Tag Archives: jay-z

Who’s Winning: Jay-Z Or Joe Budden?

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Along with being quite possibly the only place on Earth (well, the only place on Earth outside of prison) where you might able to purchase Kevin Hart DVDs, lobster rolls, sneakers, lightly-used cocaine, and insurance all in the same day, the barbershop is one of the few places that consistently manages to at least whelm. Perhaps you wont be overwhelmed, but you won’t be underwhelmed either. While other entities sometimes have a mystique that surpasses the experience, no one ever visits a popular Black barbershop for the first time and leaves thinking “That kinda sucked. Don’t know what the big deal was.”

This experience is largely due to the fact that the barbershop’s dynamic ensures that there will be a diverse group of men—students, garbagemen, drug dealers, teachers, lawyers, bloggers, etc—of all ages. And, when you sit a diverse group of men in the same general area—with no women around—conversations happen. Interesting conversations. Conversations that you may not be able to have anywhere else.

For instance, last week the discussion was centered around the new season of Love and Hip-Hop. And by “the new season of Love and Hip-Hop” I mean “Tahiry Jose’s religion-inducing ass.” For the uninitiated, Tahiry Jose is the ex-girlfriend of B-minus-list rapper Joe Budden. She was made internet famous a couple years ago when Budden would occasionally release mundane home videos of him and Tahiry doing things like “making dinner,” “arguing about soap,” and “sitting on chairs.” In each video, though, Tahiry’s, um, assets were the protagonist, antagonist, climax, rising action, and exposition, and this exposure led to her being featured in numerous Black magazines, several videos, and now Love and Hip-Hop.

Anyway, the conversation then segued to Joe Budden’s dating history. Now, despite the fact that I’m sure there will be a few of you who are hearing Joe Budden’s name right now for the first time ever, he has two very notable claims to fame in certain segments of the Black male population.

1. He’s one of the best mixtape/freestyle rappers ever. (And, to be clear, not freestyle in the “top of the dome” sense, but freestyle in the “spit 16 or 32 written bars over someone else’s hot beat while you’re in the studio on Shade 45″ sense)

2. His dating history.

From Esther Baxter and Gloria Velez to Yaris Sanchez and Tahiry Jose, Budden has been romantically linked to a dozen or so of the most famous (and unfortunately named) video vixens and internet models ever. While none of these women are household names, any male (Black, White, or Laker Fan) familiar with any of the popular urban magazines (King, XXL, Smooth, etc) definitely know who each of them are.

(There’s also a popular sub-conversation about Budden’s history that basically asks “How the hell is he able to bag all these sought after women?” There are a few theories—he makes great use of social media, he’s well-endowed, etc—but mine is a bit less flattering. I think the only difference between ***insert random rapper or ball-player*** and Joe Budden is that while ***insert random rapper or ball-player*** may sleep with these women on the low, Budden lets everyone know who he happens to be dating. Basically, for people in those circles, these women aren’t really sought after at all, and he just makes public what others are doing privately)

This knowledge prompted one of the patrons in the shop to remark “Budden is f*cking winning! Don’t no one have a badder batch of bitches than he does.” While I was appreciating the unexpected burst of alliteration, the entire shop predictably co-signed. Emboldened with confidence, he took it a step further.

“Shit, Jigga aint even f*cking with him right now.”

The utter audaciousness of that statement quieted the chorus of co-signs. One of the barbers made a face so stank it looked like buffalo just pissed in his beard. Undeterred, he continued.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Beyonce is the baddest chick in the game and all that. But would you rather have Beyonce or a different Beyonce every month?”

Surprisingly, he was quickly and vehemently shot down. (I honestly was surprised how unanimously that particular population of men disagreed with him.) A statement made by one of the older barbers summed up the general sentiment.

“That’s your age talking, yo. Beyonce is a dimepiece worth a billion dollars. The point of the game is to end with the best chick possible and build something with her. Game over. End of discussion. You a f*cking fool if you think otherwise.”

