Tag Archives: pop culture

Generationation: This Is Me…Then

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I was on the Twitter this evening questioning people about the things that matter in life most: pop culture. You see, without pop culture, Rosa Parks would never have gotten out of her seat…or wait, did she refuse to get up. I can’t remember. Little known facts about Black history always throw me off.

The point is, pop culture is what makes the world go ’round. Now, I tend to fancy myself as somewhat of a pop culture tycoon. I don’t have the breadth of knowledge as some of my compadres who know little intricate facts about every movie, song, or act that’s come out since Cicely Tyson started radio, but I know enough. While my arms may be too short to hot box with God, they’re long enough to slap the monkey shine sh*t out of all perpetrators of the funk.

And what does this have to do with the price of love muffins in Malaysia? Nothing. I just felt like sharing.

The question I posed on the Twitters was this: Is Coming To America the defining movie of our generation, with the caveat of our generation being 25-44 year olds. Arguably, that range is too long but did you know a generation is considered to be an 18-year period? Did you also know that Coca-Cola was originally green? I didn’t either ’til I just googled it.

To me Coming To America is the most quoted movie, most omnipresent movie, and most entertaining movie that 99 percent of all ninjas are aware of. You may disasgree. You may be wrong. But also, you will know. There’s no doubt about it.

Of course, there are arguments to be made for various other movies like Friday, Boyz N The (Tha?) Hood, and any movie starring Stoney Jackson. But as is plainly obvious around here, we’re big fans of Coming To America. It’s the Jay-Z of movies. Plus it might the most stereotypically racist movie ever created. I love it.

But you can’t stop there. What about music? There have to be something like a gazillion songs out there, but there has to be one song above all else that kind of defines the generation you come from right? Anything else would be uncivilized.

(By the way, Preparation H commercials are hilariously disturbing. Lady, I hope that bike your riding isn’t a RideShare bike.)

While picking a TV show like Martin, A Different World, or The Cosby Show as the show that most well represents our generation presents less interpretive dancing, picking music is way more difficult, especially when you consider how many actual albums Master P managed to sell. No really. Look it up. And did you also know that there was a time when groups like The Dayton Family ACTUALLY sold real records. This from a group with members named Shoestring, Backstabber, and Bootleg. Only in Flint, MI, does Shoestring seem like the odd name.

If I had to pick one song to use as the defining song of my generation, it would be Notorious B.I.G.’s “One More Chance” Remix. Mostly because it’s the defining song of Bad Boy and hate them or love them, Bad Boy (while Biggie was alive) was at the top of the food chain.

Oh, and I’d pick A Different World as the tv show.

So basically, I just took 552 words to ask this question:

If you had to pick one movie, song, and television show to define your/our generation, what would it be and why? Or if there are other things you think would stand out as significant, what might they be? Simply, what defines your/our generation?

It’s Friday, its not a day for depth. It’s a time for fun and fellowship. Plus, if one more person calls me a narrow-minded, ignorant papoose, I just might just have to slap a mofo. Yeah you think you can outshine me? Boy I bet. I ain’t met the motherf*cker that could do that yet.

Hold me.

Panama Jackson, signing out.

-VSB P aka TICKLE ME EMO P aka SLAP ME AND I’LL SLAP YOU BACK (POUR LOTION ON ME) aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Make Me Feel Good

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My guess is that he's wearing sexy women's underwear.

I was having an IM convo with a certain VSB commenter when she displayed for me a certain statistic. Peep game, shawty.

“…some study about women wearing sexy underwear versus ugly/ill fitted underwear
27% said wearing the latter affects their mood while 47% said wearing the sexy kind makes them happier throughout the day…”

Well, after that, I did what any red-blooded American male would do; I  hit up most of the women I know and asked them if their day was affected by the types of drawz they put on. A large segment of responses started with, “the type of underwear I put on is totally dependent on my mood…”

“Hmmmm,” said Panama Jackson.

