Words I Hate Because of The Internet

This dude right here. Joe "Pimpin' Ain't Easy But Somebody's Gotta Do It" Namath

This dude right here. Joe “Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy But Somebody’s Gotta Do It” Namath

First things first, shout outs to the Seattle Seahawks who put THE most tremendous asswhippin’ on the Denver Broncos at the Super Bowl. Good googly moogly. In a bout of “that’s what she said” that D held it down like none other. Despite the title of this post, the gifs and memes I saw at the expense of Peyton Manning and the Broncos definitely made my evening. Congrats to the Legion of Boom and the 12th Man.

Oh, Internet, how I love and hate thee. While the Internet might be the place where baskets full of kittens reside and where the people who created the Irish Springs smell all met, it’s also the holding cell for some of the worst denizens of humanity. Now don’t get me wrong, I love doing hoodrat things with my friends just like everybody else so I do have a certain ironic appreciation for the worst of times, you know, Ishmael and all.



Moving on. Since I spend so much time on the ‘nets (no Brooklyn) reading and engaging and putting rings on things in the way of likes, comments, and up, up for the downvote, I have come to realize that there are certain terms, ideas, and phrases that have come to annoy the living f*ck out of me on the Internet. It’s not because the words themselves are a problem, it’s because they’ve been debated, dispuated, hated and viewed in America by so many folks that I get lost in the sauce. And because I don’t trust things I don’t understand and since I found Jesus next to my love in a hopeless place, well, I figured I’d share with you the words I current hate because of the Internet.

Ready, set, go.

1. Thirst/Thirst trap

Amazingly, because the Internet has over used the concept of a thirst trap so much, I find myself using the term…though usually in the most non-sensical way possible. For instance, I’ll be at church and the pastor will say “Jesus saves” and I’ll say, “yeah, Jesus was thirst trappin’.” Okay, that’s not true, I wasn’t in church when I said that. Point is, the terms “thirst” “thirst trap” have become SO overrused via people everywhere that I’ve started to hate their existence. A lot. EVERYTHING IS NOT A DAMN THIRST TRAP.

2. Theory

Can we rap a taste? Cool. I’m so gotdamn tired of people positing their “theories” about everything. Just because you have a thought doesn’t mean you have a theory. Though I suppose every idea that you have about why something happens is technically a theory. Somehow, Twitter is amiss with everybody and their damn theories about theories. I’ve got a theory that your theory is wrong my ninja. Stop theorizing. Theoretically, I’m just over people and their damn theories. Can we come up with a new word or something for “people on the internet thinking?” Please, for the love of the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria.

Do you all realize that Christopher Columbus was ridin’ around with that Nina?


These are the jokes folks. I’m here every Tuesday.

3. Rape culture

This is a touchy one, but creep with me. Pun. I had NEVER heard the term rape culture until it became one of the most ubiquitous terms ANYWHERE online to discuss boys behaving badly. And to be clearly, boys do behave badly. But I think it started to get taken too far. I’m almost surprised that Richard Sherman’s rant heard ’round the world didn’t SOMEHOW get turned into a discussion of rape culture. And I’m so dead serious. I’m not saying it doesn’t exist – there clearly is a rape culture that’s probably not had such a defining term attached to it before – but there was a time on the Internet where tossing the word rape culture a littering didn’t seem far fetched. Seriously.

4. Feminism

I said it before so I won’t go too deep here, but again, the idea and concept of feminism has been SO skewered by the Internets that I’m at the point of (perhaps convenient) disdain for it. The term, not the movement. Women’s rights and equality. I’m for that sh*t.

5. Narrative

I HATE the idea of everything as a narrative. But when you read as many stories online about n*ggas theories on things such as feminism, and rape culture, well, the word narrative shows up pretty much EVERY time. Everything gets devolved into a narrative of something or other now. Goldie Locks and the 3 Bears isn’t just a fairy tale, its a narrative that speaks to the what the skinny white yoga girl was alluding to the other day…and my next one…

6. White privilege

It clearly exists, but I think some folks concept of white privilege may not be as fine tuned as we think. Just saying, the next 10 times I hear the term white privilege in terms of somebody getting that last Coke out the machine will be…well, the next 10 times.

You know, I really should have titled this post: My Theory about the Narrative of The Effects of Rape Culture, Feminism and the Thirst of White Privelege.

Except then I’d have to blow my brains out. Fight me.

So, are there any words or terms you now hate because of the Internet?

Talk to me.


