What “Game” Really Says About Women (…And Why So Many Of Them Hate It)

Once you get past all the VSB-related sites, the news sites, the sports/basketball sites, the sites I work for, and the sites with, um, mature content, a quick glance at my most frequently visited websites would show two places — Jezebel and Chateau Heartiste — that seem to be polar opposites of each other. Actually, “polar opposites” is too kind. They’d be the internet’s equivalent of Neo and Agent Smith, of Bill and the Bride, of Rick Ross and celery — entities devoted to each other’s demise.

Despite this stark contrast — and despite the fact that both tend to harbor views much, much, more extreme than mine — I’m a fan of both sites because they both feature very talented writers who are unafraid of being transparent with their agendas and are clearly having fun while they’re writing. Basically, while I get bored at most of the places I find on the internet, I don’t get bored at Jezebel or Chateau Heartiste.

Anyway, if you read enough content at each of these sites, you’ll see that much of their contempt for each other has to do with the concept of “game” roughly defined as a set of rules devised to help men approach, attract, and seduce women. Those in the “manosphere”/PUA (Pick-up artist) community believe in it (and the evolutionary psychology it stems from), while those who lean feminist think it’s useless, dangerous, and basically teaches men how to be creeps and rapists.

A recent article at Slate.com attempted to tackle this issue. Titled “Why Are Women So Negative About the “Pickup Artist” Community?” Gayle Laakmann McDowell addressed the main issues women seem to have with “game” and the people who teach and/or practice it.

I’m 5-foot-9, and I’m just not going to go home with a guy who is 5-foot-3, goes by the nickname “Snake” (seriously?!?), and is overweight, and pimply, and won’t just answer a direct question about what he does for a living. But he keeps pursuing because, well, “I’m just playing games with him.” I’m trying to see if he passes some test, apparently.

These are the sort of repeated interactions I had with guys in the PUA community, and why I got turned against it. Once upon a time, this guy might have been a perfectly normal but nerdy guy, who could have dated online, met someone nice, got married, and been perfectly happy.

PUA instruction turns awkward, nerdy guys who just want a girlfriend into creepy guys who harass and insult women. And that’s not OK!

PUA instruction teaches guys these mechanical ways of interacting with women that don’t really work and fails to recognize that every woman is different. Some women just won’t go home with you. Sorry. Maybe she’s out of your league. Or maybe she’s just not interested in you. Or maybe she just doesn’t go home with random dudes from bars.

The words coming out of a woman’s mouth? It’s not all a game. You can have actual conversations with us. When I say “What do you do for a living?” it’s because I actually care. Because I’m looking for someone to build a relationship with, and someone with no career goals is not a good match for me. Answer the question.

Her first couple paragraphs touch on the most common critique of game and the PUA community, that it makes men think they can approach any woman, even those who are completely (and obviously) out of their league. Instead of attempting to “stay at their pay grades,” it gives male threes the confidence to think that female eight and nines will go home with them if they play their cards right.

But, while I guess I can see how frustrating it could be for a woman getting continually hit on by men she’s not even close to being attracted to, how does a guy know he has no chance unless he actually tries? Lemme answer that for you. He doesn’t. And, for a man, asking and being wrong is always — always — going to be better than not even trying and not knowing.

That being said, I think the main issue that (many) women have with game isn’t about the men who practice it as much as the concept of game itself, something Laakmann McDowell touches on towards the end of the article. As I mentioned upthread, game is roughly defined as a set of rules devised to help men approach, attract, and seduce women.

Thing is, if game is actually a valid and highly applicable concept, it also means that something else must be true, something (most) women have fought against and will continue to fight against, well, forever — women aren’t as special and unique as they think they are.

Game theory argues that what worked on Sally in Sacramento will also work, with some slight variations, on Patricia in Pennsylvania, Ruth in Russia, and Betty in Botswana. If this is true, if all it takes is a couple relatively easy rules to remember to exponentially help your dating and mating prospects with every woman, then — aside from some physical characteristics — women just really aren’t all that different from each other. And, if women just really aren’t all that different from each other, they’re disposable and easily replaceable. (You know who else is generally thought to be disposable and easily replaceable? Men.)

Now, I’m sure you’ve noticed that I haven’t really offered any opinion yet on whether I think game theory is valid. This is intentional. Why? Well, I honestly don’t know the answer to that question.

While I don’t believe that women are all the same — and, every time I get to know a woman, I receive tangible proof of this uniqueness — I do know that, every single time I’ve been a little more assertive, a little cockier, a little more direct, a little more “alpha,” and a little less pressed when speaking to a woman (basically, adopting an attitude of “I’m interested in you, but I’m not impressed by you. At all.“), I’ve gotten more rhythm than when I was less sure of myself. Every. single. time.

You know, perhaps the reason why game theory seems so, well, creepy is that it distills the art of courtship and seduction — romance, basically — until it becomes a science; turning certain qualities that we (men and women) assume are organic into something that can be studied, copied, and ultimately faked. A cheat sheet for a phenomenon we thought was impervious to cheating.

Maybe game theory does actually work. Anecdotal as it may be, my evidence tells me this may be true. But, as much as it may help to get a woman interested in you, it doesn’t seem to say very much about the most important part — keeping her interested. And, to keep a woman interested, it does help to actually (gasp!) learn shit about her.

Not to get all Romney all you, but perhaps the reason why the manosphere and the feminists don’t see eye to eye is that they’re both wrong and right at the same time.

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

VSB Guest Post: It’s Your Fault Ninja!

Today at VSB, we’re going to open the floor to a guest poster. You all know him very well as he’s usually dropping some serious knowledge and/or arguing back and forth with various individuals. I reached out to see if he wanted to do a full length post and he obliged. So ladies and gentlemen, raise your glasses for VSB regular, Black Medici.

*clap for him*

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“You either ho your woman up, or you ho your woman down.“ -  Patrice Oneal

Women can only love men in two ways – they can love men as hoes, or they can love men as mothers.  Hoes love the sex; mothers love taking care of the man.  A man needs a woman to give him both kinds of love in order for him to love her fully and have the energy to fight the temptations that come with being a man. Sadly, the difficult part is no woman can be a ho and a mother at the same exact time, equally – some external force is needed to make that happen.

That external force is GAME. It is game that drives and directs all relationships.

Game is that thing that men develop, which helps them persuade a woman to do something, that she doesn’t initially feel like doing, If a woman doesn’t initially feel like going on a date, your game is what makes her feel that she should give you an opportunity to get a date. The more you exercise your game, the better you become at dealing with various forms of women’s resistance. In the long run the whole purpose of building your game with multiple women, is ultimately, to have a monogamous relationship because the game needed to keep one woman in a LTR far outweighs the amount of game needed to keep 5 women in the stable at once, since the LTR woman eventually will get used to your game, and you’ll have to constantly upgrade it, to keep her interested in you.

When a woman first falls in love with a guy, she tries very hard to be a ho and a mother at the same time. Usually though, you’ll find what side of the fence she’s naturally on very quickly. The motherly one will not be in a rush to have sex, the ho will. The ho will not be in a rush to cook for you, the motherly one will bring you some samples to eat, very early on.

The motherly woman is very kind, loving and caring. She wants to wash your clothes, she wants to massage your back when it’s aching, cook your food etc. And that’s a beautiful thing; it makes you feel good to have that kind of love in your life. However, there’s a flipside. – a motherly loving woman, just like your mother will always feel that YOU NEED HER. She feels that without her, you wouldn’t be able to stand on your own. Like all mothers, she will always view you as her baby. In other words, she loves you, but she doesn’t respect you.  Hard to see a woman viewing you like that, and still getting wet for you, don’t you think?

The hoish woman is the one who gets d*ckmatized. She loves f&^king. She is always down to bring or accept something new into the bedroom. Her love is based on her desire to be physically intimate and to submit to her man’s physical control and direction. However, the bad thing about all hoes, is that they’re hoes, and outside of sex, they really don’t want to do anything else for you. They don’t want to wash your clothes, they don’t want to massage your back, they don’t want to cook for you etc. They love f*cking but they have no desire to be “pleasant” or relieve you of the stress that comes with being a man who gets no credit for the work he provides to his family or society, each and every day.

Now here’s the question that ought to be asked if you’re not already asking it: why can’t a woman naturally be 50% ho and 50% mother? The answer to that question is very simple – She doesn’t know how to! Most women don’t start out like men do having to learn how to persuade women to give them something that they don’t initially want to. The vast majority of women only start working on the art of persuasion when they have a man that they feel they’re in love with.

Since most men don’t utilize scenarios where a woman has to figure out how to persuade a man to give her something (outside of using some variation of sex, which she ought to give him anyhow as part of keeping the relationship alive and passionate) women grow to not appreciate the things their men give them, and become more and more entitled. And when they meet men who don’t give them things that they think they “deserve” based on the things men gave them in the past for free, they begin to view the other men as stuck-up, over-confident, bitter etc when in reality, it’s the fault of the men of the past, who never helped the women learn how to persuade to get their way.

The downfall of a relationship always begins when a man gets comfortable. When a man gets comfortable, he no longer feels the need or the urge to persuade which makes a woman feel like she is being taken for granted. As he gets comfortable, the woman loses her desire to persuade, and resolves deeper and deeper to the love that she is accustomed to. Before long, the negatives of the love that she naturally possesses begin to seep into a relationship and cause problems. The mother begins to nag, demands that you do chores, complains that she does all the work and you take her for granted. The ho begins to complain that you’re out too much, and she’s not getting f*&ked like she used to. She wants to go out to eat all the time, and when you have to eat inside she finds it difficult to even prepare a plate of spaghetti and meatballs. When things fall apart, you’ll both yell and scream. You’ll blame each other, but at the end…

It’s always your fault fellas…  if you’re not using your game to direct your relationship; you’re allowing your woman’s innate nature to drag your relationship into purgatory.

Agree? Disagree? What do you think?

-BLACK MEDICI

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We’ve got a bunch of VSB related activities coming your way in the next few weeks. First up to bat is the discussion at the Washington Post being moderated by VSB P and Rahiel T from Urban Cusp. This is a joint event brought to you by VSB x Urban Cusp x and The Root DC. Peep the flyer on Thursday, July 26.

Also, be on the look out for another panel that Panama will be apart of (along with Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at, Helena Andrews, NeeCee Simmons, Panama Jackson, and Jamal Muhammed) on Monday, July 30, being brought to you by Krystal Glass.

Game That Guys Run Even When We Don’t Know It

We’ve written a lot about game here lately. Perhaps we should start a series or something. You know what? A blog series?

That’s game.

Anyway, I have a question for the peanut gallery? What’s the most important thing to a woman?

*numerous people putting their hands where my eyes can see*

You there, with the 8-Ball jacket on?

Stability!?

Good job, padawan. And throw in responsibility and the ability to make them laugh for good measure. While men are more concerned with a woman’s hip-to-arse ratio, flexibility, and how good she is at playing the silent game, women are concerned about security and stability. Men want their women doing nude handstands and women will do it as long as there is a brace in place to keep them up. Women are (generally) concerned about the long yardage whereas men care about the short game. It’s been like this since those two cavemen started Geico in 2 million BC back when the slogan was “Make ‘Em Say Uggggggh”.

*rimshot*

Given what we know about women, I’ve come to the conclusion that men are out here running game on women without even knowing it. Word.Life. Everyday when a man hops up out of his bed and turns his swag on, and looks in his mirror to say what’s up, he’s running game. And do you know why? What do you need to look in the mirror?

Lights. That means he paid his light bill.

Paying bills? That’s game.

I see you looking at me like, yo, Vitamin P, I know you can do better than that. Why don’t you kick a little something for them cars that be bumpin?

Alright.

1) Good Credit

A long time ago, I had this bright idea to get a tshirt made that said, “I’m A Black Man With Good Credit” and on the back put my credit score. I never made that shirt, but if there’s one thing that perks up a woman with a degree it’s a man with a good credit score. Even if I’m more Trey than Songz, I couldn’t lose with a shirt like that. Nothing says stable like a good credit score. By the way, if you’re credit score is roughly your age, reading this blog won’t increase your score. And if Methuselah is reading this, and his credit score is his age, then he’s doing a-ok.

2) Volunteer

You know what warms my heart? A blanket. Do you know what warms many women’s hearts? A man who cares about other people. I used to volunteer at this high school in DC and I can’t tell you how many women were in there helping out. How many Black men? Two of us. It was a veritable buffet of liberal, pot smoking idealist women with big hair and non-profit salaries. Your only requirement is to NOT MESS IT UP. Dudes, if you volunteer, the women will take notice. Especially if it’s not just part of some social organization volunteer requirement. Like do it on your own. Self-love.

3) Be funny

We’ve covered this ad nauseum but a funny man – even a funny looking one – can always meet women. If he’s just funny by nature, he’ll stay winning because women like smiling. It just touches a part of them that makes them want to do happy things and say happy sayings. You become infinitely more attractive by being funny and therefore you have upped your options in the dating pool. That? Is game.

4) Be a good writer

You had to see this one coming. While I can definitely speak for myself and The Champ, I can’t speak on the motivations for every other male blogger. But if you can write well AND are funny…let’s just say it’s a combination that women really enjoy. It’s game. You use the talents you’re born with and women find it appealing. Not me though. Nobody loves Panama Jackson.

^Is called pandering. Mostly because we all know it’s a lie. I’m sexxy beeeyotch.

5) Help an old lady across the street

Game. Set. Match. I’ve ACTUALLY seen a woman give my boy her number because he walked Cicely Tyson across the street. Speaks to responsibility.

6) Own something

No, literally anything. Own a decrepit piece of property. Own a shellfish. Own a shell. It all works because paying taxes is 2/47 of the law, but ownership will keep you winning 12 times out of 8.

7) Be employed

Duh. There’s definitely romance without finance. But you’re not dating a woman who reads without a job. Actually that’s a lie. As long as you have goals women will give you a break. So let’s just say having a job ups your credentials and therefore is game. G-5? Naw son…bingo.

Anyway, good denizens of the jungle no bunny, what other game do men run without even knowing it?

(I think I might do this woman’s version too, just to be fair. EOE and what not.)

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka VITAMIN P aka 40p aka lower.case.p aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

Four Flat Tires.

It’s happened to all of us at least one good time. Even the most gangsta of individuals (such as myself) have fallen victim.

I’m talking about getting gamed. But not in a bad way, necessarily. I’m talking about running across those individuals who you might not otherwise pay attention to, but they, ya know, laid their game down quite flat.

Back in maybe 1999 or 2000 (it was that long ago, I really can’t remember), I was working at an MCI Call Center in Atlanta. Yes, Panama was that arsehole calling you trying to get you to pay 10 cents a minute to call domestically – this was clearly before cell phones. Well I had my eye on this one particular philly. I voiced this interest to a female co-worker of mine who had started working there at the same time as myself.

One day, I’d gotten the gall to approach said philly. Well, out of the blue, my co-worker friend lets me know that ole girl not only has a boyfriend but he’s one of our bosses.

Blow.Er.

Well, in my down-in-the-dumpedness, she lets me know that if not for ole boy, she’d definitely holler at me and we continue talking. I ended up taking her home that night and we had a good convo in the car. It seems that we had a lot in common and upon realizing this, we started casually dating. Who’d a thunk it?

Apparently co-worker chick who lied to me about the chick I really wanted in order to make sure she got her shot at the kid. She basically hoodwinked my ass in the name of love. In 12 countries and Guatemala, that’s probably romantic and by the time she told me I was actually interested in her.

Until I wasn’t. Too bad I got tired of her in like 2.4 days, quit MCI, became totally freakin’ awesome, and joined the priesthood. By the way, 1 out of 4 of those statements is totally false.

Anyway, the point is, ole girl really gamed my arse. She knew what she wanted and made it happen. I had to give her points for sheer audacity alone. I have no clue what happened to that chick and frankly, I don’t really care. I only remembered her because today I saw a Maserati and let’s just say, she was named after a luxury sports car.

Yes yes y’all, Panama has even given the hoodest of chicks the opportunity to drink at the well that is he. He is I and I am him, slim with the tilted brim (no really, look at my pic on the about page!).

Wanton arrogance aside, I appreciate a woman who lays her game down quite flat and gets what she wants.

So fellow VSBers, whats your best game? Rather, when did you lay your game down so strong that even you were impressed with yourself? Or when did somebody come at you in such a way that you had no choice but to give up the number or some conversation?

Speech.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST