Tag Archives: fresh prince

The Television Made Me Cry and I’m Still Hardcore

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Panama Jackson is a gangsta. Do you know how I know this? Because only gangstas start off talking about themselves in the third person. Well part of the difficulty of being a gangsta is that the oddest things move and touch you. Kind of like Michael Jackson, only not at all. For instance, I remember one time where I saw this little kid picking a flower in a garden overlooking at peninsula. She handed the Forget-Me-Not to her mother and I was moved. Of course, I quick regained my composure and committed felony drug possession which was a direct violation of my parole – at the time.

No T.I.

Datboydumb.

Well one of the strange things to move me has been television shows. Full disclosure: I, Panama Jackson, have actually shed a tear or two watching television and/or movies. I know, big shocker, everybody’s been the victim of an scene or two fully intended draw forth the waterworks. I’m a sucker for love and for sentimentality. And since it’s the day after Labor Day, I figured it was as good a day to unleash my pansy a** most moving television scenes. Consider it a peace offering for some crime I’ve yet to commit. Anyway, here’s a list of 5 television scenes that have f*cked Panama Jackson the f*ck up.

1. Freddie’s date rape episode on A Different World

If you’re anything like me, then every night from 10pm until 11pm, you’re watching A Different World on TVOne. While I’m not generally a big fan of the network because I hate myself my neck because it’s Black, I fully appreciate them bringing us one of the TV shows that helped increase enrollment at HBCUs. Well this past week, one particular episode came on and it moved me. Kind of like Anytime Movers, only not at all. Anyway, in this particular episode, Taimak aka Bruce Leroy is supposed to be believable as a bad guy who basically goes around raping chicks who won’t give up the goods. He’s totally unbelievable in this role until he’s in the car with Freddie and lo and behold, he looks like a rapist – which could be why he never really worked again, he was a bit toooooo convincing. Anyway, Dwayne tries to save Freddie but she won’t believe him that Bruce Leroy aka Garth is trying to get her goodies. Long story short, Garth tries to rape her, Dwayne shows up and saves her and at the end of the show, she thanks Dwayne for being a friend with watersoaked eyes. It gets me every time. Mostly because even 20 years later, I WANT to help Freddie. Jealously, I know thy name.

2. Will’s dad bounces…again, on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

This might be the episode where Will Smith became Will Smith. It f*ckes me up EVERY SINGLE TIME IT COMES ON. I have six seven words and one contraction for you:

How come he don’t he want me man?

I’m getting a little misty just thinking about that scene. In fact, I need a tissue.

3. Steve tells Carl that he’s like a father to him on Family Matters

While I can’t find a freakin’ Youtube clip of the episode – Internets my fanny – this is the episode where Carl gets electrocuted and Urkel saves his life by giving him CPR. Well, Carl realizes Urkel saved him and has to be nice to him. Shenanigans ensue. The end. Except in this episode, Steve ends up telling Carl that he was scared to lose him because he’s like a father to him. I have no idea why but that always brought a tear to my eyes. Thing is, I know my daddy. He raised me. So I have no idea why I get so ungangstalike, however, maybe I have a soft spot for all my homeboys at Clinton Max. Word to Tupac.

4. The episode of Dawson’s Creek where Dawson’s dead buys the farm

(the one version of this that I can find on youtube disabled the audio b/c the use of the James Taylor song was unauthorized on Youtube. Blower)

Gangstas do indeed watch Dawson’s Creek. Or used to anyway. Yo, this episode where Dawson’s dad dies f*cked.me.up. I think it was the manipulative use of James Taylor’s “Fire and Rain” but I still remember seeing this episode and having to take a call or go save a puppy or something to remove myself from the room. I wasn’t alone either. All of us watching had to go tend to other commitments. Sadness I know thee to well.

Anyway, those are 4 moments that test my gangsta in a most heinous way – are there any tv, movie or video scenes that don’t include Aaron Hall that brought you to tears? Or better yet that you can’t watch without pretending you have allergies?

Share please, I need something to watch today at work.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka 40 P aka VITAMIN P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

I Am Dwayne Wayne Urkel Payne Prince of Adamsville-mahanukwanzakuh.

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I remember the first time I saw A Different World.

Okay, that’s a lie but it sounds better than saying, I don’t remember seeing A Differernt World for the first time, right?

Anyway, I do vividly remember the character of Dwayne Wayne. Mostly because of the flip-up glasses. I wanted some of those glasses so badly.

Michael Jackson.

He reminded me of the grown version of what I thought I’d be (in 1989 I was like 10). He was a nerd. Check. He wished he could *^*& every girl in the world. I’m sure by 1992 (and beyond) that was a goal of mine. And he was smitten with women who initially didn’t want anything more than friendship from him.

I? Was the friendship guru. Shucks, I was the guy ALL the chicks would say, “aww, Panama is such a good friend, the little guy!” I didn’t actually grow until like 11th grade. Seriously, my little sister was shorter than me.

At some point, Steven Q. Urkel became the guy I thought I was except I was only like him in his odd love for odd things. I had plenty of odd loves in my life. I used to eat ants and I thought reading the encyclopedia was what everybody was doing when they weren’t out playing basketball. But unlike Urkel, I was an athlete and coordinated like a mothertrucker and I didn’t have a Laura to keep me focused.

But you know what else? I always felt that I had a little bit of Martin Payne in me too. See, he was an untall brotha who’s greatest gift in life was his gift of gab. That’s me all day. You see, being the 3 to the stars means that nobody’s looking at me, stopping, and saying to themselves, “giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirl, that is a fine specimen of man.”

I mean, I’m sure it’s happened at least once, but Helen Keller’s cousin doesn’t count. And she was mute anyway, so I guess she didn’t say it.

You hear what I’m saying?

Rimshot.

I would claim a little bit of Christopher Williams, but that’d be all because of the lightskinnteded-ness. But I never beat women and Puffy will NOT be raising my estranged child. Oh wait, that’s Al B. Sure. You see how confusing light skinntedness is? Exactly.

Then we have pre-uber super movie star Will Smith. I always fashioned myself to be a bit of a goofy, charming, guy with the best intentions that tended to go awry. While I wanted to be some facet of a bunch of other people, I related to Will character like none other. Of course, I’m not from Philly nor did I play the piano and the dinner stemware like a champ. I also didn’t live in Bel-Air nor have I ever been to West LA. But much like Will, I always dated the hot chicks that were inexplicably attracted to the goofy guy who made them laugh. Not sure why humor works so well with women, but if you can make a chick laugh, you can make a chick…cry.

DOUBLE ENTENDRE!

Oh and my best friend in life. Is totally Jazz. Like thru and thru down to the ignant comments and ability to get himself (true story) physically removed from a love interests home by her father.

So basically, I feel like I’m a combination of Dwayne Wayne, Urkel, Martin Payne, and Will Smith (Fresh Prince).

Oh…and GUCCI!!!! Burrrr.

Okay that’s a joke.

Maybe not a combo deal, but more like those are the characters I feel most closely relate to me while I was growing up and even who I am today in adulthood.

He is I and I am him; slim with the tilted brim.

I am legend.

What characters from TV/Movies/entertainment could you have been based on your life and upbringing?

(By the way, I’ll bet $20 dollars of your money that at least 75 percent of people will name a Cosby kid.)

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3