Another Question About Cheating.

I’ve always felt like the wives and girlfriends of athletes and politicians, and well, men in power really got a raw lot in life. I think that they are almost guaranteed to date and/or marry a man who is going to step out on them at some point. Of course, not all athletes, politicians, etc are going to cheat. I know this.

Conversely, they are also privy to many riches and to a status that most people will never know or achieve. And I’m sure that there’s a certain long-term cost-benefit analysis that goes into marrying certain men anyway.

This might be a good place to mention this, I’ve spent time trying to decide if a man who married a politician woman or whatever really felt any type of way about their woman stepping out on them and my guess is that most of us just wouldn’t sweat it. Not that women can’t cheat, obviously they can, I just think that the male mentality of being a woman’s end all be all makes us all think that we’re immune to being cheated on…which is why we totally lose our sh*t when we find out that our woman has cheated on us. Men…we so dumb sometimes. Patriarchy, you’ve got to love it.

Anyway, the point of those few paragraphs above is this: I get the impression that in nearly all of those relationships, the woman says at some point: “do not embarass me.” Basically, wear condoms and be discreet. Remember your family and don’t bring anything home that you didn’t leave with. Nobody wants to be the last person to find out something. In fact, I’m willing to bet all of your paychecks that the main reason a woman won’t stand next to her husband after some scandal breaks is because she found out about it via newspaper or somebody else telling her as opposed to her husband. Nobody likes to be the last to know, but especially if you get questioned about something and have no clue what the asker is talking about.

Don’t embarass me.

Which leads to my main question here: is it worse to be cheated on, or to be the last one to know you got cheated on?

Perhaps this is an easy answer since if you know before everybody else, you can control the release of information better or at least be able to get ahead of the situation. You can make sure that you’re taking care of home and attempt to close out everybody else from speaking on your situation. But that also assumes that cheating is a forgivable offense to begin with, right?

But I don’t know, I mean it definitely makes the act worse if you’re the last to know, but shouldn’t the infidelity by itself be enough of a transgression? Does it even matter how you found out that you got cheated on assuming that its both true and verifiable?

How did this all come up? Believe it or not, I was watching the movie Rio and somehow, during the course of that movie, THAT idea came to my head. For those who haven’t seen Rio, it’s a movie about two blue macaw’s who have to smang in order to preserve the species, except one can’t fly and Jamie Foxx is a yellow bird with a bottle cap hat. Oh, and And I became curious. Is there any connection? Not really. Total non-sequitur? Absolutely. Point is, don’t question my authority.

So, anyway, to the peanut gallery: what’s worse – being cheated on or being the last to know you got cheated on?

Inquiring minds would like to know.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. NO NO NO aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Is It Wrong To “Hate” The Homewrecker Too?

We’ve all heard the story before.

Boy approaches Girl while at annual DST nude kickball fundraiser for lupus research. Girl is so intrigued by Boy’s opening line (“You don’t belong here”) and demeanor that she pretends not to notice the fact that Boy’s ring finger is equipped with ring. After 12 to 17 minutes of Boy entertaining Girl with the type of conversation that somehow simultaneously makes women annoyed and aroused, Boy and Girl exchange numbers, with plans to “do coffee” sometime in the next week. They do coffee on Tuesday. 15 minutes after coffee, Boy and Girl check into the Westin and proceed to do each other for the next 31 to 38 minutes.

While Boy’s in the bathroom, freshening up before headed back to work, Girl — who’s still laying in bed — notices Boy’s phone buzzing on the dresser. She glances at it and sees the following message: “Babe, can you pick up some sugar on the way home? Love u.”

Boy walks out of the bathroom at this exact moment, and instead of getting upset at Girl for looking at his phone, jokes “I guess this probably wasn’t the type of sugar my wife wanted me to bring home.” Girl, already feeling kind of shitty after reading the message, feels even shitter after seeing that Boy didn’t even bother to attempt to hide the fact that he’s married.

But, what makes Girl feel the shittiest? The fact that she doesn’t really care, either. Girl wishes she cared more, but she really likes Boy, and this like of Boy allows her to convince herself of the “fact” that if Boy’s wife was doing what she needed to be doing at home, Boy would have no need to step out. As her closest line sister always says, “You can’t wreck a happy home.”

