Tag Archives: nas

False Victories Wrongly Decided By Public Opinion

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On “tha twittahs” a few days ago, I questioned how it was possible that Pitbull could still be relevant in any way shape or form and T-Pain can’t get a song on the radio. As was expected, folks rained down upon me (no pr0n, R. Kelly, or Mother Nature) the fact that Jay-Z killed T-Pain’s career with his track “D.O.A. (Death of Autotune)”.

Poppycock. Jay-Z didn’t kill T-Pain’s career. Changing musical tastes did. Jay-Z just made the right song at the right time to take credit for the demise. Think about this. T-Pain came onto the scene in 2005 with both “I’m Sprung” and “I’m In Luv (With A Stripper)”. For FOUR solid years T-Pain was EVERYWHERE on radio. “D.O.A” didn’t even come out until the second half of 2009 well after T-Pain was already on the decline; fact is, that’s a long time to sell karaoke for anybody. Yet, Jay-Z is awarded the victory for murking auto-tune and simultaneously T-Pain’s livelihood (though Mr. Pinnedherazzdown did release and sell albums since then, just not nearly as successfully as his 2005-2008 run). And it’s a false victory. Jay-Z just put the stamp on public opinion. Period.

And in contrast, 50 Cent absolutely did murder Ja Rule’s career. I’ll bet Ja has been constructing a voodoo doll in 50′s likeness since the moment he went to jail.

But Jay-Z killing auto-tune (1) is first up in the line of not quite victories wrongly decided by public opinion.

Here are a few others.

2. LL Cool J besting Canibus in their “battle”

Make no mistake, Bus’ “2nd Round Knockout” was by far leagues better than LL Cool J’s response record “The Ripper Strikes Back”. Canibus lost OVERALL because his career sucked. First he blamed Wyclef for creating the the dismal Can-I-Bus album, which was actually terrible. After that travashamockery, people kind of assumed that because Canibus career sucked despite his abilities, that LL Cool J – who has released more clunkers of albums than dope ones, let’s be real – couldn’t possibly have lost. Even now I’ve got somebody telling me that LL won that battle. He did not. But the people spoke and it was so. Even if it wasn’t.

3. Jay-Z vs Nas

Look, I liked “Ether”, the sheer venom in it made it a worthwhile listen. And it was the resurrection of Nasty. For that I’m happy. But the ONLY reason Jay “lost” that battle (he didn’t) was because he released “Super Ugly” and then tried to take it back. John Coffey. That’s the ONLY reason. “The Takeover” is SUCH a better song overall. And Jay didn’t resort to rote disses like “you’re gay” and “you suck” blah blah blah…he hit Nas where it hurt…with facts. And with only one vesre. But because “Super Ugly” comes out and people were happy to hear Nas so inspired, Jay “lost” that battle to Nas. Never happened.

4. The NAACP versus The n-word

Oh wait…the NAACP didn’t win did it, public opinion or otherwise. My bad. Those n-words were trippin.

5. The McRib’s existence vs common sense

Look, there is no motherf*cking reason why The McRib should exist. I’m fairly certain that even the marketing staff at McDonald’s is baffled by this one. But for some reason, despite the fact that its 1) not a rib; 2) is mystery meat; and 3) comes with pickles and onions; every time they drop the McRib, people lose their sh*t and buy them at an alarming rate making health care practioners who run HMOs happy. So somehow, the McRib continues its reign of terror on our arteries (kind of like the Baconator) because the people have created a false sense of demand for a product that nobody in their right mind needs. See also: The McGriddle. If McDonald’s isn’t the devil, then I don’t know what is. But the McRib stays around anyway. Because we have willed it so. Shame on you.

Alright, those are a few examples of false victories decided by the court of public opinion. What else do you have? VSB, let’s call out the fakers, posers, and bullishers.

And yes…I fully expect to get a gang of comments disagreeing about Jay vs. Nas. You may disagree with me. You will be wrong.

WHAT!

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. DO YOU WANT A VICTORY! aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

 

10 things we’ve willingly seen that we never need to see again

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while the replies generated from monday’s ‘precious’ post were predictably split into “i saw it and i’m still verklempt” and “you’d have to drag me to the theater with eight horses and staple my eyelids open” camps, everyone agreed that its not the type of movie that’s conducive to repeated viewings.

thing is, ‘precious’ isn’t alone in its utter unrewatchability. while life gives us many things we can watch over and over again (apatow flicks, the evil eye baby, drunk snizzles reciting biggie lyrics, etc) without fatigue, there’s some sh*t we’ve all willingly seen that require absolutely no need whatsoever for repeated viewings, things that we’d probably be better off if we could unsee forever.

1. the r.kelly sex tape

after remembering that each of my three college teammates who owned this tape have been incarcerated at some point since then, i’m now convinced that “seeing how long someone can sit and watch this until getting up” should replace the myers-briggs as the go to personality profile test.

2. anything starring hilary swank

at this point, any theater showing one of her movies should come equipped with shower stalls so that moviegoers can get naked and cry in them when its over

3. childbirth

a process that cements the idea that pessimistic men aren’t built for relationships. put it this way: only a true optimist would willingly continue to eat p*ssy after witnessing that.

