Tag Archives: jay-z

Jay-Z: Relationship and Marriage Role Model? Eh, I Don’t Think So

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Yeah, man. They bought it hook, line, and sinker. It cracks me up too.

Aside from the obvious, the 2008 public ascension of the Obama family had numerous peripheral effects on our culture, including (but not limited to)….

1. We all joked about this at the time, but you can make the argument now that Barack Obama did actually bring light-skinned men “back in style.” Perhaps it’s just coincidence, but at this moment the most popular young rapper, most popular young black entertainer, and most popular young black athlete all easily pass the paper bag test. Hmm.

2. We assumed that seeing the Obama family in the White House would have a panoramic effect on dating and relationships in the black community. It did, but just not in the way we expected it to, as “Wait a second, if Michelle found Barack, how come the rest of you educated black chicks can’t find any men?” became the dominant conversation of the past three years.

While he didn’t exactly sign any bills or pass any laws to make sure that light-skinned black men would no longer be oppressed, Obama’s status as a symbol, a cultural icon is so powerful that he’s able to affect change by just existing.

Jay-Z, the most famous new father on Earth, obviously doesn’t have the same cultural cache as the president, but he’s extremely influential nonetheless. So influential, in fact, that there’s been a burgeoning conversation that Jay’s apparent love for Beyonce and his new daughter might possibly have some peripheral effect on black males everywhere, who’d hopefully stop (collectively) dicking around and finally realize how cool it is to be a loving husband and doting father.

This conversation crescendoed yesterday with the release of “Glory” — a song devoted to his infant daughter and featuring his infant daughter. Saccharin? Sure, but if Google and the blogosphere are any indications, it definitely helped to cement Jay-Z’s new status as a certified positive relationship and marriage role model…a sentiment that’s about as far from the f*cking truth as you can get.

Again, Jay-Z does appear to be in a very happy and healthy relationship, and that’s commendable and enviable. But calling the Jigga Man a relationship role model is like lauding the Nazis for turning Germany’s economy around; you can’t completely eschew the means just so you can lavish praise on the end. In Jay-Z’s case, his super duper awesome marriage is a direct result of the decades of dirt he did to get where he is now.

But, forget about that for a sec. Let’s say that Jay-Z is actually a relationship and marriage role model. Since he’s a role model, a young man would be wise to attempt to follow in his footsteps. In order to do this, the young man would have to do each of the following things:

Spend his late teens and early 20′s amassing a small fortune while being a malignant cancer to his community.

Use the money accumulated by being a cancer to fund a new business venture.

Amass an even larger fortune by unapologetically outlining, in detail, everything he did while he was being a malignant cancer to his community. Do this for 15 years.

Sleep with perhaps hundreds of different women, and amass more of a fortune by unapologetically outlining, in detail, every possible way to diss, demean, degrade, and just generally sh*t on the women he was able to sleep with. Do this for 15 years, too.

Use status and fortune obtained by A) being a cancer, B) outlining exactly how he was a cancer, C) sh*tting on women, and D) outlining exactly how he sh*t on women to bag one of the most sought after women on the planet. Marry said woman.

Ironically, most of the statements I’ve heard about Jay-Z being a relationship role model have come from women.

Why is this ironic? Well, they’re right. Jay-Z already is a role model…for all the men who want to be able to do as much dirt as they can in their 20′s and 30′s and still be able to pull a young hot chick when they’re a decade away from AARP and finally ready to settle down.

These women fail to realize that they’re indirectly praising and promoting the type of behavior they abhor. While it’s true that Jay-Z probably does genuinely love and adore his wife, men like that can only consider “loving” after they’ve made monsters out of dozens of women. Basically, his life is the blueprint for how to be a successful diva dude.

I imagine the tone of this post makes it seem like I’m anti-Jay-Z, and that’s totally not true. I think he’s many positive things. The greatest rapper of all-time. A savvy businessman. An instinctual opportunist. A cultural icon. A real life Horatio Alger tale. A (seemingly) great husband and father.

But, as Panama’s piece last week about Common reminds us, we have to be careful with assigning certain titles to people who don’t deserve or even want them. And, regarding Jay-Z’s new status as the marriage and relationship role model for young black men, be careful what you wish for because it just might happen.

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

Blue Ivy Carter: The First Black “Celebrity Baby”

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Everyone reading this can probably recall two or three news events that impacted you so much that you’ll always remember exactly where you were and what you were doing when you first heard about it.

These occurrences, forever etched into our consciousness, can be split into two different types, and both types have to do with how we felt when we first became aware of them

Type 1. “This is some historic sh*t.”

Type 2. “Damn. I didn’t realize it at the time, but earlier I witnessed some historic sh*t. I should probably make sure I remember this.”

For instance, I was sitting on the couch at my parent’s house during the infamous Pacers-Pistons brawl, and from the moment Ron Artest jumped into the stands I knew I was watching something I’d always remember. I immediately knew it would be a landmark event, immediately knew it would dominate any conversation I had for the next 72 to 96 hours, immediately knew it would have a transformative impact on the NBA, immediately knew that I’d always remember exactly where I was when it happened, and immediately knew it would cement Ron Artest’s status as the highest-functioning crazy motherf*cker on the planet.

On the other hand, the “etchededness” of 9/11 — an event I’m sure would be on most American’s lists — wasn’t as immediate. Sure, I remember exactly where I was when first hearing that tower one was hit by a plane, but it wasn’t until later that morning that I realized exactly how historic of an event that would be. (The first thing I said after my roommate woke me up to tell me that a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center? “They need to stop letting Harlem n*ggas in flight school.”)

The news of the birth of Blue Ivy Carter does neither. I will not remember where I was when I first heard saw it trending on Twitter, and if anyone outside of the Carter/Knowles circle has “Where I was when I first heard Beyonce had a baby” forever etched into their brains right now, they must have some sh*tty-ass brains.

With that being said, I wonder if, 20 to 25 years from now, the birth of Blue Ivy Carter will be an historically relevant moment. I realize this seems like hyperbole — she’s not even two days old and it sounds like I’m already reserving her star on the Walk of Fame — but she’s already made history. She’s the first African-American ever who was famous before she was even born.

Think about it. There have been black child stars (Michael Jackson, Emmanuel Lewis, Raven Symone, etc), black stars who had children at the height of their fame, famous children of uber-popular black people (Malia and Sasha Obama) and even established black stars who had children while at the height of their fame and saw those children become famous while they were still children (Willow and Jaden Smith).

But, never has there been a child produced by an African-American couple while both mother and father were A-list celebrities; a baby whose potential first name, last name, size, facial features, complexion, future, inherited traits, musical talent, business acumen, connection to the Illuminati, and existence (Remember, there was an actual debate a few weeks ago over whether Beyonce was even pregnant.) was discussed, debated, joked on, and theorized about by hundreds of thousands of people before she was even here.

With all that being said, I have no idea what all of this means. I have no idea if her birth is truly the most “post-racial” moment ever. I have no idea if Blue Ivy Carter is truly the most post-modern baby ever. I have no idea what her birth signifies, or if it even signifies anything at all. .

And, aside from the likelihood of Blue Ivy Carter being the first African-American baby to cause a multi-million dollar bidding war for the rights to print her pictures first, I (obviously) have no idea how the life of the first black celebrity baby will play out. I know it won’t be “normal” but I’m not going to assume it’s going to be completely abnormal either.

But while I don’t know what any of this means, I do know that the birth of Blue Ivy Carter definitely matters. How, you ask? I don’t know. I know that it matters/will matter, but I don’t know why. Ask me again in 20 to 25 years.

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

The Poet & The Teacher: Hip Hop Classes I’d Like To See

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I'll be Pres-o-dent.

So Dr. Michael Eric “I Use 100 Words When 1 Will Do” Dyson is teaching a class at Georgetown University on Jay-Z this semester. The class entitled “Sociology of Hip-Hop: Jay-Z” focuses on the literary works and genius of our dear Mr. Carter. You know school is fun when Fade To Black is required viewing. (Not for nothing I think State Property could have an entire class in film school devoted to it.) Dyson is no stranger to the wonderful world of hip-hop having written popular yet terrible works on Tupac and Nas and even taught a class at UPenn onTupac. Seriously, Holler If You Hear Me might have been the biggest waste of words on Tupac ever.

Obviously, I’m no fan of Dyson and frankly think his books suck more a** than Jessica Grabbit. I’m also generally against the intellectualization of hip hop. Not because it doesn’t deserve it, but I tend to think that most of the books written about hip-hop by academics tend to be books written by fairly dissociated ninjas trying to sell hip-hop to a bunch of older white fogeys who would never give hip hop a real shot in hell anyway. No matter how much you focus on the poetry and inherent struggle present in SOME of the music, there’s no way to make “Laffy Taffy” an exercise in academia anyway.

But I would take any class on hip hop. Word.Booty. And I do think that people like Tupac and Jay are deserving of some sort of analysis given their accomplishments as people and the medium they chose to use. So despite the teacher, I’m glad these classes exist. And you know what? There are lots of other classes that I think would serve any student population well. Like what? Glad you asked.

Criminal Justice 104: Gucci Mane, DMX, and TI – Rapper Recidvism and the Prison Industrial Complex

This class would study the mentality of rappers who’ve made more money than they know what to do with but somehow cannot stay out of jail for sh*t. Specific blocks of the class would be based on probablity of Gucci Mane returning to jail every year (trick question: 100%) and why DMX seems to LIKE jail. Also, the stupidity of people with the world at their fingertips. See Harris, Clifford “Tip” Required Viewing: Tiny and Toya.

History 376 – The South Rose Again…But Not Like You Thought

This class would look at the South’s meteoric ascent to the top of the mainstream rap landscape with a specific focus on the loss of regionality in hip-hop with every song sounding like a Southern Anthem. New York’s yielding of power to the South would be examined to include an analysis of ASAP Rocky, a rapper from Harlem who seems like a Compton gangbanger who raps likes from Houston. Further discussion into the Southern backlash by northern rappers while making southern rap songs and going to Southern producers for their biggest hits. Required Viewing: MTV Jamz

Psychology 341 – Cam’Ron and DipSet: The Birth of A Nation

This class would look at the influence of The Diplomats on the psyche of America. Cam’ron’s ability to influence an entire nation of masculine dudes to wear pink and purple on purpose. It would also discuss influence of Harlem on hip-hop’s landscape and the DipSet influence in America specificaly from 2001-2006.Required Viewing: All DipSet videos and home video footage of American urban youth during those years

Business 402 – Independent Rap Labels and Trunk Muzik

Focus on No Limit, Rap-A-Lot, Suave House, and the rise of the indy rap labels that spawned a new business model for record companies. Required Viewing: Baller Blockin’, I’m Bout It, Foolish, Choices, Hot Boys

Sociology 119 – The Wire and You

An analysis of the reality versus the fantasy of The Wire and how the representation was a perfect mechanism for illustrating needs for certain social reforms in America’s urban centers. Required Viewing: The Wire…duh

Fashion and Design 224 – From Jansport To The Louis Vuitton Duffel Bag

The rise of the backpack as a fashion accessory of hip-hop artists. The travel bags omnipresent role in hip-hop. The origins of backpack rap and the profession to the to the Kanye West Louis Vuitton backpack accessories and dope boy LV duffel. Required Viewing: MTV Jamz/Sex And The City

Philosophy 843 – WTF is A Wacka Flocka Flame? The Genius and The Prophet

WWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACKAAAAA! ABCDEFGHIJK!!! FLOCKA FLOCKA!!!! WAAAAAAAACKA!!! The life and depth of the worst rapper ever to have 3 straight number one songs? Wacka Flocka – idiot or are we the dumb ones? Is Wacka really a genius? All these questions and more answered. Required Viewing: WorldStarHipHop

Those are some of my suggestions. Good people of VSB, show me what you got. What classes based on hip-hop do you think would be dope in academia??

Talk to me.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka YUNG P DA FLY THIEF aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

5 Reasons Why I’m Happy That Beyonce’s Pregnant

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***The Hill Review — a literary magazine blending essays, excerpts, reviews, fiction, poetry, criticism, cartoons and more to capture all things African-American culture — is launching Monday, September 12th. Like us on Facebook, follow us on Twitter, and, if interested in being a part of this, hit us up at submissions@thehillreview.com (But please read our submission guidelines first)***

Although I wasn’t as affected as some by the news that our favorite thundergoat is indeed with child, I have to say that my typically sardonic self was actually moved by her big baby bump reveal during the VMA’s. I couldn’t help but be elated by the look of sheer joy that beamed from her face. I even stopped tweeting the event because I couldn’t find it in me to continue to be snarky. (Seriously, I don’t think I’ve ever been even half as happy about anything as she was on stage that night.)

It’s been three days since this happened. But, despite the fact that the Beyonce bliss has subsided a bit, the pop culture devotee in me still remains excited by this news. Why? Well…

1. We’ll finally get to see her take a gotdamn seat

I’m not quite sure why Beyonce hasn’t sat down in 15 years, but I’ve narrowed it down to three likely reasons:

A) While walking on the beach as a child, she accidentally kicked a giant sea shell. The genie inside was royally pissed, and cursed her to a lifelong paralyzing fear of seats, benches, couches, lawnchairs, bleachers, toilets, cardboard boxes, and anywhere else a person could possibly rest their behind.

B) She’s an alien from a planet where they don’t have knees

C) She just has very bad hemorrhoids.

Either way, I’m as curious as anyone to see what happens when Beyonce’s baby forces her to sit for the first time this century. If I had to guess, her meeting a chair for the first time will probably look something like this…

2. We’ll finally get to see her take a gotdamn seat…and we’ll finally get a chance to tell the person we all know who always says “The only reason why ***insert name of some other random R&B chick*** isn’t at the top of the game is because Beyonce won’t let anyone else shine” to shut the f*ck up

For all the criticism the thundergoat gets, the one that makes the least amount of sense is when people somehow make Beyonce responsible for the fact that their favorite moderately talented R&B chick isn’t more popular. And yes, I’m speaking directly to YOU, fan of Ciara, Keri Hilson, Kelly Rowland, Christina Milian and any other poor man’s Beyonce who somehow thinks that she’s the reason why your favorite artist’s albums always go double plywood.

But now, since Bey’s presumably going to be taking an extended break from the game, we’ll see if Michelle Williams, Teairra Mari, and Monica are finally able to release those multi-platinum, Grammy award-winning albums that Beyonce has been actively thwarting. Don’t hold your breath.

3. I’m curious to see whose genes will win

Whether you think Jay-Z is handsome or not, you can’t deny the fact that he has a couple very, um, “strong” features. And, since there might be no NBA season, the question of whether his genes will beat out the equally strong creole hybrid mutant Knowles genes might be the best one-on-one battle we’ll see all year. My money’s on Hov.

4. I might be able to renew my animus for parents who give their children hyphenated names

As I was telling a friend yesterday, I seriously get the urge to punch every parent who gives their child a gotdamn hyphenated last name. Why? Well, for the first 10 years of my life, I was a child with a gotdamn hyphenated last name. You have no idea how much confusion that causes children and how much it annoys and pisses off all the school administrators, doctors, school bus drivers, and lunchladies they’ll have to deal with. Why should a child have to go through years of agony just because their parents couldn’t decide on one gotdamn last name?

Anyway, all that to say that if they go ahead and curse this child with a Knowles-Carter moniker, I’ll definitely be ready and willing to mush the sh*t out of both of them too.

5. We’ll finally be able to give the media the ultimate racial litmus test

There has never been an famous African-American couple whose baby generated the type of attention and media coverage that Suri Cruise and Shiloh Jolie-Pitt received. Now, this is for good reason. Why? Well, there never has been an African-American couple who A) both were insanely rich and famous and B) were pregnant while they were household names. (No, Will and Jada don’t count. If you need to ask why, you probably need to be at another site)

In this regard, Jay-Z and Beyonce are pioneers, and it’ll be interesting to see if their baby attracts that same type of 24-7 media attention and affection. If it doesn’t, well, there will be a pretty prominent reason why it’s not getting the same love.

Actually, lemme rephrase that. There will be a pretty prominent reason why it’s not getting the same media love. But, if it comes out looking like this…

…the lack of love might be understandable

Anyway, people of VSB.com: How do you feel about the Beyonce pregnancy? Happy? Sad? Indifferent? Mad that people actually feel anything about the pregnancy of two people they’ll never, ever, ever, ever meet?

The carpet is yours.

—The Champ

Are You Watching The Throne? Probably Not For Long

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We used to care...now we're just rich and bored so we made a rich and bored album.

This past Monday, Jay-Z and Kanye West’s joint venture, Watch The Throne, hit iTunes, much to the chagrin of independent outlets and retailers everywhere. I can’t really say that I was anticipating it since I hated the song, “H.A.M.” since it, well, sucked and “Otis” sounds like a song that’s supposed to be dope but the beat blows. I will say that nobody does “swag rap” better than Jay or Kayne. Well except Biggie. And Big Daddy kane.

But last I checked they were both dead.

Let’s just put this out front. Jay is my favorite rapper of all time. Kanye, right now, is probably right behind him as my favorite rapper of the right now. I feel like Kanye is way more important to pop-culture than Jay is and ultimately more relevant but that’s neither here nor there. I’m also a huge fan of Kanye’s artisticness. You can’t convince me that My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy (MBDTF) isn’t one of the best albums to come out in the past ten years. Point is, I’m a big fan of both of these to. So I don’t say this lightly…but…

…Watch The Throne kind of isn’t dope.

It’s not to say that it’s not a solid album. It is. It’s just that there’s very little on this album that I’ll ever really want to listen to again. In fact, the ONLY songs I’ve listened to on repeat are “Nigg*s In Paris” and “Gotta Have It” which might bet the least Neptune’s sounding Neptune’s beat in a long long while. Everything else can go. I wish somebody would make those songs into birds so that they could fly, fly far far away. Like “Made In America” featuring everybody’s favorite singer du jour Frank Ocean. My god is this song gay. You know, I honestly didn’t think that Jay could make worse songs than that terrible song with Usher and Beyonce from Kingdom Come but apparently he wanted to assure us that he could. It just sounds so…so…gay. I’m fairly sure they’re going to have to release “Lift Off” featuring Beyonce as a single for that very reason and it is also on some ducksauce.

You know what…forget the track by track sh*t. Here’s the problem with this album. Actually there are two. 1) This isn’t a Jay and Kanye album…it’s a Kanye album featuring Jay. It’s too musical to be a Jay album. Period. It’s got the Kanye imprint all over it. Kanye is an artist at this point, hate him or love him. Jay on the other hand is and will always be a rapper. No matter how emo a beat he tries to rap over or how “different” sounding the beat, ultimately he’s a rapper. And that comes thru as Jay seems, in my opinion, to be more or less of an afterthought a lot of times. It’s not that he’s not delivering Jay verses (lazy as they may be), its just that he’s too cool to be on some music sh*t. Kanye sounds like he cares WAY more than Jay does to be rapping on this album. Which leads to the second problem… 2) I kind of feel like Kanye didn’t care that much or was bored but finished it anyway.

For all of his faults, one thing you’d never fault Kanye for is not having a dope ear for cohesion and putting together an outstanding product. He always seems to want to make a classic album even though 808s and Heartbreaks was far from that. But at least he swung for the fences by changing up his whole sound and innovating. This album really to me sounds like a lazy version of both Blueprint 3 and uber leftover beats from MBDTF that weren’t good enough to make that album in any way shape or form.

[Sidenote: There is something to be said though that the only comparison's that hold water with these two are their own bodies of work. That can't be stated enough.]

I mean, it doesn’t even sound as good sonically as MBDTF…an album that came out almost a year ago. That album sounded beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. You’d think that if anything, sonically it would be on the same level but it’s not. Which is the rub, its not that the album isn’t decent. It is. It’s just that nobody’s going to be talking about this album once they run out of songs to release.

You know what, here’s how I can sum up this album…Rick Ross wouldn’t rap on any of this sh*t except maybe ONLY “N*ggas In Paris”. I can hear Rick Ross murdering that beat. I honestly feel at this point Rick Ross knows how to pick music and sounds that compliment exactly what he’s trying to do. He knows how to make epic sh*t. If Rick Ross is getting on your sh*t, it’s because it’s a motherf*cking monster. Pun intended. He would have gotten on ANYTHING on MBDTF. I feel like he probably was cool on everything on this album.

In fact, my favorite parts of the album are the beat change-ups similar to MBDTF which feature, surprisingly very little rapping and I’m not upset about it.

Not to mention this being the least relatable album I’ve ever listened to or the fact that Jay and ‘Ye both sound a little…off….trying to rap about social issues, an area Jay has proven to struggle in the past, though I like “New Day”, but again, Kanye’s verse seems more…better. Real talk, I’d be lying if I recited any of these lyrics as my personal mantra. I can’t even fake 90 percent of this sh*t.

I know a lot of people love it, and that’s good. Hell, I paid for it already and want a physical copy. I’m a fan but I probably won’t be listening this too much longer and I think that goes for most people. For two individuals who seem to care about their legacy, I’m just surprised that they’d release an album that neither adds nor detracts from it. This joint just exists until we forget about it. It’s like a David Guetta song. Or Lady Gaga music. Or LMFAO. It’s pop music with hard drums. And soft songs. Because it’s Jay and ‘Ye I want to love this, but I’m over it already.

D’oh well. On to the next one.

Oh, and one more question…how the f*ck does Swizz Beatz go so much production work and so many random features? Who does he have naked pictures of? Inquiring minds would like to know.

What’s your take? Are you watching the throne?

Talk to me.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka PANYE EAST aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3