“yeah, yeah, yeah…writing about diva dudes and cambodian breast milk is all well and good, but when do one of you “smart” brothas plan on giving us some tips on what we really care about: how to put it down in the bedroom?”

i’ve received dozens of variants of this question since this site’s inception, easily becoming our most requested topic idea. with this in mind, i’ve decided today to share with everyone the champs comprehensive, omniscient, all-encompassing, and all-inclusive two part guide detailing absolutely everything you need to do to insure that you and your partner will always have the best sex that you all can possibly have.

this is the sex guide to end all sex guides. the alpha and the omega. transcending gender as each part applies equally to both men and women, this will be the only sex guide you’ll ever read that will cover any and everything you personally need to know to make you the sultan of the sack, the bedroom bigwag, the coitus king, the queif queen. take notes.

part one: check your effing ego at the door.

part two: pay attention.

the end

—the champ