dating double standards…and how they all even out

“keep smiling. you know that coffee aint free, right?”

the NBA playoffs are easily my favorite time of the year. note, i didn’t say favorite sports time of the year. no, i look forward to the nba playoffs more than christmas, big l’s birthday, caribana, the season premiere of curb your enthusiasm, and the first warm day of the spring when every 18 to 30 year old woman decides to dress like j-woww from jersey shore. but, despite my standom, there are parts of the playoffs i can do without, and the most prevalent of these annoyances are the people intent on blaming every game their team loses on the referees.

seriously, if you were to go any random NBA playoff game thread on espn.com, maybe about 30 percent of those responses will have something to do with how the refs and the NBA are biased against their team, which is foolish when you break it down. i mean, if every fanbase complains about the refs after every loss, doesn’t this prove that the refs aren’t actually biased against anyone?

anyway, this topic made me think about the double standards many of us bitch about in regards to dating. guys complain that the financial burden unfairly rests on us, women complain that they’re not allowed the same sexual freedom that we are, and mexicans complain that God made them mexicans.

but, like the referee griping, many of these perceived injustices have a way of canceling themselves out in the end, and we’ll look at two of them today.

1. gripe: “guys get lauded for getting laid alot, but women knee deep in multiple dicks get dissed, and that aint fair”

how it evens out: while its true that promiscuous women usually aren’t allowed to use big momma’s good china (seriously. i remember my homeboy’s mom once telling him that if he brought any hoochies home for dinner, they’d have to eat with plastic forks and paper plates. he’s in prison now. i don’t know if these two things are related.), men are actually held to the exact same sexual standard…except the complete opposite.

there’s societal pressure on women to be (somewhat) chaste or risk ostracization, but that same pressure is on men to conquer as much coochie as possible. while this may seem like a good type of stress to have, there’s a reason why every (yup. every) man reading this has either told a half-truth or a blatant lie about his sexual conquests at least once. “underperforming” guys are clowned just as harshly as overperforming women

summary: everything sucks for everybody, so shut the hell up

2. gripe: “wait a second. why the hell am i expected to pay for dates, even if this chick makes more money than i do”

how it evens out: from an evolutionary perspective, the entire dating and mating dynamic is an elaborate dance meant to help women weed out undesirable potential sperm donors. and, while being able to spring for supersized value meals definitely isn’t a surefire sign that a dude’s a good mate, it does suggest that he might possibly be willing to protect and provide for her.

this vetting process is crucial because of the risk involved with woman having sex. not only do they make a bigger physical, emotional, and psychological investment in reproduction than we do, they’re more susceptible to injury, disease, and evelynlozaditis (what happens when stress and hard living makes you look 17 years older than your actual age)

summary: man up, bitch.

anyway, people of vsb.com, can you think of any more dating double standards?

also, do you agree with the whole “balancing out” concept i brought up in the post? if you disagree, what do you use to fill the space that would usually be occupied by a brain? gumballs? aluminum siding? cocoa butter? bat feet? inquiring minds want to know and shit.

–the champ

35 reasons why he cheated

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although i’ve never personally cheated on a mate, i’ve been friends and acquaintances with so many habitual cheaters that i consider myself to be a cheating maven.

i’ve been every alibi (“yeah kim, he was with me last wednesday night. he let me borrow his blender, and since he was there we watched the spurs game, did some blow, and fell asleep on my couch“), heard every story, and have had every possible guilty rationale volunteered to me (“i know i be doing my girl dirty, dog, but i’m anemic so i can’t help it.“)

basically, i’ve heard every single logical reason why a man might have cheated. some are mind-numbingly simple and concise while others are much more nuanced and layered than you would ever imagine

today, as another example of our commitment to fighting crime, i’m going to share all 35 of them. Continue reading