Still Black In America

I got caught up in Soledad O’Brien’s latest edition to the Black In America canon that aired last night on CNN. This episode was entitled “The Promised Land – Silicon Valley” and was about Black entreprenuerism in the tech world. It followed a house full of individuals, Black men and women, attempting to demo projects in order to raise money to get their sites and projects off the ground. Really heady stuff…mostly because despite living a semi-charmed life online, I know pretty much jack sh*t about building a startup tech-centric website.

But one particular scene stood out from the rest, poison as can be, a high powered chest to me. A professor from Duke University (can’t remember his name to save my life) of Indian descent was talking to the developers about the fact that when he began his venture capital company somebody told him to get a white man to be the face of the company and that’s how a lot of companies operate. Basically, investors like to see white men because it gives them some sort of comfort in the product. You know, the psychological something or other that exists in nearly every community.

I mean let’s be real, I feel safer (and more inclined to be okay staying there) when I see white people live in a community I’m interested in. That tells me that there’s growth and *ding* investment potential. People with money – largely white people – look for other white people in order to feel comfortable handing over the dividends. It just is what it is, to me at least. Hell, in China you can rent white people for that very purpose. Basically everybody’s racist. Which kind of makes nobody racist. Riddle that sh*t.

This admission seemed to bother a lot of the folks in the house. And while I get it, I kind of don’t. See, I’m generally more surprised by other people’s surprise that the rules haven’t changed yet. I know we all want to believe in the world as it should be. I have a kid. If there’s one reason to ever hope for the best in people it’s because you don’t want to bring your kids into world that’s worse off than the one you grew up in. However, you have to acknowledge that people are creatures of habit. Especially in a tech world that’s all white and Asian.

Aside: there’s really no way in holy f*ck that Jennifer Lopez would really drive a damn Fiat. Thank you and good night.

One thing that the Indian professor from Duke said was that you have to take that information, as unfair as it sounds, and use it to your advantage. Now, I have no idea how to use it to my advantage, but I’m sure its possible. I guess. But this does beg the question, a few actually. Do we just assume that white people, and say other minorities, don’t really realize they’re being racist and therefore to hear them acknowledge it is what pisses us off?

And if they know that’s the case, that means they can do something about it right? Self-aware people can change f*cked up stuff, right? So if they choose not to, that means that the injustice is not only accepted but condoned. Right? And if they know that we need to use it to our advantage, shouldn’t they just help out in the beginning by not being racist? I realize that last one is asking a lot but I figured I’d throw that log on the fire.

And I think that’s what tends to piss me off about these situations – should I find something to be pissed about – its that the folks who are creating the injustices know that they’re doing it. But nobody wants to rock the boat though for fear of losing, especially in business.

Odd dilemma.

So I bring those questions to you kimosabe (ß—- that’s racist), does open acknowledgement of racism make it worse or is racism just racism no matter how you get there?

And more abstractly, does racism still frustrate you or is its mere presence just something you know exists and therefore you keep it moving? Or is it both?

What say you?

Say you, say me.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. WHITE FIRMS LOVE ME aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

The Post-Racial Tipping Point?

Confused? Me too. This is how I feel right now.

Last week we looked at Herman Cain’s place in the Black community…well, now CNN is claiming that Cain’s race isn’t as important to conservatives as it used to be. And it’s got me ponderin’.

See, I’m baffled. Damn near dumbfounded. I almost feel like I’m sitting in some alternate reality where Michael Jackson is Black and it doesn’t matter if you’re Black or white.

Why, you ask?

Well, for the first time in history, it seems like nobody in the Republican party realizes – or cares – that Herman Cain is…wait for it…

…wait for it…

…Black.

Now either the majority of Black people are indeed full of sh*t or something odd is going on. For years, Black folks have been shown, taught, and reminded that race was as important a factor in our lives as our education, money, or Tyler Perry. There’s a popular meme in the Black community that no matter who you are or how much money you have, you’re still just an educated n*gga with money.
Yet, somehow, Herman Cain seems to be in a plausible position to push forward and actually secure the Republican nomination for President. Is it possible that we could have two Black men competing for the nations’s highest position?

Like, for real?

Just to keep it gully, I think Justin Bieber has a better chance of making it into a BET cypher than two Black men running for President, against each other. I think that welllllll before we get to the formal nomination Herman Cain will say something else ridiculous (akin to his belief that people in that small Tennessee town were right to stop a mosque from being built on land owned by the Muslims building the mosque or electrocuting Mexicans) or somehow fall out of favor. Will it be solely because as we get closer, white people will somehow wake up and realize, “hold the phone, that’s a Black man up there”? I don’t know. And to be fair, I don’t actually think that everybody’s racist.

But I can’t lie, I’m surprised by the fact that for the first time in Black history, a man’s policies and principles seem to be touted by the party that currently and almost intentionally seems to have the least amount of color amongst their representation. I’ve seen coworkers sing his praises with happiness and tout his plans. And yes, Virginia, they’re white.

Hank Williams, Jr, in the now famous segment that got him kicked out of Monday Night Football lore, said that Herman Cain was the only GOP candidate that made any sense.

Hear ye, hear ye. Hold me.

Would his ascension to the Republican nomination be proof that we are truly living in a post-racial world and that the vast majority of us Black folks complaining about race need to shut up? No. I will forever feel like white people view certain members of our populace as exceptions. Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, Herman Cain, etc. These aren’t regular Black people.

They’re different.

And they’re all politicians of sorts. Herman Cain’s biggest asset seems to be knowing how to say what white people want to hear. It’s a true skill, trust me.

Interesting enough, all of the racial rhetoric coming out of the GOP involving Cain seems to be coming from him. He seems to be touting a certain type of dissociated Blackness, which is why so many Black people don’t trust him. He’s speaking all of that “you can do it because I did it, by myself” non-sense that gets many people labeled modern day Uncle Toms. It’s an interesting sort of alienation politics that grants him good favor amongst white people (his entire base at this point) and pisses off nearly every Black person within a 1-mile radius. Even his alma mater (and mine), Morehouse College, isn’t exactly singing his praises right now. And amongst the HBCU circuit, this might be the first time nobody wants any part of this competition.

While there is some truth to what he’s saying – for a significant portion of us, our failures are largely our own doing – to ignore the centuries of institutionalized racism is probably as idiotic a mentality as one can have. We have plenty of proof via actual studies about people with ethnic names not getting called back for job interviews while “mainstream” named people (think Jim, John, Beth, Sarah) get the opportunity to interview for a job. And since jobs are a big part of the current political landscape, I think that very real study is telling.

Some of the excitement I’m reading about the Tea Party and GOP’s approval of Cain almost seems ironic. Their excitement is largely driven by proving to people that they aren’t racist. It’s like learning play jazz flute in order to tease the kid up the street who plays jazz flute. If they support a Black man, they cannot inherently be racist. Further, Herman Cain’s popularity proves that race isn’t a big deal.

Yeah, we’ll see when it comes time to pull that lever. Granted, we’re still a long way away from a formal nomination which is why I think that these conversations keep happening. Nobody really seems happy with the current crop of candidates anyway so Cain is something like a positive by not being so negative for the GOP. But I can’t lie, I might have to eat my hat if he actually were to get nominated by the Republican party.

The larger point still remains though: I’m completely surprised by Cain’s success at this point because he is, indeed, Black. It honestly seemed like so many people who disliked (and still do) President Obama did so for very little more than petty reasoning, which makes the race card seem appropriate. His entire presidency has seemed like he’s been running from behind because everybody wanted him to fail. You can’t ignore the big elephant in the room.

But somehow that doesn’t matter with Cain…yet. So maybe we are in a post-racial world. Or not.

Talk to me AFTER he gets nominated.

Does Cain’s popularity amongst the GOP indicate that we are in a post-racial America? Or are we watching an early form of the Bradley effect taking place? Or more sinister, do you Republicans are just trying to make a point??

What gives?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka THE LESSER HALF aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

[ADMIN NOTE: At midnight on October 20, we're going to take VSB offline until next week while we finish handling all of the site issues we seem to be having. Most people seem to not be suffering from random f*ckery due to our site being hacked but enough are that we need to go offline to fix them. We'll be back on Monday. Thanks for sleepwalking with the kids and sorry for any inconvenience. Posse out.]

I Think Mother Nature Might Be A Racist

Only a racist mother nature would create a tree sculpture modeled after a Kanye West fantasy: a white ballerina with blotchy legs.

