I’ve had a kid for about 4 and a half years now. I remember when I first got my kid. She was all bright and shiny and fun. And she’s only gotten funner since. I mean this thing is a little person with opinions and causes and a fashion sense. She’s a people. It’s amazing.
For instance, in the car with my nephew, my mother, and my daughter a few weeks back….as I tickled her feet to the point where she couldn’t handle it anymore, she yelled out, “stop it daddy, don’t turn me into your art!”
I don’t even know what that means or meant.
Well, having a kid is aces. Especially because you learn a lot about other people when you have kids. It is through this knowledge that I’ve ascertained since the stork dropped off my bundle of joy that there are two types of people in the world: 1) people that “get” and love kids; and 2) people that don’t “get” the big damn deal about kids at all.
The people that get kids are an easy bunch when you have kids. They want you to bring the kid with you at all times and know how to have grown up fun while kids around. They put the Henny down first, then play with the kids. They understand that your life revolves around the child so when you can’t be somewhere, they get it. They’re not disappointed…they know you’ll be where you can when you can be there.
The people who don’t get kids…this lot rightchea my nword? Well let’s back up…its not that they don’t get kids. They were once kids. They remember those days of carefree life. It’s just that they don’t “get” the whole kids thing while trying to live a wild and carefree life. Which is fine and makes total sense. For a lot of people, kids are this nebulous concept. For most of us, the reality of kids in our adult lives doesn’t come into play until that first friend has one and…
…disappears. Babies (and kids) become friend zappers and sh*t. But since that person disappeared, you just don’t factor them into as much anyway. So they’re your homey for life but your circle changes and you keep on keepin’ on with the folks that are still there. It’s like when Doughboy walked away from Tre in Boyz In The Hood. Except there’s no subtitle that says “Doughboy was murdered two weeks later.”
But like with anything, there are times when folks want to hang with all of their friends, and the kid becomes an inconvenience. The crew is trying to take a 2-week vacation to Mongolia. “I mean…your kid will be alright! It’s got a momma. It’s only 2 weeks, bruh! What your kid won’t be okay without you for 2 weeks?” So when you say, “but I won’t be okay without my kid for that long”…or “naw homes…kids got a schedule and I need to keep it” etc…they get the screw-face. Or when you go to events and there are zero other munchkins around and folks try to keep the convo appropriate for little ears until the first lewd comment happens and everybody realizes the kid didn’t explode, then the mouths get free – which is when all parents leave. Mind you, I get it. I was once a person without a kid who endured a person with a kid and was like…”i don’t get it…but I love your kid because you’re my brother so let’s go to the playground.”
Well, because I looooooooooooove you, here’s a few quick lessons for those in the latter group (the ones who don’t “get” the whole kid thing) who are wondering how to still be friends with their friends with kids.
1. Realize that all partying doesn’t happen at night, so hang during the day
Folks with kids tend to not just use sleep to refuel, they enjoy it. But more importantly, you can’t bring a kid to a club at midnight. For one, its frowned upon. It really is. Two, most clubs and places tend to be 21-and-up, or at least 18-and-up…that makes it difficult to bring the 4-year-old. Fake IDs work, but not all the time. So lunch instead of late dinners is the way to go.
In that vein….
2. Know that hanging with people with kids can be the cheapest partying you’ll ever do
Kids aren’t cheap. My kid has tastes already. ACTUAL TASTES. Plus, between school, piano, tennis, dance, cheerleading, etc…my kid is running our pockets. So what this means is that parents become the kings and queens of the cheap but entertaining date. Seriously, have you ANY idea how much fun a free ass fountain is? A fountain. Kids play in them for hours while you can sit and talk. Dude…hours. For real. Plus its outside. There will be other kids. Point is…it requires no real planning short of a time and a locale, no dressing up, nothing more than just chillin…and you can get exercise on those long walks that kids seem to love to take.
3. People with kids are extremely understanding about your time and events, so there’s no pressure
I’ve heard folks tell me – true story – that they wanted to hang but they only had a little bit of time because they had other things to do. My response, “that’s cool…do you homes. If you can’t make it or we need to reschedule…no prob.” Of course, if you’re ALWAYS flaking thats a problem, but folks with kids understand changes of plans. So if we’re all hanging and you need to go bounce to go have some body take jello shots off you, we got it…go have fun. We’ll catch up for tiddlywinks some other time.
4. If you know the event is a ratchet-in-wait, its okay not to invite me to your BBQ/event/whatever, I promise I won’t mind…I understand (see #3)
That whole “once the first lewd comment flies it becomes a free-for-all” is very real and has happened a few times. I only attended because I was told to come through and that it would be cool. Granted, it wasn’t a bad idea to go, just having A child around a bunch of childless or childless-for-the-day people is usually more of an inconvenience for them than it is us. So its just easier to do a quick drop by or for us to catch up at another time so my kid doesn’t have to listen to Ace Hood and you all can talk about penises.
Those are 4 tips. Mind you, these only apply to people with common sense and those with kids who aren’t really focused on the life they are missing because of their child…those folks give zero f*cks and will bring their kid to the Lil Wayne/2 Chainz/TI concert and ask Lil Wayne to babysit while they party.
These tips are clearly not exhaustive. What others are there? What group do you fall into? Is there another group of people?
Kids these days…
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka lower.case.p aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3