Tag Archives: racism

The Greatest Trick: Things That Just Might Be The Devil

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Hi. My name is Lou. What's yours?

“Twitter is the Devil”

“Huh?”

“You heard me. Twitter is the Devil. Nothing but ratchetness and evil happens there.”

“So basically, Twitter is exactly like your bedroom?”

“How can one man be so damn corny?”

“Lots of practice. Anyway, if Twitter is the Devil, who’s the Anti-Christ?”

“Not sure. But I think it might be Lil Duval”

Although I do start to notice a slight tinge of sulfur whenever I see that an excessively hood hashtag — ie: #thingscarjackerssay — has become a trending topic, I didn’t walk away from that conversation convinced that Twitter was indeed the Prince of Darkness. Craigslist, maybe, but definitely not Twitter.

Anyway, while our old friend Lucifer probably hasn’t decided to come back to Earth in the form of a social networking and microblogging service, there are quite a few things in my life that just might actually be the Devil, including…

1. My backdoor screen door

For whatever reason, this door refuses to close all the way. I’ve tightened and loosened screws, removed pieces, and even took the door completely off and reattached it, but it still refuses to close completely, leaving a gap that’s big enough for any opportunistic mouse, midget crackhead, or evil spirit to sneak through.

2. My neighbor

Along with possibly being the Devil, my next-door neighbor is the reason why white Americans will never understand what it means to be black.

Why? Well, this neighbor is one of those assholes who goes out of his way not to make eye contact just so he doesn’t have to exchange pleasantries. Like, if we both happen to be walking to our cars at the same time this dude will literally look up at the sky for 15 seconds and fumble his keys for another 15 seconds just so he isn’t forced to say “Hi.”

Now, I assumed he was just a racist with a shitty sports car who was uncomfortable around black people, until I saw him do the exact same thing to a few of my white neighbors, an act that downgraded him from racist asshole to just plain asshole.

Anyway, the “Is he acting this way because I’m black?” question is a question that (I’m assuming) white people never have to consider, and the fact that his asshole ass forced me to have a much too deep internal discussion about race relations at 7:30 in the morning is proof that he might be the Devil.

3. Cookies and Cream milkshakes

I’m currently attempting to lose weight — I’m 215 and I’d like to get down to 205 — and I’m lactose-intolerant. Since this is true, it probably isn’t the best idea to purchase and devour a 1,600 calorie cookies and cream milkshake at least twice a week. In fact, short of just eating an entire cow, there may not be a more efficient way to sabotage myself. But, here am I, writing this entry while happily sipping on my recent Coldstone purchase. And farting.

When finished, I wouldn’t be surprised if I saw the Devil at the bottom of my straw, teasing me and telling me to “Sip on deez.”

4. Smittens, my girlfriend’s new cat

Only the Devil would be audacious enough to jump in your lap an hour after he took a NFL linebacker-sized shit on your new leather couch, and only the Devil would know exactly how to get back in your good graces by killing a mouse in your basement a day later.

5. My VSB t-shirts

As indestructible, versatile, and contagious as they are predictable and (slightly) pathetic, my rotating army of VSB t-shirts — four black short sleeved tees with the original logo, two black sleeveless shirts with the original logo, a red one with “Very Smart Brothas” in cursive, a gray shirt with Very Smart Brothas in block letters, and two black shirts with the new logo — have been my de facto club attire for the last year and a half; rocked by themselves or with blazers, leather jackets, button downs and (once on a dare) a sweater vest.

But, what was once a tongue-in-cheek advertisement has slowly become a crutch. It’s to the point now that, if I’m at a nightclub, people I know will come to me and ask “Where’s the shirt?” Only the Devil can pull off this level of subterfuge, so, in order to combat it, I’ve put a couple drops of holy water in my cologne just so I’m protected whenever I go out.

