Tag Archives: music

Lil B Has AIDS So You Should Go Get Tested

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Most of you have never heard of Lil B. Which is why I feel like I must apologize in advance for introducing you to somebody you not only would never know of but who you might also be upset to know of afterwards.

I’m sorry.

Good.

Now Lil B is a Berkeley, CA, based rapper who knew some previous fame for his group The Pack who had their vans on but they looked like sneakers. Couldn’t tell you who the rest of the group members were since Lil B is the only who’s managed to have much of a career, if we can call it that. Now a lot of the controversy with Lil B is that he straddles a fine line between idiot and idiot savant. Nobody can really tell if he’s really just the special kid in the class who eats glue or if he eats glue because he knows thats the key to everlasting life. We do know for a fact though, that he eats glue.

Earlier this year, Lil B ceremoniously tweeted that he was going to name his latest album I’m Gay in hopes of bringing awareness to the word and how benign it can be and show support for gay community by saying that we are all gay. Or something. He got lots of press and did lots of interviews where I’m fairly certain he confused everybody involved with his explanations. Yet somehow, the Young Based God managed to secure the cosign of Jean Grae, 9th Wonder, and even motherf*cking Phonte, who all appear on a 9th Wonder produced track called “Base For Your Face“. Jay Electronica has cosigned him.

Honestly I think people just like controversial rappers. And to be fair, he’s surprised me on occasion with some lucid words and he does have an ear for picking dope beats. But he’s also the genius behind the worst freestyle known to man that includes the lines, “h*es on my d*ck cuz I look like Jesus.” And anybody who listens to ASAP Rocky and hears him talking about being a “pretty motherf*cker” can really blame Lil B who has been calling himself a “pretty b*tch” on wax for a minute now.

Oh and he changed his album title from I’m Gay to I’m Gay (I’m Happy) which seemed like somewhat of a copout. So why am I talking about Lil B? Good question. He recently dropped a song intended to increase HIV awareness called *rimshot* “I Got AIDS”. At press time, he did not have AIDS; just to clarify.

Let’s switch gears for a second. Storytelling has always been a cornerstone of hip-hop. Ice Cube made millions re-telling the stories of his more street homeboys as cautionary tales. By this point (and pretty much verified in his Behind The Music) everybody knows Cube wasn’t a real gangsta but his ability to tell stories and get you to relate made him quite the force in the early 90s. I’m sure had he not gotten rich he’d either be dead or gone down as the GOAT, which admittedly is debatable.

So what Lil B has done really isn’t that odd. I mean, AIDS and HIV awareness is needed in the Black community and world community. And the Based God has fans of all stripes that follow along with his whims. The problem is that he sucks soooooo bad as a rapper. I mean he’s really bad. Again, he has his moments. But that’s kind of par the course. Even the worst rappers have good days. “I’ve Got AIDS” ain’t one of those days.

But I feel conflicted because I mean, he’s actually doing a good thing here, right? He’s actually attempting to tell a story about how he got AIDS filled with all of the dumb mentality-driven ideas of not knowing because he looked good, etc. He repeatedly says to get tested. Which, get tested. But the song sucks donkey nuts. And you can tell he’s kind of going for the Tupac “Brenda’s Got A Baby” steez, except he’s not nearly as adept at story telling as even my 2-year-old (seriously, she’s got skills). The song even appears on his mixtape entitled Based God Velli (a play on Tupac’s Makavelli alter-ego).

We always have conversations about shooting the messenger and if sometimes you just have eschew the BS and appreciate that somebody is saying something that needs saying, no matter how messy it is. But this is messy in Herman Cain proportions. But again…his demographic is littered with people who need that message. Will they listen? Who knows but at least somebody they are interested in speaking about it right?

This is an odd little aside but I spoke on an HIV/AIDS prevention awareness panel at Howard University in October and somebody asked how we could, in our community, raise awareness. My response was that Magic Johnson happened to early. That it would almost take some famous individual contracting HIV for the common everyday knucklehead to take it serious and start listening. I was refuted on this point by a young woman (name escapes me) who seemed to actually hate me and every response I gave. She didn’t think that would help at all. I don’t know. Not that I’m wishing HIV on anybody, just saying that for some people, it takes superstars for sh*t to matter to them.

Anyway, this all brings me back to, for a message that is indeed this important, do you just accept it and praise the fella for taking a shot at awareness, even if its going to miss wide right by about nine feet, or do you call it for what it is? BS.

Help me out here. I’m conflicted.

And again, I’m sorry that you now know who Lil B is if you didn’t before. That’s on me. Remind me to get you a shot when I see you.

What say you? Glass half empty or half full?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. WONTON SOUP aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Are You Watching The Throne? Probably Not For Long

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We used to care...now we're just rich and bored so we made a rich and bored album.

This past Monday, Jay-Z and Kanye West’s joint venture, Watch The Throne, hit iTunes, much to the chagrin of independent outlets and retailers everywhere. I can’t really say that I was anticipating it since I hated the song, “H.A.M.” since it, well, sucked and “Otis” sounds like a song that’s supposed to be dope but the beat blows. I will say that nobody does “swag rap” better than Jay or Kayne. Well except Biggie. And Big Daddy kane.

But last I checked they were both dead.

Let’s just put this out front. Jay is my favorite rapper of all time. Kanye, right now, is probably right behind him as my favorite rapper of the right now. I feel like Kanye is way more important to pop-culture than Jay is and ultimately more relevant but that’s neither here nor there. I’m also a huge fan of Kanye’s artisticness. You can’t convince me that My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy (MBDTF) isn’t one of the best albums to come out in the past ten years. Point is, I’m a big fan of both of these to. So I don’t say this lightly…but…

…Watch The Throne kind of isn’t dope.

It’s not to say that it’s not a solid album. It is. It’s just that there’s very little on this album that I’ll ever really want to listen to again. In fact, the ONLY songs I’ve listened to on repeat are “Nigg*s In Paris” and “Gotta Have It” which might bet the least Neptune’s sounding Neptune’s beat in a long long while. Everything else can go. I wish somebody would make those songs into birds so that they could fly, fly far far away. Like “Made In America” featuring everybody’s favorite singer du jour Frank Ocean. My god is this song gay. You know, I honestly didn’t think that Jay could make worse songs than that terrible song with Usher and Beyonce from Kingdom Come but apparently he wanted to assure us that he could. It just sounds so…so…gay. I’m fairly sure they’re going to have to release “Lift Off” featuring Beyonce as a single for that very reason and it is also on some ducksauce.

You know what…forget the track by track sh*t. Here’s the problem with this album. Actually there are two. 1) This isn’t a Jay and Kanye album…it’s a Kanye album featuring Jay. It’s too musical to be a Jay album. Period. It’s got the Kanye imprint all over it. Kanye is an artist at this point, hate him or love him. Jay on the other hand is and will always be a rapper. No matter how emo a beat he tries to rap over or how “different” sounding the beat, ultimately he’s a rapper. And that comes thru as Jay seems, in my opinion, to be more or less of an afterthought a lot of times. It’s not that he’s not delivering Jay verses (lazy as they may be), its just that he’s too cool to be on some music sh*t. Kanye sounds like he cares WAY more than Jay does to be rapping on this album. Which leads to the second problem… 2) I kind of feel like Kanye didn’t care that much or was bored but finished it anyway.

For all of his faults, one thing you’d never fault Kanye for is not having a dope ear for cohesion and putting together an outstanding product. He always seems to want to make a classic album even though 808s and Heartbreaks was far from that. But at least he swung for the fences by changing up his whole sound and innovating. This album really to me sounds like a lazy version of both Blueprint 3 and uber leftover beats from MBDTF that weren’t good enough to make that album in any way shape or form.

[Sidenote: There is something to be said though that the only comparison's that hold water with these two are their own bodies of work. That can't be stated enough.]

I mean, it doesn’t even sound as good sonically as MBDTF…an album that came out almost a year ago. That album sounded beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. You’d think that if anything, sonically it would be on the same level but it’s not. Which is the rub, its not that the album isn’t decent. It is. It’s just that nobody’s going to be talking about this album once they run out of songs to release.

You know what, here’s how I can sum up this album…Rick Ross wouldn’t rap on any of this sh*t except maybe ONLY “N*ggas In Paris”. I can hear Rick Ross murdering that beat. I honestly feel at this point Rick Ross knows how to pick music and sounds that compliment exactly what he’s trying to do. He knows how to make epic sh*t. If Rick Ross is getting on your sh*t, it’s because it’s a motherf*cking monster. Pun intended. He would have gotten on ANYTHING on MBDTF. I feel like he probably was cool on everything on this album.

In fact, my favorite parts of the album are the beat change-ups similar to MBDTF which feature, surprisingly very little rapping and I’m not upset about it.

Not to mention this being the least relatable album I’ve ever listened to or the fact that Jay and ‘Ye both sound a little…off….trying to rap about social issues, an area Jay has proven to struggle in the past, though I like “New Day”, but again, Kanye’s verse seems more…better. Real talk, I’d be lying if I recited any of these lyrics as my personal mantra. I can’t even fake 90 percent of this sh*t.

I know a lot of people love it, and that’s good. Hell, I paid for it already and want a physical copy. I’m a fan but I probably won’t be listening this too much longer and I think that goes for most people. For two individuals who seem to care about their legacy, I’m just surprised that they’d release an album that neither adds nor detracts from it. This joint just exists until we forget about it. It’s like a David Guetta song. Or Lady Gaga music. Or LMFAO. It’s pop music with hard drums. And soft songs. Because it’s Jay and ‘Ye I want to love this, but I’m over it already.

D’oh well. On to the next one.

Oh, and one more question…how the f*ck does Swizz Beatz go so much production work and so many random features? Who does he have naked pictures of? Inquiring minds would like to know.

What’s your take? Are you watching the throne?

Talk to me.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka PANYE EAST aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

How Teedra Moses Laid The Blueprint For Hoodrat R&B

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What does it feel like to be me?

Hi! My name is Panama Jackson, you may remember me from such musical expositions as Tupac Back: You Can’t Be A Thug Angel If You Won’t Die N*gga and The Areola Heard ‘Round The World: Aretha Franklin and You. Well today we’re going to discuss a genre of R&B that is quite prevalent and has its roots in both the African griot community and the halls of ghetto America: hoodrat R&B.

Hoodrat R&B is the arena that appeals most to hoodrats. One might ask themselves, how does one appeal to hoodrats? Good question. Very good question. To see how we do this, we will use the pre-eminent album in the canon, Teedra Moses first rendering, Complex Simplicity. This album is a study in hoodratism and general f*ckery. And it is to be loved by all who beckon to the booty gods.

Full disclosure, upon first hearing this album I hated it. I thought it sucked more nuts than two squirrels at an AVN convention. I even trashed it publicly on my old website. Then shortly after, on a cold November night, I placed the spherical disc in this machine…a machine of discness and compactibility. Then my world changed. I actually met Teedra Moses a few years back and apologized. She had no idea why, nor did she care. Either way, Complex Simplicity is a great album. It’s also everything you ever need to know if you want to specialize in hoodrat R&B.

Are you curious why?

Me too.

Everybody mambo.

Let’s go.

The Teedra Moses Complex Simplicity Blueprint Model for Hoodrat R&B

1. Exhibit hoodrat characteristics

Look, I don’t know Teedra. But what I do know is that she got knocked up by a rapper who has spent more time on the run than Carl Lewis. Who is her rapper baby daddy? Ras Kass, one of the better rappers that nobody really remembers. His Soul On Ice album and title track should be bronzed, but it won’t be, cuz dude spends more time in jail than Gucci Mane. The most important part of setting the standard for a genre is to dress for the job you want. I think getting knocked up by a jail loving conscious rapper is par the course. After all, he will make you see LA like Ed O’Bannon. Get it, UCLA = you see LA? Forget it. Call me now!

On to the music.

