You Don’t Need My Girl’s Number, But I May Need To Call Your Boy!

Has nothing to do with the post, I just think this is good advice.

**UPDATE: If you are interested in attending the Election Night Watch Party with VSB, Urban Cusp, IMPACT, and The Root DC, please RSVP as we opened it up to a few more individuals.**

This isn’t about double standards…thought it clearly is one.

This isn’t about cognitive dissonance…though the dissonance is clearly cognitive.

(Sidenote: I’d never heard the term “cognitive dissonance” until I saw Champ use it here at some point, noticing that along with “narrative” it had become one of his favorite terms. I had to look it up every single time I saw it, getting to the point where I had to attempt to create scenarios where the term fit in order to understand the idea. I’m not proud of this and am much smarter than those words illustrate, but I thought I’d share anyway. Thank you.)

I’m one of those chaps with good friends, especially my boys. Everything I do, I do it for my crew ya know. It’s all strictly for my N.I.*.*.A.Z., ya dig? For the most part, if the women I’m dating meet my boys, pretty shortly afterwards they mention how cool my friends are and how much they can tell that I have real friends. If we make it to real dating status and all that jazz, there’s a very good chance that my ladyfriends will come to love hanging out with my hombres and likely come to call them friends as well.

In fact, upon breaking up with an ex some many years ago, she SPECIFICALLY said that while she understood that we were breaking up, she had to be able to still be friends with one of my boys…she patently refused to give up that friendship. We are all still friends to this day. This happened.

Not only has this phenomenon NOT happened in reverse for me – not that I never think that the women I date have good friends or cool friends or anything, of course they are – I can’t see it ever happening to any man. In fact, I tend to keep my lady friends friends are arm’s lengths. Why?

Women don’t trust anybody.

Yet somehow, women, specifically the ones I’ve dated, have seen nothing wrong at all with getting the phone numbers of my boys and/or going out to eat lunch with them, etc. Of course, I know about it all – none of this is suspicious or a surprise. But I can’t even imagine finding a good reason to get the phone number of one of my girlfriends friends. Actually, that’s not true. There’s always the “here, take Such-n-Such’s number because my phone is about to die” situation that arises, but even then I never think to actually use the number outside of the intended or specific purpose.

But I don’t think that most women would see anything wrong, suspicious, or even remotely odd about keeping in touch with their boyfriend’s homeboys – as long as the friend is a REAL friend. Or maybe I’m just lying to myself and I’ve got the most trustworthy group of friends on the planet (possible).

Picture me rollin…

I asked other women about this because I was curious and while none of them said that they are like friends-friends (you know when you repeat the words twice, it’s like really real) almost 90 percent of them DID have the phone number of one or more of their man’s friends. The same did not hold for the opposite unless they were established friends from way back. So basically, new guy and gal start dating, it’s highly likely that if some sh*t goes down, gal will have guy’s boys number to call to help guy get right.

The opposite? Sheiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. Guy better hit up Twitter – which, no bullsh*t, is just as good as text messaging nowadays. Maybe not “just as” but if its definitely 1B.

Anyway, good folks of VSB, can somebody explain this phenomenon to me? Does this all come down to women’s lack of trusting any other woman on the planet but trusting themselves so its okay? Fellas, do you have your girlfriend’s friends info and use it with any frequency whatsoever? Ladies, do you (or would you) all have your boyfriend’s friends’ information and use it?

Holla if ya hear me. Inquiring minds would like to know.

Water.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. I’LL JUST TWEET YOU aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

FOR THE DMV VSBers: Tomorrow night, ELECTION NIGHT 2012, November 6, 2012, VSB along with Urban Cusp, IMPACT, The Root DC, and WPGC will be hosting an Watch Party event at the Washington Post. The RSVPs are sold out at this point but check back over the course of the day to see if we open the floor to more individuals as we will be shunnin’ ninjas at the door. Anyway, peep the flyer, just sharing for now. If you already RSVP’d, we can’t wait to celebrate (hopeful) victory!

six things every grown-ass sista should possess

last week, panama blessed the vsb pulpit with 6 things that every grown a** black man needs in his life. since we’re ardent supporters of equal opportunity and sh*t, here’s six things every grown-ass sista should possess.

1. a hobby

“what’s the most important thing for a grown-ass sista to possess?”

you know, while others may respond to this question with goeswithoutsayings like “a job” or “an education” or “a passport” or “a genius-level command of their gag reflex“, an actual hobby that doesn’t involve meeting men or buying blahniks is usually the first answer i think of. nothing says “i’m grown the f*ck up” more than a woman who has genuine interests, enthusiasms, and curiosities, and actually makes time to partake in and pursue them.

despite this, there still remains a somewhat sizable sista sub-species of seemingly “grown” walking, talking, vagina zombies with no discernible interests infecting the dating game with their uninteresting-ass e coli, and i’m curious to find out how this happened.  it’s almost as if they all took the exact same “how to be a hobbyless ho 101″ course their freshman year at howard

2. girlfriends

like i said before, when a woman tells me that she doesn’t really get along with other women, i interpret it as code for one of two things

a) i don’t really get along with other women anymore because i’m a backstabbing b*tch who usually tries to steal their boyfriends”

b)because i don’t have any friends, i’m going to expect any man i happen to be with to be my sole entertainment for the duration of the relationship”

seriously though, if you’re over 25, you’ve been on the planet long enough to cultivate at least one or two good relationships with someone else in your peer group, and you probably shouldn’t go around calling yourself a grown-up until you’re able to.

