False Victories Wrongly Decided By Public Opinion

On “tha twittahs” a few days ago, I questioned how it was possible that Pitbull could still be relevant in any way shape or form and T-Pain can’t get a song on the radio. As was expected, folks rained down upon me (no pr0n, R. Kelly, or Mother Nature) the fact that Jay-Z killed T-Pain’s career with his track “D.O.A. (Death of Autotune)”.

Poppycock. Jay-Z didn’t kill T-Pain’s career. Changing musical tastes did. Jay-Z just made the right song at the right time to take credit for the demise. Think about this. T-Pain came onto the scene in 2005 with both “I’m Sprung” and “I’m In Luv (With A Stripper)”. For FOUR solid years T-Pain was EVERYWHERE on radio. “D.O.A” didn’t even come out until the second half of 2009 well after T-Pain was already on the decline; fact is, that’s a long time to sell karaoke for anybody. Yet, Jay-Z is awarded the victory for murking auto-tune and simultaneously T-Pain’s livelihood (though Mr. Pinnedherazzdown did release and sell albums since then, just not nearly as successfully as his 2005-2008 run). And it’s a false victory. Jay-Z just put the stamp on public opinion. Period.

And in contrast, 50 Cent absolutely did murder Ja Rule’s career. I’ll bet Ja has been constructing a voodoo doll in 50′s likeness since the moment he went to jail.

But Jay-Z killing auto-tune (1) is first up in the line of not quite victories wrongly decided by public opinion.

Here are a few others.

2. LL Cool J besting Canibus in their “battle”

Make no mistake, Bus’ “2nd Round Knockout” was by far leagues better than LL Cool J’s response record “The Ripper Strikes Back”. Canibus lost OVERALL because his career sucked. First he blamed Wyclef for creating the the dismal Can-I-Bus album, which was actually terrible. After that travashamockery, people kind of assumed that because Canibus career sucked despite his abilities, that LL Cool J – who has released more clunkers of albums than dope ones, let’s be real – couldn’t possibly have lost. Even now I’ve got somebody telling me that LL won that battle. He did not. But the people spoke and it was so. Even if it wasn’t.

3. Jay-Z vs Nas

Look, I liked “Ether”, the sheer venom in it made it a worthwhile listen. And it was the resurrection of Nasty. For that I’m happy. But the ONLY reason Jay “lost” that battle (he didn’t) was because he released “Super Ugly” and then tried to take it back. John Coffey. That’s the ONLY reason. “The Takeover” is SUCH a better song overall. And Jay didn’t resort to rote disses like “you’re gay” and “you suck” blah blah blah…he hit Nas where it hurt…with facts. And with only one vesre. But because “Super Ugly” comes out and people were happy to hear Nas so inspired, Jay “lost” that battle to Nas. Never happened.

4. The NAACP versus The n-word

Oh wait…the NAACP didn’t win did it, public opinion or otherwise. My bad. Those n-words were trippin.

5. The McRib’s existence vs common sense

Look, there is no motherf*cking reason why The McRib should exist. I’m fairly certain that even the marketing staff at McDonald’s is baffled by this one. But for some reason, despite the fact that its 1) not a rib; 2) is mystery meat; and 3) comes with pickles and onions; every time they drop the McRib, people lose their sh*t and buy them at an alarming rate making health care practioners who run HMOs happy. So somehow, the McRib continues its reign of terror on our arteries (kind of like the Baconator) because the people have created a false sense of demand for a product that nobody in their right mind needs. See also: The McGriddle. If McDonald’s isn’t the devil, then I don’t know what is. But the McRib stays around anyway. Because we have willed it so. Shame on you.

Alright, those are a few examples of false victories decided by the court of public opinion. What else do you have? VSB, let’s call out the fakers, posers, and bullishers.

And yes…I fully expect to get a gang of comments disagreeing about Jay vs. Nas. You may disagree with me. You will be wrong.

WHAT!

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. DO YOU WANT A VICTORY! aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

 

Share Your Love With Me.

Say what you will about the racial undertones of McDonald’s new chicken nugget commercials, fact is, they’re good and effective. Hell, just yesterday while trying to find something to eat for lunch, I decided to go to McDonald’s on the off-chance that I’d run into a crackhead some off-brand singing-arse ninja crooning, “why won’t you, share your love with me//girl you gotta 10-piece, don’t be so sting-ayyyyyyyyyy.”

No such luck. But I did order some crack the 10-piece chicken nuggets. And mm-mmm were they good.

I appreciated the processed goodness of McDonald’s chicken nuggets because of that commercial. Which means only one thing: advertising does in fact work.

(Unless it’s for TBS’s show House of Payne, which might be the WORST television show I’ve actually ever seen. No seriously, it’s that bad. I watched an episode the other day and it was painful. I can never get those 22 minutes of my life back. Luckily, the McDonald’s commercial played a few times. They weren’t being sting-ayyyyyyyyy. Thank you.)

For instance, when Girl A starts running to her homegirls to regale them with stories of all the…things their man won’t dooooooo-ooooo (sorry, I had a Joe moment), it subconsciously places a marker in Girl B’s head of, “hmm, she went to Jared, and he broke her off like that?! Man…I wonder…”

Now, that doesn’t mean that Girl B will run off and try to get some of that good sticky-icky-icky from Jared, but the thought is there. And besides, everybody knows that every kiss begins with “k”.

Fact#1: Women like to talk. And women like to talk to their friends about good things.

Fact #2: Women are trifling…to one another. Men may be trifling, but we do generally abide by the code.

If you talk to 8 out of 10 men, most of us will tell you that you don’t go bragging about your exploits, outside of the numbers game; mostly because we don’t really have to. Break a woman off properly and she’ll do all the mouth-work for you.

That’s a pun.

She’ll run her trap and sell you to a bunch of chick who didn’t even know they were in the market to buy. She becomes your own personal PR rep. Most women are akin a mid-level marketing agency who just got a lump-sum of money to peddle a new product. And if you don’t disappoint, hombre, she won’t disappoint. You’ll have more options than a Barack Obama presidency.

That’s a lot. And do you know why?

Because advertising works.

In undergrad, I remember these two chicks that stayed in the dorm with my Spelman sister. They began to HATE one another because of exactly what I said earlier. Girl A ran her trap. Girl B decided to see if she was lying. Boy was enjoying college and when opportunity knocked, he answered…literally. Two girls don’t speak anymore but Boy A has two more notches on his belt.

You know, if you think about it, pr0n is advertising. Sure it’s false advertising, but it leads to men and women both trying to find partners who can do acrobatic moves and often being disappointed when they realize that everybody isn’t able to do a running cartwheel, double axle with a back twist right into carnal position. But that’s neither here nor there.

To the women out there, have you ever run your trap about your exploits to your friends, only to have it comeback and bite you in the arse? Fellas, have you ever benefited from some chicking running her gums?

Or even better yet, people of VSB, does advertising work?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P