The Black People’s Color Spectrum To End All Color Spectrums

***A version of this entry was originally posted three years ago, but an argument I had with a friend who swears she’s not light-skinned prompted me to repost***

Despite our preoccupation with color, skin tone, and shade, our definitions of exactly what makes someone light or dark-skinned remain somewhat arbitrary, and completely confusing.

Don’t believe me?

Ask 20 black people tomorrow to name a light-skinned black celebrity, and your answers will run the gamut from Tracie Ellis Ross to Jay-Z, two people who resemble even-toed ungulates more than they do each other.

As long as our definitions remain so variable, we’ll continue to have 60 year old black men (ie: my dad) who need to be told by their wives and sons that they’re not the same complexion as Courtney B. Vance.

Today, I’ve decided to put an end to this confusion with the VSB Spectrum, an all-encompassing and omniscient ledger letting us all know exactly where we all stand, once and for all.

***Pics added for clarity***

Albino

mcx0707beskin004-med

Passing

jennifer-beals-picture-4

Tragically passing

mariah-carey-new

LIGHT-SKINNED

mike_bibby-arton20868-240x240
***I’ve found that hair and features determine a huge role in the perception of where a person should be placed in this part of the list. For instance, if you look at their pics side-by-side, Keyshia Cole is at least a shade lighter than Beyonce. Yet, most people probably assume the thundergoat is lighter because of her weave hair and creole
hybrid features.***

lisa

LIGHT BROWN-SKINNED

Obama 2008

***This is where the paper-bag test officially ends. This also represents the end of light-skinned points, and light-skinned guilt (where light-skinned people get so self-conscious about their lack of melanin that they try extra hard to be extra black. I call this the Micheal Eric Dyson Corollary)***

Lloyd Banks

Caramel

***Although this word isn’t gender-specific in theory, a straight man usually shouldn’t be described as caramel. ***

 

eve

BROWN-SKINNED

Pauley Pavilion

***The easiest place on the list, brown-skinned bastards can live their entire life without the hyper color-consciousness plaguing the rest of the spectrum. They can date whoever they want without being labeled as colorstruck or an overcompensator, and they are typically free of the color-centric insults (high-yellow b*tch, african booty scracther, etc) thrown towards other ends of the spectrum. If it sounds like i’m hating, good. Mission accomplished.***

angela-bassett_l

DARK BROWN-SKINNED

red-cares-lebron-james-400a120706

***This is the point where it’s officially taboo for a black person to openly profess a preference for a person with lighter skin. Also, there are more black professional athletes with this complexion than any other shade. I’m sure there’s a connection there somehow***

Chocolate

dwayne_wade

kenya

***A friend of mine said that while a typical light-skinned chick is better looking than a typical dark-skinned chick, a banging dark skinned chick is better looking than a banging light-skinned chick. He’s currently in prison, btw. I have no point here. I just felt like sharing***

DARK-SKINNED

kg

anthony_morrow_70700827856

***Its funny how the word “black” by itself has a negative connotation. For instance, my dad said that as a youngster, prefacing any insult with “black” (ie, “you black bastard” ) was grounds for an ass-whooping. According to my dad, it also snowed 5 inches everyday back then, so I’ve learned to take everything he says with a grain of salt***

8-rock

alek-wek

So there you have it. People of VSB, get in where you fit in. Where do you fit on the spectrum?

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

WLSG.

Problem: Light-Skinned Points.

Wait. I see some people wondering what I mean by light-skinned points. Let us define.

Light-skinned point(s). noun. 1) the additional attention that fairer skinned light skinned women receive over their darker-skinneded sisters whether or not their face actually warrants any attention at all. 2) the assumed increase in attractiveness laid before melanin deficient black womenwhether or not their face actually warrants any attention at all.

Ive always thought this was a funny phenomenon. I mean, even the most busted light women get a lot of attention. Whether youre on the subway or just walking down the street, the light skinned women with a hairline that starts in Australia will get attention. Even George Benson asked for the light.

(Actually he asked for the night, but it rhymed with light. Run with it. Call me now!)

It has to be frustrating for attractive dark skinned women. And for the record, you are not attractive if the only person who has called you attractive is your mother and your reflection. You can put 9 dark-skinned fine women in a room with one light skinned Gremlin and Id be willing to bet that most men would say that the light skinned woman was the most attractive woman in the room. And that is emblematic of the problem in the black community — we place lightskinned people on a pedestal. Well, mostly women since everybody knows that lightskinned men went out of style back in the early 90s.

I suppose you could just make the connection that light skinned women are closer to white women, thus the black mans innate desire for white women is the culprit here. And I guess that has merit. Which would then explain the hate that a lot of light skinned women receive from other black women since black men love them some light chicks and dark chicks know that causing them to hate on their light sisters who can at times be assholes about the fact that they get a lot of love from black men. Not always, as I know some light chicks who hate the light attention as much as dark chicks do. Which is kind of interesting if you think about it. If you are a light chick who gets a lot of sweats from black men and you know that light skinned women do indeed get points, and you hate the points you get for being light skinnt so much so that you wish you didnt get the pointshow do you reconcile that? Does it stop light chicks from being proud of who they are??

Its like intra-race reverse affirmative action.

Slavery really did a number on us didnt it? Some of the self-hate that a lot of us are caught up in has translated into our love for the light. A lot of us hate ourselves. We hate our skin cuz its black, we hate black pepper, we hate midnight, and black ball point pens. Hell, there are some black folks reading this right now who hate what Im saying cuz the text is showing up black. Psychologically we get so caught up in light versus dark in our community (and you better believe its still an issue) that we offer solace to light-skinned women who would in NO way ever get points if life made sense.

[***DISCLAIMER #1: I'm aware that all men don't go straight for light-skinned women. But facts and videos don't lie to us. ***]

Which brings up another point. In an ideal world, dark skinned women could be video ho*s urban models. Thats actually the saddest and funniest part of the entire debate. We always hear about all the light skinned women in videos — which just so happen to be the same videos that so many women rail against. The same videos that exploit women to the fullest are the very ones that many darker women get upset about not being able to participate in. Strange, strange world we live in.

And really, thats what its all about, equal opportunity in my videos.

It was written.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST