapes are done by people who know their victims — boyfriends, co-workers, friends, dates, etc — making it almost impossible to defend against, and in no way did I want to spread the message that staying sober and out of shady situations is all a woman has to do to avoid being raped.

All I was trying to do was respond to a theme — men always have to be hyper-vigilant, hyper-careful, and possess the ability to read women’s minds. women, on the other hand, can do whatever the hell they want — I got from Zerlina’s article, the comments attached to it, and the Twitter convo it sparked. And, I still believe that this is a dangerous way to approach things.

I’m aware that all the education and conversation in the world about learning how to protect yourself and stay out of harms way and properly vetting men isn’t going to prevent men from raping women. A woman can do all of that and still get sexually assaulted. I’m also aware that the onus of responsibility falls directly on the shoulders of the rapist, and no where else.

But, my whole point is that young men AND young women need to be taught how to behave around the opposite sex, and I don’t see how saying that suggests that I think women should be held responsible for their own rapes. Perhaps I’m being too obtuse, tone deaf, or insensitive, but I just don’t see the connection between “everyone should be educated and learn how to take responsibility for their actions” and “rape is the woman’s fault”

You know, before logging on and leaving this comment, I called up a friend to ask her to read the post and let me know if people were being way too sensitive or if I was crazy in thinking “what the hell is everyone so upset about?”

Her (paraphrased) reply:

“Yeah, I think you should have left this topic alone. Any time a man writes about rape and even puts women and accountability in the same sentence, you’re going to anger people and come off as either completely tone deaf or dangerously insensitive, even if you don’t actually say or feel that women need to be held accountable for what happens to them. Maybe you could have worded your feelings better, but there’s really nothing you could have said besides “rape is wrong. the end” that would have made much of a difference.”

I think she’s right.

4 Thoughts About Rihanna and Her “Man Down” Video

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1. The rape-revenge fantasy that takes place in “Man Down” is one of the oldest and most effective ways to tell a story. A person is wronged, and they spend the rest of the story tracking down and paying back those who’ve wronged them. We root for theprotagonist, and the villian’s comeuppance iscatharticto the entire audience.

In fact, two of my favorite movies — theKill Bill series (which I count as one movie) andInglourious Basterds — revolve around this concept.

Whatseparates”Man Down” — and what is probably causing much ofthe negative attention it’s receiving, not racism or sexism– is the fact that thevillain’spayback comes at the beginning. When his gruesome murder is the first thing you see when watching the video, it’s hard tosympathizewith the hero. Yes, we eventually see that he was responsible for a rape, but he’s already a dead man so we just don’t care as much.

Just imagine ifKill Bill began with The Black Mamba slicing and dicing through O-Ren and the Crazy 88. The entire movie changes, and Beatrix goes from a wronged woman on a mission to a mass murderer with a stupid name in a stupider jumpsuit.

Still, it’s a f*cking five minute long music video. Who the hell cares if it sends the wrong message about…anything. Maybe the story should have been shown in a sequential order.Maybe Rihanna could have had the guy arrested instead of murking him. Maybe she shouldn’t have gone to a party dressed asCubana Lust and twerked on a guy with abuck 50 across his face. Maybe they could have included 5 minutes ofgratuitousboob and nipple shots instead of three. Who f*cking cares?

Just enjoy the video…or don’t enjoy the video, but don’t call for it to be banned because one idiot out of the billion people who’ll watch it might decide to go Charles Bronson on a rapist.

2. I have to admit that I don’t watch very many videos. In fact, before “Man Down,” Kanye’s “Runaway” was the last one I’ve watched in itsentirety, and I honestly can’t remember the last one I watched before that.

I wonder if this apathy is unique to people like me — people who’ve aged out of the music video target audience range — or if videos themselves have just lost a bit of their culturalrelevance. They just don’t seem to be the same star-making vehicle that they were a decade ago. More importantly, I’m not certain if kids today anxiously await videos the same way we did for the premieres of songs like “Mo Money, Mo Problems,” “California Love,” and “Triumph,” but it really doesn’t seem like they do.

Anyway, I’m making this point because what happens at the 26 second mark is the most graphically violent thing I’ve ever seen in a music video, and I can’t tell if this was unusually graphic or just par for the course with today’s fare.

Sure, I’ve seen videos with implied violence — “99 Problems,” “Many Men,” and “Stan” immediately come to mind — and I’ve seen hundreds of videos where the artist rapped about violent acts, but I’ve never seen something as graphicas when Rihanna steps out of the shadows and shoots a man her rapist in the throat; a shot that clearly jerks his head back and splatters his blood before it kills him.

(Also, Rihanna — or, rather, this character Rihanna is playing — must be a Navy Seal or some shit, because those are the only people on the planet skilled enough to be 20 feet away and still hit a moving target in a crowd with a freakin revolver. When she’s done serving time for murder, we need to send her ass to Afghanistan)

3. Rihanna has slowly become everything fervent Beyonce critics have always (and unfairly) wanted Bey to be. Basically, she’s, well,interesting, and this interestingness (even at the expense of actual talent) makes her compelling in a way that theridiculouslytalented and hard-working Beyonce can never be.

She has an interesting voice, she dresses in an interesting manner, she makes interesting videos, and she says interesting things (her “Cuz I’m black bitch!!!” Twitter take down of a critical fan might be one of the most surprisingly awesome things that’s ever happened on the internet) But, her appeal mainly lies with the fact that she’s a moth — a pretty girl attracted to the flame.