2. Focus on topics that hoodrats will be able to relate to and rally behind.

The opening words on her album, in the song, “Be Your Girl” are “don’t know if you got a girl, don’t mean no disrespect but thoughts of you rule my world…”

From jump she’s like, look, girl or no girl, I need to be your girl. You are on my mind booboo. All the time. Right now, I’m studying for my final exam at Everest College with the light skinned jumpoff from the commercial…you remember her, and I can’t focus because I’m thinking about you. Hey, I wonder, do you even notice me at all? You got to feel me. I mean, I would love you good, I just got to be your girl.

See, hoodrats focus is on snagging the crush. Girlfriend? Wife? Boothang? No worries because she said no disrespect. That means its fair game. Hoodrat logic.

Which reminds me, the scene in Talladega Nights where Ricky Bobby says that by saying with all due respect he can say what he wants is another example of hoodrat logic co-0pted by country white people.

Topics on Complex Simplicity include: songs that clearly state that a man’s backstroke keeps her around (explicitly stated by the way), how she’s the bomb diggy and if she decides she wants a man, it’s going down (no Joc), which is obviously part 2 of “Be Your Girl” since she’s just now catching the interest…he just doesn’t know he’s about to get got, “Caution” he’s falling.

More on this later.

3. Use hoodrat rally calls and nomenclature

The opening words of the single “You’ll Never Find ( A Better Woman)” – a dope song by the way featuring Jadakiss – are, “ooooooooooooh cat daddy”. That is the hoodrat Thundercat cry. In fact, every time I go to the hood, all I hear is women yelling “oooooooooooooooooh cat daddy” from the windows and from Corrollas, Prisms, and Sentras, the official cars of hoodrats. Thing is, Teedra’s voice is so insanely dope that when she says, as a cat daddy, I want to walk towards her and let her tell me that I’ll indeed never find another woman as good as her. And minus the prison loving baby daddy she might be right.

4. The Beat-A-B*tch Anthem

Teedra’s album contains one horridly mixed song produced by Lil Jon (a hoodrat connoisseur) called “You Betta Tell Her”. You see where this is going. It’s about some chick around town claiming her man, surely a topic all hoodrats can relate to, understand, and sympathize with. So what do you need to do…not only do you better tell her…you better get that b*tch told tonight. Yes, homey, you, with the other chick claiming you, go get that b*tch told. All up in the club. Or her little 4’11″ arse will be on that a** like white on rice. I think if she released this song today in a better mixed format, it would go number one in every country with a Black woman.

5. Depth

I”m not sure if you spend any time on Twitter, but it’s a hoodrat heaven. It’s a little place where all hoodrats can go to talk about their haters, get b*tches told…but in a surprise move, be remarkably deep and inspirational with such gems as: If u c it, u kin acheev it. Lt ur h8trs b ur motivators. God luvs u. Jesus wept for ur h8trs. You see, hoodrats, despite the circumstances they’ve found themselves in are generally brimming with angst and otherworldlyness and ultimately, like Xscape, are only looking for understanding. Sure they might beat you down, but at the end of the day, the lament the society that put them in a position to do so. It’s a sort of complex simplicity if you will.

AHA!! Album title. Contradictory depth. All hoodrats can appreciate terms like complex simplicity as its how they define themselves on Twitter with handles like, LoudlyQuietThugMisses or (for the male hoodrat) Mis-terUndastoodHoodPain, or InnerTurmoil69 or SaveTheChirrenKillANi99a. You get the point. Teedra comes with this in spades. She has songs about the depth of her struggle. Like “Complex Simplicity” and “For A Lifetime”.

6. The odd cosign

See, hoodrat R&B singers all need a major cosign. Hers? Motherf*cking Raphael Saadiq on the song “Take Me” a dope as a mug song. In hoodrat, this is the mentor with major pull who finds that hoodrat that they want to help out.

7.  The Mama Song

Tupac perfect it and its been duplicated to much less than stellar results ever since in hip-hop, but singers can generally never go wrong. And Teedra can sing. A lot. Her song “I Think of You (Shirley’s Song)” dedicated to her mother who passed away complete with an intro that uses the word “situation”. Hoodrats love this word because they always have situations. And mamas. 

******

After all that you might be saying, hey, this is wrong. Everybody knows that Mary J. Blige is the blueprint. I’d agree except 1) she was well before her time; and 2) even on What’s the 411, she went remarkably vague. All of those songs were hoodrat in theory, not in practice. If you sang those words over more mainstream beats, you’d have had hits.

What about Monica? She gave it a go, but she was more hood as a person than she was in her music. Trust me. Destiny’s Child tried to go that route but ultimately they had to tone it back to sell records. They didn’t give it a full run.

Plus, they all heavily predated the genre in order to come up with a fully encompassing body of work like Teedra Moses and Complex Simplicity. It is an album that deserves its rightful place at the head of the hoodrat r&b table. Male singers like Ideal, Profyle, and Jagged Edge tried but were ultimately unsuccessful at fully connecting.

Teedra Moses is an icon. A beacon of R&B goodness. And ultimately she’s a testament to miss, thug misses, shy misses…and it doesn’t matter because you’re my misses.

If Teedra released her album today, it would go platinum, she was just a few years before her time, but roughly all of the music created by male and female R&B singers nowadays sounds like an offshot of the direct, straight from the hip deep and complex mind of Teedra Moses and they all owe a debt of gratitude to the Lioness. No Amil.

Happy Friday.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Generationation: This Is Me…Then

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I was on the Twitter this evening questioning people about the things that matter in life most: pop culture. You see, without pop culture, Rosa Parks would never have gotten out of her seat…or wait, did she refuse to get up. I can’t remember. Little known facts about Black history always throw me off.

The point is, pop culture is what makes the world go ’round. Now, I tend to fancy myself as somewhat of a pop culture tycoon. I don’t have the breadth of knowledge as some of my compadres who know little intricate facts about every movie, song, or act that’s come out since Cicely Tyson started radio, but I know enough. While my arms may be too short to hot box with God, they’re long enough to slap the monkey shine sh*t out of all perpetrators of the funk.

And what does this have to do with the price of love muffins in Malaysia? Nothing. I just felt like sharing.

The question I posed on the Twitters was this: Is Coming To America the defining movie of our generation, with the caveat of our generation being 25-44 year olds. Arguably, that range is too long but did you know a generation is considered to be an 18-year period? Did you also know that Coca-Cola was originally green? I didn’t either ’til I just googled it.

To me Coming To America is the most quoted movie, most omnipresent movie, and most entertaining movie that 99 percent of all ninjas are aware of. You may disasgree. You may be wrong. But also, you will know. There’s no doubt about it.

Of course, there are arguments to be made for various other movies like Friday, Boyz N The (Tha?) Hood, and any movie starring Stoney Jackson. But as is plainly obvious around here, we’re big fans of Coming To America. It’s the Jay-Z of movies. Plus it might the most stereotypically racist movie ever created. I love it.

But you can’t stop there. What about music? There have to be something like a gazillion songs out there, but there has to be one song above all else that kind of defines the generation you come from right? Anything else would be uncivilized.

(By the way, Preparation H commercials are hilariously disturbing. Lady, I hope that bike your riding isn’t a RideShare bike.)

While picking a TV show like Martin, A Different World, or The Cosby Show as the show that most well represents our generation presents less interpretive dancing, picking music is way more difficult, especially when you consider how many actual albums Master P managed to sell. No really. Look it up. And did you also know that there was a time when groups like The Dayton Family ACTUALLY sold real records. This from a group with members named Shoestring, Backstabber, and Bootleg. Only in Flint, MI, does Shoestring seem like the odd name.

If I had to pick one song to use as the defining song of my generation, it would be Notorious B.I.G.’s “One More Chance” Remix. Mostly because it’s the defining song of Bad Boy and hate them or love them, Bad Boy (while Biggie was alive) was at the top of the food chain.

Oh, and I’d pick A Different World as the tv show.

So basically, I just took 552 words to ask this question:

If you had to pick one movie, song, and television show to define your/our generation, what would it be and why? Or if there are other things you think would stand out as significant, what might they be? Simply, what defines your/our generation?

It’s Friday, its not a day for depth. It’s a time for fun and fellowship. Plus, if one more person calls me a narrow-minded, ignorant papoose, I just might just have to slap a mofo. Yeah you think you can outshine me? Boy I bet. I ain’t met the motherf*cker that could do that yet.

