I Think Mother Nature Might Be A Racist

Only a racist mother nature would create a tree sculpture modeled after a Kanye West fantasy: a white ballerina with blotchy legs.

By now, everybody in America knows that an earthquake hit the East Coast yesterday. The epicenter was about 90 miles away from Washington, DC and tremors could be felt in Cleveland, Detroit, Philadelphia, NYC, and Boston as well as the Carolinas.

Allow me to place my conspiracy theorist hat on.



Now I’m not sure if you’re aware of this or not, but if those areas I named probably contain a solid 60 percent of the Black population of America. I was at work doing my civic duty and being a quality worker bee when my motherf*cking building shook. File cabinets moved. White people investigating tripped over things that tip over when the earth moves. The Blacks were either under desks or halfway home by the time the quake was over. I’m mixed so I was conflicted.

By the way, I’m aware that in West Coast cities you all sneeze at what happened today to us here on the East Coast. And fair enough, it might have been slightly blown out of proportion by the more dramatic media types. But the major difference here is that we are not ready for an earthquake around here. So the entire city of DC basically nutted the f*ck up. I’m pretty sure that nan individual had the slightest idea what to do. Buildings that aren’t supposed to sway…swayed. Basically, it was like a small scale FEMA response to an emergency involving minorities. The city was ensnarled in ridiculous traffic. People lost their minds and freaked out. I used a word like ensnarled.

Oh, mother nature and racism. Now this earthquake alone isn’t nearly evidence that Mother Nature has a problem with the coloreds. But…

…this Sunday is the dedication of the finest monument and memorial¬† you ever did see. It is the dedication of the Morehouse Man of the Millenium Memorial on the National Mall; the monument that shuts down every possible argument about which HBCU has made the most substantial contribution to mankind. Yes, this Sunday (and all week here in DC) people are coming to and fro to view the greatness that is the Dr. Martin Luther Tha King, Jr’s greatness. No Kanye.

And who but who is supposed to be raining on our parade of Blackness?

Motherf*cking Irene. First there was a fish named Wanda. Now we’ve got a hurricane named Irene making her way up the Eastern Seaboard threatening to ruin the third most significant day in Blackness behind inauguration and the day we found out the DC Snipers were Black.

An earthquake AND a potential hurricane…in DC…in the SAME week that Dr. Kang is supposed to be commemorated for the world to see?


THEN…to make that even more f*cked up, random and various sources are rumoring that Will and Jada are breaking up. Black love, the strongest natural fore on the planet is being attacked…AGAIN!!!! Of course, Will and Jada have denied such reports but what are they supposed to do? You deny until you are ready to say sh*t on your own terms. Granted I have no idea if they’re breaking up or not…but again…




That’s three natural disasters directly affecting the Black community in the course of one week. So what that Irene is losing steam…what if that ho comes back???? My weatherman who is NEVER right is the one who said that Irene is on the way out. This f*cker said we’d only get 5 inches of snow all last winter and I think it was the snowiest winter on record ever in DC.

You might ask yourself why I continue to listen to a weatherman who never gets the weather right. That would be a good question that I do not have an answer to. He’s funny.

Speaking of racism…I hear that the creator of that Nivea ad that got pulled was a Black guy. Le sigh. That’s like that scene from Fighting Temptations when Cuba Gooding’s character figured out how to market malt liquor to the hood…only the exact opposite. I swear, I wonder sometimes if white execs are like, “it can’t be racist, a Black guy made it!!!” Can’t lie, that would be my defense if I was white too.

Anyway, do we have a case here? Is it possible that Mother Nature is trying to sabotage the King Memorial?? Is Mother Nature the man??

Is Mother Nature racist?!?!?!

Talk to me!