while i was sitting with a female friend last week at my favorite place to people watch and steal wi-fi, an interracial couple (think of a much shorter, darker-skinned isaiah mustafa¹ [the old spice commercial guy] with a younger, curvier, taller, and straighter² mariska hargitay) walked in, ordered a couple smoothies, and left.

my friend, who’s usually all kumbaya when it comes to interracial dating, watched them leave, punched me in the shoulder and said:

“champ, if this were a tyler perry movie, this is when my character would roll her eyes and ask you something like “what the hell do brothas see in becky’s?” Then, a keyshia cole song would come on with a slow-motion montage of  black men and white women ice skating and eating ice cream together while a group of sad-looking sistas drank mojitos at the bar by themselves.

anyway, omnipotent relationship guru: even though this aint a movie…give me four good reasons why he’s with her instead of all of this nubian loveliness.”

my answer? (paraphrasing)

1. your breath stinks

2. you just used “nubian” in a sentence

3. she probably smells like almond torte cake

4. he already was with you. you’ve just been with so many men that you can’t remember

although my friend and i were obviously joking, her question stuck with me.

i mean, even considering the fact that you can’t possibly know why some anonymous person chose to be with someone else, and that we all know that black men are much more likely to date black women than “others,” if i had a dollar for every time i’ve read or overheard the “why is he with her?” discussion, i’d have enough to buy the winter olympics a dozen token blacks.

usually, the answers given range from insulting (“cause educated black bitches ain’t shit“) to just plain freakin weird (“white woman never run out of syrup“), fitting into whichever pre-conceived accusatory racial or sexual narrative is popular that week.

but, in every discussion i’ve encountered, they always seem to ignore the three most common (and practical) reasons why he is with a white woman: Continue reading →