6. Lebron James

According to Verbal Kent, the greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn’t exist. Sounds eerily similar to Lebron against the Mavs. Makes even more sense when you realize that Dirk just might be the German Jesus.¹

7. The relationship queries I (well, we) occasionally get

Although the questions I’ve received at Madame Noire so far haven’t been too bad, I really am starting to believe that the Devil himself is the only one who’d have the sense of humor to send us an email like this:

“My man is serving 15 years for rape. Well, it wasn’t a human he slept with, so I can’t really call it rape. The courts said otherwise, though. I mean, who the hell cares about a bunch of cows, anyway? So, my question to you Very Smart Brotha is do you think I should wait for him? He’s a really good guy with a great heart and a big basement, and I’d hate to throw that all way just because he has a great relationship with his livestock”

Anyway, people of VSB.com, we all know the Devil is here somewhere. Can you think of any other people, places, or things that he just might be?

¹I still like the Heat in seven, btw

—The Champ

If you get a minute, please vote for the homie Sista T and her boyfriend David in the McDonald’s perfect pair contest so they can win the prize money and give us a cut of it.

Also, don’t forget your VSB duty to help keep Panama off the block and The Champ on the wagon and buy “YourDegrees Wont Keep You Warm at Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide to Dating, Mating, and Fighting Crime”

Slaves, Ni**as, Huck and Jim

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"Hey Jim, you know you my n*gga, right?"

(Please forgive my late pass on talking about this since apparently it was all the rage to talk weeks ago according to Liz.)

Recently, 60 Minutes did a piece on the decision by a small publishing company in Montgomery, Alabama, NewSouth Books, that decided to replace the word “nigger” in the American classic, Mark Twain’s The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn with the word “slave”. And while I understand the logic behind doing so, I think it’s both a cop out and ultimately does a great disservice to both Mark Twain and history.

But let’s backtrack a bit.

Huck Finn might be one the most divisive books in the American educational system, if not the most divisive. Some schools ban the book because of the language and use of the dreaded n-word, while others teach it from a distance being very careful to talk about the use of the word while never actually saying it out loud. Hell, I went to a high school that refused to teach the book. Which I always found odd considering that, well, I went to a high school where race relations fell apart after the OJ verdict and a sizable percentage of the white folks wore the confederate flag as a sign of things to (hopefully) come.

Nigger.

Let’s be real, if a white person were to use that term, most of us would be ready to resort to violence. The word still has power. It always will. No matter how we try to pretend that it doesn’t, or how often we (including myself) use it as a term of endearment or listen to songs by A Tribe Called Quest that make no sense whatsoever but are called “Sucka Nigga,” the word will remain revered and controversial. Nothing new there. White folks know this and Black folks know this.

With that, I understand the logic behind wanting to remove the word from a book that is largely not taught because of it. In the 60 Minutes segment, the publisher who removed the word said that it still allows for the teachable moment to exist, but I think that’s wrong. A University of Oregon professor, David Bradely, basically spoke my thoughts when he said that removing the word deprives students of the teachable moment.

“You use the term ‘teachable moment’ and that’s what n*&^%$ gives you.  That’s why it’s important to keep it in there,” says the author and Mark Twain scholar.  “I call “Huckleberry Finn” a power tool when it comes to education,” says Bradley.  “There are so many things [in it] that pry things open…That teachable moment is when that word hits the table in a classroom. Everybody goes ‘wooh’ Okay, let’s talk about it.”

“It’s not ‘Huckleberry Finn” anymore,’” counters Bradley.   “What are we teaching them [by removing the N-word]? This may be their first encounter with slavery.”  He says that to withhold the N-word is to avoid an integral reality. “‘Slave’ is a condition…nothing for anybody to be ashamed of,” says Bradley, “But n*&^%$ has to do with shame…calling somebody something.  N*&^%$ is what made slavery possible.”

To me, one of the biggest problems with race relations in this country is that white people try to pretend that slavery and racism either never existed or are a figment of imaginations. Mind you I’m not blaming everything on white people when it comes to shattered race relations. Black folks think everything’s racist and that can’t exactly help the convo either. It’s impossible to have the conversation necessary when both sides come in completely defensive so that nobody listens.

The removal of this word is proof positive of more “white guilt” or to me an attempt to rewrite history. The n-word is a word that historically was used during the time setting of the book. You can’t just rewrite history to make it more palatable to the masses. That’s that BS the state of Virginia tried to do with their textbooks that insinuated that slaves fought patriotically alongside their white counterparts to preserve their quality of life. History – good, bad, or ugly – is just that, history. It’s what has gotten us to the points we are today…again for good, bad, or ugly.

Plus, I think the way that most people end up engaged in necessary and progressive conversations is via other people’s word and discussion starters. Like Professor Bradley says, when that word is said, in an academic setting, it requires discussion and evaluation, etc. Why even attempt to deprive that potential. Again, I get where the NewSouth Books Publishers are coming from, and in some ways, I think their logic is genuine but misguided. Interesting though isn’t it, that the use of the “word” slave would make something benign, and yet in this case it does.

I feel like Professor Bradely, removing “nigger” removes the potential to fully delve into what the word represents historically and how it’s impacted our nation to today. It doesn’t force the conversation. And like with anything, how can you move past something if you can’t even talk about it.

I’m curious though. What do you think about this publisher’s removal of the n-word and replacing it with “slave”? Does it matter? Is it a good idea or a bad idea?

Where do you stand?

What’s the 411, son?

-VSB  aka THE ARSONIST aka 40P aka lower.case.p aka SHUGGIE JACKSON aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

 

The Race

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I recently had a moral dilemma of epic proportions.

I was tasked with the responsibility of picking up some help with one of life’s more painstaking and tumultuous endeavors.

I helped a compadre move. I HATE moving. With the passion of three Lil Wayne features and Jimmy McNulty watching The Passion of the Christ. Yes, that much. But, for a friend, I put aside my reservations, rolled up my sleeves and hit the skids to be a friend.

Ah yes, back to the help. I’m old. And with this wisdomful old age I realized that backbreaking labor is for the birds. Partridge. So I did what any civic minded individual would do who held an interest in this nation’s economic income distribution problem and similarly stood firmly against Arizona’s immigration reforms: I went to Home Depot to get me some Mexicans.

Except I live in DC, so my Mexicans are really El Salvadorans, but whose counting? Abacus.

Racial distinctions aside, Home Depot is where my dilemma manifested itself. Gangstarr. Anybody whose gone to any locale to pick up some help knows that there really is no rhyme or reason to who you pick up. Generally, you know how much you’re willing to pay and to how many people. Most folks getting their day laborer on are all about that tax-free paper and as a man of the people, I get it. I’ve also dabbled in some tax-free pay a job or two.

It’s possible that you see where this going. Tyler Perry.

So I’m driving into the parking lot and see something like 6,000 day laborers throwing me hand signals which seemed to have ranged from I’m short and gay to gang signs to possibly wishing leukemia and the heebeejeebies on my grandmother. What can I say, I’m not well versed in such labor practices.

Amidst the see of ESL compadres, I noticed a swath of Ebonically proficient dudes. Now, I’m also Ebonically proficient. I’m also listening to Nirvana right now. My point is that I’m a lot of things. My first reaction is to stop, pick my ‘Twan and Jerome since we all speak the same language. But then my spidey sense went off.

“Your boy has a big screen TV and at least 12 pairs of Jordans – hire the hombres.”

Hmmmm. I wrestled with my conscience for no less than 7 seconds when I concluded that I have 3 cousins who are robbers who have sold me stuff that they came up on “suspicious circumstances”. Of course, anybody who has seen your wares can tell somebody else who can tell somebody else who can find a reason to be in your place when you come home relieving you of the stuff you hadn’t sent to Cash 4 Gold yet. But for some reason, I just assume that the homies would be a more likely word-of-mouth siren than the hombres, who did get hired by the way and did a bang up job for a reasonable price and two cases of Coronas.

Of course this touched off a hilarious debate amongst me and my friends about my blatant racism. Which, well, is blatant. I mean, I’ve been robbed no less than 7 times during the course of my short time on this planet and each time it’s been at the hands of people that, ya know, looked like me. I profile. Arizona.

(By the way, four of those times included my next door neighbor on that Westside. Zone 4).

I defended my stance vigorously but in my heart of hearts, I’ve been going back and forth about this. I mean, Tupac said it best, “it’s not them that’s holding us down, it’s us that’s holding us down.” I’m sure somebody more poignant than Tupac said that first but my Bible is missing a few pages.

So I bring it to you, good people of VSB, is Panama Jackson a racist? An intra-race racist? Am I the only one? Or was I just being smart?

Unperplex me. Ugh, that’s nasty. I’m not asthmatic.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka VITAMIN P aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

By The Time I Get To Arizona

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Every time I start to think that race relations in this country are getting better, I just remind myself that Arizona exists. I’m not sure why or how, but every time there is some sort of race-based stand to take in this great nation of ours, Arizona ALWAYS makes it a point to be the sacrificial lamb. I’d like to blame the Arizona government and not the people, but the people elected the government officials who sign such f*ckery as the two most recent pieces of legislation into law. Jan Brewer, I’m looking at you, you racist f*ck  you.

Seriously, if I didn’t know any better, I’d SWEAR Arizona really doesn’t f*ck with Hispanics, like at all. Ironic considering the sizable Hispanic population IN ARIZONA.

In the past month, Arizona has signed into state law both SB 1070 (basically giving the authorities carte blanche to profile those individuals for which a reasonable suspicion lies on their immigration status) and the law banning ethnic studies from a Tucson school district because of the possibility of those classes causing animosity towards white people and promoting ethnic solidarity. AND let us not forget the Arizona Department of Education has banned teachers with what can be deemed an accent from teaching English.

Just in case I’m not clear and don’t remember to state this later: f*ck Arizona.

Let’s start with SB 1070, a bill that’s caused a firestorm throughout the nation. A lot of people are all for it. But most municipalities in Arizona are dead set against it. Why? Because it encourages profiling. While everybody engages in a little playful racial profiling from time to time (who do YOU expect to cut your grass?) the police, generally an uneducated individual with power and control issues, are now given the right to request anbody’s immigration status. So you can just be walking down the street, whistling some mariachi music, and the police can suspect that you might not have your papers. At which point they can search you and deport you – if you don’t have your papers. Look, I have a problem with illegal immigration too. Maybe it’s the term illegal that throws me for a loop. If you’re illegal, you’re illegal. But profiling the cholos is just a gateway to profiling EVERYBODY. It opens the door for harassment under the guise of ensuring that no crimes are committed. I have a problem with the civil liberties of Americans being violated to appeal to the conservative base of a party that’s struggling for an identity. White people are okay with this until it happens to them. Lucky for them it won’t. But Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky, and Mike Juan, Pablo, Miguel and Maria, you’d better watch you back.

Then we have the ethnic studies f*ckfest inTucson. So let me get this right, you don’t want to teach classes like Mexican Studies, or African American studies, etc because they preach ethnic solidarity and breed animosity towards white people. Yet, you are going to require all Black, Hispanic, Asian, etc students to continue to learn European history (basically a white solidarity class) which teaches ALL OF US that European history is the only relevant history we need to know. Oh, and I’m guessing they’ll gloss over slavery, internment camps. the Mexican-American war and Thanksgiving, in order to make sure that no ethnic kids get pissed at white people. So kids of color can’t learn about their history but its TOTALLY okay to learn about European history, a history that largely relegated most folks of color to random footnotes, Pocohantas, Cesar Chavez, Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King, Jr. I watched a video of Tom Horne, the state schools chief, trying his best to convince somebody that ethnic studies was detrimental and preached separation, whereas American History was all the rage. I hate him by the way.

And let’s not even really get onto the “heavy accent” thing. I went to school down South. Like, for real. Half of my teachers could barely speak English and they were teaching everything from English to Trigonometry. I guess really bad Americanized English accents are okay, but Hispanics with accents teaching English is totally out.

Straight up, the government of Arizona puzzles me. Why go SO far to make a stand against a people that comprise such a sizable portion of your state. I understand appealing to your base but damn. I used to think Texas had everything backwards but clearly Arizona is the state that needs be dropped from the union.

For a change, this doesn’t have much to do with Black people but still, racist policies are racist policies, but I wonder: should we even be surprised that any state has gone to such blatant and f*cked up means of showing overt racism? Is anybody shocked by this or is this just more of the same?

Is anybody else ready to move to Arizona with me?????