Regardless of how you may personally feel about Beyonce, I’m assuming that the vast majority of the people reading this agree with the barber. While a revolving door of King cover girls may seem appealing, ultimately the best, the most mature, and the smartest thing to do would be to find one woman to build with, a woman who brings her own considerable goods to the table. In the game of life, Jay-Z is beating Budden so badly that they’re not even keeping score anymore.

But, if you remove Beyonce, Budden, Jay-Z, and the video vixens from the discussion, the conversation changes. If given the choice between A) meeting the person of your dreams and spending the rest of your life with that person or B) meeting, dating, sleeping with an assembly line of unfathomably attractive mates, which do you choose?

The “obvious” answer, the politically correct answer, and my answer are all the same: Finding the person of your dreams, and maintaining a good to great relationship with them is the easy choice. But, this choice isn’t so obvious to everyone. George Clooney, Derek Jeter, John Mayer, and, shit, Rihanna—all people who have the ability to date pretty much whoever they want and have been romantically linked with dozens of different extremely attractive mates—might argue that option B is better, and they’d each probably have a very convincing argument.

There’s still no doubt in my mind that when comparing a Jay-Z (a person who has met and married the “person of their dreams”) and a Budden (a person who meets and “greets” a different woman of a hundred thousand wet dreams every month), the Jay-z is definitely “winning.” But, I also have to admit that not every one plays the game the same way (or for the same purpose), and just because I think you’re playing wrong doesn’t mean you’re not “winning” too.

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

The Problem With Wanting It All

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Two things dawned on me the other day while driving around and listening to Jay-Z’s “99 Problems”

1. This song is nine f*cking years old. Nine. Nine!

Nine years (Nine!) seems like a long-ass time when I say it aloud, in no small part because it seems like the older I get, the shorter the distance between events I’ve experienced seems to be. For instance, it was 2003 nine years ago. I remember 2003. I was (only) 195 pounds, I could still dunk without having to stretch for 37 minutes and juice the night before, I’d rap any voicemail message I left after 11:30pm, and I had an inappropriate obsession with Esther Baxter. And, in 2003, 1994 seemed like it happened a long-ass f*cking time ago. But, today, in 2012, 2003 doesn’t really seem like that long ago. And, if I’m lucky enough to make it to 2021, I’m sure the distance between now and then will seem even shorter.

I’d continue trying too deconstruct the meaning of all this, but the nosebleed I just developed is making it difficult to type.

2. I have exactly 98 less problems than Jay-Z.

Admittedly, what exactly constitutes a “problem” is relative. Things that may be considered problematic for others don’t necessarily rate as huge concerns for me. For instance, if Jay-Z woke up tomorrow morning with a bank balance that mirrored mine, that would (probably) be a big problem for him. And by “that would (probably) be a big problem for him” I mean “he’d likely consider suicide.”

With all that being said, although I don’t have as many problems as Jay-Z claims to, my problem, although singular, is a f*cking doozy. It affects each of my actions, permeates each of my thoughts, and has managed to infiltrate (and, occasionally, sabotage) every plan I’ve ever had. It mocks, teases, taunts, and torments me with a steely relentlessness that would even make Bryan Mills say “Damn, dude. Chill!”

What exactly is this problem?

I want it all.

Now, wanting it all doesn’t mean that I want everything. I don’t want everything. I don’t even want most things. If there are, I don’t know, 57 trillion things I could possibly want, I can safety say that I don’t want (at least) 56,999,999,999,900 of them. I do, though, want to be able to do everything I want to do exactly how I want to do it. And, since this is not possible, this is a problem.

How so? Well, I want real intimacy, but only on my exact terms.

I want to write with the same sense of “I’m saying this because I think it’s right (and funny), and I really don’t give a f*ck if it makes you uncomfortable”-ness that make Louis C.K. and the late Patrice O’Neal my favorite comedians, but I really don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

I want a New York salary, a D.C. community, and a Pittsburgh standard of living.

I can continue, but I think you see the point. I want things that, in the physical universe that we currently inhabit, are just not possible to achieve. In fact, not only is much of what I want impossible to achieve, they directly contradict. It is literally impossible to stuff yourself with food at a buffet and not feel the effects of being full some time later, and wanting to cultivate a truly intimate romantic relationship without making some sort of personal sacrifice is just as absurd.

