Is This What Growed Up Feels Like?

The only NWA I can get with nowadays! Take that Dr. Dre!

Personal growth is a motherlover. Especially when you don’t see it coming. And in some ways it can make you ashamed of who you were just hours before. Or make you call into question decisions you made that led to you making it to the point where you could realize growth that you now have hours later that you didn’t have hours before you experienced said growth.

TCBY.

What am I talking about? Glad you asked.

The other day I was rollin’ in my ’64. Actually it’s an ’07 but who’s counting. Well except for me. Moving on. So I was rolling down the street smoking indo, sippin’ on gin and juice (none of that is true either). As of late my favorite thing to do is pick a Pandora station and kill the battery on my iPhone. Usually its set to either the Patrice Rushen station or the David Axelrod station. Well this fine day, I decided to roll down my windows and blast some of that good ole ignant music I love so much. So I punched in three letters that are world famous:

N.

W.

A.

One of my favorite albums of all time is EFIL4ZAGGIN. Dr. Dre was at his producerial essence on this album and despite its themes (put a pin in that, we’ll get back to this shortly) its a hip-hop masterpiece of beats, rhymes, and life and is sonic perfection. So anyway, I punch in NWA and Eazy E’s “Boyz N Tha Hood” comes on. Okay. Dopeboy anthems have always been one of my favorites and especially since I’m a West Coast music head, there wasn’t much better.

Then it happened.

“Just Don’t Bite It (She Swallowed It)” came on.

Oh. My. God.

Dude, this has to be at LEAST one of the 5 MOST ignorant songs in hip-hop history. Ever. Hell, so is “Automobile” off the same album. Actually so is “Find ‘em, F*ck ‘em, and Flee” on that same album. You know what, f*ck it, EFIL4ZAGGIN is one of the most ignorant pieces of art ever created and sold in commercial outlets. Like seriously…gotd*amn. As I listened to this song (and I know the words by heart) I almost felt ashamed of myself.

Actually, I did feel ashamed of myself. In that one song is rape, statutory rape, complete and utter disregard for women, rampant and blatant misogyny, etc etc etc. Honestly, I kind of wondered how ANYBODY could make a song like that and then say to themselves, “wow, this sh*t is dope.” Dumbfounded. I’m the blast my music loud type of mofo. I turned my stereo ALL the way down as I listened and thought about what I was listening to. I don’t know if it’s because I’m a father to a daughter now or what, but man…

…WHO DOES THAT???

Randomly: I’m not from the West Coast, but it seems like a common theme in nearly ALL early 90s West Coast hiphop involved running trains on women. Um, what the hell is wrong with ninjas in Cali??? Even Ice Cube, arguably the more sensible one of NWA, and the only one to give any of their music any type of substantive element was full of statutory rape and just outright violent disregard for women. I’m not gonna say that it was a West Coast thing, it has been a hip-hop thing, but the abject clarity spoken on those songs is almost disturbing at times.

And I realize that in the hood, things happen. A lot of women involved are willing participants. But who the hell commits sh*t like that to immortality via master recordings? I suppose the same goes with the violent, murder murder murder stuff too.

Obviously, this was is all very conflicting for me because I’m a hip-hop head to the heart. But some of that sh*t just crossed/crosses the line and I’m really curious as to how ANYBODY could make that music. Like, if I could interview MC Ren right now, I’d say, “Ren take me through your thought process when you wrote the lyrics for “Just Don’t Bite It 2 (She Swallowed It)”. Does any of it strike you as not right?”

I’m trying not to chastise my beloved hip-hop and it’s not like I’m going to stop listening to it, but listening to that song shamed the motherf*ck out of me because I couldn’t believe that I used to love it H.E.R. and also that somebody actually made that…somebody with a mama. Maybe this is what growing up starts to feel like. Maybe I already did seeing as how I haven’t listened to anything N.W.A. related in years at this point, partially for this reason and because I have a daughter that I have to raise to love herself.

But egads man…what a lesson. So I wonder, good folks out there, have you had any similar type of “aha” growth moment? If it involved NWA, you and me? We >< here.

Talk to me.

-VSB P aka PETEY WHEATSTRAW aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

i’m sooooo grown…extended

grown-up

ask 10 people and you’ll likely get 10 different definitions of this term, a curious conundrum helping to make courting, dating, and relationships much more difficult than they already are.

in an attempt to somewhat subside this confusion, I’ve decided to help everybody out and name five simple behaviors that every grown-ass man and grown-ass woman should practice. enjoy and sh*t

1. GROWN-ASS MEN…should never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever brag about their penis, bedroom manner, or sexual exploits. never. ever.

let the women you’ve been with in the past be your pipegame A&R’s and penis politicians. trust me, if you’re doing what youre supposed to be doing, they”ll gladly volunteer

2. GROWN-ASS WOMEN…should never allow themselves to be defined solely by their sexuality

basically, a grown-ass woman should know that a long sleeved dress shirt, jeans, and an appropriate heel on her worst day still owns three times as much potential sexiness than some jeans revealing three inches of butt cleavage, accompanied by a fishnet turtleneck with pink piranha nipple clamps. a grown-ass women should always know that their sexuality will always be the implied yet powerful elephant in the room, and knows she doesn’t need to acknowledge it by “yee-hawing” loudly and riding the elephant through the doorway like it’s Seattle Slew.

3. GROWN-ASS MEN…should never try to “out-sexy” a woman.

we’re all are ugly and awkward. we can never be as outwardly sexy as a woman is, so stop trying.

if you’re still unsure about how you should look when taking a picture, use this as your own personal cheat-sheet..

yes

NO!!!!!

4. GROWN-ASS MEN AND GROWN-ASS WOMEN…should never get arrested, or consistently put themselves in situations where it’s a likely possibility

you’re not t.i. or kwame kilpatrick or martha stewart. you have no albums to sell, movies to promote, or potato salad recipes to hawk. your administrative assistant at Blue Cross/Blue Shield ass getting arrested aint cool, will not enhance your street cred, and, even if it did, no other grown-ass man or grown-ass women is even going to care because you’re an administrative assistant at Blue Cross/Blue Shield. to quote starbury you’re caught up in basketball. get caught up in life”

5. GROWN-ASS WOMEN…should never hint at disinterest
 
it was much simpler in elementary school. if you liked a girl, you’d pass her a note in class with a simple question: “do you want to be on my team for dodgeball?”

underneath the question would be two boxes, titled “yes” and “no”. if she wasn’t interested, not only would the “no” box get checked, but you might even have the paper balled-up, chewed on, and thrown at you.  

somewhere in the 15-25 years since, some women have come to the conclusion that a hint of disinterest is all that’s needed to properly respond to unrequited romantic feelings. these women have seemingly forgotten one of the most basic rules every woman should know when dealing with a man: we are not women. we do not take hints. there’s a reason why we sent the note in 3rd grade with a yes or no checkbox instead of a “maybe” or “sometimes” or “if i get naked”, and a grown ass woman knows this and acts accordingly.

thats it for now. people of vsb.com, did i miss anything?

—the champ