Boy and Girl continue to see each other for months. As they grow closer, their outings become progressively more brazen and more public. What begin as a fling is now a full-fledged relationship. Boy even does the one thing all men in Boy’s position say they’re going to do but never actually get around to doing — leaves his wife.

A year or so later, Boy and Girl make plans to get hitched, yet Girl is surprised at some of the negative feedback she’s beginning to receive when plans of her upcoming nuptials get out. One aunt even tells Girl that she’s not going to Boy and Girl’s “triflin’-ass wedding.”

When Girl defends herself, saying that the aunt should still support her because she (Girl) did nothing wrong, aunt says “Bullshit. Maybe you didn’t sign a marriage contract yourself, but by willingly allowing him to pursue and court you while you were fully aware that he was married, you’re just as triflin as his ass is. You’re my niece, I’ll always love you, and maybe one day I’ll be able to be glad that you’ve found your “one,” but I can’t support triflinness.”

To drive home her point, Girl’s aunt takes off her sweatshirt to reveal a baby-tee with the words “I can’t support trifliness” emblazed on the chest.

“I had it made last week, and I’ve been wearing it everyday since, hoping I’d see you.”

Girl: “I can tell. That shirt smells.”

Aunt: “So do you/”

I happen to agree with Girl’s aunt. Do you?

¹Btw, although “Girl” is the homewrecker in this story, I feel the same way about men who date/sleep with women already in relationships. 

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

Can’t Truss It?

Notice that it's all men in this picture. White and Black men. All the women stayed home because they didn't trust anybody present.

(And yes, I intentionally spelled “trust” like that. Word to Public Enemy.)

In the past two days, I’ve had some fairly interesting conversations with some women I know about situations that their men might find themselves in. Yesterday’s post was one, but another one came up on Sunday that I found most gripping. Kind of like the defeat of the Packers of Green Bay at the hands of the Giants of New York.

But first, let me start with a simple premise: Women don’t trust men and women don’t trust other women. Women don’t trust anybody.

I’m finding this to be fact. Ask about me.

I find this theory most interesting since men are quick to say that all we have is our balls and our word, but we always believe in our boys. I’m curious what women fall back on? Their ovaries and their hair products? Their thong and their loofa?

Stupid? Probably. Let’s move on.

I’ve never heard a woman say that she trusted her girls beyond the shadow of a doubt. In fact, at least once a day throughout America and probably somewhere in the Carribbean, a chorus of, “I don’t trust that b*tch” can be heard from rooftops, back seats of jeeps, and text messages being read aloud by robotic white women. Seriously, why does anybody use the text to landline function? Creepy. But the message is always the same, and it could be their sister, friend, or stranger; women are quick to say that they “know women”. Apparently women are quick to attempt to get what they want at the hands of some unsuspecting at best or naive at worst man who is not smart enough to fend of the power of the box. Box power if you will. Don’t block the box.

Quick aside here. I’ve always found it troubling when women would tell me that “they know how women are.” It’s pretty much an admission of being universally f*cked up right? Individual women (such as the woman doing the talking) aren’t f*cked up, but the instituation of womanhood is conniving and trifling. It’s like white people and racism. I’m not saying that’s a personal belief, but that’s the implication that comes from so many women with that “I know how women are” comment. And if my woman is a woman, why should I trust her if she’s telling me that her institution is one rife with trife? What makes her so different?

Like it or not, that’s deep sh*t.

So women can’t trust men because we are apparently unable to resist temptation as a species which is why we get married and move to the suburbs. Or Iceland. Brazil is off limits. (Post coming.) Or because we give you all daily reminders of why we aren’t to be trusted via lying, stupidity, or downright ignorance. But women also aren’t to be trusted because women (again, these are words from women) are trifling and if they want something they are going to get it. Or make every attempt to get it, which would of course render the helplessly idiotic man helpless thus resulting in him cheating on his girl with “that b*tch” or at the very least getting caught up in some inappropriate behavior whether he intended it or not. And “that b*tch” could be any woman. She could be a chicks good friend or a total stranger. She could be a liger. Or a pair of Chinese thinking balls.

Point is, when it comes to her man, there’s no woman that she can trust because she desires him so other women must want and desire him as well. And she can’t trust her man because other women want and covet him too and we’re stupid. Unless, of course, she ensures that he doesn’t place himself in sticky situations – like driving in a car to work together, Yugo’s are way more romantic than previously thought by the Commies – since he’s likely to cheat because he’s not to be trusted or not smart enough to say no or overcome his humanity.

Or maybe, he can only be trusted to “be a man.”

So ladies, who in the hell do you actually trust?? You can’t fully trust your man. You definitely can’t trust your girls. Who in the hell do you trust?

Jesus????? Is that it?

Inquiring minds would like to know.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

PS: Peep Panama‘s post over at Sister2Sister, “Must he love you more for it to work?” on whether or not a man should love his woman more than she loves him. Interesting take if he does say so himself when he speaks in third person.

PPS: VSB recently teamed up with Coliseum Apparel to do a limited run of VSB branded crewneck sweaters. These joints are dope and I’ve already been rocking them about town. It’s still perfect weather for them as well. #teamVSB. Go on over to Coliseum Apparel’s site to check them out and cop you one! They’re going to go fast!!!!

That’s Just My Friend: Signs They’re Cheating On You With A Friend Of Yours.

Duck. Duck. GREY GOOSE!

By now, nearly everybody has heard about Robby Pardlo’s episode of the A&E show, Intervention, where he’s exposed as an alcoholic. In said episode, he admits that part of his unwinding into a raging drunk was because his girlfriend of years, Claudette Ortiz, dumped her for their bandmate Ryan Toby, who she eventually married and apparently cheated on AT LEAST two times (she has 3 kids, two of which aren’t his, but were both born WHILE she was married to him).

Da f*ck? Where dey do dat at?

While I’ve never knowingly had a girlfriend cheat on me with one of my boys, I did have an ex openly ask me if she could pursue something with one of mi hombres after I broke up with her. Me? I said, “sure, go ahead.” I really didn’t give a flying frog f*ck about her at that point and had she been hit by a rhinosaurus driving a Silverado I wouldn’t have given two sh*ts. Mostly because she cheated on me with a dude I DIDN’T know. But I knew she cheated.

I’ve lost my point. Oh John the Rabbit, oh yes. So, the whole time we were dating, apparently she was scheming on my homey though she never pursued until we broke up. And I knew something was up. How’d I know? Well, I’m a beast, I’m a dog, I’m a motherf*cking problem. But more simply, people will tell you everything you need to know. Follow me.

1. They start randomly mentioning your friend out nowhere.

You ever been out with one of your friends and they can’t stop talking about somebody new they know. But even worse, they find odd ways to bring them up. You need an example, don’t you. Cool.

Shaniquilt: I really love what NASA’s got planned for the future of hydrogen-carbide O-rings and staples.  What do you think?

Shalulu: Yeah, James was just talking to me yesterday about apples and I was thinking about NASA when he  had said…”apples”.

Shaniquilt: Da f*ck?

So imagine that scenario if you and your girl are in the car and you say:

You: Baby I love these Skittles you bought me. They so tart.

Her: James loves Skittles too.

You: Um, yeah. Why’d you bring him up there.

Her: No reason. * whistling *

Sign number one you silly sucka.

2. Not only do they bring them up, they COMPLIMENT them.

If your girl starts doling out compliments to one of your friends all willy nilly, you should definitely give her a stern side-eye and make a mental note of it. Be clear, there is NO reason that you’re girl should be paying THAT much attention to any of your homeboys that she knows what king of cologne smells best on him.

3. They always want to invite your friend to functions.

Beware your gf/bf who ALWAYS wants your homey to be there because “they so funny.” Remember fellas, humor is what charms the drawz off of any woman. Thing is, initially it will seem really benign and actually nice and sweet that they want to hang with your friends but there will come a point where it jus seems odd to invite them – like to the bedroom or ice cream.

Her: I’m tired. You think James wants to come and watch movies with us and then possibly spoon. Don’t you think that would be great? What if he rubbed on my booty too! *shriek* Yay!!!!