Hold me.

Panama Jackson, signing out.

-VSB P aka TICKLE ME EMO P aka SLAP ME AND I’LL SLAP YOU BACK (POUR LOTION ON ME) aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

My Country ‘Tis Of Thee

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If you’ve been paying attention to the newspapers and internet news sources, you know that Barack Obama’s lost his mojo. It’s not that he’s not doing the best he can, but it’s been two years and all we’ve really learned is that there was no way he could pull off what everybody wanted him to do.

Mind you, I’m not sh*tting on Obama. I voted him just like most of us did here. So there’s that.

I also read the Forbes list of the world’s richest people. In the words of Liz, “that’s a lot of white people.” But more than that were a lot of great managers and great business people. Hate or love Wal-Mart, but thost folks know what they’re doing. Don’t even get me started on Larry Ellison or even any of the random other hundred or so billionaires who had to figure out how to run a huge enterprise and mix and match various pieces to achieve a greater goal: stacking benjamins.

Well being the deep thinking, sexxalicious mofo that I am I got to thinking about government from a different angle. You see, we all know government sucks a little. Politicians glad hand you and then take your money. Forget random folks in the neighborhood, you have to hide your kids and your wife from Congress. But what if…

…what if  you could create your own government? Pick your own cabinet from anybody you want. Of course, entertainers are the most visible people most of us can think of. Heck, I couldn’t tell you who 98 percent of the people on the world’s richest people list were. But just say you could create your own US Government built out of the people that YOU think could do the job best. If you think Obama has it…great. I’m not sure he ever had the real experience it takes to be a great manager, but who am I to judge. He’s my POTUS.

It’s Friday, let’s pick our cabinets. Pick out a President, VP, Secretary of Defense, Secretary of Commerce, Secretary of Education, and some advisors.

Here’s the Panama Jackson government -

President - The guy who owns Home Depot, Arthur Blank

Every year folks vote this as one of the best places to work. People LOVE working there and they deal with wood all day. No prostitute. He provides a rest haven for immigrants and the Home Depot closest to me is in the hood and you know who shops there? White people. We got diversity, immigrants, profit, focus, and one of the best aisle setups ever. What does that have to do with anything? Not a clue, but the point is, that guy knows how to run a company that everybody can get behind. That’s who I want running my country. At least for  a week or so…I mean he did toss Micheal Vick.

Vice President - Oprah Motherf*cking Winfrey

Forget Lil Mama, Oprah is the voice of the young people. Actually, I’m sure you already forgot Lil Mama until I reminded you of her so forget her again. Who doesn’t love her and/or listen to what she has to say. She’s got the social services on lock. Look how much crap she gives away for free. Can you say hand-out? As opposed to coming in with an agenda, she’d be the sounding board for the old white people and old women. Who knows we might even get the suffrage movement going.

Wait…women can already vote?!?!?!?!?!? Who thought that was a good idea?

Secretary of Defense - 50 Cent and/or Christ Partlow

50 makes sport of destroying people’s careers. Seems like he’d be a shoo-in, but Christ Partlow? That murderous mofo just has the necessary military precision and decision making neceessary to keep everybody at bay. Marlo’s not even real and I don’t want to f*ck with him so that I don’t have to deal with Chris and Snoop. No doggy.

Secretary of Commerce - Eminem and Will.I.Am/Dude’s selling Nutcracker on the streets of NYC

They’re the only two people selling units in a music industry where nobody is buying sh*t. Sounds like commerce to me. Plus, you have to have a white guy in a major cabinet position. It’s like fantasy basketballl. You should be required to keep at least one white person on your squad at all times. And if you’ve been to NY you know about nutcracker. Those relentless cats make sales.

Education Secretary - Trick Daddy.

He loves the kids.

I’m at my word limit so I’m just going to say all my advisors would be the Wu-Tang Clan. And do you know why?

Because the Wu-Tang Clain ain’t nothing to f*ck with.

Who would run your government?

It’s Friday. Enjoy your life.

-VSB P aka GO KING BEEF aka THE ARSONIST aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3