4. ‘the passion of the christ’

along with bad tipping, non-social crack smoking, and sending me tExT mEsSaGeS lIkE tHiS, owning the passion of the christ on dvd is a definite unconditional deal-breaker.

why? well something has to be seriously off with a person who thinks to themselves “hmmm. it’s been a stressful day today. maybe i’ll pop in a dvd after dinner to help wind down. ‘anchorman’ is always cool, but i think i’m in the mood to watch three consecutive hours of subtitled torture, gore, and bloody agony in high definition”

5. ‘rosewood’ and ‘three little girls’

“one-time only” viewing requirement for anybody who has gone their entire lives without wanting to kill a white person, and would like to keep that streak going

6. sammy sosa’s “new” face

“one-time only” viewing requirement for anybody who has gone their entire lives without wanting to kill a white person, and would like to keep that streak going

7. the evil device used for endoscopies.

wait, ummm, you're putting that where again?

wait, ummm, you’re putting that where again?

8. the storage room of any supermarket

lets just say that anyone who’s struggling to lose weight would reach their goals much easier if they toured the basement at walmart. seriously, you’ll see more mystery meat, one-eyed roaches, and and blue tomatoes than in the lake outside of chernobyl

9. a female pornstar in person (this also applies to seeing a stripper in daylight doing normal non-stripper things)

a couple years ago i met cherokee d’ass in a shoe store in pittsburgh. apparently she was in town promoting her calender.

she was actually much smaller and un-rough looking than i assumed she would be, but whenever i see her “working” now i can’t help thinking about the “so, how many times have you j*rked off while thinking about me” face she was wearing when i shook her hand

10. nas in concert (actually, pretty much every hip-hop act other than the roots and busta rhymes)

for whatever reason, hip-hop usually just doesn’t translate well live in concert. and, while i love nas to death, you’d have to threaten to kill me if you want me to go to one of his shows.

people of vsb.com, i’m curious: what have you willingly seen that you wish to never, ever, ever, ever see again?

—the champ

the vsb do’s and dont’s of making a sex tape

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although actually watching them was like watching paint f*ck, kim kardashian and ray j are concrete proof that a sex tape can benefit both parties. slutty celeb ambition aside, a properly made video recording of you and your lover’s most intimate moments can be a private, visual confirmation of your mutual love and affection, a relevant boon in moments of libido recession, or an audition tape to host 106 and Park.

while i’m assuming most of us haven’t actually recorded ourselves, i’m 100 percent sure everyone has thought about it at least once. with this in mind, the champ has decided to bring you ten vsb do’s and dont’s of making a sex tape. take notes. Continue reading →

Questions For The People, By The People

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question-markOn Friday, I possibly did one of the stupidest things I may have ever done in my life.  I watched a 2:31 video clip of a photoshoot interview with Shawty Lo, Gucci Mane, and OJ Da Juiceman (watch at your own risk).

It was the most painful video I’ve ever watched in my entire life.  OJ Da Juiceman?  Well, he didn’t say more than 10 words during the entire clip and I’m almost sure that 9 of them were “aye!”  I probably don’t need to explain to you how bad Gucci Mane and Shawty L-O were.  Hell, their names are Gucci Mane and Shawty Lo. Continue reading →

the great debates

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nas

**flashback to 2001**

the champ was returning from the mall with a few of his teammates, listening to wblk and ranking the ass-to-waist ratios of hispanic sophomores on campus discussing scouting reports when they all heard a faint “f*ck jay-z” on the radio.

stunned, they killed their convo and turned the radio up, each of them literally awestruck as they listened to nas’s “ether” for the first time.

for the next few months, the nas vs jay-z discussion would dominate hip-hop america, its debate the main topic of discussion at every corner, cafeteria, dormroom and utility closet. everyone had an opinion, and everyone had a laundry list of reasons on command to strengthen their argument

thing is, for most people with a vested interest in the battle, this debate had nothing to do with which artist was “nicer” or whose catalog was greater and everything to do with public validation of their own personal worldview.

you see, in the heart of most nas supporters hearts (myself included), they really didnt care if the blueprint was a better album than stillmatic (it was) or if ether was a better track than “the takeover” (it wasn’t).

they just didn’t want to be seen as a jay-z person, because being the type of person who rooted for jay meant that you also stood for unadulterated capitalism, anti-intellectualism, pretentiousness, nafta, power windows, brothels, and the cheescake factory. also, more importantly, they didn’t want the “jay-z people” to win

never mind the fact that the real life nas is, by most accounts, an arrogant pseudo-intellectual assh*le, or that being dogmatically anti-pretentious is the epitome of pretentiousness, the debate was bigger than both of them.

it was a clash of classes, a crunch of competing cultures where symbols and principals take precedence over facts. where why you’re fighting matters infinitely more than who and what you’re fighting for. where carmen bryan is still a slut became hip-hop’s pattie boyd.

as i reflected on this, i began to think of other popular debates where the principal matters more than the actual facts, where where you stand depends more on your worldview and what each side represents than how you actually feel about each side, and a few came to mind.

mac vs pc

***despite the fact that my comp has more viruses than luvvies feet (and i live two blocks away from an apple store), i’ve stuck with my dell pc out of exaggerated cheapness principal***

nba vs college basketball

***seriously, if a person claims to be a basketball fan, this is the single most important question you can ask them. their answer (and reasoning behind it) will tell you everything you need to know regarding their feelings about race, politics, patriarchy, mimimum wage, p*ssy, womanism, the aclu, their parents, and free chicken***

natural vs perm

“destination cities” (nyc, l.a., atl, mia, d.c., etc) vs everywhere else

alicia keys vs beyonce

***even before the thundergoat and the camel got hitched, people who sided with beyonce in this debate also usually sided with jay-z. point being, we’re all frauds***

whole foods (and trader joes) vs local supermarket chains

kobe bryant vs all thats good with humanity

ok, thats enough from me right now. people of vsb.com, did i miss any?

—the champ