Tag Archives: infidelity

That’s Just My Friend: Signs They’re Cheating On You With A Friend Of Yours.

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Duck. Duck. GREY GOOSE!

By now, nearly everybody has heard about Robby Pardlo’s episode of the A&E show, Intervention, where he’s exposed as an alcoholic. In said episode, he admits that part of his unwinding into a raging drunk was because his girlfriend of years, Claudette Ortiz, dumped her for their bandmate Ryan Toby, who she eventually married and apparently cheated on AT LEAST two times (she has 3 kids, two of which aren’t his, but were both born WHILE she was married to him).

Da f*ck? Where dey do dat at?

While I’ve never knowingly had a girlfriend cheat on me with one of my boys, I did have an ex openly ask me if she could pursue something with one of mi hombres after I broke up with her. Me? I said, “sure, go ahead.” I really didn’t give a flying frog f*ck about her at that point and had she been hit by a rhinosaurus driving a Silverado I wouldn’t have given two sh*ts. Mostly because she cheated on me with a dude I DIDN’T know. But I knew she cheated.

I’ve lost my point. Oh John the Rabbit, oh yes. So, the whole time we were dating, apparently she was scheming on my homey though she never pursued until we broke up. And I knew something was up. How’d I know? Well, I’m a beast, I’m a dog, I’m a motherf*cking problem. But more simply, people will tell you everything you need to know. Follow me.

1. They start randomly mentioning your friend out nowhere.

You ever been out with one of your friends and they can’t stop talking about somebody new they know. But even worse, they find odd ways to bring them up. You need an example, don’t you. Cool.

Shaniquilt: I really love what NASA’s got planned for the future of hydrogen-carbide O-rings and staples.  What do you think?

Shalulu: Yeah, James was just talking to me yesterday about apples and I was thinking about NASA when he  had said…”apples”.

Shaniquilt: Da f*ck?

So imagine that scenario if you and your girl are in the car and you say:

You: Baby I love these Skittles you bought me. They so tart.

Her: James loves Skittles too.

You: Um, yeah. Why’d you bring him up there.

Her: No reason. * whistling *

Sign number one you silly sucka.

2. Not only do they bring them up, they COMPLIMENT them.

If your girl starts doling out compliments to one of your friends all willy nilly, you should definitely give her a stern side-eye and make a mental note of it. Be clear, there is NO reason that you’re girl should be paying THAT much attention to any of your homeboys that she knows what king of cologne smells best on him.

3. They always want to invite your friend to functions.

Beware your gf/bf who ALWAYS wants your homey to be there because “they so funny.” Remember fellas, humor is what charms the drawz off of any woman. Thing is, initially it will seem really benign and actually nice and sweet that they want to hang with your friends but there will come a point where it jus seems odd to invite them – like to the bedroom or ice cream.

Her: I’m tired. You think James wants to come and watch movies with us and then possibly spoon. Don’t you think that would be great? What if he rubbed on my booty too! *shriek* Yay!!!!

4. They find ways to hang out with your buddy without you.

Not sure this needs and explanation, but you should definitely kill them if this happens and any of numbers 1-3 have occurred.

5. You catch them cheating.

Sorry, pal. We’ll see you on A&E’s intervention.

That’s a quick list for you.  Good patrons of the VSB, did I miss any signs???

Lay it on me.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

Cage That Tiger, Tiger.

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tiger-woods.400x450If you’re anything like me, you’re amazed that this Tiger Woods story still has legs. I figured it it would be over and done with before we hit December but nope. Apparently Tiger has more hoez than Vegas.

As of today, there are AT LEAST 10 women who’ve come forward as Tiger’s concubines.  We’ve got cocktail waitresses, Hooters girls, a porn star.

Not to mention he was running raw in at least two of them AND sending nasty text messages. Tiger is a perv.

Quite honeslty, I didn’t think he had it in him. I’ve often views Tiger as that uber-goofy doofball who you’d point and laugh at who managed to make a billion dollars just so he could swallow his opponents and all that stuff.  Now I think a lot of news sources and blogs are erroneously taking a race angle with the media coverage of his myriad cockups. I mean, its Tiger Woods and short of Afghanistan and health care reform (two constant and never-ending problems) news is really slow lately. Plus, most folks are probably like me and can’t believe that Tiger is a ho.

So I don’t think race is a factor in the coverage. However, far be it from me to think about the racial angle in this whole thing.

NOT ONE BLACK CHICK, TIGER????