Now, the scientist in me deduced that in the future, instead of blaming PMS for many women’s craptastic attitude, I could simply assume that these women were wearing underwear of ill repute. Or UIR for short. I don’t actually intend on using that anywhere else in this post, but I felt it worhty of acronymity. I’m also not sure if acronymity is a word and am too lazy to look it up.

Jerome? Where my mirror at?

Oh and by the way, that scientific deduction up there (See that last line, it’s right above it. Lil Wayne.) wasn’t very scientific so here’s some better science for you. While I cannot deduce that a woman wearing ugly drawz will have a bad day, I can deduce that if a woman I encounter is having a bad or less than stellar day, there is at least a 25 percent chance that she is wearing ugly drawz. Stick a fork in me, Ms. Steuben; I’m done.

Well all of this talk about women’s underwear and moods got me to wondering. And when Panama wonders, Panama tends to speak in third person. Panama wondered if there was a male equivalent to the Underwear Theory. Is there any item of clothing that tends to have an impact on a man’s day? Of course there is. But much like rainbows, chocolate chips, and Pringles…

…there’s more than one! Or something like that…

1. Shoes

The type of shoes a dude wears tells you a lot about them. A dude is rocking some beat up sh*tkickers or some really soft hard bottoms, well he probably is going through some emotional turmoil in his life. Just like men who tie up their Timberland’s (workus bootus varietas). Those guys are not gangsta. But personality aside, there are some shoes I rock when my mood is less than whimsy. I’ll put on the all black everything Tims if I’m in a dark and edgy mood. If I’m in a chillaxational mood, I’m all about the Chuck Taylor’s. And when I’m feeling violent? Well, there’s only shoe for the violent man about town.

Stacy Adams. Chicago? I’m looking at you.

2. Socks

Now I’m a sock guy. None of my socks have pretty print – unless you count argyle as pretty print. And I’m not pretty, so argyle tends to be more medieval and jagged. Edgy even. I wanna be. Well, when I’m in a really fun mood, I’m pulling out the knee-high, two striped color socks, and I get my strut on, George Jefferson style. No Sherm. No boat. Point is, I tend to be in a better mood when I’m rocking my tall socks with the colored stripes. Unlike when I just have on some all white socks. Kind of makes me feel shackled. Like I don’t own myself or something. Or like I’m looking for where I came from. It’s sad really.

3. Color schemes

This one is very broad. No dames. I’m from down south so you know we have some very loud color schemes. Now, I’m not one of those loud people with the colors, but if I’m feeling in a particularly fun mood, I’ll pull out the green sweater or shirt with the fun saying on it. Green means Panama is having a good day. When I’m feeling down, it doesn’t make sense looking like the goodie goodies, dressed in white, I like black Tims and black hoodies.

Let’s open the doors…

4. Donny Hathaway

A lot of people I know only listen to Donny when they’re having a bad day. I find this ironic (though only because I do it, the dude made some fairly depressing music) because I only listen to Donny when I’m in good spirits. On the other side of things, when I’m in a bad mood, it’s all about Kidz Bop and “It’s A Small World After All.” Scar knows what I’m talking about.

5. Boxer Briefs

If I’m wearing boxer briefs, I’m generally going to have a good day and feel great about the prospects for greatness. Of course, If I have forgotten to do laundry, and I’m forced to embark on tighty whitey ness, well, it will not be a good day and I will not be the father. I don’t actually own tighty whiteys, mostly because that sounds racist. Thank you and good night.

So good people of VSB, is there anything you do or wear that affects your day? Or is there anything you do because you’re in a certain mood?

Sharing is caring.

I’m Panama.

By the way, hope you all had a Merry Christmas and that Santa brought you the toys you wanted.

-VSB P aka lower.case.p. aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka HEEEEEEEEEEEY YOU GUUUUUUUUYS! aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

8 Real Reasons Why Black Women Should Date White/Non-Black Men

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I jacked this from Madame Noire. A white man wouldn't do that.

