Two Important Announcements for the Holiday Week

What up VSBs and VSSs. As you know, it’s the holiday season, so for the rest of the week we might be a bit ghost up in this piece. However, we are definitely checking the comments and causing a ruckus and such. We also have two VERY IMPORTANT things for you to weigh in on:

1. We are planning some big time events in the coming year all around these United States of America. But, we need to know where our VSB and VSS fam is located so we can reach as many folk as possible. So if you could do us a little favor and leave a comment and tell us the metropolitan area you rep. Vote or die. You can be anonymous, we’re just trying to get a headcount to make sure we don’t leave any VSB areas in the cold. That way we can put your area on our VSB Map of Shenanigans for our 2011 Event Planning. Leave no VSB or VSS behind!

2. If you didn’t know already, our very own Liz is traveling to Haiti next month, along with some doctors, to assist with providing free medical care in Haiti. She’ll be administering eye exams (bet you didn’t know she was so skilled, huh?), and working in some mobile dental and medical clinics. She could really use your VSB + VSS help to get there, though.  Please think about contributing to help those less fortunate in Haiti. This is your opportunity to directly help people in Haiti. All of these funds go directly to the efforts in Haiti, to be spent immediately. If you would like a tax deductible receipt for your gift, let her know. Let’s see if Team VSB can raise $800 by Dec 1. No donation is too small! Even $5 could really help this cause. You can read more about Liz’s journey to Haiti here. She’ll be back to report about her trip early next year. Click the widget below to get donating or go to this page and click the widget!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Keep The Receipt: 5 Terrible Gift Ideas For This Holiday Season

fruitcakeWe’re nearing the end of November that can only mean one thing – Thanksgiving is nigh.  And what does nigh mean?

It means nearing, you academic, you.

Anyway, Black Friday is the day when folks blow their wads on uber-discounted discount price gifts for who shot John and Oh John the Rabbit (oh yes).  It really is the most wonderful time…of the year.  Giving and receiving.  Happy mornings and happy endings.  Love, smiles, and thanks.

Basically, it’s like pr0n except the polar opposite, and if it was sponsored by a jolly old fat man who epitomized the term, ice cold (no Alpha). Since I’m human, I love gifts.  There’s nothing like somebody figuring out that one gift you didn’t realize you wanted until you got it.  Similarly, there’s nothing like giving a gift to somebody who will truly appreciate it.

Which brings us to the point of today’s post, you can SO totally go wrong with gift-giving.  There are people who genuinely SUCK at gift-giving.  We all know somebody like this; they should be sent out with a list, a camera video phone, and a chaperone at all times.  Well, in case that person is you, I figured the least I can do is highlight some gifts that NOBODY wants.  Period.

It’s the least I can do.  ‘Tis the season!

Take a gander – a goose if you must.

1)  Snuggie

Yeah yeah, I know, it’s the blanket with sleeves or some such bull malarkey.  Look, kimo, the ONLY good thing to come from this Snuggie phenomenon is the commercial for it and more specifically the white dude raising the roof and partying like it’s 1999 or something.  Ironic considering that I think the last time somebody raised the roof and wasn’t pop culturally retarded was probably 1999.  Anyway, if you must get somebody one, the leopard print is definitely the way to go.  At least then, they’ll think it’s a gag gift.

2) So Fresh, So Dry aka FreshBalls

And yes, it is exactly what you think it is.  If you’re dating a man who’s having an overly moisturized problem in his nether regions….skip it, are you tired of  your hands sliding off of his balls when you get to fondling?  Well, ladies you’re in luck.  Except you’re not.  This is a terrible gift.  The name alone sounds like a joke, but it’s real.  However, there is something to be said about the insane comedic value of saying “sweaty balls” out loud.  I dare you to say it and not at least crack a smile.

Sweaty balls.

*smile*

3)  The Vulva Portrait Pendant

This sh*t right here, ninja?  This sh*t right here?  Look, the fact that you might ACTUALLY polaroid the poonanny and send it thru the world wide web (no pun intended) is bad enough.  But expecting to get a necklace in return that you expect ANYBODY to wear around their necks is taking ewwwwww to a whole new level.  Read my lips (um, not my lips, I don’t have lips, well not THOSE lips…this is going nowhere fast), this is a bad idea.  This doesn’t even work on a feminist, “owning my vajayjay” level.  By the way, in the pic on the site, the one on the far left (the brown one) looks like it got a bad strain of H1N1 vaccine, like it was mixed with cyanide and Five Alive.

4)  The Obama Chia Pet

The fact that the plant grows into an afro, one of which Obama does not have, isn’t even the big problem here.  The problem is that it costs $19.95 to own something that essentially looks like a homeless alien with a mole.  Oh, and it doesn’t look like Obama.  As an aside, am I the only person who thinks that the Chia people have been WAITING to come out with a Black person worthy of a chia so they could run with the afro?  No?  I think too much?  Ok. Ok. You’re right.  You’re right.

5)  This Thing Right Here

Let’s help the people, people.   What are some other terrible gift ideas?

Keep relationships alive.  Keep the love alive.

Keep hope alive.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3