Tag Archives: family matters

The Television Made Me Cry and I’m Still Hardcore

Posted on by
472

Panama Jackson is a gangsta. Do you know how I know this? Because only gangstas start off talking about themselves in the third person. Well part of the difficulty of being a gangsta is that the oddest things move and touch you. Kind of like Michael Jackson, only not at all. For instance, I remember one time where I saw this little kid picking a flower in a garden overlooking at peninsula. She handed the Forget-Me-Not to her mother and I was moved. Of course, I quick regained my composure and committed felony drug possession which was a direct violation of my parole – at the time.

No T.I.

Datboydumb.

Well one of the strange things to move me has been television shows. Full disclosure: I, Panama Jackson, have actually shed a tear or two watching television and/or movies. I know, big shocker, everybody’s been the victim of an scene or two fully intended draw forth the waterworks. I’m a sucker for love and for sentimentality. And since it’s the day after Labor Day, I figured it was as good a day to unleash my pansy a** most moving television scenes. Consider it a peace offering for some crime I’ve yet to commit. Anyway, here’s a list of 5 television scenes that have f*cked Panama Jackson the f*ck up.

1. Freddie’s date rape episode on A Different World

If you’re anything like me, then every night from 10pm until 11pm, you’re watching A Different World on TVOne. While I’m not generally a big fan of the network because I hate myself my neck because it’s Black, I fully appreciate them bringing us one of the TV shows that helped increase enrollment at HBCUs. Well this past week, one particular episode came on and it moved me. Kind of like Anytime Movers, only not at all. Anyway, in this particular episode, Taimak aka Bruce Leroy is supposed to be believable as a bad guy who basically goes around raping chicks who won’t give up the goods. He’s totally unbelievable in this role until he’s in the car with Freddie and lo and behold, he looks like a rapist – which could be why he never really worked again, he was a bit toooooo convincing. Anyway, Dwayne tries to save Freddie but she won’t believe him that Bruce Leroy aka Garth is trying to get her goodies. Long story short, Garth tries to rape her, Dwayne shows up and saves her and at the end of the show, she thanks Dwayne for being a friend with watersoaked eyes. It gets me every time. Mostly because even 20 years later, I WANT to help Freddie. Jealously, I know thy name.

2. Will’s dad bounces…again, on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

This might be the episode where Will Smith became Will Smith. It f*ckes me up EVERY SINGLE TIME IT COMES ON. I have six seven words and one contraction for you:

How come he don’t he want me man?

I’m getting a little misty just thinking about that scene. In fact, I need a tissue.

3. Steve tells Carl that he’s like a father to him on Family Matters

While I can’t find a freakin’ Youtube clip of the episode – Internets my fanny – this is the episode where Carl gets electrocuted and Urkel saves his life by giving him CPR. Well, Carl realizes Urkel saved him and has to be nice to him. Shenanigans ensue. The end. Except in this episode, Steve ends up telling Carl that he was scared to lose him because he’s like a father to him. I have no idea why but that always brought a tear to my eyes. Thing is, I know my daddy. He raised me. So I have no idea why I get so ungangstalike, however, maybe I have a soft spot for all my homeboys at Clinton Max. Word to Tupac.

4. The episode of Dawson’s Creek where Dawson’s dead buys the farm

(the one version of this that I can find on youtube disabled the audio b/c the use of the James Taylor song was unauthorized on Youtube. Blower)

Gangstas do indeed watch Dawson’s Creek. Or used to anyway. Yo, this episode where Dawson’s dad dies f*cked.me.up. I think it was the manipulative use of James Taylor’s “Fire and Rain” but I still remember seeing this episode and having to take a call or go save a puppy or something to remove myself from the room. I wasn’t alone either. All of us watching had to go tend to other commitments. Sadness I know thee to well.

Anyway, those are 4 moments that test my gangsta in a most heinous way – are there any tv, movie or video scenes that don’t include Aaron Hall that brought you to tears? Or better yet that you can’t watch without pretending you have allergies?

Share please, I need something to watch today at work.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka 40 P aka VITAMIN P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

three signs that he’s a “good dude”

Posted on by
452

“how do i recognize a good dude? i mean, are there any signs and sh*t i should look out for?”

along with, “champ, how does it feel to be completely omniscient?” and “champ, is it true that you once ate an entire cake before your friends told you there was a stripper in it?“, these are probably the questions i’m asked the most frequently.

typically, these are questions young daughters are supposed to ask their fathers, but since big gay carl winslow is the closest thing to a daddy many black women have seen, knowing how to recognize a good dude is a skill that many of ya’ll (and “us” )seemingly don’t possess.

with this in mind, today the champ has decided to give you all a short list of three somewhat overlooked characteristics that all “good dudes” possess.

mind you, you won’t find pedestrian sh*t like “he loves his mama” or “he’s honest” or “he hasnt tried to bone either of my nieces“, or “he’s only had one charge, and that sh*t didnt even stick” on this list, since all of that should go without saying. no, these are three seemingly minor characteristics that are fool-proof tells…traits that all good dudes will own.

***also, please note that i said “good dude” and not “nice guy”. there is a difference. of course, being nice (at times) is good, but gary ridgway was nice to women too***

1. his close friends are also good dudes

there’s no surer sign, no more concrete indication that a man is a good dude than if his close friends are good dudes too. with no exceptions, every guy i know who i’d consider to be a “good dude” has nothing but other good dudes in their immediate circle. basically, if a guy is repeatedly telling you stories about his best friend, and this “best friend” sounds more trifin than eating food with utensils on the bus, run.

also, most good dudes have at least a few friends that they’ve known since childhood. ladies (and fellas), beware of the man whose close friends are all “new”.

you see, good dudes are good dudes because they have character, and guys who have character are usually also great judges of character in others. good dudes realize that high character friends are hard to find, which is why most good dudes will do everything they can to keep those other high character friends in their circle.

**this is also one of the reasons why men make better friends than women do, but thats another topic for another day (read: tomorrow)**

2. he actually likes women.

***please take a second to re-read this for ultimate resonance***

done yet?

ok.

this may seem a bit elementary and self-explanatory, but you’d be amazed at how many women i’ve known who were interested in and/or in relationships with men who hated their entire gender. (to be clear, by “hating women“, i’m not referring to cats who, ummmm, “pitch from the paint“, but perfectly straight heterosexual men who hold women in more contempt than pei mei)

good dudes like women. its that simple.

3. he has at least one “checker“

no, i’m not referring to a lonely ass board game, but, regardless of their age, all good dudes have at least one person who can “check” them if need be. whether its a parent, a former coach, a older cousin, a teacher, or whatever, every good dude has someone in their life that can put them in place if they ever manage to get out of pocket. vsb-er superwoman put it best:

“BEWARE of guys who have no family authority/or mentor figures they respect. If it’s not their dad, then their older brother, uncle, priest, boss, teacher, mentor – SOMEONE who can talk sense into him when he’s bugging out, or in need of guidance in difficult times…

if he is one of those people who ‘no one can talk to’, as is my a$$hole ex-bro-in-law, then stay far, far, far, FAR away…. a man who respects nobody will wind up disrespecting YOU.”

thats it (for now). fellas (and ladies), did i miss anything?

—the champ