Dating Profiling: How Your “Look” Affects Your Luck

***Editors Note: Due to some technical difficulties, The Champ wasn’t able to post the topic he planned for today. Instead, here’s a blast from the past — with some updates — that’ll never not be relevant***

“I don’t understand it, Champ,” a friend said to me over a plate of undercooked Cajun wings. “Why does everyone assume I’m a vegetarian? It’s my hair, isn’t it?”

My reply – I explained that her aura (think Lisa Bonet in High Fidelity) suggests certain personality traits – sparked a discussion about the inherent unfairness (and importance) involved with stereotyping. While its probably not fair to make immediate judgments based on ones appearance, we do it to protect ourselves; synthesizing past experiences to have an idea of what to expect from certain types of people.

This is extremely prevalent in the dating game. Holleration is more parts science than art, and which women men choose to approach and how we choose to approach them is (usually) based on the same concept behind NYC’s “Stop and Frisk” policy. Basically, we “profile” the hell out of each other. There’s a reason many women claim they tend to get approached by “the same guy” over and over again.

Anyway, (by my estimation) there are two dozen or so different “types” of Black women, and here’s what a typical VSB usually assumes when he sees four of them.

(After reading a few of the comments, I think I need to make something clear. I’m not suggesting that the looks listed are the ONLY types of looks, lol. There are dozens of them. Dozens! I just happened to list four random examples, and the assumptions that go along with those four random examples.)

Probable interests: Music made by rappers named with an intentional misspelling of “young”. Red Lobster. Forever 21. Tyler Perry movies. Professional Sports. Clubbing. Fighting and/or f*cking in and/or after the club. Orange soda.

Best time to approach: At the club, during the second chorus of “Amen.” While behind her in line at Baby Foot Locker.

Best compliment you can give her: “Your daughter’s name is cute.”

Best pick-up line: “What chu drinkin?”


Probable interests: Organizing book clubs with other well-coiffed women, and spending the entire time at said book club discussing best ways to have sex without ruining weave. Being seen at Tyler Perry movie premieres. Vacations. Any vodka but Ciroc. The idea of Beyonce.

Best times to approach: During Kenny Latimore concert afterparty at Essence festival. After being seen driving a Maserati Quattroporte.

Best compliment you can give her: “That was the best pussy I’ve ever had.”

Best pick-up line: “Who’s your dentist?”

 

Probable interests: Sashimi. Founding wittily titled groups on Facebook. Ex-boyfriends who happen to be dating White women. Writing scathing letters to Tyler Perry. Thinking of genius ways to stretch unemployment compensation. Wishing Donald Glover was a bit taller and was able to clone himself like Agent Smith in The Matrix

Best time to approach: After she’s left a comment on your blog. While interviewing her for volunteer mentorship position

Best compliment you can give her: “You should teach an art class.”

Best pick up line: “Have you read “The Broke Diaries”?”


Probable Interests: Michelle Obama. HGTV. Orphaned dachshunds. Arguing in favor of the positive effect Tyler Perry has on Black businesses. Moving to cities with high suicide rates. Ann Taylor. Making more money than every man she’ll ever date and/or marry. Kickboxing.

Best time to approach: While she’s standing next to Charlie Rangel at Urban League happy hour. After hitting her Prius with your shopping cart in Trader Joe’s parking lot.

Best compliment you can give her: “You have the perfect handshake.”

Best pick up line: “Where can I find some efficient hiking gear?”

Anyway, people of VSB.com: Do you assign assumed characteristics to certain looks, and have you ever been a victim of dating profiling yourself?

Also, do you tend to find yourself drawn to the same peripheral “type”? If so, why? If not, stop lying.

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)