Tag Archives: manhood

Movies That All Women Should See To Understand Men

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This is what male friends get their other friends into. It's how we show we care, ladies!

Perhaps understand is a strong word, but here we go now, holler if you here me though come and feel me flow.

Ahem.

I think it’s fairly safe to state that men and women will never truly understand one another. We can all agree on that right? Good. However, that won’t stop all of us from trying to gain some sort of competitive advantage in order to best navigate the murky waters of the heart. Obviously, women will spend beaucoup dinero trying to figure out men…or at least until they find a man and get married. I actually wonder if women care as much about this sh*t after they end up married. Luckily, something like 163 percent of Black women will never end up married – statistically speaking, that is. I may or may not have made that up.

And I don’t think men really care that much. But let’s assume that we all care and want to figure each other out from a sincere and earnest place. Now picture Earnest going to jail. Thank you.

Movies are a great source of nutrition and protein.And they’re also a great way to learn about men (or women). There are a few movies that I think do a good job of accurately showcasing the types of conversations we have and the way we really think about situations we find ourselves in. Such as?

Such as.

1. 40-Year Old Virgin

Are men’s methods largely misguided a lot? Absolutely. But do most of our misguidances come from a well intentioned place? Of course. Are our conversations ridiculous? Mmhmm. Do we tend to overfocus on the tang? Yep. But isn’t the pursuit of happiness in the Magna Carta? Maybe. Point is, this movie perfectly illustrates true friendship and wanting to see your boys happy. Which is largely how most men live our lives. We just want happiness. By the way, this (and every other conversation in this movie is as real as it gets ladies…yes, this really happens).

Cal: Here’s what you do. You tell her you’re a virgin. You test her with this sh8*t, okay? Here, tell me. Tell me. This is how it’s gonna go. Tell me.
Andy Stitzer: I’m a virgin.
Cal: Sweet! I like that because I know you don’t have… chlamydia. I *know* that. I mean, that sh*t is everywhere.

2. The Wood

The Wood is one of my favorite movies. I related so hard to this movie that every time it goes off I get sad that they didn’t keep going thru the rest of their lives. Here’s how men’s friends really do work. There’s always the one who thinks he’s the pimp. Always. Then you got the one who always plays the mediator and stays level-headed…or tries too. Then you definitely always have the loud mouthed funny one. If there are 3 or 76 dudes who call themselves friends, you’re going to get some iteration of all three over and over again. And yes, 90 percent of us bet on our virginity. I mean, wait, none of us ever did that. We’d never.

3. The Lion King

Most of our daddies are absentee like a motherf*cker. And we’re all running from something. It hurts. I mean, I know my daddy. So it doesn’t hurt me so much. But I can’t lie, I’d be mad as hell if his brother threw him off a ledge then came up in my house and ate my food and drank my wine. And Nala was kind of banging in a lion next door kind of way. I think that’s who Musiq was singing about in Just Friends, Buddy, Homey, Chickfriend, Can’t Marry You Cuz You My Friend But I’d Smang,  and Pal.

4. The Best Man

Really, the worst offense you can commit as a friend is to bang the homey’s girl. The Best Man got all the convos right. The hotel scene where they’re talkign about Harper’s women situation was so on point it was scary. Plus…getting damn near thrown off a roof is pretty much a rite of passage in the life of a man. It happened to me just twice this weekend. But back to banging the homey’s girl. Ladies if you ever over hear a convo between two dudes and one says, “yo, I wouldn’t even sleep with your girl man…” you know they are real friends. Just ask Nicky Barnes.

5. Taken

As I watched Taken for the first time, I found myself getting so emotionally invested. They took his kid. His daughter. You do NOT mess with a man’s family. This movie illustrates the mentality of man who’s got a singular purpose and is willing to die for it. For many men, our family becomes that. Extended family, cousins, and ninjas who only ask for money though don’t get that treatment. See also: Man On Fire. The lesson here? If you take white girls, you will get dealt with.

Alright, those are a few movies that help women see a man’s mentality and/or how we talk and operate fairly accurately. What are others though? Let’s help the ladies out.

And ladies…what are some movies men should watch if we want to understand women? And please refrain from mentioning The Notebook. We know…and we hate it.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka CINEMA JACKSON aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Man Up?

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What he said.

One of the themes of that came across in many of the comments in yesterday’s post about male closure was this idea that men needed to man up when it comes to dealing with their emotions. A brotha seeking out some closure  was probably going to exhibit stalker behavior and say everything with his chest. Fair enough, there are definitely a lot of men out there who absolutely suck at dealing with their emotions.

Mostly because we are always expected to man up.

But what does that even mean? Does it mean that you just suck up anything that could be perceived as hurting your feelings? Between doing that and always managing to pretend that we are emotionless, logic driven machines its no wonder why ninjas start dying when its gets hot outside. A brotha can’t even complain about the heat without getting told to man up and just deal with the sh*t.Which leads to a prideful confrontation which leads to summertime gunshots.

Which, ya know, okay. If a man stubs his toe and starts boohooing like ole b*tch, then yes, he needs to man up. That does hurt like hell though. Stubbed toes are not the business. But I can understand how a woman might look at a man who’s all in his feelings because of something like that with the side-eye. If he needs his woman to kiss it and make it feel better than perhaps he needs to, well, man up, and move on. At least publicly. What a grown ass man does in the privacy of his home is his business.

What’s interesting about this is the double standard. And forgive me, shots are about to be fired. As I’ve said before, many women display toddler tendencies when they’re tired and/or hungry. I feel like if you react the same way that my 2-year-old daughter does to anything then I have a right to kick your ass straight to the curb. But I had a convo with one of my boys about this and he was like, dude, that’s just how many women are. And he was right. If I kicked women to the curb for that I’d be a lonely fool for a very long time.

Now imagine a tired man showing some signs of b*tcha**ness and complaining and throwing a tantrum and being all irritable because he was tired or hungry. Hell I inadvertently referred to that behavior as b*tcha**ness. Any man who did that would be considered a b*tch off break and would be ridiculed. And it’s not that we don’t want to complain about those things its just that we can’t without being emasculated. Effectively, manning up is taking everything that life throws at you and pretending that you aren’t fazed by it.

Or…if something needs to get done, motherf*cking doing it.

John Q is one of my favorite movies. For those who haven’t seen it, it’s a movie about a family with a son who needs a heart transplant and the struggle of the family to keep their son alive. It stars Denzel Washinging and Kimberly Elise and is an indictment on health care for the poor with the overarching message that the have-nots have to resort to damn near government overthrow and anarchy to get any help, and even then, they’re going to jail. But there’s a particular scene in the movie where a frustrated Kimberly Elise angrily tells Denzel’s character to “DO SOMETHING! DON’T LET OUR BABY DIE!” That ninja didn’t have any guidance but he was expected to do something to keep his son alive. The entire burden was on him. The buck stopped. So he resorted to his final option…this ninja took over the hospital’s ER, took hostages, saved some lives, and became a folk hero while trying to save his son’s life.

He manned up and did whatever it took to get the job done. Whatever it took. Throughout the movie you saw him trying to take care of everything. Because that’s what men are supposed to do. There’s no time to get in your feelings and feel sorry for yourself. No. You have to take care of business. There’s no empathy for the man because he’s not supposed to be in that situation in the first place.

When a man is told to man up, he’s supposed to be fully accountable to whatever situation he’s in and not be defined or constrained by the limits of it. He’s supposed to overcome. Martin.

And mainly not succumb to any feelings. It’s amazing how that starts so young too. If a little girl falls down, everybody sweeps in to hug her and tell her its okay and kiss her to make sure she’s okay. Little boys get the, “ninja get up, you’re alright. Don’t cry” treatment. When you’ve been suppressing feelings for that long, you’re either going to become cold or murder somebody. Sure there are degrees in the middle, but they’re not keeping anybody warm at night.

Bazinga.

Here’s a quick story. I once had a chick put her hands on my face in the most nonsensual way possible because I made a comment about something she was doing at the time. My comment obviously irritated her and it caused her to react angrily. If you ask anybody about that situation they would tell you that her actions were completely unjustified. Hell she might tell you that. She apologized…and then told me I was going to need to build a bridge and get over it. Basically, “I said I’m sorry, man up ninja.”

And women wonder why men are so screwed up when it comes to dealing with certain situations. Women don’t mind emotions as long as they’re deemed productive, which means catered towards them. Displays of love and affection are great…but even then there are women I know who don’t want a man fawning all over them because they don’t want men showing all that emotion. That was an actual convo I had.

Man up. Mind you, I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with any of this. I’m a man. I man the f*ck up and do what I need to do to get whatever needs to get done. But I also acknowledge that there have been times when I’ve completely forgone dealing with emotions because of this ridiculous notion that I wasn’t allowed to feel anything. It’s probably why my default response to “how are you doing?” is always “Cool” and have no idea how to really elaborate.

Then again, I’m a man…who wants to hear how hard my life really is anyway?

I’m writing a tome right now but I think this even goes deeper in the Black community. I’ll leave that alone for now though as I’m sure it will come up in the comments.

I’m curious about the entire concept of manning up and if men and women view it any differently. Ladies, what does “man up” mean to you in relation to men? Fellas, what does it mean to you?

Basically, if you have to tell somebody to “man up” what are you really saying? And do you think we place a heavier emphasis on “manning up” in the Black community?

Inquiring minds would like to know.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. OPPOSITE OF MAN DOWN aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3, HE NEED TO MAN UP

Fighting The Power With Radio Ruckus

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Jesse? Jesse, dat you at the frigidaire???

(If you have iTunes, click this link to the Jesse Lee Peterson Radio Show and our episode is labeled “Tragedy of Black Babies” LOL. We are the last hour and start at about the 1: 28 mark.)

I didn’t want to do this interview. Let me state that upfront. In fact, when we got the initial email showing interest in having Champ and myself on the Jesse Lee Peterson show, my first reaction was, who in the hell is Jesse Lee Peterson and what part of Arkansas is he broadcasting from.

But it turns out Mr. Peterson, Jesse Lee that is, is a quite well-known and accomplished (political leanings aside and dbaggery aside, but I’ll get to that) speaker and organizer. Then came the Wikipedia page that convinced me that I was right. Mind you I’d never heard of this dude before but his list of accomplishments amazed me. This ninja thinks Obama hates white people, thanks white people for slavery, started an actual Anti-Jesse Jackson day (jury’s out on whether or not this is a good or bad thing), is a Republican, right wing extremist and conservative. And he’s a reverend. Basically, this motherf*cker is Uncle Ruckus’ ordained cousin, Rev. Ruckus.

At this point, I decided I need to seek counsel from everybody except my father who I’m pretty sure would curse me out for even considering doing this ninjas show. I talked to family members who all told me not to do it, but at the end of the day, Champ and Liz convinced me that this might be a good idea. At the very least we could have fun and if there was ever an opportunity to do some crime-fighting, this would be it.  But I felt dirty. And for the most part, my gut was right.

With that said, here are ten things that I learned while actively participating in both the best and worst radio interview and convo we’ve been apart as VSB…

1. First rule about doing a radio interview with a ninja named Jesse Lee Peterson is don’t do a radio interview with Jesse Lee Peterson.

I don’t think the guy’s a bad guy, but wow, even before we got on the horn with him I thought he needed to have Siemen’s furniture. From the outset of the show, my suspicions were confirmed. Which brings up another point…

2. There’s no way you can truly prepare for somebody who’s entire opinion and reason to be is in direct contradiction to everything you believe in life.

I imagine this is what rappers feel like visiting shows like Bill O’Reilly or what a convo with Glenn Beck would feel like. Which is interesting, I always wondered how they always seemed to have a leg up on their guests, but when you control the convo and aren’t answering questions yourself, you have that power. We somehow ended up on the defensive for the majority of that convo. Which is fine, defense wins games. But I’ll concede that he definitely tripped me up a few times…like…

3. Apparently Jesse Lee hates Black women.

Grandiose statement? Perhaps. But I’ll be damned if his presumption that most Black women are angry didn’t lead me down that path. Then again, it’s all perspective. Was he talking about the angry Black women stereotype, or legitimate anger that women can’t seem to find good men (or at least that’s what the media is telling us.) Who cares, his whole premise, initially, was that all Black women are angry. To the point where the motherf*cker asked Champ how he deals with his girlfriend’s anger.

Point here is…

4. Just because you have a Black name doesn’t mean you give two f*cks about Blackness.

In his own way, Rev Ruckus thinks he’s doing a service to Black people by exposing our faults. And he would be if he wasn’t blowing white folks in the process. Oops, did Panama just say that? Yes he did.

5. Apparently I don’t even know my own mother.

The fact that I actually got into a spirited debate with somebody about my own mother is beyond me. Which brings me to something I realize more and more when we do these interviews. We get a lot of softball questions. The first time somebody came throwing boulders, I was so taken aback (not so much that he was going to, I expected that, but how quickly out of the gate he came with it) that I actually got suckered into a dumb a** argument about my mother, a woman I’ve known my whole life. Next time, kick rocks donkeynuts.

6. While I definitely got pissed at one point, I actually found the interview to be more comical than anything.

People who know me in real life know I get amped. Like all the way turnt up amped. I rarely back down and I go in all the way. Arsonist is not just a nickname, it’s a way of life. So it took all kinds of restraint for me to be easy. Though every time I called him “bruh” or “brutha” I’m pretty sure I was really calling saying “n*gga”.

7. I’ve never sent more “is this n*gga serious” text messages in my life.

I was both tweeting and texting during the interview. I actually had to mute my self a few times just to laugh because of the pure ridiculousness of this mofo. Not only did he twist some of our words up, he also created our own conclusions for us. But then again, I know I put dude in a position to do so by not being as direct as possible. Its like media-training-by-fire. I’m learning so much. Next time a motherf*cker asks me a question, forget what I think the answer should be, all direct all the time. “Hey Panama, should I jump off of this bridge?” “Yes, Jesse Lee, you should. No question.”

8. I found myself asking myself, who the f*ck was he listening to?

More than once he put words in our mouths…um….but the “are you a good man?” question where we both said yes, and he comes back from commercial break like “well one of you said no and the other said maybe” baffled me. I watched Crackheads Gone Wild on DVD yesterday morning and THAT exchange with Rev Ruckus was the most baffling thing that happened to me yesterday.

9. I’ve learned that research is important.

While on the call, I texted Liz to ask her to find out if he was married because I wanted to go there on this dude. But I couldn’t confirm one way or another and I didn’t want to hear, “this isn’t about me, this is about you and the BS answers you both are giving.” Which he basically said when he alluded to, “why are you guys doing this since neither of you knows how to give solid answers or provide anything worthy of note for anybody, much less lab rats, hoodrats, or big booty Judy’s named Bertha. Next time, I’m gonna have a freakin’ Match.com profile sheet pulled on anybody who wants to question our credibility.

10. I don’t actually disagree all that much with his stances on things.

Well at least I don’t disagree with his ability to have countering opinions to my own. I’m obviously more liberal than I thought, which is cool. Legalize weed. But that’s the problem with liberals…we generally just want people to live and let live. Conservatives not only think that’s bullsh*t, they want to talk about why it’s bullsh*t. No wonder why hippie music died out. Everybody became Republican and started hating on the younger generations. It’s the ciiiiiiiiiiircle of life. Oh, except his BS assertion that men have no business discussing or communicating their personal issues towards women. Cromagnon arse ninja.

I felt like this was worth sharing. A sort of director’s cut of behind the scenes imagery of what’s going on in the mind of folks while we’re doing these interviews and stuff. I’ve long felt like we could do a Behind The Blog on VSB and it would be the most entertaining sh*t ever.

Sharing is caring.

If you listened, any thoughts? Criticisms? Surprises? Talk to me.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Yo…Men Can Be Real Dumb Sometimes, Yo

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Baby, I can still drive it. It's just ice. Not lava.

Today, I’m throwing the ladies a bone. Big Pun.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: pride is the leading cause of death for Black men between the ages of birth and death. I’m not sure why we, Black men, have so much pride or why we let it override the good common sense that the good Lord bestowed upon us, but oh does it. So, oh, let’s do it. Leggo.

As somebody who knows many women, I get to hear numerous comments about how ridiculous men can be. And generally, I rebut said claims with proof that women are in fact, insane. Certifiable actually, for the lot of you dames out there. But the truth is, men can be real dumb sometimes, yo. Which is where pride comes into the picture. See, i think it’s manly pride that causes us to make many of the errant decisions that we make. Well, that our pursuit of the poonanny. Though maybe poonanny isn’t the right term since Tupac tried to smell Janet’s and all she did was breathe in his face and then fix his daughter’s hair. And yo, Pac, if you listening, you should have gotten a paternity test on that child because she didn’t look nothing like you, pimpin. Just saying.

But you dead now.

Back to the lecture at hand.

Men. Stupidity. As Ice Cube so eloquently put it, “Doin’ Dumb Sh*t”. I think men just don’t like being told that what we’re doing is wrong or doesn’t make sense. It’s the main reason why we don’t like asking for directions. It’s not that we don’t know that we’re lost. We just don’t like you pointing it out and telling us what we could have done to not be lost in the first place. Especially since we already know. Hell, there’s an app for that. We know, damn. In fact, if you all would just let up a bit on telling us how wrong we are we wouldn’t HAVE to drive you down that dark County Rd 341 highway that we claim is a shortcut.

Duly note that.

Anyway, as a service, here are a few ways that men can be real dumb sometimes, yo.

1. Refuse to ask for help when we clearly need it…even if its offered and we clearly need it.

It snowed, sleeted, skeeted, and thundered here in DC. Not a whole heap – we’re talking about 4 or 5 inches (midget pr0n) of snow in the city – but enough to f*ck up rush hour and enough to cause the streets to be extremely dangerous and slushy, etc. Well, I went outside to take some pictures of th snow because I’m a documentarian. I document sh*t. Well, I see one of my wayward ninja neighbors struggling to move his stuck car out of the snowy pit he’d managed to find himself in. He’s trying to push his car up a slight embankment while his girl is in the driver’s seat. I walk over and offer my help and he’s like, “naw, I got it”. Waves me off. Cool. It’s cold and my jheri curl is drying up anyway. His girl opens the car door and is like, “NO WE NEED HELP”. But dude proceeds to wave me off again. I hear them start arguing to which he yells, “what the f*ck was he gonna be able to do?” How about help you get out of the snow. But ninja rules of conduct require me to heed dudes words. That’s mad dumb. He’s trying to push a car. In snow. Up a hill. By himself. And help was offered. He said no. He is man. Hear him roar. And yes I went and checked on them every fifteen minutes to see them continue to struggle until I got bored.

2. Talk ourselves into a fight we didn’t want in the first place

Men like to talk sh*t. And other men understand this. See, most of us never want to fight and two arguing parties bank on this fact. But every now and then, one overly talkative dude will find himself mouthing off with a cat who doesn’t read books about what professional ninjas are supposed to do when upset. So then mouthy dude ends up talking himself into having to fight with some dude with nothing to lose in life because his pride won’t allow him to realize he might die. All we can do is pray for a snowstorm or police intervention so we can continue to mouth off about what we would have done. Men are real dumb, yo.

3. Argue with women

Contentious I know. But true. Arguing with a woman is a no win proposition. Somehow, no matter what we say or do, the fact is we shouldn’t have done or said something during the course of the argument. Arguing with a chick can you to be in trouble for so many different things. Your tone. What you said about her complaint about your tone. She could be wrong in the first place but the way you responded to her being wrong places you in the wrong. The only true way to end a fight with a woman is to throw a shoe at her. And I’m not even sure that will work but I’ll bet it’s more productive. How? I don’t know.

I’m a man. And I don’t negotiate with terrorists.

Unless it’s a woman. And then I lose.

Le sigh.

So people of VSB, what are other ways that men can be real dumb sometimes, yo? Ladies, have at it. Let us know.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka 40P aka lower.case.p aka PASTOR GOODTIME aka GANGSTA GILLIGAN

The G-Code.

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I’m not one to tell tales out of school, but I’ve been the victim of d-baggery and general f*ckery.  Unfortunately, I can’t tell you exactly what I’m talking about because, well, I don’t tell tales out of school.

It’s a vicious cycle.

However, the uber d-baggery for which I’ve been privy has highlighted a facet of male life that I’m not sure many women are aware of.  It’s a facet that all women should pay attention to for it can be the key determinant in determining whether or not the man you’re dealing with is worth keeping around or not.  I sh*t you not.

Today I must share with you all some vital information so that women everywhere can get one step closer to being two steps further away from men who will reign terror on their homes and kitchens.

I’m speaking of men who have no respect for the G-Code.

What is the G-Code?  Glad you asked.

The G-Code is the unspoken set of rules that all men should just damn know to abide by.   It’s the rules to the game of life that all men should respect in terms of dealing with other men.  It’s the understanding that all men SHOULD have that helps guide their interactions with one another.  You don’t shoot on Sunday and you don’t put your gun on anybody who’s not in the game.  Much like soul music, the G-Code is…life.

(I know some of you have vh1 Soul and hate the dude with his tree collage and “Soul” belt buckle like I do.)

Women many be familiar with the twin code of female governance, The Vagina Monologues.   I don’t know about you, but I ain’t NEVER met a Vagina that engaged in monologues.  Closest I’ve come was to this stripper chick at the Blue Flame off of Bankhead in Atlanta who could make that thang smoke.

A loosie.

*rimshot*

Ahem.

I recognize that the definition of the G-Code leaves much to be desired but that’s because no man should ever have to explain it.  The rules should be understood. Unfortunately, like Herpes during a recession, some things just need explaining.  And remember women, if you date a man who might even consider doing (or in some cases, not doing) any of these things, he’s not worthy of your time.  Kill him.

(Some) G-CODE RULES

Thou shalt not date thine homies girlfriend, while he is dating her. Or ever, actually.  This is just bad business on some Enron meets Worldcom sh*t.

Thou shalt not do deeds behind thine homies back that will put him in a dangerous situation merely for thine own good. Especially for the p*ssy.

Thou shalt not throw another man under a bus to make thineself look good.

*coughKobecough*

Thou shalt remember that it’s bros before hoes.  Period.

Thou shalt not get jealous for jealousy is a female trait. ?-Jay-Z said it, not me.  Well, I mean I did say it, but I’m quoting, rather quothing Jay-Z.

Thou shalt not let emotions cloud one’s judgement. Men act rationally.  Unmen act on emotions.

Thou shalt do the crime if thou doesth the time.  Thou SHALL NOT attempt to reduce thine own sentence by taking down a homeboy on some Nino Brown non-sense.

Thou shalt not act like ole b*tch when things don’t go thine way. We call this b*tchassness.

Thou shalt not be a b*tchass for being a b*tchass is how ninjas get dead.

Similarly, thou shalt have thine homies back if the situation calls for it and your homie didn’t directly put you both in harms way by being a b*tchass.

In fact, thou shalt check thine b*tchassness at the door because real G’s do real things and thou cannot do real things if you got nuts in your mouth.  Or on your shoulder.

Thou shalt stay true to the game, respect the game, and treat the game like you want the game to treat you.  What is the game?  The game is whatever life you live.

Real motherf*cking G’s know the game.

Ladies, if you are dating a man who seems to be at odds with any of these rules, which come down to general respect for the next man, run like Hell, he just might get you killed.

PS: Women can replace all gender-specific wording with the opposite (i.e. hoes before bros, etc.) and the code should work.  Trifling heffas that don’t respect the code should be avoided at all costs because they WILL get you dead.

So what are some other G-Code rules that all men should abide by?  Hell, what are the She-Code rules?  I’m actually really curious about that one.

Sharing is caring and Panama cares.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3