Yet, I still want that. I still want the ability to make choices without possible negative consequences, and this want becomes problematic when it turns into an action (which it has). I think I’ve led a (relatively) decent life so far, but each “problem” I’ve had in the past and have today stems from me attempting to do things that just can’t be done. I guess this makes me (slightly) insane, but I don’t seem to find that to be too problematic either. Hmm. Maybe I have more than one problem.

Anyway, people of VSB.com, has “wanting it all” ever been a problem for anyone reading this? Not necessarily wanting everything, but wanting to have and/or do certain things that just don’t seem to be possible? (i.e.: wanting to work your dream job and make your dream salary, hoping to find a man that’s equally ambitious/competitive and compassionate, etc) If so, how did/do you reconcile yourself with the fact that you’re chasing something that just can’t happen?

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

Why Nas’ “Daughters” Is 100% Right And 100% Wrong At The Same Time

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Full disclosure: I’m a “Nas guy.” 

What this basically means is that even though I recognize the fact that Jay-Z has had a (much) better career, better albums, and generally seems like he’d be a better person to be around, I’m more of a fan of what Nas represents. Now, what the hell does Nas represent? I have no f*cking clue. But, whatever it is that he represents, I’m more of a fan of that than I am of what Jay-Z “represents.”

If this makes no sense to you, good. It makes no sense to me either, but it helps explain why I still feel in my heart that “Ether” was a better song than “Takeover” even though I know in my brain that “Takeover” was better.

I’m bringing this up because, “Daughters” — Nas’ recent ode to fatherhood and raising a daughter — is not a good song, and it truly pains me to admit this. It’s pandering, saccharin, cringe-worthy, awkward, and just overall freaking annoying. Yes. Annoying. This is an annoying song. This song annoys me.

Thing is, although this song annoys the hell out of me, I appreciate it. I appreciate what Nas was attempting to do here. I appreciate his effort. This — the effort — is probably what it is about what Nas “represents” that connects with me in a way that doesn’t with Jay-Z. Basically, Jigga’s a chess player, a person who doesn’t seem to do or say anything without processing the dozen or so moves that will come afterwards. While this has definitely helped him craft the best career any rapper has ever had and become a true “business, man,” there’s a certain tinge of inauthenticity that permeates much of what he says and does. Jay-Z may in fact be a “realer” person than Nas, but Nas’ penchant for artistic implusivity makes him feel realer.

And, despite the fact that it’s pandering, saccharin, cringe-worthy, awkward, and f*cking annoying, ”Daughters” is a real song. It seems to come from a man genuinely concerned about the type of example he’s set for his child, and genuinely concerned about his daughter’s well-being.

Now, you can make the argument that this concern may be self-serving. Perhaps he cares so much because he’s aware of how a daughter’s (mis)behavior reflects on the father, and he wishes to spare himself the embarrassment of hearing rumors that his daughter is becoming the type of woman attracted to men who treat women the way he has. Even if this is true, though, this feeling comes from a genuine place, a real place, and it’s understandable and laudable.

Nas’ implusivity gives him huge blind spots though, and none are bigger than the fact that “Daughters” — a song Nas made to protect his daughter and profess his love for her — shits on his own daughter!  He leads both of the song’s first two verses with information putting his daughter’s business and, ultimately, her reputation on full blast.

From verse two:

This morning I got a call, nearly split my wig
This social network said “Nas go and get ya kid”
She’s on Twitter, I know she ain’t gon post no pic
Of herself underdressed, no inappropriate shit, right
Her mother cried when she answered
Said she don’t know what got inside this child’s mind, she planted
A box of condoms on her dresser then she Instagrammed it

Forget about cutting off your nose to spite your face, “Daughters” cuts off his face to spite his face. Mind you, his daughter isn’t a seven year old who won’t quite grasp what her dad is rapping about or a grown-ass 27 year old who could deal with it, but a 17 year old girl — a person at the age where something like this has the best chance of having a negative impact on her life. Oh, and how do I know she’s a 17 year old girl? He leads the video with her f*cking birthday!

