Paranoia is a motherf*cker. It causes you do all kinds of things. Just ask T.I. That dude had an arsenal of guns that would make Saddam Hussein jealous because he was paranoid that folks were trying to kill him.
I mean, he had ARMY guns.
Now, a little paranoia can be healthy. Just like many women can appreciate a man who gets somewhat jealous. (This has often caused me problems in life because I’m the least jealous dude ever. I live by the Goldie/The Mack rule, “You know the rules of the game. Your b*tch chose me.” My life has always just seemed simpler that way. Ahem.) But unchecked paranoia and suspicion can make you do all kinds of things.
Things like what, oh great-italicized P?
Glad you asked.
We all know some chick (or dude for that matter) who’s sat outside somebody’s house trying to see if their boo was going to show up. Or nowadays, what with advances in technology, know folks checking Google Earth trying to locate their S.O.s juuuust in case they might have forgotten to mention that one pit stop they intended to make.
I’ve always thought it to be slightly insane to remain with somebody if you had to delve into the S.W.A.T. team manual in order to determine whether or not they were cheating on you. I mean, hell, think about all of the unnecessary energy that you’re expending for what is essentially a fruitless cause. Either you’re right and mad, or you haven’t found what you’re looking for yet. Face it, if you think they’re cheating, in your mind, they are and you’re just waiting to catch their ass. But why stay anway?
Oh what a tangled web we weave. And horsehair ain’t no joke either.
Which brings me to my point. Courtesy of what I think is one of the most complex movies in the history of complexity, Baby Boy (this is all revisionist and based on how much fodder there is for actual relationship discussions of all types, not just romantic, we’re talking familial, romantic, spatial, gangster, thug, unstable creaturism, the list really goes on…) comes one of the oddest means of determining whether your man’s cheating or not.
Take a gander, a goose if you must:
Yvette: You been f*ckin’ around?
Yvette: Let me smell your d*ck.
Jody: Go on with that bullsh*t.
Yvette: If you ain’t been whoring around, let me smell your d*ck.
So I have a few questions here. For one, do non-hood-rat chicks actually do this? Let’s even say you don’t have the ignorant convo up front but do it on the sly. Is this ACTUALLY a means that women use? I know some pretty hood women and have polled women I know and I was amazed by the amount of women who have said they’d be willing to stoop that low.
No pun intended.
Which once again, I have to ask, why? If you think you man is cheating, so much so that you’re gonna do a sniff test on his ass, you probably would do best to just roll on. Plus, I’m not mature enough to NOT thump you in the head one good time just for being down there on some negativity.
But perhaps that’s just me, though I suspect I am not a lone like Michael Jackson song accompanied by a video featuring the daughter of Elvis Presley.
(BTW, the Washington Redskins suuuuuuuuuuck. Thank you.)
With all that said, good people of VSB, to what lengths have you gone to determine if your significant other was cheating on you? Would you women do a sniff test? Are you insane? And who’s getting DJ Hero like I am????
Inquiring minds would like to know.
Just how far would you go to find out if somebody was cheating on you?
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3