I’m convinced that LaShaun Williams and therefore Madame Noire just spoofed Black America. In fact, I’m so convinced of this fact that you cannot convince me otherwise. You could tell me that you have beachfront property in Kansas for sale and I’d believe that before I believed that article was intended to be serious. I’m fairly sure that the author has been told to go f*ck herself so many times in life that she decided to take a chance to piss off the reading ninja massive for sh*ts and giggles.

Plus, as a person who often times writes complete and utter bull malarkey, I know non-sense when I see it. The article, “8 Reasons to  Date a White Man” AKA the article heard around the powder room was pure and utter biship. But then I got to thinking – as a thinker, I’m prone to thinking – and realized that despite her non-sense and clear disdain for Black people, she’s right. Just for all the wrong reasons.

If she was serious, to say that white men aren’t looking for somebody to take care of them because more of them come from stable backgrounds, etc just proves that she’s never watched Ricki Lake, Jerry Springer, or CNN’s White in America series aka The News. Actually, each and every point that she outlines proves that she either has the most selective data pool in history or has only spent her life watching BET and reading Black Tail…and never watched day time television talk shows.

Oh yes, why is she right? It’s common knowledge that Black women should open up their dating pool since Black men have. I love loyalty, it was a great song on GangStarr’s Moment of Truth album, but it pretty must stops there. So as a service and in support of our wayward sister with the really Black name from Madame Noire, here are 8 serious reasons as to why Black women should date non-Black men (I couldn’t just say white, I mean there are at least 2 other races that Black women should consider).

1. Don’t have to worry about anybody using the word swag all the time…or having any of it

I don’t know about you, but I’m so tired of hearing about swagger, so imagine how our women must feel . Dudes running up on them talking about their self-esteem going through the roof and how they got their swag. And since for the most part nobody else has that swag that Black men have and talk about, you can live a life without all that unnecessary charisma and “thing” that Black men have. It’s SO useless.

2. Smaller wangs

I’m a Black dude so I assume the myth is true. Why is this a good thing? Ladies, aren’t some of you tired of getting poked in your stomach every time you and your man get it on? Ulcer my arse. It’s all that Clarence Carter endorsed stroking that you’re doing with your the real Mandingo in the family. If you go date Small Wang, you are in the clear for some concentrated area boning. No more pain. Plus, the walk of shame always looks worse when you got the blowlegged he-stabbed-me-officer walk going on.

3. Less emotional and more logical reactions

As a Black man, I’m required to assume everything that has a possible racial component to it, DOES have a racial component to it. You know who doesn’t think like that? White people and Asians who are considered white people. You can have your mind expanded into a world where its completely plausible that you didn’t get the job because that other person was more qualified. Who wants to sit around and talk about race all day anyway when there’s global warming and Greenpeace to talk about.

4. A movie library that doesn’t include Menace II Society

Face it, you grew up in Chilllicothe, Ohio, not Compton and you don’t understand why people love and glorify this movie. It wasn’t your life and you can’t appreciate it the way that all the “brothas” do. Time to venture out. Who the hell is Mc Eiht anyway, and why is there no “g” in his name? Pishaw.

5. You didn’t go to an HBCU and they didn’t either

Common ground thy name is education. What’s the big deal about homecoming and marching bands anyway?!

6. You like Friends more than A Different World…

…what a surprise, so does everybody else! The ability to relate is at the top of everybody’s list and non-Black guys TOTALLY get Friends and Seinfeld and whatever a Bobcat Golthwait is.

7. VSB is generally as Black as you want to get in your life. You can’t do that if you date a Black man.

SAME FOR THEM! Appreciation from afar is not only a motto, it’s a way of life.

8. Only a White man can truly appreciate the depth of The Color Purple

All the Black men you know think its a comedy. Wait, it’s not? Black men don’t understand the plight of the Black woman but a white man can appreciate what you bring to the table unlike any brother really can, as evidenced by his love for The Color Purple (true story). Hey sucka ni**a, wherever you are…you just lost one.

So good people of VSB, while Mrs. Williams article was f*ckery, what are some other real reasons that Black women should date non-Black men?

Help a sista out.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka VITAMIN P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Why Kanye Matters so Gotdamn Much

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Panama: so i know a lot of women who absolutely love kanye west and i can honestly say i dont get it. like i cant tell if they want to be with him? or if his swag is attractive to them or what…

kanye being an attractive human being is an oddity to me

Champ: i think they like what he produces and what he’s capable of producing more than anything else
the art more than the artist
i mean, i guess that explains why guys like paul mccartney and lyle lovett have had their pick of beautiful women
the idea of kanye matters more than he does
well, not more, but just as much
women love big ideas and potential more than they love us, lol
and kanye is a big f*cking idea
Panama: that is true
Champ: but yeah, you’re right. he’s a sex symbol who women don’t seem to want to have sex with
its weird. i’ve never believed any of the “kanye’s gay” rumors, but i have a hard time believing he was sleeping with amber rose, or anyone for that matter
Panama: good point
Champ: but, he’s also admitted to a porn addiction, and i’ve heard from a few sources that he’s not particularly shy about whipping it out in public, lol
Panama: apparently a lot of guys aren’t
i’ve had chicks tell me numerous times of dudes i know who they’ve been with on some one-on-one hang shit and dude will just pull his shit out
Champ: i knew a guy in college who’d hand women business cards with a pic of him holding his wang
i always wondered who took those pictures for him
Panama: lol

Midway through our latest podcast, I made a completely extemporaneous remark about Kanye West being one of the most important black people in the world; a statement so extemporaneous and unexpected you can hear the shock in my own voice when I said it. This surprise was largely based on the fact that I didn’t believe a single word of what I had just said.

But, because the verbal edit button–a device allowing you to delete reckless things you’ve said before anyone actually hears it–hasn’t been invented yet, I went full speed ahead, citing Kanye’s pandemic effect on our culture as proof of my statement’s truth. Surprisingly, the more I spoke, the more I realized this theory wasn’t that far fetched. Culture–the way we behave, how we interact, and what we believe–f*cking matters. And, regardless of how superficial you consider their particular contributions to be, our living and breathing cultural determinants–our Jay-Zs’, our Kardashians, our Beyonces–f*cking matter too.

Kanye, his brand of unabashed and simultaneously insecure self-confidence, and the art this volatile mixture created, has done more to spearhead this current era of hip-hop androgyny we live in than any other entity. Ironically, this makes him a bit of a throwback. His visceral emoting and occasional bouts of hyper-heterosexual aggression hearken back to the 80′s, when lascivious and sexually ambiguous performers such as Prince, Madonna, Cyndi Lauper, and Boy George ruled the airwaves. I’m not suggesting Kanye is in fact bi or homosexual, but his particular type of emotiveness is unlike any we’ve seen in hip-hop, and by osmosis he’s helped to pave the way to mainstream acceptance and embrace for (among other things) Drake, skinny jeans, Lady Gaga, Rhianna, blazers, Nicky Minaj, eyeglasses, B.O.B., blogging (yes. blogging), Lil Wayne, frohawks, and Twitter.

Despite all of this, I’ve always wondered what exactly it is about Kanye that allows him to wield such a cultural influence. How the hell does this tiny guy from the Chi have so much power? While his persona is (somewhat) original in a hip-hop context, the characteristics contributing to this persona are completely unoriginal. His critically lauded sample-heavy and soulful production is somewhat of a copy of music the RZA was making in 1995. While he’s definitely improving as a rapper, he’ll never be confused for a “natural” like a Nas or even a Scarface. And, by the time “The College Dropout” was released, the emotive eccentricity and eclecticism he’s known for had already been “done” (and, arguably, done better) by Andre 3000. He’s basically an HD compatible betamax.

The insane buzz over his two relatively underwhelming new singles (“Power” and “Hear Me Now”. Although, I have to admit I love “Hear Me Now” and the “Power” remix) have helped me figure it out: It’s not Kanye himself as much as it’s the idea of Kanye–and what we think he’s capable of–that matters so gotdamn much. This explains why each of his albums (even the sucky ones I eventually allowed to grow on me) are cultural landmarks even among those who love hip-hop but hate him and/or his music. This helps me understand how we’ve allowed a man who has made entire albums based around the idea that college is a sham and publicly admitted to not reading books (ha!) to be the de facto musical spokesperson for the young and college educated African-American. This even explains why (many) women are completely infatuated by him despite the fact that they probably wouldn’t sleep with him if given the chance.

With Kanye, it’s not so much about who he is or what he’s accomplished as much as it’s who we want him to be and what he just might do. While he has definitely produced, the power we’ve given him lies in the fact that his otherworldly range of personality makes him potential personified, and this makes him completely unstable and completely impervious to prediction—exactly like culture. He’s a living and breathing cultural cipher for our Id’s and expectations (whatever they might be), and he matters so gotdamn much because we need him to.

—The Champ

***By the way, If you haven’t done so yet, check out “The Black Blog Tea Party“, The Champ’s latest piece at Clutch Magazine***

naked: chris brown and the sad plight of the scorned man

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unless you’ve been underneath aretha’s areolas a rock for the past 36 hours, you’ve undoubtedly heard about the domestic abuse scandal involving r&b megastars chris brown and rihanna, who are apparently attempting to follow in the star-crossed and dysfunctional footsteps of sid and nancy, ike and anna mae, and diddy and chapstick.

although the pop culturalist in me is i’m interested in seeing exactly whose image will take the biggest hit…

***my guess? in the pop community: chris brown. in the black community: rihanna. i’d bet a 20 to anyones 5 that this is exactly how it will play out***

…i’m not going to get all tmz-ey on you and discuss the minutia of the allegations. at the same time, though, the situation does highlight a relevant topic.

according to the rumors, brown’s actions were a direct result of him finding out that ms umbrella was out poning de river without an, ummm, raincoat…which eventually led to him getting drenched as well.

we’ve already discussed the potential dangers of retaliatory sullivan-esque window-busting, but whats continually ignored and dismissed is the scorned man. more specifically, what the hell is a scorned man supposed to do?

before i continue, i want to make it clear to the chicken littles out there that this isn’t a plea to take it easy on mr. kiss, kiss. i’m just using his situation as a segue for my main point. i don’t condone or support any type of domestic violence, ever. sh*t, i even spearheaded a short and ill-conceived movement a few years ago to have undershirts referred to as “lady massagers” instead of “wife beaters (***editors note*** the champ is lying)

with that being said, the plight of the scorned man is exacerbated by the fact that he usually doesn’t have many outlets. for instance, a woman usually has a safe nest of vulva scented feminine softness to land in if cheated on. although she may have to guard for chickenhawk wang buzzards thirsty for her leftovers, most woman can rely on a girlfriend or two to support her.

i mean, sh*t, theres an entire billion dollar industry complete with magazines and television stations (lifetime, oxygen, playboy) built around the idea of the downtrodden chick.

***lets put it this way: women scorned and cheated on is some melodramatic tear-jerking one-word titled (ie: “enough!!”) miniseries starring meredith baxter-birney and rosie perez. a man scorned and cheated on? its “forgetting sarah marshall”***

a man, on the other hand, usually has few to turn to, mostly because of the stigma of being scorned. where a scorned woman draws immediate sympathy because we been socialized to think that men in relationships will inevitably f*ck up, a scorned man is usually given five minutes of sympathy…immediately followed by some variant of “what the hell did you do to her to cause her to do this to you???”, which is then followed by “stop b*tching and man the f*ck up!!!. lets go bag some sluts”

if a guy admits to being cheated on, he then faces the stigma of having his sexual prowess questioned. this time, the five seconds of sympathy are followed by “i mean, if he was taking care of things in the bedroom, she wouldnt have cheated, right? maybe somethings missing down there”.

with this being said, again, what exactly is the scorned man supposed to do?

honestly, i dont know.

what i do know, though, is that although i continually jab at the existence of chick logic and the aura of impenetrable illogicisms permeating it, i do  admire their (usually) stigma-less freedom to discuss sh*t like this with each other.

of course, i’m lying again. (***editors note*** no he’s not)

—the champ