Tag Archives: gender

link of the week: “why men marry some women and not others”

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last week, vsb reader p. merchant forwarded us a link to john t. molloy’s “why men marry some women and not others“, a comprehensive statistical study examining each gender’s dating, mating, and marriage tendencies.

although marriage was the focus of his research, many of his findings translate for all people, matrimony-minded or not. here’s six of them

1. men do have a biological clock, based on their desire to be an active father (especially to their sons)

2. all wives are trophy wives—men marry women whom they admire and like to show off (but not necessarily for their physical appearance)

3. men believe that they can size up a woman in 5 minutes. They’re usually wrong. If a man doesn’t call, it’s because he realizes that he made a mistake.

4. men don’t typically think of themselves as “dating” until after 4-6 dates

women typically think of themselves as “dating” after 2-3 dates, hence the problem

5. the fact that your man doesn’t bring you roses, but instead plops on your couch to watch TV and takes you for granted is actually a natural stage and the hallmark of almost all serious relationships—not a deal-killer.

6. the women who insist on being treated well are 2x as likely to end up marrying their man. no one marries a servant

so, people of vsb, what say you? which is gospel, and which is garbage? speak your minds and sh*t.

–the champ

two reasons why men are “better” at friendship than women are

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one of my favorite educated guesses is the fact that, if you were to poll both genders about their “closest friends”, at least 25-30 percent of the women would probably name a man, while maybe 5-6 percent of the men would name a woman. although i have absolutely no statistical data to back me up, i’m completely sure that this is true, mainly because of the commonly held notion that men make better friends than women do.

as you’ve probably inferred, i happen to agree with this, but i’ve always wondered why it’s true. what exactly is it that makes a typical man better at friendship than a typical women would be?

today, in typical extraordinarily sexxxy vsb.com fashion, we’ll examine two reasons why men are “better” at friendship than women are.

1. sports

while it’s true that many men use sports as a bonding activity and/or entertainment venue, it’s main purpose is to serve as a completely subtle and in-depth subconscious character study. you see, the way a guy approaches sports usually provides a snapshot of his entire life.

***note. this also applies to women who have been involved in organized sports at some level. the female athlete’s i’ve known have all seemed to have healthier friendships than the “typical” woman***

if he’s been a die-hard fan of a team since childhood, he’s probably loyal to a fault (and also a bit stubborn). the basketball court ball-hog who’s pissing off all of his teammates by attempting all of the latest and-1 tricks during the games at the park is undoubtedly an immature assh*le who can’t be trusted, but you’d happily introduce your sister to the cat who never calls fouls and tries to get everyone involved (unless, of course, its jason kidd). if his favorite players are flashy, yet cancerous losers like t.o. or starbury, then you can assume that he’s lacking in the character department and is probably a diva dude in disguise.

also…

play fair. pass to the open man. take one for the team. compete your heart out, and shake hands afterwards. guard your man. pay attention. listen to your coach. don’t let the crowd distract you. play your position. know your role.

…many of the tenets learned through sports mimic the qualities most people value in a close friend.

the culture of sports provides a fool-proof character building, character testing, character challenging, and character evaluating process. there’s no equivalent for women, no analogous process that gives them the same test, a fact which gives many men an inherent edge on women when it comes to picking and being close friends.

2. men understand anthropology

why, you ask, is an understanding of anthropology important when discussing men and friendship? what does the “study of humanity” have do to with why guys make better friends than women do?

well, since anthropology is the study of humanity, and since a person well-versed in the study of humanity is somewhat familiar with recent population statistics, a man with a solid understanding of anthropology realizes that theres roughly 3.5 billion female humans on the planet.

basically, there’s enough ***insert crude euphemism for “vagina*** to go around, so there’s no use in sharing it…especially if its already been “tainted” by someone in our immediate circle.

we also understand that, in order to keep the population growing, we need to keep having sex. (preferably) with women. because we understand anthropology, we dont take it personally when one of our friends ditches us for a woman. in fact, we encourage and applaud it. we like the earth, and we want it to continue and sh*t.

hmmm. this all sounds about right to me. damn, it kind of sucks being right all of the time.

**actually, to be honest, it doesn’t suck. not at all.  i just couldn’t think of anything else to conclude the entry**

—the champ

link of the week: man up

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recently dubbed the “sexiest woman on earth” (ha!) by jerkmag FMH, attractive snizzle megan fox recently explained in GQ why she feels as if she’s the perfect catch

But for now, it’s hard not to wish for a world where everyone in Hollywood talked like this no-bullshit Megan Fox. This one who is convinced that she’s secretly a man (“If my mom were to tell me that I’d been born with male and female genitalia and that she had to make a choice, I would believe her”). This one who’s not afraid to talk about her life at home, where she and Brian spend most of their time watching movies and playing Xbox together. She’s even up for just sitting there all day watching him play Gears of War.

“That’s the upside of dating a woman who’s almost a man,” she says. “She likes the same things that you like, but she has a vagina!”

from “sex in the city’s” amanda to ciara’s “like a boy”, the idea of women approaching romance like a typical man has always been a relevant, if somewhat polarizing, topic. this idea itself explicitly states that there are distinct differences in the thought processes, dating, and mating patterns between each gender (which i believe) and also not so subtly implies that men do it better.

honestly, i don’t believe that any gender has a distinct advantage over the other in this regard, but i will say that its a bit humorous that women who openly state that they “act, think, and date like men” usually have just adopted the worst characteristics of the typical male. its like a young emcee saying that they’re trying to emulate nas…but choosing “nastradamus” as their blueprint instead of “illmatic”.

questions to ponder:

what exactly is “dating like a man”, how exactly would a woman go about doing this and, is purposely emulating the traits of another gender a good thing or a disaster waiting to happen?

thoughts, please

—the champ

Roses.

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Over the course of every relationship, there are a bunch of different levels you reach. There’s the first kiss, the first time you see each other naked, the first time you meet the parents, etc. Relationships are one big ass video game where you keep trying to beat levels to get the ultimate prize.

I’m not actually sure what the ultimate prize is but we’re all socialized to believe that there is one after you get married so let’s just assume that actually happens. Mmkay?

Mmkay.

Now most of those levels are attained together and even without a verbal confirmation, both parties generally understand that you’ve just beat the last villain and have moved up a difficulty.

However, there is one level that isn’t achieved together in a traditional sense. It’s one that calls into question exactly how two individuals might view one another.

It’s all about that real (hip-hop).

Follow me now.

Say the two of you (man and woman) are sitting on the couch watching television. You’re playing those funny little cutesy games where you pretend you’re wrestling for wrestling sake but its really all just foreplay. You both are drinking beers and eating chips and watching Ocean’s 13 when she looks right into your eyes, then looks at the television, lifts her left leg and poots like its nobody’s business. In fact, forget the euphemistic term “poot”…she straight up farts. Loudy. Manly.

And it ain’t a silent-but-deadly here. Nope. This one packs a punch.

People, the dog leaves the room.

As a human, we all understand that men and women both get a little gassy and have to release the hounds on occasion. But honestly, some men just aren’t ready to handle it. And similarly, some women are never ready to let a man know they actually renegade the twalet.

Most women want men to think that they sh*t flowers and poot daffodils and have cutesy, tiny burps. And most men are happy with women letting them think this. There are those women who come at you off top with this whole, “I’m a real person” mantra who will burp in front of you and pass BP and stuff. Thing is, I know some guys who “appreciate” that…to a certain point. At the point where you’re having impromptu undesired competitive burping contests, it might start to get a little annoying.

This is that interesting level where things get sticky. Men, we like to think of our women’s icky bathroom activities kind of like graffiti-esque stretchmarks and Monica Lewinsky’s dirty dress – we know it exists, but we’d just prefer to never see it and pretend it didn’t. At the point where you introduce the funk to the P, I have to determine just how comfortable I am with my “lady” being less “ladylike”. For me, it’s not that big a deal, but then again, I’ve never actually dated a chick who’d try to pull a Dutch Oven on me. And really, I’m not sure how I’d handle it. But I do know some dudes who would let a chick go who was too free with herself and her not-solid-not-liquid emissions.

