i own an suv.

no, i dont have a wife, any kids, or any plans to go backpacking in the near future but, for me, the suv was the right choice. never mind the fact that it currently gets around 7 miles per gallon, making my monthly gas expenditures rival my freakin rent. forget about the fact that i live in the middle of a somewhat major city, making giant vehicles obsolete, and, while you’re forgetting about that fact, also forget about the fact that suv’s are actually the least safe vehicles to drive. try not to remember that a camry would undoubtedly do a much more efficient job of getting me from a to z…driving my truck just feels better, safer, and well, dammit, just feels better, and theres nothing you can do or say to convince me otherwise.

sounds crazy right?

well, not when you consider how we’re obsessed, even transfixed, with size. from our car choices and barbecue grills to our living spaces, bank accounts, and infatuation with professional athletes, our size obsession permeates everything we think about and everything we do.

with that being said, our borderline compulsive fixation with penis size is the most conspicuous manifestation of this obsession.

i wont lie. penis size does matter…but why are we so obsessed?

there are many answers to this question, but it all basically comes back to one word: anonymity

as the deviant pointed out on her blog last week, it’s the great unknown. there’s no other human body part thats completely left up to the imagination. one of the reasons why it’s somewhat easier for men to fantasize about anonymous sex than it is for women is that there isn’t really that much left up to the imagination with a women’s body. it’s not very difficult to imagine exactly how any women looks naked, regardless of how clothed they might be.

the penis, on the other hand, remains largely anonymous, and dealing with this anonymity pushes us to the brink of insanity. if you think “insane” is too strong of a word, how else would you explain some of the penis size theories that have permeated our consciousness? pretty much any other measurable trait, from race to height to hand size to nose width to confidence level and career choice, have been “found” to correlate with package. i even had a female friend tell me that “without fail, guys with light colored cars always have big d–ks“.

how else can you explain that, despite the numerous studies that have measured and reported that the erect penises of the vast majority of male humans on this planet fall somewhere between the 5 to 7 inch range, there are women who refuse to even entertain the notion that anything less than 9 couldn’t possibly ever satisfy them?

and, just in case you aren’t convinced that we’re completely nuts yet, a recent study found that while 85 percent of women were “satisfied” with their partners equipment, only 55 percent of men were pleased with their own joy packages…proof that we’re just as nuts about this as you all are!!

ehhhh. forget about all of this. i’m just looking forward to the day when my truck is completely paid for, and i can trade it in for something much bigger more efficient.

—the champ