I know that’s an odd angle to take with this, but really, it lends me to believe that he really doesn’t f*ck with Black people at all. Odd considering how Black people take every opportunity to claim him as a Black dude even if he doesn’t know it. See, what we do know is that Tiger loves him some new p*ssy. He loves it so much that he clearly can’t say no.  Hell, in my office pool, I’ve got him with at least 5 more chicks who haven’t come forward. I almost think that his wife knows this but her whole thing was keeping it on the low. Don’t let it go public or I’m out and you’re gonna owe me LOOOOOOOOOONG dough.

And so it was.

No wonder Buick dropped him. They probably couldn’t afford to keep paying Tiger’s pals.

But back to the Black thing. I have this odd theory that if you don’t appreciate Black women, you just cannot appreciate Black people. I know it’s weird, but even my own mother is white and she raised me, largely by herself, for the first six years of my life in some of the whitest parts of the country. Yet today, you can’t tell me Black women aren’t the most beautiful, wonderful beings on the planet.

I understand people have preferences and its likely that Black women aren’t even paying attention to Tiger (that wouldn’t surprise me, I’ve yet to meet a Black  woman who ever thought Tiger was hot), but still, it seems odd to me that with all the thick thighs and banging Serena style bodies running the globe, he’d always choose a white woman.  That just seems odd to me since if you’re gong to cheat you MIGHT AS WELL cheat on something thats gonna provide a fantasy or something at some point.  He basically kept banging his wife with wigs on.

I know Oprah was at his wedding, hell that might be the only Black woman he even deals with. But who would hit that?

I suppose what I find most interesting harkens back to this problem we have in the Black community of supporting our own even thru foolishness (see Kelly, Robert Sylvester or Simpson, Orenthal James). We find a way to support people thru some of the most ridiculous of circumstances even if we know they did wrong because they belong to us.  Perhaps its one of those situations where nobody will beat our kids but us.  But what the hell do you do when you’ve supported somebody for so long who’s made it clear that they really don’t want no parts of you?

While I think that Tiger just likes white p*ssy, I think that it goes deeper than that.  Perhaps its because his daddy is Black and he didn’t have a Grandma Nana to show him positive Black women.  I don’t know.

I’ll throw it to you all, do you think there’s a deeper issue that’s materializing with all the women that are showing up? Does Tiger really just prefer white women?

Does Tiger really think that he ain’t Black which is why all his womens aren’t either??

Did you even think Tiger had it in him??

Rumble.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

BTW, I’m fully aware that its a good thing that no Black women got caught up in this non-sense (thus far), but I still think its odd.  Everybody knows that if you start plucking everything in sight you start to experiment with different flavors. Except Tiger, he’s all white wine.

lemme downgrade ya: two (probable) reasons why steve mcnair stepped out

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steve-mcnair-sahel-kazemi-pictures

from his brazen infidelity to his choosing of someone extremely younger, poorer, less educated, and whiter, steve mcnair’s death at the hands of his mistress sahel kazemi and her subsequent suicide is a virtual petri dish of black relationship sore spots.

yet, after a weeks worth of conversation with different women, the single most recurring question about this situation has been less “why did he cheat?“ and more “why the hell would he downgrade??“ Continue reading →

Plus De Personnes.

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I just got finished watching Judge Hatchett.  I rarely watch these court shows but I picked the right time to watch.

So on this particular episode, a man and a woman are on trying to establish paternity of the woman’s son.  So let the games begin.

Here’s what we know:

1)  dude is already married.

2) he got drunk one night and began flirting with the woman.  he and woman engaged in a little lickemhighlickemlow.

3) however, dude doesn’t actually REMEMBER having relations with her.

Da hell?  He was that drunk that he doesn’t remember at all.  Well, I guess thats possible..except ole girl said that he wasn’t even drunk or not even close to visibly drunk.

Hmm.

4) the relations…HAPPENED AT HIS FATHER-IN-LAW’S HOME.  AND HIS FATHER-IN-LAW WAS THERE.  AWAKE.  SAW HIM COME IN WITH THE OTHER WOMAN.

Whoa whoa whoa.  I’m sorry.  I just don’t believe this for the life of me.  This does not happen.  Not in America, Jack.  Somebody’s been bamboozled.  Possibly even hoodwinked?

Has anybody seen Plymouth Rock?

There is no way in the living.squirrel.f*ck. that a man is going to allow his daughter’s husband to CHEAT ON HIS DAUGHTER knowingly AND in his own home.

Yeah.  No.

Thing is.  That’s what happened.  Dude even said, “your honor, i wouldn’t believe it either if I wasn’t involved.”

