I'm sorry Ms. Jackson

One of my favorite chapters in “The Book of Basketball” — Bill Simmons’ best-selling tome about the NBA  — devotes several pages to all the “what if’s” surrounding Len Bias. Bias, who starred at the University of Maryland, was drafted by the Boston Celtics in 1986, but overdosed on cocaine and died before he ever got the chance to play in the NBA. In the chapter, Simmons goes through a bunch of hypothetical scenarios based on one question “What if Len Bias never overdosed?”

(If you want to find out more about Bias’ story — and don’t mind shedding a tear — watch “Without Bias,” ESPN’s 30/30 documentary about his death)

What particularly stood out to me was his theory about how Bias’ death actually stunted Michael Jordan’s career, a theory I agree with. Despite how great MJ was, he never really had a serious rival to compete with. Yes, I still believe he’s the greatest player to ever live, but he also was able to dominate because he reached his prime at a time when all of his greatest rivals were either seriously flawed (ie: Charles Barkley, Dominique Wilkins, Clyde Drexler, Karl Malone, Patrick Ewing), over-the-hill (Magic, Bird), or possessed certain physical limitations that left them unable to really be able to go toe-to-toe with him (Isiah Thomas).

(The Bulls were also somewhat lucky that they never had to face Hakeem Olajuwon in the playoffs — the one guy they had no answers for)

But, if Bias would have stayed alive, maybe MJ would have had that rival, that person he would have had to measure himself against and even occasionally lose to. And, maybe Bias’ competition would have pushed Jordan to become an even better player.

Why am I bringing this up? Well, while making my weekly blog rounds yesterday, I A) learned that Tyler Perry is now the richest man in Hollywood, and B) came across a trailer for Tyler Perry’s ‘For Better Or Worse‘ — a new TV show based on the dysfunctional marriage of one of the couples from the “Why Did I Get Married” series.

After watching the trailer, I…well…I’m going to be nice and say that I have absolutely no doubt that the show will be a HUGE success.

Now, my feelings about Perry’s work are well-documented. But, while the sight of any and all things Tyler Perry usually produces some combination of amazement, incredulousness, snark, and contempt, a different thought went through my head this time. I guess you can say that I had an epiphany.

Tyler Perry is black culture’s Len Bias

One of the reasons why Perry’s popularity is so unnerving to so many is because there’s nothing to compete against it. Right now, he is the Alpha, Beta, Delta, and Omega of black film. Now, this is no fault of his. In fact, his work ethic and opportunism are easily his most endearing qualities.

And, quiet as it’s kept, while we love to complain about how Perry’s work is setting us back, we weren’t exactly setting the movie world on fire before he got hot. His first movie — “Diary of a Mad Black Woman” — was released in 2005. Quick, name another good black movie — and “black movie” is defined in this case as a movie with predominately black characters and a plot involving them — that came out that year. Or the year before. Or the year after. Without running to Google, “Akeelah and The Bee” is the only one I could think of.

Point? Black film was in a serious creative depression, and Perry stepped right in with an ingenious plan to cater towards the most loyal constituency on Earth — Christian black women — and gave them relateable characters, resonate story lines, and eye candy. (Seriously, Perry’s male characters spend more time topless than any other black men I’ve ever seen)

But, just how the country needed to have eight years of Bush before a black man with a Muslim name and cornrowed daughters had a shot at the White House, maybe Perry’s reign will inspire some young black writing savant to get on his shit and create an Oscar-winning, record-breaking, script. Maybe “For Better Or Worse” will motivate some production intern to finish that premise and storyboard she’s been working on, and maybe that’ll turn into this generation’s versions of “The Cosby Show” and “A Different World.”

Tyler Perry is playing his part to perfection. He’s to black filmmaking what Len Bias would have been to basketball. We don’t need him to get better, or stop making movies, or stop being so thin-skinned. In fact, we need him to get worse, to start making 10 movies a year, and become so thin-skinned that toilet paper makes him draw blood.

I want him to go full-cinematic retard. I want him to cast black characters in black face. When Cicely Tyson finally dies, I want him to continue to cast her in movies. I want to see a Tyler Perry film where Tasha Smith is Joan of Arc, and Michael Jai White is her too-diesel for the 15th century husband, JaMarcus of Arc. I want to see Drake cast as a kind-hearted plumber with a dreadlocks wig. I want to see Madea goes to The Moon, and Madea does Dallas.

Maybe then our missing Michael Jordan will finally emerge; a person with just as much hunger, sticktoitiveness, determination, passion, and business sense as Perry, but with, you know, talent.

But, if that day never comes…God — or whoever the hell else is powerful enough to permanently mute Madea — help us all.

—The Champ

***Check out “Making Friends & Facebook Prowling” — The Champ’s latest at Madame Noire***