3. size, age, and situation appropriate clothing

reason number 135 why every grown-ass sista should possess at least one good girlfriend: to put your ass in a figure four if you attempt to leave the crib like this

4. orgasm ownership

if you’re a sexually active woman, the “i’m completely and utterly clueless about my vagina and have no idea how to make myself climax” sympathy card expires a month after your 27th birthday, and you probably should pencil in a permanent reservation at the kiddle table during thanksgivings until your “too old to be shook by my own snatch” ass figures it out.

5. nice hair

whether you’re rocking braids or a baldy, a bob or a halle, deceiving weave or the “spelman pullback”, a grown-ass sista should know a) how to handle your do, b) which do is most appropriate for you, and c) how not to leave the house looking like one of those tragic maury povich mulattoes whose mothers have no f*cking clue what to do

6. a go-to dude

whether its her dad, her cousin ronnie, her grade school vice-principal, or vsb, every grown-ass sista should have at least one (heterosexual!) male in her life that’ll give it to her straight with no chaser whenever she needs to know “what does it mean when he says that he only wants to see me between 3 and 3:45am on the weekends?” and other deep insights about the mysterious male mind

anyway, people of vsb, what else should every grown-ass sista own before she earns the privilegde to call herself a grown-ass sista? 

and, since we’re all here, who do you think is going to be the first popular recording artist that actually murders herself on stage during an award show because she’s trying to top a lady gaga performance? (my money’s on pink)

—the champ


monogamy for dummies

****edit, wednesday 12:00pm****

watch as “our favorite cp3″ plays a principle role in the first ever wnba bench clearing brawl. we couldn’t be more proud

http://youtube.com/watch?v=uhnxUbUi_nM

****end of edit****

there are a few guarantees in life, with “death”, “doritoe stains”, and “getting the roof of your mouth burned by microwaved french bread pizza” obviously being among them.

for the champ, since i’m basically a human garbage disposal when it comes to food, i can guarantee that at least two or three times a day, i will be extremely hungry. this isn’t your normal hunger, or even your grandmothers hunger, but an all-encompassing hyenaesque condition caused by the fact that my metabolism is faster than tyson gay. sh*t, at the moment I’m writing this I’m extremely hungry, and when you finally read this I will probably be extremely hungry then too.

what the champ usually looks like when hes hungry

what the champ usually looks like when he's hungry

now, if I happen to be out and about while I’m in one of these hungry spells, there’s a chance that I might happen to walk past somebody eating a whopper or one of those neat little wrap thingys from bruegger’s bagels. naturally, my first instinct when seeing that will be to snatch the food from the person’s hand, push them down, and run away eating and cackling, fulfilling my unrelenting hunger.

thing is, because i’m a human being, and i’m aware of little things like “laws” and “social mores” and “prisons” and i’ve seen shows like “Oz” that remind me of why i don’t want to go to prison, i just walk by, ignoring my natural instincts.

my point is that being a human is predicated on doing a lot of unnatural shit. wearing clothes, using toasters, buying books, watching “Girlfriends”, visiting outrageously popular weblogs co-founded by colloquial pittsburgers…basically everything we consciously do is unnatural, and it’s idiotic to compare our sexual selves to other species in the animal kingdom who lack the ability to reason on a high level.

the idea that human monogamy is wrong because its unnatural is at best misguided, and at worst dangerously imbecilic. belief in this suggests that we shouldn’t be held completely accountable for any sexual misdeed short of rape, a completely immature way of understanding our human selves.

“i cheated? so the hell what. you think tigers dont be trying to bone all the other tiger bitches in the jungle?? growl, growl, bitch. growl, growl!!!”

maybe it’s not natural for an animal to commit to just one sexual partner (and, btw, there are numerous species in the animal kingdom who practice monogamy. strangely enough, the reasons for this usually comes down to getting used to the smell of their mates shit), but a human being should know that it’s safer, healthier, and usually makes for a better environment to raise children.

now, am i suggesting that every one needs to run out and discontinue their unmonogamous ways, burning black books and putting entire 12 (wo)man rosters on waivers? hell no. (sh*t, i’m not, lol) just like college, wnba basketball, and mormon pu**y, monogamy isn’t always for everyone, and i understand that. all i’m saying is that the “monogamy is completely synthetic” argument is stupid as hell, and lazier than shaq’s mouth

now, excuse me while i forage for some grub.

—the champ