By now, everybody in America knows that an earthquake hit the East Coast yesterday. The epicenter was about 90 miles away from Washington, DC and tremors could be felt in Cleveland, Detroit, Philadelphia, NYC, and Boston as well as the Carolinas.

Allow me to place my conspiracy theorist hat on.

Placing.

Sadatay.

Now I’m not sure if you’re aware of this or not, but if those areas I named probably contain a solid 60 percent of the Black population of America. I was at work doing my civic duty and being a quality worker bee when my motherf*cking building shook. File cabinets moved. White people investigating tripped over things that tip over when the earth moves. The Blacks were either under desks or halfway home by the time the quake was over. I’m mixed so I was conflicted.

By the way, I’m aware that in West Coast cities you all sneeze at what happened today to us here on the East Coast. And fair enough, it might have been slightly blown out of proportion by the more dramatic media types. But the major difference here is that we are not ready for an earthquake around here. So the entire city of DC basically nutted the f*ck up. I’m pretty sure that nan individual had the slightest idea what to do. Buildings that aren’t supposed to sway…swayed. Basically, it was like a small scale FEMA response to an emergency involving minorities. The city was ensnarled in ridiculous traffic. People lost their minds and freaked out. I used a word like ensnarled.

Oh, mother nature and racism. Now this earthquake alone isn’t nearly evidence that Mother Nature has a problem with the coloreds. But…

…this Sunday is the dedication of the finest monument and memorial  you ever did see. It is the dedication of the Morehouse Man of the Millenium Memorial on the National Mall; the monument that shuts down every possible argument about which HBCU has made the most substantial contribution to mankind. Yes, this Sunday (and all week here in DC) people are coming to and fro to view the greatness that is the Dr. Martin Luther Tha King, Jr’s greatness. No Kanye.

And who but who is supposed to be raining on our parade of Blackness?

Motherf*cking Irene. First there was a fish named Wanda. Now we’ve got a hurricane named Irene making her way up the Eastern Seaboard threatening to ruin the third most significant day in Blackness behind inauguration and the day we found out the DC Snipers were Black.

An earthquake AND a potential hurricane…in DC…in the SAME week that Dr. Kang is supposed to be commemorated for the world to see?

Spade.

THEN…to make that even more f*cked up, random and various sources are rumoring that Will and Jada are breaking up. Black love, the strongest natural fore on the planet is being attacked…AGAIN!!!! Of course, Will and Jada have denied such reports but what are they supposed to do? You deny until you are ready to say sh*t on your own terms. Granted I have no idea if they’re breaking up or not…but again…

Earthquate.

Hurricane.

WILL AND JADA SEPARATE?

That’s three natural disasters directly affecting the Black community in the course of one week. So what that Irene is losing steam…what if that ho comes back???? My weatherman who is NEVER right is the one who said that Irene is on the way out. This f*cker said we’d only get 5 inches of snow all last winter and I think it was the snowiest winter on record ever in DC.

You might ask yourself why I continue to listen to a weatherman who never gets the weather right. That would be a good question that I do not have an answer to. He’s funny.

Speaking of racism…I hear that the creator of that Nivea ad that got pulled was a Black guy. Le sigh. That’s like that scene from Fighting Temptations when Cuba Gooding’s character figured out how to market malt liquor to the hood…only the exact opposite. I swear, I wonder sometimes if white execs are like, “it can’t be racist, a Black guy made it!!!” Can’t lie, that would be my defense if I was white too.

Anyway, do we have a case here? Is it possible that Mother Nature is trying to sabotage the King Memorial?? Is Mother Nature the man??

Is Mother Nature racist?!?!?!

Talk to me!

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

The Greatest Trick: Things That Just Might Be The Devil

Hi. My name is Lou. What's yours?

“Twitter is the Devil”

“Huh?”

“You heard me. Twitter is the Devil. Nothing but ratchetness and evil happens there.”

“So basically, Twitter is exactly like your bedroom?”

“How can one man be so damn corny?”

“Lots of practice. Anyway, if Twitter is the Devil, who’s the Anti-Christ?”

“Not sure. But I think it might be Lil Duval”

Although I do start to notice a slight tinge of sulfur whenever I see that an excessively hood hashtag — ie: #thingscarjackerssay — has become a trending topic, I didn’t walk away from that conversation convinced that Twitter was indeed the Prince of Darkness. Craigslist, maybe, but definitely not Twitter.