I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised by the cognitive dissonance Nas’ exhibited when creating this song and the accompanying video. It’s typical Nas (shit, it’s typical “rapper”) and, with all this being said, I do definitely appreciate the idea, effort, and (presumed) intent behind “Daughters.” As far as “rappers rapping about their kids” goes, it’s not in the same league as “Retrospect for Life,” but I do think it has a bit of a chance to eventually become (slightly) less annoying with repeated listens.

But, while I forgave Nas for “Braveheart Party,” “Nastradamus,” and “You Owe Me,” I don’t know if I can forgive him doing the ultimate disservice — making me agree with Carmen Bryan. 

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

On Saturday, June 2, 2012, we’ve got another edition of REMINSCE at Liv Nightclub coming up! Except this time, we’re gonna be celebrating Panama’s birthday! Please come out and hang the VSB team. Plus, it’s free before 11pm w/RSVP (reminiscedc.eventbrite.com) and $10 after. AND there’s an open bar from 930-10:30 WITH NO DRESS CODE. You can come in shorts because it gets HOT in there.

Hova Speaks, Will Hip-Hop Follow (Again)?: Will Jay-Z’s Support of Gay Marriage Help Hip-Hop Become Less Homophobic?

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Although it was a forgettable song (well, forgettable sans for Pharrell’s hook) on an even more forgettable album, the video for “Excuse Me Miss” remains underrated in regards to how much of an influence it had on pop culture.

There’s a scene in it that shows Jay-Z typing on a very cumbersome and very cool looking device that was far too big to be a Motorola two-way and far two small to be a laptop. This mysterious device was the first T-Mobile Sidekick, and it’s inherent coolness combined with the coolness of Jay-Z using one made it the “it” electronic device of the year. I bought one a week after seeing the video. (And, because of T-Mobile’s draconian termination fee and contracts, I hold the dubious distinction of being the only person on Earth to own a Sidekick in 2002 and in 2009)

If you remember, at that time cell phones were getting smaller and smaller — a point parodied in this hilarious SNL skit. The Sidekick was the first phone to start the shift back to big  — leading to today’s behemoths — and Jay-Z deserves (at least) partial credit for spearheading that trend.

I’m bringing this up because, regardless of how you feel about Jay-Z the artist/former drug dealer/freemason/”business, man” you can’t deny the fact that he’s wielded a major influence on Black culture in the last 15 years. If the Sidekick story isn’t proof enough for you, think about this: Remember how cats used to spend hundreds of dollars on throwback sports jerseys; rocking them to night clubs, weddings, proms, and funerals and sh*t? Jay-Z managed to pretty much dead that trend with half of a bar .

“I don’t rock jerseys, I’m 30 plus…”

 

Now, unless you’ve been hiding in James Harden’s beard over the past week, you’ve undoubtedly heard that Jay-Z came out in support of same-sex marriage. I’m not going to spend today breaking down the apparent hypocrisy and lack of sincerity of someone who has repeatedly used the word “faggot” in his work denouncing people who oppose gay marriage. Whether this is a political move to impress (and keep) his high society friends is not my concern.

What I am concerned about, though, is whether Hov has the type of pull to change the attitude of what is arguably the only billion-dollar entity in the world where it’s not just ok to be violently homophobic, it’s encouraged: Hip-Hop. (And yes, today, in 2012, Hip-Hop/Rap is more violently and vehemently homophobic than any other major “thing” you can possibly name. Nothing else beats us it right now.)

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that Hova isn’t the first prominent Hip-Hop artist to start the homophobia is bad train. Both KRS-One and Chuck D have spoken out against it, and Drake’s entire career seems to be a pro-gay PSA. Eminem’s Grammy performance with Elton John still remains the awkwardest five minutes of TV I’ve ever seen.

Also, Jay’s protege has done more to spearhead this current era of skinny-jeaned Hip-Hop androgyny we live in than any other person, and the most popular female rapper ever has cultivated a persona that’s somehow asexual, bisexual, and hyperheterosexual all at the same time.

Basically, while I won’t go as far as to say that hip-hop was already becoming more gay friendly before Jay-Z’s statement, it does seem like it’s been progressively less antagonistic towards homosexuality. Will Jay-Z’s considerable voice and presence be enough to help hip-hop evolve past accepted homophobia? I don’t know. I do know that the fact that I’m somehow still tied into my T-Mobile contract means I wouldn’t bet against it happening.

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

False Victories Wrongly Decided By Public Opinion

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On “tha twittahs” a few days ago, I questioned how it was possible that Pitbull could still be relevant in any way shape or form and T-Pain can’t get a song on the radio. As was expected, folks rained down upon me (no pr0n, R. Kelly, or Mother Nature) the fact that Jay-Z killed T-Pain’s career with his track “D.O.A. (Death of Autotune)”.

Poppycock. Jay-Z didn’t kill T-Pain’s career. Changing musical tastes did. Jay-Z just made the right song at the right time to take credit for the demise. Think about this. T-Pain came onto the scene in 2005 with both “I’m Sprung” and “I’m In Luv (With A Stripper)”. For FOUR solid years T-Pain was EVERYWHERE on radio. “D.O.A” didn’t even come out until the second half of 2009 well after T-Pain was already on the decline; fact is, that’s a long time to sell karaoke for anybody. Yet, Jay-Z is awarded the victory for murking auto-tune and simultaneously T-Pain’s livelihood (though Mr. Pinnedherazzdown did release and sell albums since then, just not nearly as successfully as his 2005-2008 run). And it’s a false victory. Jay-Z just put the stamp on public opinion. Period.

And in contrast, 50 Cent absolutely did murder Ja Rule’s career. I’ll bet Ja has been constructing a voodoo doll in 50′s likeness since the moment he went to jail.

But Jay-Z killing auto-tune (1) is first up in the line of not quite victories wrongly decided by public opinion.

Here are a few others.

2. LL Cool J besting Canibus in their “battle”

Make no mistake, Bus’ “2nd Round Knockout” was by far leagues better than LL Cool J’s response record “The Ripper Strikes Back”. Canibus lost OVERALL because his career sucked. First he blamed Wyclef for creating the the dismal Can-I-Bus album, which was actually terrible. After that travashamockery, people kind of assumed that because Canibus career sucked despite his abilities, that LL Cool J – who has released more clunkers of albums than dope ones, let’s be real – couldn’t possibly have lost. Even now I’ve got somebody telling me that LL won that battle. He did not. But the people spoke and it was so. Even if it wasn’t.

3. Jay-Z vs Nas

Look, I liked “Ether”, the sheer venom in it made it a worthwhile listen. And it was the resurrection of Nasty. For that I’m happy. But the ONLY reason Jay “lost” that battle (he didn’t) was because he released “Super Ugly” and then tried to take it back. John Coffey. That’s the ONLY reason. “The Takeover” is SUCH a better song overall. And Jay didn’t resort to rote disses like “you’re gay” and “you suck” blah blah blah…he hit Nas where it hurt…with facts. And with only one vesre. But because “Super Ugly” comes out and people were happy to hear Nas so inspired, Jay “lost” that battle to Nas. Never happened.

4. The NAACP versus The n-word

Oh wait…the NAACP didn’t win did it, public opinion or otherwise. My bad. Those n-words were trippin.

5. The McRib’s existence vs common sense

Look, there is no motherf*cking reason why The McRib should exist. I’m fairly certain that even the marketing staff at McDonald’s is baffled by this one. But for some reason, despite the fact that its 1) not a rib; 2) is mystery meat; and 3) comes with pickles and onions; every time they drop the McRib, people lose their sh*t and buy them at an alarming rate making health care practioners who run HMOs happy. So somehow, the McRib continues its reign of terror on our arteries (kind of like the Baconator) because the people have created a false sense of demand for a product that nobody in their right mind needs. See also: The McGriddle. If McDonald’s isn’t the devil, then I don’t know what is. But the McRib stays around anyway. Because we have willed it so. Shame on you.

Alright, those are a few examples of false victories decided by the court of public opinion. What else do you have? VSB, let’s call out the fakers, posers, and bullishers.

And yes…I fully expect to get a gang of comments disagreeing about Jay vs. Nas. You may disagree with me. You will be wrong.

WHAT!

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. DO YOU WANT A VICTORY! aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3