Why Ashley Judd Was 100% Right…And 100% Wrong

They're raping everyone out here

Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock or one of Big Baby Davis’s boobs, you’ve undoubtedly been made aware of the negative comments Ashley Judd made about hip-hop in her upcoming memoir, “All That Is Bitter And Sweet

“Along with other performers, YouthAIDS was supported by rap and hip-hop artists like Snoop Dogg and P. Diddy to spread the message…um, who? Those names were a red flag.

As far as I’m concerned, most rap and hip-hop music — with it’s rape culture and insanely abusive lyrics and depictions of girls and women as ‘ho’s’ — is the contemporary soundtrack of misogyny.”

Predictably, these remarks set off an internet firestorm. There were reluctantly pro Ashley articles, pro-Ashley articles, Ashley for president articles, reluctantly anti Ashley articles, anti-Ashley articles, all white b*tches must die articles, and all black n*ggers must be castrated articles. As of 11:05pm EST Wednesday night, googling “ashley judd hip-hop” returned 3,620,000 results.

It’s been a little over a week since these comments were made public. In the time since, after apparently receiving death threats from everyone from Diggy Simmons to Andrew Bynum, Ashley has “clarified,” stating (from her interview with Russell Simmons on Global Grind):

…My intention was to take a stand to say the elements that are misogynistic and treat girls and women in a hyper-sexualized way are inappropriate. The male dominance that is displayed, and the reinforcement of girls’ and women value and identify as primarily sexual, is not helpful in any artistic expression, in any cultural form, whether its country music or in television story lines.”

She even gives a shout-out to hip-hop’s richest and most notable nihilist.

“As for the artists themselves who I mention, I write about being friendly with and enjoying Curtis Jackson’s company, then being confused when on stage his .50 personae comes out.”

(I just have to say that I’m absolutely tickled that she referred to Fiddy as .50.)

As far as whether Judd’s initial comments — particularly the “rape-culture” remark — hold water, let me share something with you.

I originally was going to title this “25 Reasons Why Ashley Judd Was Right,” and, instead of creating my own reasons, I planned to just take “rape-sympathetic” lyrics from 25 different songs made by uber-popular artists in the last two or three years and list those instead. Each genre of rap — from the South and the mixtapes to the “conscious” and the club — would have been included.

Yes, rap is much, much more than running trains, putting p*ssies in sarcophaguses, and bruising esophaguses, but no with a working brain and even one working ear can deny that hip-hop is EXTREMELY misogynistic. You can argue and debate exactly why it’s so women-hating, but you just cannot ignore the fact that it is, it has been for (at least) 20 years, and it’s getting worse.

With that being said…

I haven’t read Faith Evans’ “Keep the Faith: A Memoir.” I also haven’t read Janet Jackson’s “True You: A Journey to Finding and Loving Yourself.” And, although the cover looks nice, I’ll probably never read Victoria Rowell’s “Secrets of a Soap Opera Diva.”

But, although I’ve never read any of those books, I’m 100% certain that none of them contain any disparaging remarks about country music, grunge, metal or any other genre of music where popular artists have been accused of being misogynistic. While every person obviously has a right to speak up about injustices, I’m not so certain that hip-hop needs a country music scion to police it.

Yes, these statements were published in her memoirs, and (good) memoirs are basically published diaries — completely naked accounts of your life and your thoughts –but that’s actually my point: Why did she even feel the need to go there? I mean, when I eventually write my memoirs — “The Passion of The Deez” coming in July of 2031 — you can be certain that I’m not going to devote an entire paragraph to my feelings about Billy Ray Cyrus or Johnny Cash or Boris Yeltzen or anyone or anything else I really have no business writing about.

This isn’t a race thing either. If a white person with a bit more of a relationship to hip-hop or even a pop culture critic like a Chuck Klosterman made these remarks, fine. But, an actress whose two most notable claims to fame are A) coming out of Naomi Judd’s vagina and B) rooting for a college basketball team?¹ Miss me with that.

Anyway, people of VSB.com, what you do think about Judd’s statements? Do you think she had a valid point? And, even if you think she might have a point, how do you feel about someone like her publicly expressing it?

The carpet is yours.

¹To her credit, Judd does have a very extensive and very laudable history of women’s rights advocacy. I was told about this after I posted the entry, and this knowledge has softened my stance quite a bit. Still, I prefer my hip-hop critics to have a bit more of a connection to hip-hop culture, though

—The Champ

If you haven’t purchased the paperback or the $9.99 Kindle version of “Your Degrees Wont Keep You Warm at Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide to Dating, Mating, and Fighting Crime” yet, what the hell is stopping you?