4. They find ways to hang out with your buddy without you.

Not sure this needs and explanation, but you should definitely kill them if this happens and any of numbers 1-3 have occurred.

5. You catch them cheating.

Sorry, pal. We’ll see you on A&E’s intervention.

That’s a quick list for you.  Good patrons of the VSB, did I miss any signs???

Lay it on me.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

Cage That Tiger, Tiger.

tiger-woods.400x450If you’re anything like me, you’re amazed that this Tiger Woods story still has legs. I figured it it would be over and done with before we hit December but nope. Apparently Tiger has more hoez than Vegas.

As of today, there are AT LEAST 10 women who’ve come forward as Tiger’s concubines.  We’ve got cocktail waitresses, Hooters girls, a porn star.

Not to mention he was running raw in at least two of them AND sending nasty text messages. Tiger is a perv.

Quite honeslty, I didn’t think he had it in him. I’ve often views Tiger as that uber-goofy doofball who you’d point and laugh at who managed to make a billion dollars just so he could swallow his opponents and all that stuff.  Now I think a lot of news sources and blogs are erroneously taking a race angle with the media coverage of his myriad cockups. I mean, its Tiger Woods and short of Afghanistan and health care reform (two constant and never-ending problems) news is really slow lately. Plus, most folks are probably like me and can’t believe that Tiger is a ho.

So I don’t think race is a factor in the coverage. However, far be it from me to think about the racial angle in this whole thing.

NOT ONE BLACK CHICK, TIGER????

I know that’s an odd angle to take with this, but really, it lends me to believe that he really doesn’t f*ck with Black people at all. Odd considering how Black people take every opportunity to claim him as a Black dude even if he doesn’t know it. See, what we do know is that Tiger loves him some new p*ssy. He loves it so much that he clearly can’t say no.  Hell, in my office pool, I’ve got him with at least 5 more chicks who haven’t come forward. I almost think that his wife knows this but her whole thing was keeping it on the low. Don’t let it go public or I’m out and you’re gonna owe me LOOOOOOOOOONG dough.

And so it was.

No wonder Buick dropped him. They probably couldn’t afford to keep paying Tiger’s pals.

But back to the Black thing. I have this odd theory that if you don’t appreciate Black women, you just cannot appreciate Black people. I know it’s weird, but even my own mother is white and she raised me, largely by herself, for the first six years of my life in some of the whitest parts of the country. Yet today, you can’t tell me Black women aren’t the most beautiful, wonderful beings on the planet.

I understand people have preferences and its likely that Black women aren’t even paying attention to Tiger (that wouldn’t surprise me, I’ve yet to meet a Black  woman who ever thought Tiger was hot), but still, it seems odd to me that with all the thick thighs and banging Serena style bodies running the globe, he’d always choose a white woman.  That just seems odd to me since if you’re gong to cheat you MIGHT AS WELL cheat on something thats gonna provide a fantasy or something at some point.  He basically kept banging his wife with wigs on.

I know Oprah was at his wedding, hell that might be the only Black woman he even deals with. But who would hit that?

I suppose what I find most interesting harkens back to this problem we have in the Black community of supporting our own even thru foolishness (see Kelly, Robert Sylvester or Simpson, Orenthal James). We find a way to support people thru some of the most ridiculous of circumstances even if we know they did wrong because they belong to us.  Perhaps its one of those situations where nobody will beat our kids but us.  But what the hell do you do when you’ve supported somebody for so long who’s made it clear that they really don’t want no parts of you?

While I think that Tiger just likes white p*ssy, I think that it goes deeper than that.  Perhaps its because his daddy is Black and he didn’t have a Grandma Nana to show him positive Black women.  I don’t know.

I’ll throw it to you all, do you think there’s a deeper issue that’s materializing with all the women that are showing up? Does Tiger really just prefer white women?

Does Tiger really think that he ain’t Black which is why all his womens aren’t either??

Did you even think Tiger had it in him??

Rumble.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

BTW, I’m fully aware that its a good thing that no Black women got caught up in this non-sense (thus far), but I still think its odd.  Everybody knows that if you start plucking everything in sight you start to experiment with different flavors. Except Tiger, he’s all white wine.