We’ve all heard the story before.
Boy approaches Girl while at annual DST nude kickball fundraiser for lupus research. Girl is so intrigued by Boy’s opening line (“You don’t belong here”) and demeanor that she pretends not to notice the fact that Boy’s ring finger isÂ equippedÂ with ring. After 12 to 17 minutes of Boy entertaining Girl with the type of conversation that somehow simultaneously makes women annoyed and aroused, Boy and Girl exchange numbers, with plans to “do coffee” sometime in the next week. They do coffee on Tuesday. 15 minutes after coffee, Boy and Girl check into the Westin and proceed to do each other for the next 31 to 38 minutes.
While Boy’s in the bathroom, freshening up before headed back to work, Girl — who’s still laying in bed — notices Boy’s phone buzzing on the dresser. She glances at it and sees the following message: “Babe, can you pick up some sugar on the way home? Love u.”
Boy walks out of the bathroom at this exact moment, and instead of getting upset at Girl for looking at his phone, jokes “I guess this probably wasn’t the type of sugar my wife wanted me to bring home.”Â Girl, already feeling kind of shitty after reading the message, feels even shitter after seeing that Boy didn’t even bother to attempt to hide the fact that he’s married.
But, what makes Girl feel the shittiest? The fact that she doesn’t really care, either. Girl wishes she cared more, but she really likes Boy, and this like of Boy allows her to convince herself of the “fact” that if Boy’s wife was doing what she needed to be doing at home, Boy would have no need to step out. As her closest line sister always says, “You can’t wreck a happy home.”
Boy and Girl continue to see each other for months. As they grow closer, their outings become progressively more brazen and more public. What begin as a fling is now a full-fledgedÂ relationship. Boy even does the one thing all men in Boy’s position say they’re going to do but never actually get around to doing — leaves his wife.
A year or so later, Boy and Girl make plans to get hitched, yet Girl is surprised at some of the negative feedback she’s beginning toÂ receiveÂ when plans of her upcomingÂ nuptialsÂ get out. One aunt even tells Girl that she’s not going to Boy and Girl’s “triflin’-ass wedding.”
When Girl defends herself, saying that the aunt should still support her because she (Girl) did nothing wrong, aunt says “Bullshit. Maybe you didn’t sign a marriage contract yourself, but by willingly allowing him to pursue and court you while you were fully aware that he was married, you’re just as triflin as his ass is. You’re my niece, I’ll always love you, and maybe one day I’ll be able to be glad that you’ve found your “one,” but I can’t support triflinness.”
To drive home her point, Girl’s aunt takes off her sweatshirt to reveal a baby-tee with the words “I can’t support trifliness” emblazed on the chest.
“I had it made last week, and I’ve been wearing it everyday since, hoping I’d see you.”
Girl: “I can tell. That shirt smells.”
Aunt: “So do you/”
I happen to agree with Girl’s aunt. Do you?Â¹Btw, although “Girl” is the homewrecker in this story, I feel the same way about men who date/sleep with women already in relationships.Â
—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)