I’m not one to tell tales out of school, but I’ve been the victim of d-baggery and general f*ckery.  Unfortunately, I can’t tell you exactly what I’m talking about because, well, I don’t tell tales out of school.

It’s a vicious cycle.

However, the uber d-baggery for which I’ve been privy has highlighted a facet of male life that I’m not sure many women are aware of.  It’s a facet that all women should pay attention to for it can be the key determinant in determining whether or not the man you’re dealing with is worth keeping around or not.  I sh*t you not.

Today I must share with you all some vital information so that women everywhere can get one step closer to being two steps further away from men who will reign terror on their homes and kitchens.

I’m speaking of men who have no respect for the G-Code.

What is the G-Code?  Glad you asked.

The G-Code is the unspoken set of rules that all men should just damn know to abide by.   It’s the rules to the game of life that all men should respect in terms of dealing with other men.  It’s the understanding that all men SHOULD have that helps guide their interactions with one another.  You don’t shoot on Sunday and you don’t put your gun on anybody who’s not in the game.  Much like soul music, the G-Code is…life.

(I know some of you have vh1 Soul and hate the dude with his tree collage and “Soul” belt buckle like I do.)

Women many be familiar with the twin code of female governance, The Vagina Monologues.   I don’t know about you, but I ain’t NEVER met a Vagina that engaged in monologues.  Closest I’ve come was to this stripper chick at the Blue Flame off of Bankhead in Atlanta who could make that thang smoke.

A loosie.

*rimshot*

Ahem.

I recognize that the definition of the G-Code leaves much to be desired but that’s because no man should ever have to explain it.  The rules should be understood. Unfortunately, like Herpes during a recession, some things just need explaining.  And remember women, if you date a man who might even consider doing (or in some cases, not doing) any of these things, he’s not worthy of your time.  Kill him.

(Some) G-CODE RULES

Thou shalt not date thine homies girlfriend, while he is dating her. Or ever, actually.  This is just bad business on some Enron meets Worldcom sh*t.

Thou shalt not do deeds behind thine homies back that will put him in a dangerous situation merely for thine own good. Especially for the p*ssy.

Thou shalt not throw another man under a bus to make thineself look good.

*coughKobecough*

Thou shalt remember that it’s bros before hoes.  Period.

Thou shalt not get jealous for jealousy is a female trait. ?-Jay-Z said it, not me.  Well, I mean I did say it, but I’m quoting, rather quothing Jay-Z.

Thou shalt not let emotions cloud one’s judgement. Men act rationally.  Unmen act on emotions.

Thou shalt do the crime if thou doesth the time.  Thou SHALL NOT attempt to reduce thine own sentence by taking down a homeboy on some Nino Brown non-sense.

Thou shalt not act like ole b*tch when things don’t go thine way. We call this b*tchassness.

Thou shalt not be a b*tchass for being a b*tchass is how ninjas get dead.

Similarly, thou shalt have thine homies back if the situation calls for it and your homie didn’t directly put you both in harms way by being a b*tchass.

In fact, thou shalt check thine b*tchassness at the door because real G’s do real things and thou cannot do real things if you got nuts in your mouth.  Or on your shoulder.

Thou shalt stay true to the game, respect the game, and treat the game like you want the game to treat you.  What is the game?  The game is whatever life you live.

Real motherf*cking G’s know the game.

Ladies, if you are dating a man who seems to be at odds with any of these rules, which come down to general respect for the next man, run like Hell, he just might get you killed.

PS: Women can replace all gender-specific wording with the opposite (i.e. hoes before bros, etc.) and the code should work.  Trifling heffas that don’t respect the code should be avoided at all costs because they WILL get you dead.

So what are some other G-Code rules that all men should abide by?  Hell, what are the She-Code rules?  I’m actually really curious about that one.

Sharing is caring and Panama cares.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3