And the coup de grace:

5)  their son’s name is Dequarius.  Or DeQuarious.  Or DeKwhere-e-us.

We don’t believe you.  You need more people.  If I hadn’t seent this show with these people with mine own two eyes, I wouldn’t believe this.  No way, no how, nuh uh.

Well, this particular show got me thinking about the good people of VSB.com.  You see, nearly all of us have come with some kind of story that most of us, for lack of a better term, don’t believe.  Folks got stories of women threatening to go play in traffic if I they were to break up with her them.

By the way, she ALSO pulled a knife and threatened to stab herself to which I replied, “you better call your ex with that BS.  either that or one yourself.  it’s time to sh*t or get off the pot, chicky.”

And by the way, it is the dude’s son.

In essence, nearly everybody on this site gets questioned about some of their stories.  But you know what, a lot of these stories are true.  Whether I believe you or not.

And with that said, good folks of VSB, what’s THE MOST outlandish relationship story you have?  Or what’s the most outlandish thing you’ve done in regards to the opposite sechs?  I’m talking the one that nobody believes no matter how often you tell it the exact same way. Some of you have shared whoppers, but others have been holding back.

Judge Jackson wants to know.  VSB wants to know.  Do it for the children.  Do it for the people.

Do it for Dequarius.  Or DeQuarious.  Or Dekwhere-e-us.

Share.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P

Must Be Jelly.

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With all of that talk yesterday about getting in trouble for not thinking (i.e. telling your significant other that you told your best friend something first), I got to pondering. And when Panama gets to pondering, pwatch out.

As a full service edutainment center, we can’t just run around and provide you reasons to debate all willy nilly without sometimes providing answers. Solutions, if you will.

McCain: Do you know who provides solutions?

That one.

(pointing to Panama)

Oh yeah.

So say you find yourself on the outs with your significant other. Let’s say that they caught you in a lie and have pictures of you, another person, two bananas, and a sock puppet that bears a ridiculous resemblance to Tickle Me Elmo. So of course they’re ready to let you go. But they need closure. Who doesn’t?

(Actually me. I get my closure when I peace you out.)

They want to have one final talk. You know what this means don’t you? They’re just WAITING for you to convince them that you really do love them. Any person who is going to give you an opportunity to explain your f*ckedupedness really doesn’t want to leave you. However, they realize that if they take you back without at least putting up a fight of some sort, it makes them look weak. They need a show.

So give it to ‘em.

Panama Presents…Get Out of Jam, Oh Jam, Teddy Jam 4 Me

1) Go to God.

A surefire way to always buy yourself some time is to tell your significant other that you prayed about your problems and God told you to change – as in, you’ve seen the error of your ways. I promise it always works. I tried it 4 times just this morning. For one, who can argue with God? If they do, they look like a heathen (which means you can probably hit on the spot. Score!) Plus, if they really want you back, they’ll ACTUALLY believe that you mean it. I suggest getting more animated as you explain. Hell, give a sermon and really sell it.

It also might help if you hold the Bible in your hand the whole time you’re talking. But put it down before you get some of that biblical lovin’.

2) Blame them.

I don’t know why more people don’t try this. You see, if you’re dealing with somebody who wants you back anyway, it’s TOTALLY possible that you can convince them that you messed up because of their own actions or lack thereof. For effect, throw in a bunch of non-sequiturs.  That way they really have no clue what’s going on. Peep game:

Panama: Girl, if you had just considered how much stress I had then perhaps you’d understand why I make Kool-Aid for my family. Two wrongs don’t make a right, but nothing’s as wrong as the night I kept you guessing. I mean, I-I-I have never been in love. Before. What a difference a true love made in my life. Big wheels keep on turning. Do you understand how much I love you girl?

Chick: No. But you’re right. I should have been more considerate. How about some steamed broccoli.

Panama: No baby. Make me some lasagna if you love me.

End scene.

And probably THE most effective:

3) Get defensive and don’t let her talk.

As long as you’re talking they can’t complain. Tell her that you thought she was a woman and could handle dating a real man with real responsibilities. Or tell him that a real man who handles his business would know that no one on the corner has swagger like us. Pretty soon she’ll be unzipping your trousers in a broom closet right before you go on stage to perform with your bandmates.

Or wait, was that The Five Heartbeats.

Me no know.

So I provided a short template for you. What are some surefire tactics to get out of a jam? And it doesn’t even have to be a relationship fixer. What about a date who’s thinking foul thoughts and you don’t want to ruin that free dinner? Or the late night goodies?

Commence.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST