It’s been a pretty shitty last couple of weeks for everyone’s second favorite ambiguously everything R&B singer. First, he provided the universe with perhaps the 11th or 12th most gif-fable high-profile moment of the year. (Can’t crack the top ten. Those all belong to Chris Bosh.) Then, adding insult to injury, the woman hit by his star-crossed stage jump may sue him.
In between all of this, Miguel also found the time to piss off Black America’s whole entire ass by tweeting that we (Black people) were the most judgmental people in the world. As expected, he was roundly criticized by (mostly Black) folks, who obviously failed to see the irony in throwing negative judgments at someone to prove that they’re not judgmental.
Although Miguel was wrong (more on this in a second), it’s not hard to see why a person might believe what he said. We (Black people) collectively possess many positive attributes. We’re (generally) great at picking up the words and melodies of songs we’ve never heard before while in church, we’re (generally) a pretty forgiving people (well, forgiving of men and boys, at least), and we’re (generally) adept at f*cking Kardashians.
But, we also tend to have somewhat rigid definitions of things like masculinity, sexuality, and religion, and this does have an effect on how we perceive, assess, and ultimately judge people. Obviously, this doesn’t encompass all Black people. Not even most of us. But, the few this mindset does apply to tend to be very passionate, very demonstrative and, unfortunately, very influential. They’re basically Black America’s Tea Party.
That being said, there are dozens of other types of people far more judgmental than the typical Black person and even the Tea Party Black people. Naming them all would take a couple hundred thousand words, so I’ve limited it to a few.
Diehard Sports Fans
Maybe sports tends to attract people with judgmental personalities. Maybe sports culture itself cultivates that way of thinking. And, maybe Justin Bieber got tired of being mistaken for a White lesbian from D.C. and decided to dress like a Black one from Baltimore instead. Either way, no one is more provincial, territorial, irrational, and ultimately judgmental than a diehard sports fan (And yes, I’m including myself).
Very Liberal People Living in Very Urban Areas
Ironically, the demographic who prides itself on being the least judgmental only extends that lack of judgment to people who share the exact same world view as they do.
Old-Ass Black Men
Do you all remember that entry from a year or so ago when I joked that one of my goals in life was to make it to 60 just so I could be an old-ass Black man and be granted the old-ass Black man privilege to say whatever the f*ck you want to say without any fear of reproach that every Black man over 60 seems to have? Well, I have a confession to make. I wasn’t joking. This remains the only human want I still have.
Perpetually Single Women Who Happen to be in New Relationships and Also Happen to Have Single Friends
Every woman reading this who happens to be single and happens to have a homegirl in a new relationship is solemnly nodding her head while remembering the time last week this homegirl snidely suggested that she “might actually find a man” if she “stopped wearing all that damn gray all the time” because it “scares good men” (presumably “good men” like her new boyfriend) “away.”
—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)