So I fully intended to write more specifics about CNN’s Black In America special, but two things happened.
1) I got off work dumb late so I didn’t get a chance to re-watch the segments I wanted to address; and
2) I’m kind of over it.
So, perhaps I’ll get back to it. But today I’m going to answer a question that showed up in my mailbox. The Champ and I get relationship questions all the time. For some reason, somebody thinks we spit hot fiyah on occasion. For shame…anyway, here goes:
Why is it so common for men to cheat or at the least, let their mind and eyes stray while committed to a woman they’ve said they love? – Leslie K. from Dayton
Nothing excites me more than easy questions to answer that seem confusing to women but like so much common sense to men.
What’s been expressed here are the two extremes of male infidelity. On one end you have the minor infraction of the “wandering eye,” and at the other, the should-be nail in the coffin act of ultimate f*ckedupism: cheating on one’s spouse. I’m going to handle those two separately and assume that the middle ground can be filled in with your imagination and perhaps a few shots of Patron.
And no, that didn’t make any sense.
I’ll never understand why women swear to not understand the “wandering eye.” Especially when women are the perpetrator of said crime as often as men. Let’s get one thing clear and out in the open up front: T&A is everywhere and it’s not going anywhere. If you’re in Miami, it’s walking right in front of you in a thong with the words “ENTER HERE” on the little triangle part on the back.
If you’re in Fairbanks, Alaska, it’s wrapped under fourteen pounds of parka and thermal underwear, but it’s there. Oh yeah, it’s there.
As a man, am I supposed to pretend that breasts and thighs disappeared into thin air once we decided to commit to one another? I think not. A man looking at the eye candy roaming the streets is looking strictly because it’s there and it’s probably what we were doing when we saw you. Yes women, at some point, we liked your breasts too. We just happened to get used to yours and as we all know, men like new shiny things – preferably bouncy shiny new things.
The thing is, and this will get to the cheating part, just because a man is looking doesn’t mean he necessarily wants what he’s looking at. Sometimes, we are looking because its there. If I walk through the Times Square Subway stop and see a woman with a fishnet shirt on with nothing on under it, there is no way in Hell I’m turning away. And neither are you. You’re looking too. So let’s just enjoy it together and discuss the merits of fishnets later. Me looking doesn’t mean I love you any less or am any less committed. Chances are, I’m looking at her and then thinking about you. Okay, that’s a lie. But still, I’m with you; trust me to be with you. And tell your friends to cover themselves up because it’s introducing lots of unnecessary conversations into our relationship.
On the flip, it’s common for men to cheat because they’ve probably always been cheaters. There are two types of men out there: men that are given the opportunity to cheat and won’t, and those who are given the opportunity to cheat and will. There is no in between. All men have the option. Since I started writing this I’ve been propositioned twice.
Thing is, a man that’s cheating is one who was going to cheat from the beginning. He believes in commitment in as much as he believes in having somebody to come home to for stability’s sake. He could probably care less about anything else. He also probably does it because he feels he can and will get away with it, and any man who feels that way is probably with a woman who has made him feel like he could. We all worry about getting caught…the first time. After that, it’s just routine. Plus, it’s wholly possible that he is attaching no emotional context to his carnal exploits. And yes, that’s another talk show, but yes I believe its possible. He’s with you because he wants to share his life with somebody. He beds her because he needs a quick nut.
And that is all.
It was written.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST
