You Forgot To Be There.

Little Scrappy?

A vast many of you don’t watch Love & Hip-Hop: Atlanta (LHHATL). Congratulations. Consider yourself either lucky or oblivious. It’s one or the other. I, myself, have only seen two full episodes: the first one (I wrote a recap) and this past Monday’s episode. Rest easy, this will not be a recap of a show that apparently nobody here watches or that everybody here is above.

Naw, in one particular scene, Lil Scrappy recounts the story of how he and his baby mama recently “fell out”. Scrappy Doo apparently suffers from asthma and occasionally has asthma attacks. To quote his “girlfriend” Erica, “you have asthma so you have asthma attacks.” A true flair for simplicity, that one has.

Anyway, Scrap apparently had a really bad asthma attack. One so bad that he ended up in the hospital for a few days (!). Now, I’m no expert on the condition though my sister and nephew have terrible asthma, but they don’t always end up in the hospital. That usually is reserved for truly bad attacks. So Scrap-dutty had a bad asthma attack and his baby mama, who he was living with and who was physically with him when it happened…bounced before he got to hospital. Rather, she had one of his boys take him to the hospital so that she could go to work. This (of course) was enough to make Scrapdoogetydog feel like she didn’t have his back and thus move out and leave.

Erica, obviously not understanding how men operate, really didn’t seem to get it at all. To her the ninja has asthma. Asthma attacks happen. She made sure that somebody was there with him. What’s the big deal. Scrap felt like she should have stayed with him instead of going to work. Shenanigans ensue. The end.

This reminds me of Love & Basketball where Quincy took a step back from Monica (same thing Scrappy is doing) because “she forgot to be there” when he needed her most. She prioritized something else (her curfew so that she could start the next game) over him and he took that extremely hard. So much so that he took another chick to Burger King. In college, that’s big. I don’t care what anybody says.

“You forgot to be there….”

Amazing how significant that is to us men. I’ll chalk some of this up to pure selfishness and ego. We expect loyalty out of our women even if our concept of loyalty is shaky at best. Part of this is just how it goes. Women tend to devote themselves to us so when you notice that your woman has effectively placed other stuff above you, well, you notice. And it’s a clear indicator in our mind that we’re not as important as we think/thought we are/were. That’s a very sobering thing for a man.

Plus it doesn’t help that women seem to have this uncanny knack for pulling that when we need y’all most. Kind of ironic, if you think about it, most men will be there (at least I think so) if you need us, we just drop the ball when you don’t but would like us to do better. But for us, the entire concept of being there emotionally (Quincy) or physically (taking the ninja to the hospital) means everything.

In my mind, Monica absolutly should have stayed there with Quincy as long as he needed her. She was his rock, the person he could trust and rely on for everything. At the moment she left, she showed him that he couldn’t count on her at all times. Same thing with Scrappy…his girl bounced on him when the ninja (in his mind and heart) was going through it. Was he going to die? Probably not. But if you’re an asthmatic and you’re going through an episode I imagine that the inability to breath would absolutely make you feel that way. But you know what? This ninja needed some assistance and stat and the one person he felt should be there for him said “naw ninja, I need to go to work, Mook Mook will make sure you don’t die.”

I’d kick her to the curb to. She doesn’t care and proved that she still didn’t get it anyway. She forgot to be there and she just lost one (not that she cares, if you watch the show you don’t get the impression that she truly wanted to be there anyway…well, not all the time).

Maybe women deal with disappointment so much from us that they lose expectations anyway of us being there. But women so rarely disappoint us (does this make up for Monday?) that when you all do, we take it extra hard.

Point is, ladies…if your man is in the bed next to you AND CAN’T BREATHE…take him to the hospital yourself, mmkay pumpkin? Not doing so would be the one area where you, as his woman, are totally f*cked up.

So what do you think? Should she have taken him to the hospital herself or is her job to make sure its taken care of? What are the times when its warranted that you prioritize other stuff above your mate, short of life or death? Fellas…can you feel me??



Panama and His Theory of Misplaced Loyalty

I’ve got a theory. I know a lot of you all are averse to hard facts and science. But fret not because even after all my logic and my theory, I will add a motherf*cker so the ignant n*ggas hear me.

Let’s start at the top: women are overloyal. I could probably go the Black woman route and throw the words most or many to satisfy the antigeneralizationists out there. But I won’t do that. Satisfy deez. Pun. Anyway, women almost as a rule tend to be overloyal. As in, despite all of the facts, figures, and evidence, a woman will likely find some reason to stick it out and stay.

Exhibit A: Mimi from Love & Hip-Hop: Atlanta

Obviously, we’re not breaking new ground here. I think most people, men and women, would agree that a vast majority of woman stick around way too long. But the loyalty extends to other areas as well. For instance, Chris Brown is still having a stellar music career despite every attempt he’s made to end it. And it’s not just because he’s the best accessory artist in music today (seriously, dude makes every song he’s on sound better). It’s almost like he WANTS to go to jail. R. Kelly still has a career. Hell, he’s had such a good career post Pissgate that he owes the IRS nearly $5 million dollars. Guess he can take over the cell that Mr. Big occupied. And it’s not like men are keeping those ninjas careers afloat. Nope. It’s women. To a lesser degree, I’d wager that this even extends to the megachurch pastors who seem to have issues beyond reproach. Though I can’t lie…in Creflo’s case I honestly would wait to pass judgement on him. I had a cousin pull that “call the police and claim I got beat down by my parents” sh*t only to find out what it actually felt like to get beat down AFTER.

(By the way, there’s nothing wrong with women’s loyalty. In fact, it’s a good thing. Only when said loyalty is attached to negativity is it a bad thing. Just needed to add that in here somewhere.)

Anyway, women are overloyal. And here’s why: because women hate to be wrong. Leaving a man would require a woman to admit that she chose wrong. Which has to be a very difficult conclusion to draw considering how quickly most women are willing to place all of their proverbial eggs in that one basket. I’ve always found it interesting how women will find a man and date him for a while and be done. There’s no more looking. They have a man and that’s the one they’re hoping to end their dating life with. This perplexes me because it leaves very little room for evaluation. The evaluation that gets done isn’t to determine if she should stay or leave, it’s done to determine how to keep the relationship she’s in despite whatever issue exists. So while men never seem willing to work anything out, I suppose women want to work everything out. Not that I’m advocating for the early dissolution of a relationship because we don’t want to work, but let’s be real here, if you choose wisely upfront you won’t have to dissolve anything later, right?

One of my favorite artists is Kendrick Lamar. On his (O)verly (D)edicated LP, he has a song called “Opposites Attract (Tomorrow Without Her)”. At the end of this song is a spoken word piece by some cat (not sure who he is) that’s talking about how ridiculous a man can be towards women, how women give 100 percent even when a man is only giving like 20 percent. And how this woman is totally dedicated to this man who couldn’t care less. And yet she loves him and she always tells him that she loves him.

“But instead of admitting that she’s made another mistake, she tells me that she loves me…and I don’t know about love…”

I used to have a long running convo with one of my boys about the ability to trust my heart over my mind. And whether or not you should run with your heart or your mind when it came to love. I think we concluded that you should listen to your heart but trust your head. I get the impression that women are the opposite. Point there is that by trusting my (big) head…pun…we’d manage not to stick around in situations that were clearly not good for us to be in. And I’ve always wondered if that just made me non-loyal. Or if I was just smart. I’m not sure. But I do realize that I’m capable of making a mistake with my heart.

And I wonder if most women are okay with coming to that conclusion. That’s not a shot at all, by the way. More of a question.

And a theory…women are overloyal because they hate being wrong or admitting they made a mistake.


What do y’all think? Ladies, do you think that you’re too loyal? And if so, is it because you don’t want to admit that you made a mistake? Fellas, what have you observed? Are you loyal enough?

Sometimes I, feel we share, nothing in common, it ain’t fair…where do we seem to fall??

Forgive me if this rambled, I listened to Nicki Minaj’s “Right By My Side” while writing this. F*cktasticness happens.


return of the black man’s hat: the loyalty fallacy

i’ve had a t-mobile sidekick for almost 6 years now. purchased during my pretentious piece of sh*t days, i reveled in the fact that i had the coolest toy on the block, a device that, from winter 02 to maybe the summer of 03, was actually a virtual panty-dropper

***editors note: the champ realizes that the aforementioned sentence says more about the moral quality (or lack thereof) of the beautiful fools he chose to bag back then than anything else, so you dont have to remind him. end of editors note***

along with the wow factor, i had justifiably practical reasons for owning a kick. i didn’t own a pc or a mac at the time, so all my web surfing, instant messaging, and blog updating came from my phone.

today, despite the fact that there’s at least 25 different phones that are more user-friendly, more aesthetically pleasing, and more practical than the sidekick, i haven’t changed phones. sure, they break once every six weeks, have the battery life span of a gnat, and occasionally allow shower mist to give em irreversible water damage, but because t-mobile has been so good to me, i’ve remained loyal.

this last paragraph could potentially be a perfectly snarky pro t-mobile advertisement…if not for the fact that it was complete and utter bullsh*t

i still have a sidekick because i was bullied by a middle aged indian woman into signing a completely inane lifetime two year contract last year, a perfect bookend to the original completely inane two year contract i signed in 2004.  i still have a sidekick because i don’t want to kick up the 300 to break the contract, and even if i did, right now i honestly don’t want to go through the hassle of letting everyone in my address book know of my new phone number and email address. i still have a sidekick because i hate my other f*cking options, loyalty be dammed.

my unfortunate phone situation is actually a perfect analogy for a phenomenon ive been thinking about lately…eventually manifesting in the form of a question i posed on the hostess’s blog some time last week:

i’ve heard many black women profess loyalty as their reasons for sticking with black men and not entertaining the though of being with an “other”, but many times these same women also profess that they’re not physically/sexually attracted to the others and don’t feel as if the others are attracted to them.

so, if someone feels as if they don’t have any other realistic options or choices, can they really take the moral high ground and cite loyalty as their reason for “sticking it through”?

how can you measure the loyalty in someone who doesn’t feel as if they have any favorable choices? can a guy making 40 a year profess “brand loyalty” when leasing a camry, when he knows damn well that if he was offered a bentley coupe for the same price, he’d sign that contract quicker than a crackheads heartbeat while pulling out his wang and pissing on the hood of his old toyota

i’m not suggesting that every black woman who pulls the loyalty card is optionless. sh*t, i’m not suggesting that any black woman is optionless, but many times their reasoning for said loyalty blantantly contradicts the idea of loyalty itself. if you honestly feel that black men are the only ones who can please you sexually, then really, how “loyal” is it to exclusively sleep with brothas? if you honestly feel like the brads and chads of the world aren’t attracted to you at all, can you really take the racial (and morally ambigious) loyalty high ground?

that’s it. talk amongst yourselves while i scour the net for ways to set fire to the t-mobile headquarters in bellevue, washington break my sidekick contract. hopefully they have some type of “loyalty clause” that allows me to get out for free.

—the champ