Tag Archives: MTV

the least

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approximately two or so years ago, while bored and aimlessly late night searching for girls gone wild informercials channel surfing, i came across a roundtable of hip-hop heads on mtv28 discussing the “state of hip-hop” and reflecting on the year’s big events. when the year’s biggest event (the ending of the nas/jay-z cold war and subsequent merger) was brought up, each of the dozen or so people at the roundtable nodded their heads in joyous approval and spoke about how great it was that these two iconic figures finally decided to make peace and music with each other.

well, each of the dozen…except one.

as soon as the mention of this peacemaking was brought up, the camera panned to this one person, who was making a face like he was being forced to suck on a lemon stuck between her…

..legs. a look of sheer disdain and disgust and hate that these two grown men had the nerve to stop beefing, and that mtv had the audacity to laud this as a good thing.

when the moderator finally asked this one person what the hell was wrong with him, this one person remarked (**paraphrasing**)

“i’m sayin though, b. ya’ll n*ggas acting like n*ggas in the street care about what these old ass n*ggas do, b. word is bond, i gots my ear to the streets, b…i talk to them young n*ggas everyday, and they aint worried about no aarp-ass n*ggas squashing beef. naw, man. i make my music for the 14 year olds that wanna hear about my life…b*tches and hoes and weed and killing n*ggas. the 14 year olds in the street do wanna hear about no damn peace, b.”

when you combine the amount of sheer, unadulteratedly jubilant ignorance this person happliy exhibits, plus the fact that he’s helped to perpetuate a horrendous trend (young african-american men dressing like jamaican dancehall artists) despite his incessant clowning of “f*gg*t ass rappers with tight jeans” (read: kanye), plus the fact that he’s a founding member of the most aggressively ignorant crew in the history of hip-hop, plus his resonate and undoubtable influence and appeal with many young-minded idiots people, is the reason why…

…jim jones is my least favorite person in america, and the bane of vsb.com’s existance.

dishonorable mention: owens, terrell. kilpatrick, kwame. the chubby snizzle who lives on the bottom floor of my building who always makes a big fuss about moving away from the door when she’s out there blocking the entrance and smoking cigarettes.

so, dyspeptic readers of vsb.com, who is your least favorite person in america right now, and why?

—the champ

www.zipit.com

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It’s Friday.

Last week while I was watching MTV Jams, they were running a segment that inspired today’s post.

But it wouldn’t make any sense for me to just tell you what they were doing.  I’m Panama.  I’m sexxy.  I must add some flair.  Some joie de vivre.  Make ‘em say ugh.

Na Na Na Na.

Most men screw up their opportunities to sheath their sword with simple words.  You meet a woman who’s decided that she’ll let you bed her and then you say something stupid like, “hey shawty, whatcho’ name iya?”

Desertnuts.

It’s much more difficult for a woman to mess up her chances for a little li*kemhighli*kemlow.  But it is possible.  Call your man’s mother a “fat whore” and see what happens.

Either way, the fact that mere words can ruin a night got me to thinking (as well as watching MTV Jams) about things that you should just never tell your man/woman.  Oh yes, b*tches, there are definitely some things you should never tell your significant other.

Some people believe that honesty is the best policy.  I’ve already stated before that I’m not 100 percent on board with that assessment.  People say they want the truth, but that’s not really true.  People want some version of the truth.  You know what, I think that people just don’t want to be lied to.  That doesn’t mean they want the truth either.  Unless of course you consider non-truths as lies, in which case what does that make omission?

All I know is that possession is 4/3 of the law and that Doggystyle is a classic album.

And so it goes.

So in the spirit of honesty, let’s discuss some things that you should NEVER tell your significant other UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE:

1)    You should never tell them that you’re attracted to their sibling or friends.

There is nothing good that can come of this and they’ll never trust you around them again.  If you tell your SO that you think his brother is a motherf*cking stallion looking Negro, you can’t be mad if you get disinvited to all family functions.  My brothas…don’t EVER tell your girl that you’d slob down her sister…or her mother.

Hell her mother might be one of the cougars that read VSB.com.

2)    You should never tell them that you’re a crackhead.

This would seem to go without explanation but you know some people go dumb real quick.  And I ain’t talking ridin’ the short bus dumb.  Well, actually I am, unless you’re from Oakland in which case, I’m just talking about being stupid – I don’t think that means anything fun.

Fact is, nobody wants to date a crackhead.  But if they just think you’re a crackhead you might buy yourself some time – that is until you sell it…for more crack.  One of my boys used to date this Asian chick.  Everytime we’d go to her house we’d always notice the light dusting that always seemed to blanket the apartment.  It looked like everything always had an extra layer of white for some reason.

It’s what I envisioned Michael Irving’s wedding looked like.

3)    You should never tell your SigOther that you engaged in a homosexual act.

We’ve talked about this before in some fashion.  If you are a dude and you went gay one night and never returned, just keep it to yourself.  Seriously.  It won’t go over well.  No way.  No how.  If you’re a woman it will probably be okay, but you never know.  Some men don’t want to envision their woman chomping on textured cut-pile.

It’s true.  Oh yeah, it’s true.

So my good friends, I laid out a few no-brainers.  Let’s delve, shall we?  Yes let’s.

What are some things you shouldn’t tell your significant other under any circumstance?

Speak on it.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST

For the Love of the Game.

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This is for you Doc.

There are many underrepresented groups in America. We like to call them minorities. There are blacks, women, Asians, Latinos, gays and lesbians, puppies, rappers, crackheads, etc. These groups are usually maligned and disenfranchised by the dominant group at the time, which in this country has usually been white men.

Well there are groups that are discriminated against by not only white men, but black men, white women, black women, hell anybody actually, because of their antics and the belief that these individuals are not bringing anything to society and are actually detrimental. It’s ironic, because this group has the ability to bring change to the world and bring about unity because of the diverse nature of its makeup.

I’m talking about video ho*s.

Yes, video ho*s.

It’s amazing the hate that is spewed towards video ho*s. Here is a group of women who are merely adding color, class, and a little bit of sexiness to a video and they receive nothing but negative energy. It’s just not fair. Well, I for one, will not stand around and allow this nincompoopery to continue. It is my goal to point out the one positive that video ho*s bring to the world that could make this a better world for you and me. Yes, they can heal the world. Even make it a better place…for you and for me.

Yes, that’s what video ho*s can do.

First, I apologize for any ill will I’ve given to the video ho*s. You make me smile and I intend to purge myself of all of the ignorance I’ve thrown your direction.

Being as I watch a lot of videos, I realize that some of these women are being exploited, but most of them just want to be there, sharing their beauty and dancing skills with the world. These women, these valiant purveyors of aesthetic voyeurism, are providing the backdrop for a society enamored with entertainment and a**. We are a T&A society. They are T&A. I think we should examine how much these video ho*s, these women that we talk so horribly about, go through just to make us smile, gawk, and appreciate the aesthetic beauty that is hip-hop.

I was watching the MTVJams the other day and saw the popular 2006 video for the Back Wudz single “You’re Gonna Love Me”.

While watching this video, I started thinking about when this video came out – mostly because there is a severe disparity in the outfits that are being rocked in this video. The dudes, especially towards the end and during the night hours are all wearing…coats. The video ho*s?? They’re wearing what video ho*s wear.

Nothing.

You can see the cold breath from these dudes as they’re rapping. And yet, right there, bright as day, those video ho*s are still putting in their work because they see the greater picture here. They make it look like its 90 degrees outside, despite the fact that Dallas Austin is wearing a Gap (I only know this because I have that coat) $150 parka.

You see, what video ho*s bring to the world is an undying spirit and work ethic despite the odds. Sure its cold outside and they’ll probably have to go to the hospital to get treated for hypothermia…but there is a greater cause at hand! Making the men look like the pimps they aren’t. Video ho*s risk heights, will walk on ledges, will stand on the edge of a crane, let snakes climb all over them, just to make a video look good. That is dedication.

You see, video ho*s, the oft maligned group of women, are believers in perseverance and the greater good. They believe in the artistry of music. Video ho*s believe that without aesthetics and without determination, the world would crumble.

Video ho*s make us believe that men in these videos are sex symbols. But alas, they do them, over and over.

They show up and give light to the darkness that is a horrible song because they believe in the plight of the entertainer. And I believe in their plight, because video ho*s make it possible to believe!

That is what they bring to the world and why this group shouldn’t be discriminated against any longer. Video ho*s make me believe in myself.

What have you done to better the world lately?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST