men vs. women | Very Smart Brothas

What they don't tell you is that this exit leads you to the same cliff the Segway guy visited. For the last time.

Here’s another oldie, but goodie:

1. Women all claim that they just want a man to be honest.

2. Women not only cannot handle it, but generally aren’t built to handle the truth.

Ladies, from your tushy, remove the thong. At least let me tell you why I’m this way, hold on.

This past Friday evening I got into a most interesting conversation with some very attractive women. You know, just another day in the PJs.

Pun.

As is standard at this point in life, we started talking about relationships and somewhere along the way the conversation took the, “I just wish men would be more honest about their intentions” route. You know how this story goes, “If a man is only interested in sex with me, he should just say that. Who knows, I might feel the same way.”

Myself and the other hombre partaking in this conversation immediately were like…”eh, no. You think you want him to say that, but you don’t.” I don’t remember exactly how the whole convo went but that was the beginning of a whirlwind of zodiac sign revelations, psychoanalysis, and good clean fun. Yay.

It was a fun convo to say the least. I’m also pretty sure she showed me her feet. What does that have to do with anything? Nothing, but sharing is caring.

The convo got me to thinking about how many women I’ve encountered who swear that they wish men would just man up and be real. And while that sounds good in theory, I don’t actually believe nary woman would ever want to hear that. Okay, maybe not nary, but whatever the step before nary is…perhaps nan? Me no know. And here’s why:

1. Being that brutally honest about wanting sex seems like it would have the exact opposite affect

I was told that maybe that’s what women want too. Ok. Alright. True as that might be, hearing a man reduce you to nothing more than sex, no matter how witty he may do it, generally has the effect of drying up more panties a paraplegic man waving a blow dryer in Cairo. Most women’s immediate reaction is one of rejection and, ~~“what, I have two drinks and I’m a akaholik now?”~~ “so what, are you saying that I’m not good enough?” Which again…Sahara. Very very very few women are going to straight up be in agreement with whatever dude is proposing. I’m not saying that it can’t happen, just that it’s more unlikely than Bobby Brown just saying no.

And here’s something else. As a man, our goal is pretty much getting a chick nude. Not always the sole focus, but definitely part of the focus. We’re taught via our experiences that approaching a woman on some sexy time game usually leads to solo wanging. Telling a woman that while you think she’s cool you don’t really want more but would be interested in some smangage sounds like the WORST advice� you could give somebody ever. For most of us, it’s not worth the risk. Sure we may never taste the secret, but we don’t want to reduce our chance to zero percent either. The only time it is ever a good idea is if the dude really couldn’t give dos equis about whether or not he were to see those boobs ever.

2. I don’t think most women can actually handle it (like I said at the top of the hour)

Feel free to tell me that I’m wrong, but I think it’s fairly common knowledge that people only really want but so much truth in their lives. We can sugar coat and call it different stuff all we want, but nobody wants to hear the truth all that time. Lie to me. Then use me up. One of the ladies that was part of the convo told us about some dude she lied to when he asked her about the last time she’d gone out on a date. Why? Because she wanted to avoid the potential convo that was coming. So men and women do it. We decide what’s important for other people to know. In the above situation, if she had told dude that he’d gone on a date the day before, he might have gotten pissed and got in his feelings. Maybe he would have stopped dealing with her. Fine with her, hell she was on a date the night before.

Try that with a woman. Tell her that you went out with somebody else the day before. Not only will she generally get in her feelings, she’s going to want explanations about where you both stand, where you both sit, sitting or standing?, where did they go, was he ever going to tell her, is she special, was Ray Charles there…you get the point, a woman’s head is likely to explode PLUS after she’s done putting dude thru the (potentially legit….potentially) wringer, she’s going to take that to her homegirls. By the time it’s all said and done, I’m fairly sure Brick will have killed a guy. Telling a woman real truth very rarely ends there, especially when it comes to the use of their bodies as a drop box.

Point is everybody loses when you tell women the truth.

BAZINGA.

So good people of VSB, let’s tell some truth up in the #poolpit today. Fellas, have you ever successfully told a woman that all you wanted was some sticky icky and she was like, “cool”? Ladies, would you really be okay with a man doing that?

Do women (and hell men too) REALLY want the truth?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. DIAMONDS IN MY NECKLACE aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

If you haven�t purchased the paperback or the $9.99 Kindle version of��Your Degrees Wont Keep You Warm at Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide to Dating, Mating, andFighting Crime� yet, what the hell is stopping you? (No, seriously. Tell us and we�ll send Liz�s boobs to fix it)

The days of general courtship are gone. The good old days of seeing a woman, talking to her, getting her phone number, and waiting a day to call are damn near extinct. Today, the game is brand new, largely because everybody is crazy nowadays.

A few years ago, I was getting off the train, and I saw this young lady reading the book �On The Down Low.�� The first thing I wanted to do was walk over to this chick and say, �don�t believe everything you read sistah.�

And you know what? She would have pegged me as one of the DL brothas referenced in the book – all in a matter of seconds. That�s when it dawned on me: the first few seconds of any interaction between the sexes is the most vital. People say first impressions are lasting. Well, I say first impressions aren�t only lasting anymore, they are damning. I blame changing times and attitudes about dating�and that book �On the Down Low.� I honestly think that book has done more damage to the dating scene in the black community than Bobby and Whitney.

I�ve never read the book so I can�t comment on its contents, but the author, J.L. King�s appearance on Oprah and the eventual bestsellerizing of his book have f*cked up the game something awful. I�ll admit that there are DL brothas out there. I work at a club where we have a night where they run rampant. But I�ll be damned if EVERYBODY is a candidate.

The big problem is that there is a dating gap in the black community. Yes there are more successful women then there are black men.� And now all these women are looking at random things Black men do to determine if he�s gay from jump, creating a further rift because now you�re just PISSING us off.

And what does this have to do with the first 30 seconds? Well, its been stated that women know whether they would sleep with a man within the first 5 seconds of meeting him. Well, I doubt that now. Maybe it USED to be that way, but, like Obama, sh*t changed.

It USED to be that a man was aiming to convince the woman that she wouldn�t lose anything by taking a shot on him. Getting the woman to smile sincerely, or laugh was usually a good sign. It�s all a game and everybody knows it so you just used your best stuff�even if your best is just being yourself.

So what�s the game like now?

Well, within the first 30 seconds the dude must convince you that: he�s NOT gay, isn�t a convict, isn�t on drugs, has no kids, has a kid but is taking care of his kid(s), has a job, has a LEGAL job, doesn�t live with his momma, that he�s NOT gay, doesn�t live with another woman (or man) that he�s sleeping with, isn�t married, that he�s NOT gay, doesn�t live with his baby momma, has a car, has a car that runs, passed the SAT on his first try, can spell onomatopoeia, can�t spell B-R-O-K-E, isn�t broke, that he�s NOT gay, etc.

It�s so crazy to me that it used to be that a man would have to do something to convince a woman that he was gay somewhere along the lines, if it wasn�t readily apparent.

Now men, specifically black men, have to prove that we aren�t.

I�m not saying men aren�t to blame at all here. Dudes been acting really crazy behind women as of late. I don�t know what happened but men are becoming as erratic and emotional as women are STEREOTYPED to be. But still�

Fellas�just remember you got 30 seconds to convince this woman that you are worth talking too, AND that you aren�t some DL brotha. I�d tell you how to do it but I have no idea because nowadays, everybody�s a suspect.

So sad, JoJo.� So sad.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P

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