Why Beyonce Has To Tell Bitches To Bow Down (…And Why Lebron Doesn’t)

Jay-Z-Beyonce-Lebron-Savannah-at-SI

There is a sizable percentage of sports fans who steadfastly believe that Lebron James will never be as good as or better at basketball than Michael Jordan was. Note, I didn’t say “believe that Lebron James is currently as good as or better than Michael Jordan.” No, these people believe that Lebron is completely incapable of ever reaching that status. There is literally nothing he can do to change their minds.

The reasons for this belief vary. Some provide factual arguments. (Jordan never lost in the NBA Finals. Lebron has already lost twice.) Some prefer to craft their arguments around style/aesthetics. (Jordan’s game was more graceful and seemed a bit more refined than Lebron’s.) Some even get caught up in selective nostalgia. (The faultiest argument, these are the type of people who discount anything that happens now because things were “better” back in the day.)

The most common argument, though, is based on something that’s both completely intangible and completely true: Jordan was, by all accounts, an uber-competitive asshole who’d cut his own mother’s throat to win a hand in spades. Lebron, by all accounts, is competitive enough, but not nearly as competitive as Jordan.

And, the argument states, since he’s not that type of competitor—since he doesn’t have that same killer instinct—he’ll never be able to match or exceed Michael.

At this point, you might be wondering why I’d include Beyonce in the title of a piece comparing Michael Jordan to Lebron James. “Perhaps” you might be thinking “he originally wanted to write about Beyonce, changed his mind, but forgot to change the title. That damn Champ is a rascal!”

Well, Beyonce has been on my mind since the oft-talked about release of Bow Down/I Been On. As alluded to last week, the reaction to the song has been more interesting than the song itself, and one of the main reactions has been, simply, confusion.

“In the last two years, Beyonce has given birth to her first child, performed at the Super Bowl and the President’s inauguration, and signed multi-million dollar contracts with Pepsi and H&M (among others). Oh, and she also has a devoted fanbase anxiously anticipating her every move, is worth a couple hundred million dollars, and is married to man worth more. She’s at the top of the world. Why the hell is she worried about haters, bitches, and hating-ass bitches?”

I won’t pretend that I know exactly what makes Beyonce tick. But, from what I know of her, it seems like she has the exact same thing driving her that seemed to drive Michael Jordan: Insecurity. Not “insecurity” in terms of a lack of self-esteem or self-belief. But, the type of insecurity that makes someone perpetually worried about competitors. The type of insecurity that makes someone so consumed with being the best and with having everyone agree that they’re the best that they actively search for slights to motivate them. And, if these slights don’t exist, they invent them.

This is what makes someone sing an impromptu acapella national anthem just to prove to everyone that they can actually to it—even though no one actually doubted that they could. It’s what causes a man to go out of his way to dominate a person who had the misfortune of dating the man’s wife before he even knew she existed!

This way of thinking isn’t limited to Beyonce and Michael Jordan, either. There are multiple accounts of how Steve Jobs’ motivation and creativity stemmed from him being consumed with other companies somehow catching up to Apple. He drove as hard as he did not because of a joy of innovation but because he believed he needed to be that way to stay ahead. He felt that his company’s—and, by extension, his own—status was tenuous, and he was willing to so whatever he could to maintain it. This “drive” regularly resulted in him insulting and publicly humiliating members of his own team.

Jobs is just one example, and I could probably list dozens more. People so obsessed with maintaining their place and position that they sacrifice a bit of their humanity in the process. Naturally, when people who act this way happen to be successful, we have the tendency to attach a certain romanticism to it.

“So what if Michael Jordan put rat poison in Karl Malone’s Gatorade? He’s a winner, and that’s what winners need to do to win! Maybe if you put rat poison in your bosses’ coffee, you’d finally get a promotion.” 

Sometimes this romanticism is taken to an extreme. We start to believe that being completely consumed with beating everyone else, with having a “killer instinct,” with being a queen who needs to remind others to “bow down,” isn’t just a way to be successful, it’s the only way. 

This takes us back to Lebron.

As mentioned earlier, I do know there is a widely-held belief that he’s not a “killer” the same way Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, or, shit, Beyonce is. And, while a “killer instinct” is an immeasurable quality, there are certain things a person can do or not do to indicate whether they possess it. Those believing Lebron doesn’t commonly cite him joining up with Dwyane Wade as proof. Basically, Jordan never would have volunteered to team up with a rival because he would have been too focused on beating him.

I agree. Jordan would not have done that. If you believe that and you’re reading this, you’re probably also thinking that what Lebron did shows more “insecurity” than anything Jordan has ever done. But, when you start thinking of Lebron in terms of what a regular human being would do/think instead of how we’ve been conditioned to believe how “successful” people are supposed to act/think, his actions seem more, well, “secure.”

Lebron doesn’t actually have any rivals. The media and some fans might try to push certain narratives, but from every reasonable and objective measurement, he’s been the best basketball player on Earth for (at least) the last four years. Jordan also had that title while he was in his prime. But, the difference between him and Lebron is that Lebron doesn’t seem to have the same need to prove it. Knowing you’re already peerless allows you to look at people like D. Wade and Chris Bosh as friends who could help him achieve a goal and have some fun instead of rivals that need vanquished. It allows you the belief in yourself to make the right basketball play instead of attempting to mimic the style of “hero ball” expected of you. It lets you invite the guy who’s supposed to be your rival for the next decade to workout together and learn from each other.

As I type this, the Miami Heat are coming off of their 26th consecutive win. Lebron was two rebounds shy of a triple double. He will win his 4th MVP this spring, and, barring injury, he should win his second NBA title. He is also 28 years old, which means he has a good four or five more years with the “best in the world” crown, more than enough time to collect more MVPs and championships.

He will still never be like Mike or Steve or Beyonce. Neither will most of us. But—as he continues to prove—you can be the best at what you do and still be human too.

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

Why It’s Wrong To Root Against Lebron James

Like many young boys coming of age in the ’40s and ’50s, my dad had an almost unhealthy affinity for Westerns and cowboy culture. Actually, “had” is the wrong word. “Shane” is still one of his favorite movies, and it’s not uncommon to drive up to my parent’s house and catch my dad in the middle of a “Gunsmoke” marathon.

And, also like many young boys infatuated with Westerns, my dad wanted to be a cowboy. Since there weren’t many 10 year old Black cowboys in the 1950s, he pretended as best as he could; rocking tassels and holsters with plastic guns in them whenever and wherever he could. (I think he even wore them to school)

Yet, if you hear my dad tell it, these memories produce an uneasy ambivalence. While he treasures the memories of walking up and down his block, pretending to be a cowboy, he feels a certain way about the fact that, by playing “Cowboys and Indians” — a game where the the kids in the neighborhood pretended to be cowboys chasing down and killing Indians — and by rooting against the Indians in many of the shows he watched, he was playing for the wrong team.

As a kid he didn’t realize this, but as he grew older and learned about some of the things that really happened in the Wild Wild West and to the American Indians, he grew horrified at the fact that American culture had villfied the Indians and that he happily took part in that vilification.

I imagine the people still reading are probably wondering how exactly I’m going to tie Lebron James into this story about my dad. A few may even already be upset at the thought that I’d dare compare Lebron’s plight to that of the American Indian. If you are one of these people, relax. I know it’s not that serious.

What is (slightly) serious though is the fact that, like my dad rooting against the Indians, I believe that those vehemently rooting for Lebron to fail will be on the wrong side of history. 20 years from now, I have no doubt that even the most fervent members of the anti-Lebron fan club will be thinking to themselves “Wait…why was I rooting so hard against him again?”

“Being on the wrong side” of history doesn’t necessarily mean that these people are rooting against a person who will eventually become a champion. Whether the Heat beat the Thunder in the Finals or not has no bearing on my argument. My point is that in time, history will show that today’s prevailing narrative — Lebron represents everything wrong with sports/celebrity culture — was false, and we were fools to believe it.

His situation has created a paradox where people are rooting against what they feel he “represents,” while simultaneously rooting for others who exhibit the exact same qualities. For instance, I watched game seven of the Eastern Conference finals at a sports bar in New York City. Maybe 80% of the people in attendance were noticeably rooting for the Celtics. The Boston Celtics. A team that won a championship a year after three of the 20 best players in the league decided to play together there.

Let me repeat myself: These were the Boston Celtics. I was in New York F*cking City. If you’re familiar with sports at all, you know that New York and Boston have fierce rivalries in every sport. They’re about as close to a contemporary version of the Hatfields and the McCoys as you’re going to get.

Yet, despite the decades of animus between these cities, the majority of the patrons in this bar were rooting for the Celtics just so that Lebron would lose. They could have given two shits about K.G. and Rondo and Ray and Doc. One of the bartenders was so anti-Lebron that if Paul Pierce sent him a text saying “Man, your daughter got some good p*ssy.” he probably would have replied back “Beat Lebron and you can f*ck my wife too!”

Now, saying that it’s wrong to root against Lebron doesn’t mean that you have to root for him. You do not have to be a fan of him or his game. And, if you are a fan of Kevin Durant (more on him a minute) and the Oklahoma Thunder, you (obviously) want Lebron and the Heat to lose because you want your team to win. The wrongness comes when a narrative makes you want a person to fail, regardless of who would benefit from that failure.

Also, fans of the “OKC represents everything right with sports” narrative, listen up. The funny thing about sports narratives is that they tend to be completely arbitrary and usually false. 10 years ago, Kobe Bryant was touted as the “Anti-Iverson,” the representation of what’s right with sports and how to play the right way….and you see what happened to him. After Kobe’s star fell, Lebron became the Anti-Kobe, the one who played the right way and respected the game the way it should be respected…and you see what happened to him. Today, Kevin Durant is the new golden boy, the Anti-Lebron, the one who does and says all the right things and doesn’t even have any visible tattoos.

I’m not suggesting (or hoping) that Durant will be found to be the antithesis of what the narrative currently says. But, like with the Cowboys and the Indians, maybe the distinction between who’s “good” and “bad” isn’t as clear as we want to believe.

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

5 Reasons Why The NBA is Better Than The NFL

I started calling myself “The Champ” in February of 2006, a week or so after the Pittsburgh Steelers won Super Bowl XL. At first it was a bit of tongue-in-cheek homage to a Bill Simmons joke–after he won a fantasy football championship, he started referring to himself as “The Champ” for a year –but the name (obviously) stuck with me.  I didn’t mind though. The Steelers have so permeated my fabric that the idea of permanently adopting a Steeler-based pseudonym seemed (and still seems) perfectly normal.

But, as this NFL season approaches, I’ve come to realize my affection for the black and gold isn’t extended to the league as a whole. Sure, I enjoy watching professional football, but when the Steelers aren’t playing, it doesn’t completely consume me in the way it does much of America. Wait, let me rephrase that. It doesn’t completely consume me in the way the NBA does.

You know, it’s interesting being a diehard NBA fan these days. Despite the fact that everything from the overall talent level to the television ratings has been steadily increasing for the past decade, the league is still faced with a ton of negative (and contradictory) PR¹.

Depending on who you talk to, there’s either too much defense or too much offense, the games are too boring or the games are too filled with highlights, the players are too soft or the players are too thuggish, the league is too Euro or the league is too urban, and usually these pointed complaints are made by people who say they don’t actually watch the games.

Seriously, defending the NBA today is like dating a great woman who everyone thinks has been around, even though nobody has ever actually met anyone she’s been with.

Admittedly, I have a few biases. I’ve made no secret of the fact that I played college basketball. Also, my father (and one of my uncles) played college ball as well, my closest friend coaches pro ball in Europe, and I have a cousin who’s played in the NBA. I’m a stone-cold hoops junkie surrounded by stone-cold hoops junkies.

Biases aside, it’s still easy for me to find 5 reasons why the NBA is just better than the NFL.

