You know, I used to say that I refused to date a(nother) woman with “daddy issues.” Though difficult to define, “daddy issues” are as easy to spot as Shaquille O’Neal in a swarm of midget Spanish ninjas. Or porn. With absentee fatherism and all around Blackness at an all time high, the complaints of neglect or the constant testing to prove one’s love linger as remnants of a past failed parental relationship surface.
Something I’ve learned, however, is that even women with fathers who are present and accounted for in their lives still manage to have these “daddy issues”. This has always confused me as I’d assumed that women with present fathers just had to be more balanced and more emotionally stable than those without. Right? Right?
Wrong. Who knew? And here I thought relationships in the Black community were going the way of the condor because of rap music. Who knew that parenting had as much to do with one’s development as hip-hop. Damn you LL.
But I digress.
Apparently fathers have been wreaking havoc on relationships for eons. And unless Obama wins the Presidency, will probably continue to do so.
And let’s be clear here, I’m well aware that many men out there are screwed up when it comes to relationships. And a large part of it is the lack of a positive male-female example. Many men don’t know how to treat women and its because there was nobody to actually show them (us) what to do. Men have both mommy and daddy issues. Hell, the whole concept of being a mama’s boy is a “mommy issue”. If your mother becomes your wife, and you’re not in West Virginia or Montana, you likely have a problem.
Or our lack of emotional communication. I don’t ever actually remember my mother ever telling me to be more open and communicative. Then again, my dad isn’t exactly a big talker. No wonder I can clam up when it comes to having to express emotions and feelings. Sorry baby.
Obviously, children’s faults in life are largely the sum total of all of our parents mistakes. There’s no way in hell that our future relationships don’t suffer when all we have to witness of relationships are the failings of some of our parents. Most of us meander through life trying to figure out why we think the way we do or why all of our relationships have the same issues. We usually are able to figure out at some point that the very problems we bring to our relationships are the same things we witness our parents going through.
It sure as hell is hard to figure out how to go right when all you’ve seen in life is wrong. Now I know that it’s wholly possible to enter into and maintain a substantial and positive relationship even if you’re the product of a home that’s more broken than the prosecution in the R. Kelly trial.
But I have to wonder, people of VSB.com, how hard do you think it is to overcome your own family while creating a new one? Do you believe in the concept of “daddy issues?” I’ve had women tell me that they don’t exist, while exhibiting every possible issue I’d associate with the term. More importantly…
…who has more of a direct impact on our relationships in the future, mommy or daddy?
-VSB P
P.S. Every now and then we do get serious around here at VSB.com
P.P.S. Also, I’m in cahoots with a clique of people reppin’ that Exchange Blocc of the Muxtape Set Gang. Check out our muxtape online at http://exchange.muxtape.com. This week’s topic was Teenage Love Affair so all the songs reflect all the participants favorite songs from our lovestruck teens years…ya know, before cynicism set in. Check it out…