Unlike uber-attractive women who appear to be completely vapid (ie: Beyonce, Kim Kardashian, etc) completely normal (ie: Nia Long), or completely burdened by their beauty (ie: Hallie Berry), the moth (ie: Angelina Jolie, Marilyn Monroe, etc) resonates and transfixes through sheer force of personality and the fact that their knack for questionable decision-making humanizes them. They are “The Blower’s Daughters,” the women we just can’t take our eyes off of because we don’t know if they want to f*ck or murder us (or both)

In Rihanna’s case, this even affects how we perceive her music, which, despite her megastardom, remains relatively “eh.” We all know that she doesn’t have the best vocal range or sing the most compelling songs, but her Rihannaness has a way of making her songs interesting by osmosis.

I mean, “Man Down” could have easily been a throwaway track on any of the several Reggae Gold CDs I owned in college, but because Rihanna and Rihanna’s boobs are involved, this song will probably be a hit.

Speaking of boobs…

4. One of my favorite “Seinfeld” episodes revolves around whether Jerry’s girlfriend’s boobs are fake. He finds out that she frequents the same gym asElaine, and he asksElaineif she can somehow verify for him while they’re in the locker room. Elaine agrees, chaos ensues, and the episode eventually culminates with Jerry’s girlfriend finding out about Jerry and Elaine’s plans.

Obviously upset, she storms out of Jerry’s apartment, but not before leaving one parting shot.

“And by the way, they’re real, and they’re spectacular“

Those who remember my 181 word ode to Erykah Badu’s death-defying ass are probably expecting me to write somethingsimilarabout Rihanna’s boobs. But while tempted to expound, all that really needs to be said about them is they’re (hopefully) real, and they’re f*cking spectacular.

To their credit, I think this vapidness is an act

The Champ

Please help keep Panama off the block, and The Champ on the wagon and buyYour Degrees Wont Keep You Warm at Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide to Dating, Mating, and Fighting Crime

Guilty Until Proven Innocent: Hofstra, Lies, and Videotape

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Honestly, I’m not even completely sure how to approach this topic but it’s been on my mind for a solid two (almost) two weeks now. Hopefully, by now everybody knows the story.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.

Female Hofstra student meets guys at party. Guy takes girl’s cellphone. He bounces with said cellphone. She follows. They end up in a Hoftstra dormitory bathroom where a train gets ran. Girl claims she was raped.

As is par the course for such situations, the police apprehended and proceeded to arrest four of the guilty gentlemen and were attempting to find the fifth. These cats are sexual predators and deserve to be arrested and prosecuted to the fullest extend of the law.

Except they didn’t commit a crime. The girl lied. She didn’t want to look like a slore to her boyfriend. And unlike Mystikal, taping the encounter saved their asses. And let’s be real, without it, they’d probably go to jail for a very long time (though apparently several inconsistencies were popping up in her story).

Sexual abuse is a real problem. I believe that if you rape a woman, you should be put under the jail and they should lose the key to your cell. Hell, if you rape anybody for that matter. Forcing that trauma on an unsuspecting undeserving person who typically did nothing more than befriend (most sexual abuse happens at the hands of an acquaintance of the victim) you is cowardly and something that you ought to be sent straight to hell for.

But what happens if you didn’t do it? It’s so easy to accuse somebody of rape and the burden falls on the person to prove that they didn’t rape you. And as jacked up as that sounds to me, it doesn’t make more sense to shift the burden of proof to the victim. They’re already hurt enough, to treat them like it didn’t actually happen doesn’t help further the cause of the thousands of women who are afraid to come forward. But still…what happens when you didn’t actually do it? You have to figure out your next move from jail where you’re placed in a position of presumed guilt. Where public opinion, the state, and police are viewing you as a despicable denizen of society. You are less than dirt. You are a rapist.

The four guys they did apprehend were freed after spending some days in jail. They were happy as hell to get out of jail but really, where’s their retribution? They get to be free, but what of their name. They weren’t convicted of anything but the world knows they ran on train on some random girl. Now that was their decision and they should have to live with that, but it isn’t so far fetched for people to start thinking, “well if they could do that, its possible that they COULD have raped that girl.” Hell, the word “rape” is so powerful that even if not convicted, it wouldn’t surprise me if those boys weren’t forever, even just in their own personal everyday lives, haunted by that word and what it could have meant for them.

I feel like if you falsely accuse somebody of rape, you should be prosecuted just as harshly. You’re toying with somebody’s life. You’re placing them into the category of sexual predators and there’s no coming back from that. But likely, the chick will walk and probably transfer schools because not only is she a liar, she’s also now just a chick who let 5 guys run up in her at once.

And thank god for video tape. It takes a certain kind of perversion to tape yourself and 4 other people gangbanging some chick in a dorm bathroom. But I presume that every so often it just might save you from the big house.

I know a chick who lied about being raped in high school. Luckily she just said amongst our peers (and was later proven a lie) and didn’t go to the police like this chick did. She said it for the same reason as this chick, she cheated on her boyfriend and didn’t want to get in trouble. Just how motherf*cking selfish can you be to be willing to throw somebody else’s life away like that?

Like I said, I really don’t know how to approach this but its been on my mind. I’m glad that those brothers got the ability to get out of jail and hopefully move on with their lives. I just wish it didn’t have to come amidst what is really a huge problem in America, especially on college campuses.

I don’t know. All you people are smart and I’m sure most of you have heard about this case. What are your thoughts?

Do tell.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3