1. The players have actual power

In the NFL, the (primarily black) athletes are the working class while the (overwhelmingly white) coaches, management, and ownership serve as the aristocracy. In this dynamic, with the exception of a few white quarterbacks (ie: Favre, Manning, Brady, Brees), the players wield no power. None.

A great example of this general powerlessness is occurring in New York City right now, as grossly underpaid Jets cornerback Darrelle Revis (arguably the best defensive player in football) deserves a lucrative new contract, but the team is under no obligation (or pressure) to appease him. He has no real leverage, and because of this, he’ll probably end up signing a new contract paying him maybe 50% of what his services are worth (as opposed to the current contract paying him 15% of what he’s worth), even though he knows since NFL contracts aren’t guaranteed, they could release him at any point during the contract and not pay him a dime. (They wouldn’t do that, but they could)

Regardless of how you feel about Lebron James and his ill-conceived decision show, you have to admit he took advantage of every ounce of his personal leverage to achieve his desired result. While Lebron’s situation is an extreme example, no other professional athletes are as self-aware as NBA players, and in no other team sport are black professional athletes afforded the same opportunity to take advantage of this self-awareness. They know they’re valuable commodities with a finite window of earning power, and they act accordingly because they have leverage. They have power.

2. The best team always wins the championship

In the National Football League, a team can sneak into the playoffs after winning approximately half of their regular season games, catch a couple of somewhat lucky breaks, and make it all the way to the Super Bowl. With a few more lucky breaks, they can win the Super Bowl. While this unpredictable parity is usually lauded as one of the best things about the NFL, it’s completely unfair, completely wrong, and easily one of my least favorite things about the league. (I’m not the only one who feels this way, btw)

Seriously, imagine if other fields were set up similarly to the NFL (and the NCAA tournament). Think about how unfair school would be if a person who earned D minuses all semester long was able to get an “A” for the year if he just got a couple B pluses on his last two exams.

With its best-of-seven game playoff series format, the NBA ensures that flukey sh*t like this doesn’t occur. It’s the only true meritocracy in sports. The best teams, the teams most deserving of winning, usually win. If you want to win in the NBA playoffs, you have to actually go and get better. You can’t rely on bad weather or lucky breaks to help your cause.

If a team gets hot, catches a few lucky breaks, and beats the favored team, great! Good for you. Now, do it three more times if you want to advance.

3. Bigots hate it

The one infallible lesson we’ve learned in our 400 years in this country is if bigots universally hate something, that something is usually a great thing. From slavery and women’s suffrage to Manhattan and Michelle Obama, this test has never been wrong. Seriously, if you’re ever confused about where you should stand on a controversial topic or issue, just ask the nearest bigot and do the exact opposite of what he suggests and you’ll be right as rain. And, since bigots unanimously hate the NBA (seriously. if you ever want to find out if someone’s a racist, ask him to share his thoughts about the NBA), there’s obviously an inherent super positive quality about professional basketball that NFL stans just haven’t recognized yet.

4. Skill matters

Why is this true? Well, just let me put it this way: Dwyane Wade. Lebron James. Derrick Rose. Nate Robinson. Shannon Brown. Rajon Rondo. These are just a few of the dozens of NBA players who have the athletic chops to be able to retire from the NBA today, and get signed by an NFL team tomorrow.

The number of NFL players who could do the same? Zero

I’m not suggesting NFL players aren’t extremely skilled at their crafts, and I’m not attempting to minimize the amount of energy and work it takes to be a professional football player. But, as any athlete will tell you, it’s much more difficult to make an NBA roster than an NFL team because pro-level basketball is much more difficult to play than pro-level football.

Don’t believe me? Well it can’t be too difficult to make the roster in a sport where this guy..

…is a number one draft pick.

5. Each player matters too

From the otherworldlyness of Ron Artest to the perpetually petulant Kobe Bryant, each NBA player has a unique personality, skill set, and narrative. Even marginal players–like a Rafer Alston or Delonte West–have their own distinct and distinguishable qualities, and each of these characteristics are easily seen by the public.

And, while the NFL tries to sell you on the concept that it’s the only true team sport, the one place where each individual part matters as much as the next, in reality the National Football League is comprised of a few superstars (the aforementioned quarterbacks and a few other marquee players) and a bunch of anonymous and interchangeable drones.

There are no personalities, just 32 mega corporations each headed by 30 to 35 year old white males who rule over a bunch of throwaway parts. This is strongly and sadly evidenced by the very real fact that, as long as it’s people like Chris Henry and Andre Waters dying, nobody seems to care that the NFL is turning its players into mush brained zombies.

Damn, I guess this truly makes the NFL America’s game. But, it doesn’t make it better.

¹My three favorites theories about why the NBA gets so much negative P.R.
A) There hasn’t been a white American basketball superstar since Larry Bird, and the fact that there’s no one for middle America to really root for cultivates a general disinterest with much of (white) America. There are no Mississippi farm boys (Favre), royal families (The Mannings), or superstar heartthrobs (Brady). This isn’t racist. It’s just hard for many to get behind a sport when you feel like you can’t relate to any of the players. In turn, this disinterest eventually turns into distaste.
B) For almost a decade, the best NBA basketball has been played out west. Phoenix, Los Angeles, Dallas, Houston, San Antonio, Denver, and Utah have all had consistently good teams, while New York, New Jersey, Philadelphia, Washington, and (up until 3 years ago) Boston have consistently sucked. Thing is, the majority of the nations important sports media is located in the Northeast. And, since they haven’t had winners in their home cities for the past 10 years, they’ve written and reported with an anti-NBA slant. This actually leads to…
C) Casual NFL fans are more sophisticated than casual NBA fans. Wait, let me rephrase that. Casual NFL fans are more accepting of and willing to learn about football strategy than casual NBA fans are of basketball strategy. For instance, when a star NFL player has difficulties, the announcers point out that “Manning has always had difficulties against the Cover 2. Lets see if he can make adjustments at halftime” and people accept this as truth. When an star NBA player has difficulties, the announcers might point out a certain defensive tactic the other team is using, but the casual fan usually ends up thinking “Damn. Carmelo just isn’t giving any effort tonight. Damn overpaid NBA diva.” And, I think the casual fan’s willingness to give NFL players the benefit of the doubt (and not NBA players) is partially due to media influence. If you hear “NBA players don’t care” enough, you’ll start to believe it.

—The Champ

how lebron reminds us that dudes have “daddy issues” too

of the thousands of blogs, stories, and exposes written in the past two weeks about lebron james and “the decision“, the single most telling and revealing thing i read wasn’t this extensive adrian wojnarowski piece chronicling the years of behind-the-scenes moves leading up to july 8th, this 5,000 column from bill simmons the day before the decision special aired, or even these quotes from michael jordan about how lebron, dwade and their ilk are merely products of their time.

***btw, it’s funny how we chide and criticize basketball stars (ie: kobe) for relentlessly chasing after the jordan “psycho assassin” model of greatness, but then we turn around and chide and criticize a basketball star who completely eschews the jordan narrative/model to make his own, just because it doesn’t fit our pre-conceived expectations of how things are supposed to play out. klosterman was right: everybody truly is wrong about everything, all of the time***

no, everything you needed to know about the dynamics behind this circus could be found july 7th at tmz.com under “lebron sued by man claiming to be his father”

TMZ has learned … LeBron James and his mother Gloria James are being sued for millions by a man who claims he tried to prove he’s the NBA star’s biological father — but LeBron and his mom tampered with the evidence in a diabolical cover-up.

The lawsuit is explosive — in it, 55-year-old Leicester Bryce Stovell claims he met Gloria in a D.C. area bar in 1984 … and had unprotected sex with her on the night they met. He later found out she was 15-years-old at the time … he was 29.

According to the docs — filed recently in federal court — Gloria has spent the rest of her life shielding LeBron from the truth.

But the man making the claim isn’t some schmuck — dude is a Princeton graduate … who earned a law degree from the University of Chicago … and then became a Senior Legal Advisor for the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission.

In his suit, Stovell claims he has a very clear recollection of the night he had “consensual sexual relations” with Gloria — in fact, he even remembers apologizing for his sub-par performance.

Leicester claims Gloria went back to her hometown in Ohio after they hooked up — but returned several months later to inform him she was pregnant with a boy named LeBron … but she never specifically identified the father

after you’ve gotten past the utter ridiculousness of a successful 50-something lawyer a) suing his neglected son because the son chose to ignore him (which is like a mugger suing you because you happened to be broke at the time he decided to mug you),  b) publicly admitting that he had sex with a 15 year old girl when he was 29, and c) publicly admitting that he wasn’t able to sexually satisfy a 15 year old girl, another theme starts to emerge:

lebron james must have some serious daddy issues.

i mean, i’ve read stories before about his mom’s (continued) indiscretions and the fact that he was basically homeless until he was a teenager, but exactly how f*cked up his home life and head must have been didn’t really dawn on me until this report. not only is this man unsure about who his real dad is, but out of the two most probable candidates, one is dead and the other is the type of guy that would sue his neglected son for 4 million dollars.

after reading this, everything about lebron’s recent actions started to make more sense. the almost pathological thirst for attention and praise. the air of fabricated unaffectedness he tries his damnedest to pull off when speaking about “what’s good for lebron“. his too-familiar tone and general lack of reverence when speaking to or about coaches and other elder authority figures. his need to be perpetually surrounded by friends, and the amount of life-altering influence these friends are able to wield.

it’s almost like someone created a “things men do when they’ve never had a dad” template and forced him to follow it.

now, i’m not writing this to give lebron a pass for his occasional bouts of diva behavior. i’m not saying that everything he does traces back to the lack of a fatherly figure in his life, and i’m not even saying that men who grew up without fathers will have similar characteristics. but, it’s interesting how much attention we give to female daddy issues and how they eventually manifest themselves in a relationship, when male daddy issues make the exact same monster.

just how (many) women affected by fatherlessness chase unavailable men to subconsciously replicate their fathers (lack of) affection, (many) fatherlessness men give themselves a layer of faux emotional unavailability to subconsciously replicate their fathers themselves. just how (many) of these women give off an aura of neediness and desperation, a permeating desire to be paid attention to by the opposite sex that goes past a normal emotional want, (many) of these men do the same, living a life where life is only worth living if you’re getting perpetual attention and recognition. just how (many) of these women chase relationship waterfalls because they have absolutely no idea what a “good” man is supposed to look like, (many) of these men are completely clueless about how a good man is supposed to act.

this (relative) lack of discussion about the affect of fatherlessness from a male relationship perspective isn’t surprising. unless it has something to do with crime, black men/males are usually neglected in the whole “how are things affecting you mentally, spiritually, and emotionally?” conversation. i guess people assume that if we’ve made it to 22 without getting murdered or murdering anybody yet, we’re cool. we’re not¹.

you know, one of my favorite snarky comments to make whenever i read about or witness a woman acting a damn fool in public is “i doubt she’s ever celebrated father’s day“. i probably should start saying that about men as well, but it doesn’t seem like it would be as funny.

¹my dad has always been around, so “we” in this instance is more of a general we.

—the champ

7 things i’ve thought about erykah badu and her “window seat” video

1. after making a few jump shots in a row, occasionally lebron james will race down court the next time he gets the ball and shoot an uncontested 35 to 40 footer with 20 seconds left on the shot clock (watch from 0:29 to 0:59 here for an example). for those not familiar with basketball, doing this is the equivalent of approaching your manager to ask for a raise and your own parking spot, receiving both, and then approaching him later that day to ask for a blow job.

in basketball terminology this is known as a “heat check“. basically, you’re doing something seemingly outrageous to test the limits of how far your “hot” streak will go. in lebron’s case, it’s also a way of saying “i’m lebron f*cking james. i’m better at playing basketball than anyone on earth and any other alternate dimensions were basketball might be played. i can do whatever the f*ck i want.

this idea isn’t limited to basketball. from kanye’s 808′s and heartbreak and the ipad, to the entire career of ray j, pop culture is filled with popular artists heat-checking themselves, and erykah badu’s uber-controversial “window seat” vid is another example of that. Continue reading