Tag Archives: puffy

I’m Pretty Sure Puffy Hates Jay-Z

Posted on by
440

This picture is pretty gay.

I remember a few years ago when Dame Dash had his TV show on BET called “The Ultimate Hustler” that he compared himself to Sean “Puffy” Combs. He went point for point about he and Puffy were very similar. Puff had Big, Dame had Jay. Puff had MTV on lock, Dame had BET on lock. Puff had Sean John, Dame helped start Rocawear, etc.

Point is, I thought Dame was pretty much full of sh*t. Not that he wasn’t successful during Rocafella’s run (while he was still in charge of a viable organization), but that in anyway, short of Jay, he was comparable to Puffy. Puff is a successful global brand manager and icon. For beter or worse. Dame Dash was pretty much relegated to Dame Dash things. Failed Armadale Vodka. His CEO brand of shoes. His alleged ownership of Pro-Keds that was really a licensing deal for CEO. And don’t even get me started on the iPod killer, the RocBox. Point of all this is that I always felt like Dame in some ways was envious of Puffy’s successes and ability to brand himself and make people give a sh*t. Read the credits on nearly every urban show on MTV and you’ll see that Puffy has his hand in all of it. Last time Dame saw himself on TV, he was watching State Property.

Puffy stays winning is the main point. And yet, I’m pretty sure that Puffy hates Jay-Z for some of those same reasons Dame probably hates Puffy.

How is that possible you say? Puffy is Diddy and P. Diddy is Puff. Why would he hate Jay-Z? I’ve got an inkling but it all comes down to this. It seems like Jay is ALWAYS f*cking up Puff’s money.

Allow me to explain to you why.

1. Jay somehow managed to convince Jay Electronica to come into the RocNation

It’s quite possible that some of you have no idea who Jay Electronica is. Three words: Erykah Badu’s babydaddy. But he’s also largely considered to be the future of hip-hop despite being old as hell. Yeah, okay. But he’d aligned himself with Puffy who had decided to attempt to get Jay out there. Internet heads have been swinging from Jay Electronica’s nuts for years now and Puffy figured this out and attempted to get into the fray. Well turns out that dude recently signed to RocNation instead and said to Puffy, “f*ck your couch”. Okay he didn’t but Puffy has to feel some kind of way that he done attempted to help mold this man’s career only to watch him walk right to Jay. And for no good reason. It ain’t like Jay has the best record as an exec either. RocNation and Bad Boy are currently where new acts go to die. So we’ll see. But I’m sure Puff is pissed about this. Twitter says so.

2. Jay-Z “killed” Autotune

Do you know why The Last Train to Paris has taken so long to come out? Because originally it was an autotune album. Hell do you remember, Puff brought in T-Pain to exec produce it and add his flavor to it. Enter “D.O.A. (Death of Autotune)”. Exit autotuned album from Puff. Mind you, that album was supposed to have come out a year and a half ago. Which isn’t a long time when you have to go back to the drawing board since nobody wants to hear that autotune sh*t no moooooore. Just ask T-Pain who can’t get a hit to save his life right now. It’s supposed to come out in December, but still, how much money did Puff sink into an album that Jay effectively caused him to start over. A lot that’s how much. 30 thousand, 100 million.

3. People actually care about Jay-Z albums

Not for nothing, but nobody gives a sh*t about a Puffy album. Yet and still he is determined to be an artist. Maybe it’s because he realizes that he’s the only viable artist on his own label, which is sad. While he has to realize that nobody will buy this album anyway, unlike Kanye (518K) or Nicki Minaj (371K), it has to rub him the wrong way that a new Jay album is an event and a Puff album is a…de-vent?

4. Jay ain’t dead

Biggie was Puff’s cash cow. He dead now. But Jay? He lives and keeps making albums and making dough while Puffy keeps raiding a dead man’s archives and putting the same lyrics over different beats. Peep it Puff…WE KNOW HE DEAD!