I did date one chick who let one rip so effervescently that I still remember it to this day. And she was sleep and it kcuffed up my WHOLE day. I just wasn’t ready. We got over it…mostly because it woke her up out of her sleep and she had to leave the room too. She was embarrassed and I couldn’t stop talking about it. Just a bad combination.

But still, I remember it to this day.

So anyway, good people of VSB.com, at what point do you women feel its okay to just be free like Deniece Williams? To my brohams, do you prefer a woman who seems too dainty and sh*t to let it rip? Or do you want “such a f*cking lady?” who’s motto is “better out than in!”

Inquiring minds would like to know.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST

the first perfunctory race-specific entry

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panama and i are both aware that the url we chose, verysmartbrothas.com, is about as nuance-less as a typical tyler perry movie title. we chose it because we figured it would be easy to remember, and also because we’re, ummmm, two very smart-ass brothas. duh. thing is, despite the “brothas” part and the fact that the majority of our regulars are black, neither of us have written anything race-specific yet. sh*t, if you look at our entry topics, this site could have been created by worldlywittywhitemen.com and nothing would be any different.

this is not an accident. i don’t know about p, but for me personally, entries written from a “man who happens to be black” instead of from a “black man” allows for a bit more creative freedom and overall resonance. at the same time, i’m not so naive as to think that my experience as a black man hasn’t uniquely influenced my perception of everything i’ve seen and done, it’s just that i feel like i bring more to the proverbial table from the “man who happens to be black” angle

with that being said, i’m still not planning on writing any race-specific entries (ie “a smart brothas perspective on interracial dating“), plus, the people over at racialicious have probably covered it better than i would, but if i ever decided to put the “black mans hat” on and write a smart brothas perspective on interracial dating, i’d want to bring a couple new points to the table, points such as…

1. it seems as if black women occasionally forget one very important factor when thinking about black men: the fact that we’re, ummm, men, and, for the most part, we’re more loyal to the man part than to the black part.

***don’t believe me? okay, lets do a little exercise. imagine that there’s a gun to you head, and the only thing stopping the trigger from being pulled is a choice you’re told to make: you must either change your gender or your race. (ie, a black woman would have to choose between either becoming a white woman or a black man) without even reading the comments, i bet the majority of black women will keep their race, while most black men will choose to keep their gender. ***

this is paramount in the interracial dating discussion for one reason: men are generally less discerning when it comes to sexual partners than women are, and, since black men are men, physical attractiveness and availability typically trump racial loyalty. this is true for all men, regardless of race. i date black women exclusively because black women are the bangingest women and i’m surrounded by them, but not solely because of any perceived loyalty. sorry.

2. i’ve never bought the claim that white women are less sexually inhibited than other races of women (either i live in a vacuum, or the people who make these statements have just never met any of the women i’ve dated, lol). in my opinion, the basis of this myth all comes down to one factor: ubiquity. easily outnumbering every other demographic group in this country, caucasian women are literally everywhere. you can’t leave the house without tripping over a white woman. sh*t, i think theres one baking a cake in my kitchen right now, and this reality skewers sexual perception.

for instance, lets say theres 5000 incoming freshman at a university. of those 5000, roughly 22-2500 of them will typically be white women, as opposed to maybe 200 sistas. now, lets assume that roughly 10 percent of these incoming freshman women are super freak nasties, willing to do any and everything to any and everybody. this means that while maybe 20 to 25 of the sistas are freaking off every night, as many as 250 freshman white women are budding porn stars, a number which outnumbers the entire black female freshman population, a fact which can easily lead to all types of misconceptions. its not that all white woman are snizzles, its just that theres so many white women that the number of snizzles by themselves outnumbers pretty much everyone else

3. to all the sisters who are deeply ambivalent about stepping out and trying “something old”, its really not that serious. if you’re lucky you’ll be on earth for approximately 80 years, and I’d hate for you to spend a good portion of that time sacrificing your own happiness for some romanticized technicolor loyalty.

do. you.

and don’t worry, you can bring him to the vsb.com barbecue too. we’ll even make him a plate.

i could continue, but this “black man’s hat” is heavy as hell. no wonder i keep it in on the shelf.

—the champ