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

…oh, and about the harvard law student and her “racist” email

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as i’ve expressed here before, one of the reasons i love the NBA playoffs so much is that its one of the few remaining places in america that makes no apologies for being a meritocracy. because of the best of seven game series structure, the best teams with the best players usually win, and that’s that. there are no cinderellas, no overmatched underdogs advancing to the next round, and no room for saccharin sentiment and overemotionalism.

also, because basketball is the only of the major world sports that requires each of its participants to run, jump, throw, catch, and move laterally while also possessing at least an above average amount of bodily-kinesthetic intelligence, to consistently excel in high-level basketball, you need to have teams equipped with world-class athletes. typically, these athletes tend to be giant men, and those who aren’t tend to make up for their shortcomings by being genetic freaks of nature. this is an inarguable fact

although basketball is played by millions of people around the world, the league where the best of the best compete is mostly populated by men with (somewhat) recent roots in sub-saharan africa. this is also an inarguable fact.

with these two pieces of information, someone could deduce that people descending from sub-saharan africa might have certain athletic advantages that allow them to be at the top of the athletic pyramid, traits formed over millions (or, if you’re a literal creationist, around 2,500…give or take a decade or two) of years of evolution, and this deduction wouldn’t be completely unreasonable. sure, how evolution, nature, and nurture interact to create valued athletic characteristics is a much more complicated and nuanced topic than just stating “africans are better athletes.“, but there’s enough physical evidence there to at least have the discussion.

this brings us to stephanie grace.

grace, a harvard law student, was the subject of an andrewsian-level internet firestorm last week when an email she wrote to a few classmates about the possibility that blacks may have genetic intellectual defects was forwarded all over the internet.

from abovethelaw (click to read the entire email):

I absolutely do not rule out the possibility that African Americans are, on average, genetically predisposed to be less intelligent. I could also obviously be convinced that by controlling for the right variables, we would see that they are, in fact, as intelligent as white people under the same circumstances. The fact is, some things are genetic. African Americans tend to have darker skin. Irish people are more likely to have red hair. (Now on to the more controversial:) Women tend to perform less well in math due at least in part to prenatal levels of testosterone, which also account for variations in mathematics performance within genders. This suggests to me that some part of intelligence is genetic, just like identical twins raised apart tend to have very similar IQs and just like I think my babies will be geniuses and beautiful individuals whether I raise them or give them to an orphanage in Nigeria. I don’t think it is that controversial of an opinion to say I think it is at least possible that African Americans are less intelligent on a genetic level, and I didn’t mean to shy away from that opinion at dinner

now, i completely understand why this email has been such a lightning rod. first, this wasn’t written by some backwoods tea-bagger with a baby on her hip and an ounce of tobacco in her lip. no, she’s an ivy-educated (soon-to-be) lawyer who belongs to the same law review that president obama was once president of…the complete antithesis of the “type” of white person that comes to mind when thinking of racial prejudice. plus, the entire civil rights movement in america (and any other country where there has been an oppressed people) was based on the fact that all men are created equal, and arguing that there are inherent inadequacies present in some races is all the justification racists need to continue to be racist. also, as a black american who usually thinks he’s the smartest person in the room (or, at least the most able to articulate his impressively witty observations), my first response to grace’s email was “f*ck you, stupid caveb*tch“.

but, while her assertions may have been disturbing, i have to wonder: are we more disturbed by her audaciousness of opinion, her dangerous naivety, or the (slim) possibility that she’s right¹?

my guess? more than anything else, the overwhelming response (which seems to vacillate between “she’s a dangerous racist that needs to be drawn and quartered. ali bomaye!!!” and “really, i’m not that mad. this just shows how white people really feel“) shows that most of us (and by “us” i mean educated black people) are hypocrites. we’ll discuss, debate, and joke about how we have certain inherent athletic, aesthetic, physical, rhythmic, and sexual advantages, but once the subject of intelligence is brought up, anything suggesting that we’re sitting anywhere other than the top of the human pyramid is immediately discounted and dismissed as racist, ignorant, and destructive. the only thing more dangerous than faulty opinions is the refusal to discuss them.

anyway, people of vsb.com, what’s your take on the email and the response it’s generated? was it wrong, racist, or just not very politically correct?

also, do you think it’s possible that evolution has allowed for people in certain parts to be predisposed to be better at certain things?

¹right now, there’s no conclusive evidence about race and its relation to intelligence. sh*t, there isn’t even any conclusive evidence that race itself actually exists. its all theory. for all we know, we (people with recent african) might be genetically superior to everyone else. who knows? my point is that just because something hasn’t been proven yet doesn’t mean it can’t be true.

—the champ