Tag Archives: hiphop

The Poet & The Teacher: Hip Hop Classes I’d Like To See

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I'll be Pres-o-dent.

So Dr. Michael Eric “I Use 100 Words When 1 Will Do” Dyson is teaching a class at Georgetown University on Jay-Z this semester. The class entitled “Sociology of Hip-Hop: Jay-Z” focuses on the literary works and genius of our dear Mr. Carter. You know school is fun when Fade To Black is required viewing. (Not for nothing I think State Property could have an entire class in film school devoted to it.) Dyson is no stranger to the wonderful world of hip-hop having written popular yet terrible works on Tupac and Nas and even taught a class at UPenn onTupac. Seriously, Holler If You Hear Me might have been the biggest waste of words on Tupac ever.

Obviously, I’m no fan of Dyson and frankly think his books suck more a** than Jessica Grabbit. I’m also generally against the intellectualization of hip hop. Not because it doesn’t deserve it, but I tend to think that most of the books written about hip-hop by academics tend to be books written by fairly dissociated ninjas trying to sell hip-hop to a bunch of older white fogeys who would never give hip hop a real shot in hell anyway. No matter how much you focus on the poetry and inherent struggle present in SOME of the music, there’s no way to make “Laffy Taffy” an exercise in academia anyway.

But I would take any class on hip hop. Word.Booty. And I do think that people like Tupac and Jay are deserving of some sort of analysis given their accomplishments as people and the medium they chose to use. So despite the teacher, I’m glad these classes exist. And you know what? There are lots of other classes that I think would serve any student population well. Like what? Glad you asked.

Criminal Justice 104: Gucci Mane, DMX, and TI – Rapper Recidvism and the Prison Industrial Complex

This class would study the mentality of rappers who’ve made more money than they know what to do with but somehow cannot stay out of jail for sh*t. Specific blocks of the class would be based on probablity of Gucci Mane returning to jail every year (trick question: 100%) and why DMX seems to LIKE jail. Also, the stupidity of people with the world at their fingertips. See Harris, Clifford “Tip” Required Viewing: Tiny and Toya.

History 376 – The South Rose Again…But Not Like You Thought

This class would look at the South’s meteoric ascent to the top of the mainstream rap landscape with a specific focus on the loss of regionality in hip-hop with every song sounding like a Southern Anthem. New York’s yielding of power to the South would be examined to include an analysis of ASAP Rocky, a rapper from Harlem who seems like a Compton gangbanger who raps likes from Houston. Further discussion into the Southern backlash by northern rappers while making southern rap songs and going to Southern producers for their biggest hits. Required Viewing: MTV Jamz

Psychology 341 – Cam’Ron and DipSet: The Birth of A Nation

This class would look at the influence of The Diplomats on the psyche of America. Cam’ron’s ability to influence an entire nation of masculine dudes to wear pink and purple on purpose. It would also discuss influence of Harlem on hip-hop’s landscape and the DipSet influence in America specificaly from 2001-2006.Required Viewing: All DipSet videos and home video footage of American urban youth during those years

Business 402 – Independent Rap Labels and Trunk Muzik

Focus on No Limit, Rap-A-Lot, Suave House, and the rise of the indy rap labels that spawned a new business model for record companies. Required Viewing: Baller Blockin’, I’m Bout It, Foolish, Choices, Hot Boys

Sociology 119 – The Wire and You

An analysis of the reality versus the fantasy of The Wire and how the representation was a perfect mechanism for illustrating needs for certain social reforms in America’s urban centers. Required Viewing: The Wire…duh

Fashion and Design 224 – From Jansport To The Louis Vuitton Duffel Bag

The rise of the backpack as a fashion accessory of hip-hop artists. The travel bags omnipresent role in hip-hop. The origins of backpack rap and the profession to the to the Kanye West Louis Vuitton backpack accessories and dope boy LV duffel. Required Viewing: MTV Jamz/Sex And The City

Philosophy 843 – WTF is A Wacka Flocka Flame? The Genius and The Prophet

WWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACKAAAAA! ABCDEFGHIJK!!! FLOCKA FLOCKA!!!! WAAAAAAAACKA!!! The life and depth of the worst rapper ever to have 3 straight number one songs? Wacka Flocka – idiot or are we the dumb ones? Is Wacka really a genius? All these questions and more answered. Required Viewing: WorldStarHipHop

Those are some of my suggestions. Good people of VSB, show me what you got. What classes based on hip-hop do you think would be dope in academia??

Talk to me.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka YUNG P DA FLY THIEF aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Hands In The Concrete: 6 Surefire Ways To Impress A Man

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g435dj-jewel-postersHere at VSB we’ve spent an inordinate amount of time trying to offer women a glimpse into the minds of men.  Truly, we’re not that complicated.  Find us, f*ck us, and flee (ya know).  It’s really that simple most of the time.

Now despite all of this free and sage pre-paid legal advice and consultation, we still get questions from women about how they might snag the attention of a particular male suitor.  And being the generous, love-loving gentleman (no Ne-yo) that I am, I figure what the hell, why not give the ladies an inside track on piquing the interest of 90 percent of men out there…without their boobs. Continue reading →

The Apology: 10 Things For Which Hip-Hop Should Apologize

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ludacris_mccain_apology

(Ya know, aside from all the social ills that so many people erroneously attribute to hip-hop.)

1. The Diplomats

They’ve singlehandedly crafted or perpetuated more horrendous trends than anybody: grown men wearing effeminate colors, looking dirty on purpose, “no homo”, non-sensical wordplay, etc.

And above all else, they are responsible for the ascent of Jim Jones who is responsible for everything wrong in the Black community. In fact, everything else on this list is Jim Jones fault.

2. Vibe Magazine

I may never get a mention by Danyel Smith after this, but for whatever reason, some people actually look to Vibe for hip-hop news and their WACK-AS-THE-F*CK Best Rapper Alive Tourney Bracket was the biggest miscarriage of justice since Dwight Howard’s technical for being happy to poo all over Verajao. Vibe owes hip-hop an apology for putting Bow Wow on the list and making Wale have to mother*cking play-in.

3. Diddy’s twittering

I think I hate Diddy right now and his million follower goal made me want to slap him with the Life After Death double album. By the way, I follow Diddy on Twitter. After all, Diddy is…hip-hop.

4. Oversensitivity, which is supposed to be the anti-thesis of hip-hop

If the kids look up to rappers, and rappers are acting like p*ssies, then our male offspring will presumably begin to act like p*ssies – which could clearly explain the uber-sensitivity that has been going around in the black community. The number one killer of black man is not diabetes, stroke, or heart disease.

It is lack of respect. The assumption of lack of respect comes from the overabundance of sensitivity and instigators wanting to witness the sensitivity. Sensitive thugs, you all need hugs.

B*tches.

5. Bad Nicknames

Gucci Mane, OJ Da Juiceman, Trick Daddy, Rick Ross (when the real drug kingpin Rick Ross is getting out of jail), Freeway (see Rick Ross), Papoose (what the f*ck is a Papoose anyway?), etc.

Because of hip-hop, a grown man can be referred to as Tangle Jig P Boo-Boo and nobody thinks twice about it.

6. Spencer Pratt’s burgeoning rap career

You know what, he doesn’t sound terrible. You know why? It’s because he’s mimicking every other craptastic rapper out nowadays. He sounds like the status quo. Somehow, his rap career became an actual possibility.

7. Pure ignorance

To wit:

XXL: One of the things that was eye-catching about the book was the graphical treatment, how some words are emphasized and bold and right in your face. It kinda reminds me of a book I’m sure you’re familiar with, Saul Williams’ “Said The Shotgun To The Head.” What was the reasoning…

Kanye (West) : You know what, I’m not familiar with no books. I don’t know no books, dead ass. That’s what we wrote in the beginning. I didn’t read 48 Laws [of Power], I never read “The Secret.” And Saul Williams is a good friend of mine, but I’m sorry…you know what? There are people who are genius designers that don’t know any other designers’ names.

Then again, he is the college dropout. So who am I to be surprised he “don’t know no books“?

8. Horrible and unintelligible slang

The best slang is obvious, not some over the top intentionally stupid stuff like some of the stuff that comes out of the (Father forgive me), Bay area. ESPECIALLY the Bay area. It’s gotten to the point where even black people don’t know what anybody is talking about anymore.

It used to be that when folks were making up shit, you didn’t have to spend weeks trying to learn it. It all made sense in the context of sentences or verses. To understand some rappers, you need to take a damn class. I already have 2 degrees so f*ck that very much.

Apologies are warranted.

9. Pink

The color, not the singer. Yes, The Dips hip-hop should apologize for introducing pink into hood culture making it possible for me to be held up by a guy wearing a ski mask and a pink polo shirt on it. This is a problem for me. I just don’t feel comfortable being robbed by a man in pink. I just don’t. This is Harlem’s fault. Lots of bad things come out of Harlem, if you think about it.

*shots fired*

10. Lupe Fiasco’s acclaim

Able lyricist with remarkably strange concepts at times (perhaps I’m not deep enough for him – I’m lying, you are full of sh*t if you thinks song about being a hamburger was deep), yet somehow, rap is so bad that people think Lupe is the next coming of Inspectah Deck’s first verse on “Triumph” which is by far one of the best, and most well known, verses in hip-hop (right after Rob Bases’s first verse on “It Takes Two”). Lupe is a beneficiary of wack times.

*****

So, for what else does hip-hop owe an apology??

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD 3

10 Worst Hip-Hop Love Songs

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Welcome to hip-hop week here at VSB.com. I decided that I might as well take a week to look at “love” from a hip-hop standpoint since hip-hop is what I do.

Panama = Hip-Hop.

Bounce bitch.

I’m also sexxy, but you already knew that.

Ahem.

So, today we shall examine some of the worst hip-hop love songs out there.  Ready?  Mmkay.  Allons-y.

What does that mean?  Well, it means that the songs don’t quite exemplify love like as we think of it.ilovehiphop

By the by, this isn’t to say that these songs are bad, they just suck as love songs.  Follow the leader.

(All links are to youtube and will open in a new window.)

10)  LL Cool J – I Need Love

Mostly because I just hate this song.  Like for real.  Hate it.

9)  Luke -  I Wanna Rock (Doo Doo Brown)

I mean, this song isn’t even about love.  Plus, Luke’s too demanding, always shouting out directions.  What woman would stick around (no pun intended) with a man who was always telling her what to do.  That’s not love.

8)  Cam’ron – Hey Ma

What list about love songs is complete without Cam’ron?  And if you consider that “Hey Ma” was supposed to be their softer side song and it still ended up being about getting dome on the Westside Highway, well, love isn’t in the air.  Might be all over the car though.

Heh heh heh.

7)  Ying Yang Twins – Wait (The Whisper Song)

Great song. Just misguided on the love tip.  For one, they whisper too much and women like it when a man proclaims his love loudly.  Then again, if that’s not your thing, then you can just wait til you see his (oooh).

6)  DJ Quik – Sweet Black P*ssy

I mean, one COULD look at it as an ode to Black women everywhere.  Then again, one COULD look at HIV as population control.  It’s not really recommended, however.

“…when we’re hugging and kissing and you want to get mushy girl, you best be prepared to f*ck…”

So impatient.

Great song though.

And since we’re talking about DJ Quik…

5)  Snoop Doggy Dogg and Family – Ain’t No Fun

Sharing is caring and all relationships need more sharing.  Though somehow, I just don’t think this is what Ms. Manners has in mind. The funny thing is that this song is “dedicated” to all the ladies.

4)  AMG – B*tch Betta Have My Money

Now this just happens to be one of the greatest songs of all time.  Of course, you can’t exactly tell your date that and she’ll be like, ‘oh yeah, that song is beautiful’.  Then again, this song is about coming correct with the money and isn’t finances one of the reasons that marriages are failing?  If she comes with the money then they can get their finances straight and people will stay married.  Right???  Heh heh heh.

3)  Poison Clan – I Hate Hoes

First line, “life’s a b*tch, so I married one/but a n*gga in love with a b*tch is very dumb”

Okay then.  You can see where this one is going – nowhere good.  Great damn song though, just kind of down on the love tip which sucks so much since the music just makes me want to hug unicorns.

2)  Dr. Dre – B*tchez Ain’t Sh*t

You know, the sad thing here is that Snoop’s verse is about him having to kill his girl because she was cheating with Daz.  It’s about a gangster who’s heart gets broken and has to pick himself up and overcome.  If it wasn’t for the murder, this song would be on the greatest hip-hop love songs list.

1) RZA – Domestic Violence

Any song where these lyrics figure front and center is on some Ike and Tina stuff.  Gander:

What the fuck y’all birds talking about?
Get the f*ck out my house
‘Fore I grab you by your hair and slap d*ck to your mouth
Bob Digi, yeah you know who is he
Girl, I fucking slave trade your ass like Kizzy Kinte
You wish you could f*ck
Bitch, all you can do is d*ck suck

And just in case you haven’t heard this song, here’s a few lines from the “hook”, and this just RZA’s issues, this doesn’t even mention what his chick is saying:

‘Cause you ain’t shit, and your mother ain’t shit
And your sister ain’t shit, and your pussy ain’t shit
That weave ain’t shit, your ass ain’t shit
Girl you ain’t shit, your daddy ain’t shit

***

I actually have a list with at least 30 more songs on it.  So my hip-hop headers, what are some other hip hop songs that are terrible as long songs?

Keep bangin.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGBHORHOOD 3