Anyway, while our old friend Lucifer probably hasn’t decided to come back to Earth in the form of a social networking and microblogging service, there are quite a few things in my life that just might actually be the Devil, including…

1. My backdoor screen door

For whatever reason, this door refuses to close all the way. I’ve tightened and loosened screws, removed pieces, and even took the door completely off and reattached it, but it still refuses to close completely, leaving a gap that’s big enough for any opportunistic mouse, midget crackhead, or evil spirit to sneak through.

2. My neighbor

Along with possibly being the Devil, my next-door neighbor is the reason why white Americans will never understand what it means to be black.

Why? Well, this neighbor is one of those assholes who goes out of his way not to make eye contact just so he doesn’t have to exchange pleasantries. Like, if we both happen to be walking to our cars at the same time this dude will literally look up at the sky for 15 seconds and fumble his keys for another 15 seconds just so he isn’t forced to say “Hi.”

Now, I assumed he was just a racist with a shitty sports car who was uncomfortable around black people, until I saw him do the exact same thing to a few of my white neighbors, an act that downgraded him from racist asshole to just plain asshole.

Anyway, the “Is he acting this way because I’m black?” question is a question that (I’m assuming) white people never have to consider, and the fact that his asshole ass forced me to have a much too deep internal discussion about race relations at 7:30 in the morning is proof that he might be the Devil.

3. Cookies and Cream milkshakes

I’m currently attempting to lose weight — I’m 215 and I’d like to get down to 205 — and I’m lactose-intolerant. Since this is true, it probably isn’t the best idea to purchase and devour a 1,600 calorie cookies and cream milkshake at least twice a week. In fact, short of just eating an entire cow, there may not be a more efficient way to sabotage myself. But, here am I, writing this entry while happily sipping on my recent Coldstone purchase. And farting.

When finished, I wouldn’t be surprised if I saw the Devil at the bottom of my straw, teasing me and telling me to “Sip on deez.”

4. Smittens, my girlfriend’s new cat

Only the Devil would be audacious enough to jump in your lap an hour after he took a NFL linebacker-sized shit on your new leather couch, and only the Devil would know exactly how to get back in your good graces by killing a mouse in your basement a day later.

5. My VSB t-shirts

As indestructible, versatile, and contagious as they are predictable and (slightly) pathetic, my rotating army of VSB t-shirts — four black short sleeved tees with the original logo, two black sleeveless shirts with the original logo, a red one with “Very Smart Brothas” in cursive, a gray shirt with Very Smart Brothas in block letters, and two black shirts with the new logo — have been my de facto club attire for the last year and a half; rocked by themselves or with blazers, leather jackets, button downs and (once on a dare) a sweater vest.

But, what was once a tongue-in-cheek advertisement has slowly become a crutch. It’s to the point now that, if I’m at a nightclub, people I know will come to me and ask “Where’s the shirt?” Only the Devil can pull off this level of subterfuge, so, in order to combat it, I’ve put a couple drops of holy water in my cologne just so I’m protected whenever I go out.

6. Lebron James

According to Verbal Kent, the greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn’t exist. Sounds eerily similar to Lebron against the Mavs. Makes even more sense when you realize that Dirk just might be the German Jesus.¹

7. The relationship queries I (well, we) occasionally get

Although the questions I’ve received at Madame Noire so far haven’t been too bad, I really am starting to believe that the Devil himself is the only one who’d have the sense of humor to send us an email like this:

“My man is serving 15 years for rape. Well, it wasn’t a human he slept with, so I can’t really call it rape. The courts said otherwise, though. I mean, who the hell cares about a bunch of cows, anyway? So, my question to you Very Smart Brotha is do you think I should wait for him? He’s a really good guy with a great heart and a big basement, and I’d hate to throw that all way just because he has a great relationship with his livestock”

Anyway, people of VSB.com, we all know the Devil is here somewhere. Can you think of any other people, places, or things that he just might be?

¹I still like the Heat in seven, btw

—The Champ

If you get a minute, please vote for the homie Sista T and her boyfriend David in the McDonald’s perfect pair contest so they can win the prize money and give us a cut of it.

Also, don’t forget your VSB duty to help keep Panama off the block and The Champ on the wagon and buy “YourDegrees Wont Keep You Warm at Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide to Dating, Mating, and Fighting Crime”

Slaves, Ni**as, Huck and Jim

"Hey Jim, you know you my n*gga, right?"

(Please forgive my late pass on talking about this since apparently it was all the rage to talk weeks ago according to Liz.)

Recently, 60 Minutes did a piece on the decision by a small publishing company in Montgomery, Alabama, NewSouth Books, that decided to replace the word “nigger” in the American classic, Mark Twain’s The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn with the word “slave”. And while I understand the logic behind doing so, I think it’s both a cop out and ultimately does a great disservice to both Mark Twain and history.

But let’s backtrack a bit.

Huck Finn might be one the most divisive books in the American educational system, if not the most divisive. Some schools ban the book because of the language and use of the dreaded n-word, while others teach it from a distance being very careful to talk about the use of the word while never actually saying it out loud. Hell, I went to a high school that refused to teach the book. Which I always found odd considering that, well, I went to a high school where race relations fell apart after the OJ verdict and a sizable percentage of the white folks wore the confederate flag as a sign of things to (hopefully) come.

Nigger.

Let’s be real, if a white person were to use that term, most of us would be ready to resort to violence. The word still has power. It always will. No matter how we try to pretend that it doesn’t, or how often we (including myself) use it as a term of endearment or listen to songs by A Tribe Called Quest that make no sense whatsoever but are called “Sucka Nigga,” the word will remain revered and controversial. Nothing new there. White folks know this and Black folks know this.

With that, I understand the logic behind wanting to remove the word from a book that is largely not taught because of it. In the 60 Minutes segment, the publisher who removed the word said that it still allows for the teachable moment to exist, but I think that’s wrong. A University of Oregon professor, David Bradely, basically spoke my thoughts when he said that removing the word deprives students of the teachable moment.

“You use the term ‘teachable moment’ and that’s what n*&^%$ gives you.  That’s why it’s important to keep it in there,” says the author and Mark Twain scholar.  “I call “Huckleberry Finn” a power tool when it comes to education,” says Bradley.  “There are so many things [in it] that pry things open…That teachable moment is when that word hits the table in a classroom. Everybody goes ‘wooh’ Okay, let’s talk about it.”

“It’s not ‘Huckleberry Finn” anymore,’” counters Bradley.   “What are we teaching them [by removing the N-word]? This may be their first encounter with slavery.”  He says that to withhold the N-word is to avoid an integral reality. “‘Slave’ is a condition…nothing for anybody to be ashamed of,” says Bradley, “But n*&^%$ has to do with shame…calling somebody something.  N*&^%$ is what made slavery possible.”

To me, one of the biggest problems with race relations in this country is that white people try to pretend that slavery and racism either never existed or are a figment of imaginations. Mind you I’m not blaming everything on white people when it comes to shattered race relations. Black folks think everything’s racist and that can’t exactly help the convo either. It’s impossible to have the conversation necessary when both sides come in completely defensive so that nobody listens.

The removal of this word is proof positive of more “white guilt” or to me an attempt to rewrite history. The n-word is a word that historically was used during the time setting of the book. You can’t just rewrite history to make it more palatable to the masses. That’s that BS the state of Virginia tried to do with their textbooks that insinuated that slaves fought patriotically alongside their white counterparts to preserve their quality of life. History – good, bad, or ugly – is just that, history. It’s what has gotten us to the points we are today…again for good, bad, or ugly.

Plus, I think the way that most people end up engaged in necessary and progressive conversations is via other people’s word and discussion starters. Like Professor Bradley says, when that word is said, in an academic setting, it requires discussion and evaluation, etc. Why even attempt to deprive that potential. Again, I get where the NewSouth Books Publishers are coming from, and in some ways, I think their logic is genuine but misguided. Interesting though isn’t it, that the use of the “word” slave would make something benign, and yet in this case it does.

I feel like Professor Bradely, removing “nigger” removes the potential to fully delve into what the word represents historically and how it’s impacted our nation to today. It doesn’t force the conversation. And like with anything, how can you move past something if you can’t even talk about it.

I’m curious though. What do you think about this publisher’s removal of the n-word and replacing it with “slave”? Does it matter? Is it a good idea or a bad idea?

Where do you stand?

What’s the 411, son?

-VSB  aka THE ARSONIST aka 40P aka lower.case.p aka SHUGGIE JACKSON aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3