The Guilty Chronicles, Volume 1

Seriously, tha'ts not me.

It was 1993. I was in middle school.

Kids can be cruel? Absolutely. In 1993, it was my turn to be cruel. But understand, it wasn’t my fault. I lost a bet and it was either do my job or get laughed at. So I chose to do my job.

Here’s some backstory though.

In 1993, I was in 8th grade. Yes, that makes me older than you. But so what, you can’t whip my arse! Anyway, back then I was that kid everybody hated. Not because I was a bad person, but because I was “that” dude. I was on all the sports teams (basketball, cross country, track-n-field), got straight A’s, and was the student government president.

I was also like 4’11″. Real talk, I didn’t grow until my junior year of high school. I thought I was going to be a midget. This was a very real fear. It didn’t turn out to be reality but I still can’t dunk a basketball. Thanks mom.

Anyway, there was a young lady who came to my school JUST for her 8th grade year. We’ll call her Sonia. That’s not her name. But it is today. I don’t remember much about Sonia short of her jheri curl. And I only remember that because she smelled like activator. That’s not a dis or a shot, it’s just the truth. It was the kind of curl that almost made you want to light a math to see if it was as flammable as you thought. Poor Sonia, jheri curl, glasses, and pretty sizeable gap in her front two teeth.

For the record, I don’t think a gap is a bad thing. In fact, I think it builds character. Word that up. The look just doesn’t work for everybody. Word that up too.

Anyway, Sonia took a shining to yours truly. I’m not sure why, but she wanted to lay her curl on my pillow…something that I just was not feeling. At all. But she liked me. Awwww.

Well, Sonia ALSO (along with her curl) had some pretty consistently stank mouth. I tried not to pay it too much attention but we sat near each other in Math class. Point is, I got firsthand accounts and experience in her mouth.

Pause.

Or not pause.

Well, one day I made a bet with some other chicks in our math class. I don’t remember the bet at all. Not even a little bit. I do remember that the loser had to give Sonia a pack of breathmints at the SGA party we had going on later that night. I lost.

This presented a bit of difficulty for me seeing as I viewed Sonia as a friend. And she liked me. And here I had to be the bearer of bad news at a public event no doubt. You see where this is going right?

Later on in that evening the party gets going. The sounds of Vanilla Ice and Color Me Badd rock the auditorium when I decide to make my move. See, back then, I had to save face. I couldn’t just get punked into NOT calling somebody out on their bad breath. Oh, how shortsighted was I.

At the party I pulled Sonia into a corner where everybody could see us and then I pulled out the breathmints and gave them to her. In the entire realm of my life, that is one day I felt truly terrible to embarass somebody who did nothing wrong ever.

In the coming weeks and months, we didn’t talk much. She never let that go and I can’t blame her. She just quietly seethed towards me with her jheri curl causing a water hazard all around her desk.

In the most random twist of fate ever, I saw her in Huntsville, Alabama one day. My sister and I ventured to the local military base and upon walking into the door, there was Sonia. Still the same height, still rocking a jheri curl. And that last part is still true.

She recognized me right away and we struck up a short but awkward conversation. In fact, she was so shook that when I asked her what she was doing in Alabama, she told me that she was taking classes at the University of Georgia Tech. To this day I still can’t find any school labeled as such. My little sister immediately busted out laughing.

And I feel bad. I truly wish I’d handled that situation differently, but apparently it wasn’t in me to do so. I embarassed the hell out of this girl for no good reason.

But its in the past so the only thing that I can do is not mess with women with jheri curls.

I have no idea what she’s doing now but I”m guessing it involves DeVry. Which is totally great! Yeah. Okay. Alright.

Anyway, I shared that story to say that I’m learning that I need to say “I’m sorry”. She doesn’t read this blog so she’s short. But maybe one day she will and she’ll come across this post.

I needed to come clean. For the children. I’m sorry Sonia.

So good folks of VSB, what do you feel guilty for doing or do you need to say “I’m sorry” for? I know you got soul.

P.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. MY BAD HOMIE aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3