The Most Backhanded Compliment Of All Time

Hmm...I'll take one of each in a size 10.

I had a revelation one day. It was volcanic. It was eruptious. It was epiphanic. And it cuts right to the core of why I know so many single women.

Yes, I know…nobody wants to hear again why Black women are single. Hell, I’m tired of talking about. And I think there are two main source reasons why we are all, both men and women, tired of hearing it:

1) The focus always goes right to any and all potential negative attributes of Black women, which frankly isn’t fair and places an undue burden on Black women to get their stuff together and who wants to constantly hear non-sense like that; and

2) It’s just annoying.

Now, as a board certified ninja AND karate expert (do you see what I did there?) and despite being tired of hearing and reading about it, its a conversation that I can’t run from to save my life. Oddly enough, no matter where I go, if there are more than three people gathered in my name at some point a chick’s unfair singleness will come into play. We’ll spend some amount of time talking about why she thinks she’s single, why I think she’s single, and then be unceremoniously interrupted by some person with the best.timing.ever. who will do something like yell out “boner patrol” that will end a conversation that cannot end on its own.

Hmmm…

I know a lot of good single women. And I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time trying to determine why this is. I’ve come up with one overarching theme that I’m fairly certain I can attribute to about 75 percent of the women I come across. But be aware, it’s the most backhanded compliment ever:

So many Black women are single because there are too many good Black women.

Re-read that sentence and then let it marinate.

*Peach Cigarillo break*

Is it pandering? Perhaps. Is it making the word “good” too open-ended? Absolutely. But does it have merit? Sure as shootin’.

Peep game. Me and my boy have this theory that you can find a good quality in nearly any woman if you talk to her long enough. In fact, that’s the running joke amongst my boys and why we refuse to talk to unattractive women. If you talk to her long enough you might fall for her. So don’t do it. Harsh…you bet your arse it is. Nobody wants to be the dude who falls in love with the wolverine when he could have done something about it. Young, sad, and blue.

But if you can find a decent quality in a bustdown, you bet your arse you can find a reason to wife down a good looking woman. Which is where the problems start. Who do men like to talk to? Give yourself a pat on the back and a shot of Patron on yourself if you said attractive women. If you spend 10 minutes talking to most good looking women you can find at least one good reason to get her number (even if you decide you’re going to roll out without getting it b/c that interest isn’t very strong. Word to Panama Jackson.) Now this isn’t to say that these are all women you need to marry, but women worth getting to know better and giving an actual chance to.

And therein lies the problem, every chick most guys come across in the Reading Ninja community have the exact same stats. They’re all college-educated, decent job, fun-loving, individuals who are interesting if you take the time to get to know them. Now, you might find out that the chick you think you want to get to know sucks more thank a pr0n star vacuuming in a black hole, but that’s neither here nor there. Word to Panama Jackson.

The point is, most of the women a lot of us come across nowadays are in effect good catches. Every one’s possibly a good option. So why settle for this one when each one brings the same thing to the table. It’s the reason why men are always claiming to look for something different. Okay, that’s not entirely true, most of us claim to want a chick who’s different than the trifling women we claim to only come across. We are liars. I’d bet that if most dudes thought of the majority of women that they know, MAJORITY NOT ALL, a sizable portion could be good wifey material except that she’s just like everybody else he knows. Nothing stands out.

It’s an odd problem really. All women claim to be different, or at least want to be considered to be different from one another, but on the same criteria they judge us against (the resume, effectively) they all look the exact same. We’re stuck in a sea of look-good-on-paper women.

Which is why every woman who knows how to cook gets a leg up. Bazinga!

Game. Blouses.

So what do you think? Does my theory make sense? Is it possible that the biggest problem in the dating community for us eligible ninjas is that almost all of the women are decent enough making them all the status quo?

For the record, let’s save the: Naw, son, the biggest problem is that most of these broads is busted. It’s not true. And I’m the harshest person most of us know when it comes to that…and I’m a 3.

-VSB P aka YOUNG P THA FUNKY THUG aka SLIM P.A.N.A.M.A. tha SLIM PANAMANIAN aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3