Anniversary Deez: Songs That Done Been Ruint

By most accounts, Tony!Toni!Tone!’s song “Anniversary” is a great song. It was a top 10 song on both the Billboard Pop Charts and the R&B charts when it was released back in 1993 (!). It was on their double platinum album, Sons of Soul, a multi-platinum album which, again, by most accounts was pretty doggone good.

Except I hate both. I own every album by the group except that one. When I found out DJ Quik had produced their song, “Let’s Get Down” I was totally sold. Of course, “Let’s Get Down” sounds a lot like the MC Eiht diss track, “Dollaz + $en$e” but that’s neither here nor there.

Fact is, I HATE “Anniversary”. And considering how that song gets played on people’s anniversaries probably daily at this point doesn’t help. It’s like a stake being driven through my heart, every time.

You want to know why, don’t you?

Of course you do.

Have you seen my copy editor? No?

F*ck it. Mo’ for me.

It was 1993 and I’d just moved to a new school in a new community and had begun gathering friends. Well the best friend of my sister’s new best friend’s cousin’s homegirl had said that she had had a girl that would be great for me to meet. Now, me being the 3 that I am wasn’t always such a hot commodity. Like I said yesterday, I had a little Urkel thing going on. Plus I was short. Like Skeelo’s song “I Wish” was my theme music on some Shaft sh*t.

But I was confident. She went to our rival high school but I wanted to meet her and since I was new, I was still riding high of the new kid buzz. So I meet this young lady, and man is she hot. I was flabbergasted at just how hot she was (turns out she later ended up marrying a very popular Dallas Cowboy). I’m guessing she was less than enthused with yours truly (perhaps I was  2 back then), but she thought I was nice and sweet and all the things little lap dogs are. And her birthday was coming up. So I, Prince Charming, asked her what she wanted and it was that TonyX3 album.

While I may be rich in friends, love, and baseball cards, money has always been a struggle. Basically, I had none but I was determined to get that CD for her. So I begged my parents for the $15 bucks and stole my parents car and drove to the mall to buy the album. On the night of a big football game between our school and hers I planned to give it to her. I’d heard the song “Anniversary” but I’d never really listened to it. Everybody comes back to my house after the game, ole girl included, with my crew of dudes (all football players…sans moi, Urkel) and in show of chivalrous generosity, I give her the CD with a big grin on my face.

She smiled. I smiled. She tore open the wrapping popped in the album to the song, “Anniversary” and played it and began singing. Sounded like an angel to my ears. Until…

…she proceeded to run up to my boy (who she apparently had a huge crush on) and tells him, “one day this will be our song!” and kisses him on the lips.

In my house. In my motherf*cking establishment.

So yeah, f*ck the song “Anniversary” and f*ck Sons of Soul.

At least God, Allah, or whoever you pray too wasn’t messing with me, they went on to date for at least five years.

Well, you’ve heard my story, what songs have been ruined for you because of relationships, love, and alcohol?

Talk to me.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3