30 seconds.
apparently this is all the time it takes for a woman to decide whether a guy is eventual jungle monkey gotdamn material or not. thing is, between that first interaction and the first bottled water third frozen cosmo 37 minutes after you met for the first time on the fourth date, there remains a vast number of ways to salt your own game and eventually eliminate yourself quicker than george sodini. Continue reading
the worst: “hey, i’m bored…do you mind if i flirt with you?”
this one completely backfired. i thought it would induce laughter, but i expected a slight “this guy is different, i wonder what he’s about” chuckle instead of the loud guffaw causing her to choke on her ice while sprinting to her girls and repeating the line, with “this n*gga” substituted for my name “listen to what this n*gga just said to me…” .
moral of the story: md 20/20 is the devil
the most intimidatingly aggressive: “i’m trying to f*ck d&g tonight”
***short backstory: i was in cincinnati with my cousin for his college graduation. we went to some super packed, super hood club, and it happened to be “no panties” night, which expectedly brought out all of the ohio river freaks (seriously. “no panties night”. read that again. every woman with no panties on got in for free. i’m not making any of this up. i love cincinnati, btw). one of the aforementioned panty-less freaks apparently noticed that i was wearing a d&g t-shirt, and approached me, grabbed my hand to put it somewhere to let me know that she, ummm, got in free that night, and said “i’m trying to f*ck d&g tonight” loud as hell. moral of the story: i should have worn a different shirt***
the best pick-up method i’ve ever used:
girl in library
studies intensely while guy
thinks about approach
while in the library one saturday afternoon, i wrote this extremely awkward haiku on an index card (with my name and number on the back), and gave it to an apathetically fine girl i saw studying with one of those intense, “if you come within 24 inches of me, i’ll bite your fingers off” faces. i walked up to her, introduced myself, gave it to her, and bounced. she called a day later, and eventually became my first (and hopefully only) ex-fiancee
i could continue, but i’m curious: vsb.com, what are the most notable “pick-up” experiences you’ve had? the best method you’ve used? the worst line you’ve heard? any and everything that sticks out in your mind favorably or regrettably in regards to approaching or being approached is fair game.
—the champ