5. Nobody cares about Puffy, folks care about Jay

You don’t think Puff wants to visit Obama at The White House? Puff is a brand and a rich man. You don’t think he didn’t want to hang with Warren Buffet? Of course he did. But you know who was there? Jay. Hell Jay brought TREY SONGZ with him. Obama didn’t want to meet Trey Songz. People give a sh*t about Jay. People just want Puffy to, ya know, do Puffy things.

6. Beyonce

Cassie is no Beyonce.

7. Jay is an author

Puffy doesn’t even write rhymes, just checks.

That’s the case against Jay with Puffy. F*ck with a man’s money and you’re likely to draw his ire.

Random I know, but I’m a random kind of guy and it was on my mind since ElectronicaGate last week.

VSB, are there are any other artists, entertainers, or politicians, etc (folks in the spotlight) who you think REALLY hate a contemporary of theirs for any particular reason?

What say you?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka 21 KOOKAROO GANGSTA aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Sensitive Thugs That Really Need Hugs: 5 Behaviors of The B*tch A** Ninja

Posted on by
207

thegameIt pains me to say it, but Puffy really did coin one of the most useful phrases ever:  b*tcha*sness.

What an all encompassing term, eh?  In one fell swoop, he managed to sum up an entire subgenre of men (and women for that matter, though it seems to work better when referring to men) who basically act like p*ssies.  Ladies, you should avoid these men at all costs. Continue reading →

Jockin' Jay-Z??

Posted on by
390

jay_z_main

By now, the whole world should have heard Jay-Z’s newest creation, the No I.D./Kanye West production, “D.O.A. (Death of Autotune)”.  Of course, Diddy is having a sh*tfit right now since his overly promoted album Last Train To Paris (due out in September) is all auto-tuned.  In fact, this dumas asked T-Pain’s “permission” to Auto-Tune his whole album, brought in the owner of the Big A** Chain, and gave him a point on his album for his assistance.

the duchess movie download Oh and why is Diddy having a sh*tfit?  Well, because as the makers of Cristal now know, once Jay-Z says something, the people follow.  After all, Jay does this for his culture.  And as a culture, we look to Jay for guidance.

Right?

Hmm.

As a song, “D.O.A.” is good but, it’s not great.  The “hook” would have been better if he’d just allowed the horns to blow instead of the kind of cliché “goodbye, goodbye…etc”.  Also, I almost find it interesting that Jay really isn’t saying too much of anything on the song about Auto-Tune until he gets to the end, which I suppose is the point.  By doing a whole song with no Auto-Tune on it, it’s not fit for the charts, radio, or iTunes since in current rap, T-Painin’ runs rampant.  He tells us that rappers need to stop singing, which is true.

Anyway, Jay declaring Auto-Tune dead got me to thinking about how much of a trendsetter Jay-Z really is.  I’m starting to think that Jay gets too much credit for some things and not enough credit in other areas, so I guess it all evens out.  For instance, in my opinion, Auto-Tune has kind of been on the way out.  Or at least it’s not as prominent as it was a few months ago.  For one, I rarey hear T-Pain on the radio right now.  Lil Wayne uses it pretty consistently, but even then it seems more artistic than crutch-y. and he’s still rapping.  Of course, Diddy was on his, “I’m gonna Auto-Tune a whole album” but really, does ANYBODY care about a new Puffy album?

Cassie doesn’t even care and she’s his oatmeal bowl.

Even Kanye is like, “i’m rapping on my next album.”  Auto-Tune might not be on the way “out” per se, but it’s not as prevalent as it was when it was harder to find somebody not using it than somebody using it.  So if Auto-Tune is indeed on the way out, it seems more like the natural progression of basically playing itself out.  Same with throwback jersey’s.  Now, I’m not going to diminsh what Jay did with one line.  He essentially killed Mitchell & Ness’s* livelihood.  But like Aut0-Tune, by then, throwbacks had become too cliché.  Folks were wearing throwback jersey dresses and throwback basketball jerseys of baseball teams and basically wearing stuff that made no sense whatsoever.  I feel like in those instances, Jay more or less put the final stamp on an already diminshing trend.

I mean I guess in that regard, Jay is responsible in ending a trend sooner than it might have ended on its own, but I feel like he isn’t totally “responsible”.

By the way, he TRIED to convince people that 30 was the new 20 but it really didn’t work.

Now, let’s take a look at trends Jay is “responsible” for:

Continue reading →

Double Take.

Posted on by
140

So apparently Beyonce uses a body double when convenient.

Really!? (*rubbing chin*)

Now, clearly some people would be up in arms to find out that they’d been duped by the Creole Knowle who found it more enjoyable to go off shopping than make herself available for a personal special tour of a museum. Granted, it’s kind of dumb to send a look-a-like to your OWN special tour, which to me sounds like something you set up in the first place. You’d think that if you didn’t really want to go to your OWN PERSONAL TOUR of something, you’d call and cancel. But oh well.

She opted for the road more travelled and went shopping instead, but who can blame her?

I can just see Beyonce saying to her mother, “Forget the art museum, send Sheyonce. I don’t need to see no art. B*tch, I am Sasha Fierce art.”

By the way, did you all see the pink pants that Chad Johnson wore to the premier of Spike Lee’s documentary on Kobe Bryant? Fashion has just gone to damn far now. Anybody else noticed that rappers and athletes are starting to dress like the guys that rappers and athletes would beat up back in the day?

But I digress.

So Beyonce having a look-a-like, though devious, actually seems like a good idea. Think of all the demands made of Beyonce’s time. It stands to reason that if you could make it happen and get away with it, you’d snag a little time for yourself and send your clone to do the crap you really could live without. And if the trip’s in Mexico, you ALWAYS send your clone.

I think the bigger scandal here is this: Beyonce actually HAS a look-a-like that travels with her? This was in Austria, not Austin. That makes it sound premeditated. Then again, actually searching for and locating your clone makes the entire thing premeditated so, whatever.

This whole shenanigan (does the singular form of “shenanigans” actually exist? Like do people commit one caper then graduate to shenanigans? These things keep me up at night.) got me to thinking about a bunch of other people who could benefit greatly from having a clone.

Such as…

Barack Obama – Barry O spends more time on television nowadays than he does in the Oval Office. You can’t get work done if you’re always on TV. So what if he could send a clone to do all the speeches he’s been doing while he’s in his office pushing buttons and increasing spending making major decisions. Who’s to say he doesn’t have one already? What with all the random blunders (he actually said continulously, on air, this morning while thanking Arlen Specter for defecting to joining the DNC) we just might be witnessing a clone of the President who’s so often lauded for being so well spoken. Plus, it would give him more time to spend trying to kick Rush Limbaugh’s ass that smoking habit of his.

Michael Jackson – It might be hard trying find somebody who looks like an alien’s rendition of a human being though.

Britney Spears – She’s spent so much time in court the past few years, wouldn’t it be great to just say, “f*ck it, I don’t feel like going today, send Clone#2 to offer up my guilty verdict and I’ll just follow the proceedings on twitter.”

Captain Kirk – He got into so many shenanigans in his heyday and had so much alien cookie thrown his way he probably need a clone or four just to handle his smutload. By the way, smutload is one disgusting sounding word.

Eddie Murphy – After that whole transvestite prostitute thing, wouldn’t he have benefitted greatly if he could have been like like, “naw, homey, that wasn’t me, that was my look-a-like out there scheming on them hehoes. I have my OWN man-looking woman at home to deal with.”

Puffy (I refuse to call him Diddy) – Actually, one Puffy might be all the world can deal with.

Brad Pitt – That way Jennifer Aniston can get her a second shot at having his love children.

Namata – Just because he could make twice the amount of terrible music if there were more than one of him. Can you imagine this man and OJ Da Juiceman making a song together? You can…can’t you. (By the way if you can’t access those youtube links, you are truly missing out on f*ckery at its highest levels.  I actually thought dude was Flavor Flav’s singing alter-ego for a while.)

My guitar gently weeps for sanity.

(By the way, and not to take shots at Memphis or anything, but when I first heard of OJ Da Juiceman you couldn’t tell me he wasn’t from Memphis. His entire swag says Memphis to me. Speaking of bad swag, meet Mr. Hit Dat Hoe.)

So, who else could really use a clone?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3